Are you FANBOY SUPREME?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

Poll question: Are you FANBOY SUPREME?

I am FANBOY SUPREME. Wilt thou, peasants and curs, challenge me for this esteemed title? Prove thou! Art thou and Indie obscurist who owns every Yo La Tengo b-side? Dost thou know the works of Woody Allen in both verse and screen? Is thy boudoir a shrine to geeky science-fiction?

Here is my testament.
I was a fan before Nick Drake was born. I was just waiting for him to exist, so I could say 'LOOK! I AM THE FIRST GUY WHO WAS INTO THIS GUY, AND THUS I AM SUPERIOR!' In fact, when he was alive (before my birth), I bought up all his records so that no one else but me could claim to have heard of him. I AM FANBOY SUPREME, COWER AND TREMBLE BEFORE MY GENIUS!

[Fenris]

1. I am the SUPREME FANBOY!

I liked Jesus before he was popular. I remember he and I used to run around Nazareth with staffs and reenact the parting of the Red Sea. It was only after he died that anyone liked his teachings. All of the sudden, everyone was on the Jesus bandwagon. How LAME! I liked Jesus when he was just a Carpenter...not an actual carpenter, but a member of the musical group. In fact, I killed Jesus.

Come to think of it, I was the first person to like God. Everybody else was fine hunting and gathering and behaving like animals. I dug God. In fact, I created God. In fact, I am God, and you should bow down before me!

[Screaming Lord Byron]

2. NO! I AM FANBOY SUPREME.

I moved to Liverpool in 1940 and worked as a fish-gutter for twenty-three years purely so I could be there when the Beatles played their first note together. In fact, I introduced John and Paul at my fish-innard art gallery in 1955. I said 'You two should form a band, and sell millions of records, so I can look good because I knew who you were before anyone else did'. They said 'OK'. Also I'm a huge fan on the best new band in the world 'Jellyfist'. Never heard of them? Of course not. FOR I AM FANBOY SUPREME!

[Fenris]

3. I shot John!

Now, if you'll excuse me, a large man named Bubba needs to use the prison computer terminal.