Five Terrible Halloween Handouts That The Desperate Resort To

[kentauros]

From the Houston Press blog Hairballs:

Five Terrible Halloween Handouts That The Desperate Resort To

By Richard Connelly Mon., Oct. 31 2011 at 7:01 AM

We've all been there: settling in at home after a night's work when the doorbell rings and you all of a sudden realize -- oh shit, it's Halloween.


No one wants to disappoint dewy-eyed innocent youngsters excitedly dressed as Disney characters you don't recognize. But there are mistakes to be made in trying to scramble for anything to throw in their waiting bags.

Here are five.

5. Left-over soy sauce packets. Throw `em in quick, hustle back inside, the kids'll never know what hit them. Neither will you, when your house gets egged.

4. Coins. Yeah, thanks pops. A few more quarters and I can take my sweetie to the double feature!!

3. Coupons. You bought the fund-raising "Savings Galore!!" booklet from your co-worker and dammit, you're going to get some use out of it. If the kids don't appreciate "two for the price of one" at Buca di Beppo, fuck `em, the ingrates.

2. Hotel Shampoo. Like the soy sauce, it looks like it might be something great; just be prepared for consequences.

1. Airplane booze bottles. Possible legal fallout, but if you don't get caught you'll be the most popular house next year.

And at the other end of the scale? Caramel apples..Elaborate, be-laced caramel apples that could grace the cover of Martha Stewart Living? Your fellow decorating-obsessed moms may be impressed, kids won't.

My favorite: "leftover soy sauce packets" :rofl:

[LeftinOH]

1. Chick-tracts... there's always at least one house that gives those out.

[kentauros]

2. The smart kids will understand that those are cool to get

(maybe even "collectible")

The smarter kids will have parody Chick tracts available to hand back :P

[Aristus]

26. I used to get those all the time when I still lived in Texas.

I used to take them to school and join my friends in mocking them.

I'm so glad I don't live in that f*****g state anymore. There's no longer any pride in saying I was born in Texas. Fuck-all, so was Rick Perry. Oy!

[LanternWaste]

30. I make a point to hand those out...

I make a point to hand those out to "kids" far too old to be trick-treating. The Halloween issue to be exact. It's much more gratifying than giving those post-pubescent freeloaders a ten-pack of candy-corn... and they keep until the next season too.

Kids on the other get huge amounts of Hershey Symphony Bars... :)

[Arugula Latte]

3. A dentist in the neighborhood gives out toothbrushes.

They ARE black and orange, though.

[kentauros]

4. Well,

the parents probably appreciate that treat ;)

[hunter]

5. Hotel soap is almost as good as shampoo.

But my all time favorite is matchbooks.

[kentauros]

8. Are you saying you've given those out,

or received them? }(

[Yavin4]

6. Sooooo Cigarettes Would Be Bad Idea Then, Right?

One would think that the kids would appreciate a loosy.

[kentauros]

7. I suppose you could always dump your ashtrays into their bags

:evilgrin:

[Bake]

17. Are you kidding?? Cigarettes are too damn expensive to give away!

:hi:

Bake

[Yavin4]

18. Come on. It's for the Kids.

Where's your heart?

[Kali]

9. hahhahaha

soy sauce:rofl:

[kentauros]

10. A commenter also suggested the leftover parmesan and pepper flake

packets from pizza delivery!

I say, put all of those similar packets in a big bowl and let the kids grab them in the dark. Chinese hot mustard, kiddies? :evilgrin:

[Kali]

11. oh no way!

Parmesan is too valuable, but extra hot sauce from jack in the box is fine!

[kentauros]

12. Do you desert-dwellers barter with parmesan or something?

:)

[Kali]

13. I'm often out of it so sometimes those packets are handy!

I usually use a "real" wedge (store brand) but sometimes a little fake powder can fix a dish right up

[GreenPartyVoter]

14. My mom was a teacher. One year she had a couple of extra boxes of toothbrushes

left over at school, so she brought them home for Halloween and let trick or treaters pick out the colors they wanted.

Very handy, given how much candy they were taking in. :rofl:

[kentauros]

20. You ought to do that next year

Just mix it up with packets of toothpicks and floss :P

Or throw in a bunch of those tooth-whitener strips }(

[ipfilter]

15. No matter where I lived

I always ended up with at least one popcorn ball.

[astral]

24. but I liked my popcorn balls.

My family never made them so they were a real treat.

Except when they had those yellow/orange/white triangle candies in 'em.

[pink-o]

16. Cookies. Not even packaged, just individual cookies dumped in the bag

And it was Sunshine or Archway or some off-brand. Anyway didn't matter cuz by the time you got home it was just a bunch of crumbs lining the bottom of your trick-or-treat bag!

[begin_within]

19. I once handed out packs of firecrackers!

But the soy sauce idea intrigues me for next year.

[kentauros]

21. Firecrackers sound about as legal as airline booze!

but probably more fun :rofl:

I think we may start a trend with this thread. We could add fortune cookies to it, too.

So start collecting condiment packets and other samples for Halloween 2012! :evilgrin:

[begin_within]

22. Just to clarify, were those 'leftover' soy sauce packets...

...already used?

[kentauros]

23. I don't know, I've never done it.

So, you'll have to email Richard Connelly, the journalist that wrote the story above :)

[begin_within]

25. Yes I figured that, thanks.

[Brother Buzz]

27. I resorted to persimmons and golf balls one year

[kentauros]

28. I think that's the funniest one yet!

:rofl: :rofl:

[dana_b]

29. I know someone who was desperate

when some kids showed up late in the evening and so they gave them those small packets of Kleenex. Yum!!