Post your favorite British insult, you hobnocker!

[rucky]

[Ptah]

1. tosser!

[blueamy66]

27. hey, that was gonna be mine!!

:-)

[HopeHoops]

2. I FAAHT in your general dirrrection. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries

[Aristus]

6. Okay, technically, those are French insults.

Rabelais would be proud...

[HopeHoops]

7. Yes, but they WERE in Britain. "That's a-none of your a-buisiness."

[Swede]

3. wanker

[PuffedMica]

4. Nut doesn't fall far from the tree

Prescot's boy

[Aristus]

5. I always go to the best source in existence for British insults:

A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a
base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited,
hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a
lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson,
glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue;
one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a
bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but
the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar,
and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I
will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest
the least syllable of thy addition.

King Lear, Act II, Scene 2, Lines 13-23.

William Shakespeare never did ANYTHING halfway... ;-)

[david13]

11. Ah, love that Shakespeare. Yes he did go whole hog when he did

go. Now, I am not quite familiar with this passage. However, I am thinking of John Falstaff, and his description of ... himself? He does some good ones, does he not. Playing dead in battle was one of my recent favorites.
dc

[Aristus]

19. No, this one is not from any of the Falstaff plays. It's from 'King Lear'.

The Duke of Kent is giving Oswald a piece of his mind. Well, actually, rather a lot of pieces of it... B-)

[david13]

37. I know. I saw that in your original post. It reminds me of John Falstaff.

But I think there are instances where Falstaff talks like that ... about himself.
Such as his convoluted rationale about cowardice.
dc

[blueamy66]

28. cannot stop laughing!!!!

thank you!!!

[redwitch]

33. Thou smellest of mountain goat.

So there.

[Lasher]

45. You are an eater of broken meats = you eat the leftovers of others.

Thou didst make me to seek its meaning.

[KamaAina]

8. You, sir, are a useless git

as well as being a toff.

[david13]

13. I use 'git' a lot, but I say it to the cat. It means, in american, "go away, cat."

Or more usually, leave my sandwich alone.
dc

[Lasher]

46. That's what it gits.

[femmocrat]

9. "Bugger off!" n/t

[BlueIris]

10. Fuckwit.

Thanks, Bridget Jones.

[david13]

12. Or do you mean insult to an Englishman? I think the greatest is to

call the Englishman ... French. Like Cartman does to Pip in South Park.
dc

[Tuesday Afternoon]

14. sod off, wanker.

[solara]

15. What a reeky fen-sucked hedge-pig

:evilgrin:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

16. "A noisome little tick"

That's a description of a pompous and whiny young producer in one of Simon Brett's Charles Parris novels.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

17. Others I have found in my copious reading of British mysteries:

"toe-rag"

"scrote"

"yob"

All refer to various kinds of low-lifes.

[Tikki]

18. Blighter......

Tikki

[7wo7rees]

20. Uncouth guttersnipe

[Angleae]

21. Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

[Lasher]

47. "Why don't you come sober, Prime Minister?"

One of my favorite smackdowns of all time.

[wickerwoman]

22. Feck off ye.

May your obituary be written in weasel's piss.

[hifiguy]

53. You owe me a keyboard for that one

:rofl::spray::rofl::spray:

[Tabasco_Dave]

23. David Niven, at the Academy Awards.

He made that streaker look like a fool. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IIl3zSYL8k

:rofl: :applause:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

24. If you want to hear a veritable catalogue of British insults

buy or rent the original British version of Life on Mars or any episodes of the series Dalziel and Pascoe.

[MilesColtrane]

25. To a man: "You aging, brilliantined stick insect."

To a woman: "You rancorous, coiffured, old sow."

Both, courtesy of Fawlty Towers.

[Forkboy]

26. I'm rather fond of "jammy goit".

[HughBeaumont]

29. "Hobknocker", says the screaming queen like a la-di-da poofter.

Wait, does "hobknocker" have multiple meanings or does it only mean one thing?

[meow2u3]

30. Some gems from Benny Hill

"You're ugly, you old crow."

"Good riddance 'cause you're too rough, you don't know when you've had enough."

"I'll give you my boot, you uncout yout," (I'll give you my boot, you uncouth youth)
from Fait, Ope, and Carity, written on a typewriter missing the letter 'h')

[HughBeaumont]

34. From here . . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1leDAwjtto

[bif]

31. Feckin Eejit!

Actually I think that's Irish, courtesy of Roddy Doyle.

[driver8]

32. Ha Ha -- love the Commitments!! n/t

[Bucky]

35. Stewpid git

insufferable colonials

[rrneck]

36. Attercop! Tomnoddy!

Courtesy Lord of the Rings.

[Cannikin]

38. Slag.

n/t

[sendero]

39. oh cheeky cheeky..

..... oh naughty sneaky - you're so perceptive and I wonder how you knew.

[flying rabbit]

40. Shut your festering gob!

I think I got that from Benny Hill.

[brettdale]

41. only fools and horses

Rodney, you Plonker!

[Initech]

42. Who wants a banger in the mouth?

[provis99]

43. Piss off, useless trollop!

[donheld]

44. Plonker

[mikeytherat]

48. pillock

mikey_the_rat

[LeftishBrit]

49. Piss off, you wanker! Bloody stupid git!

[Throd]

50. You're a fucking idiot!

Works in Canada, Australia, New Zealand and the USA as well.

[Demonaut]

51. you're a right pratt

remember it as a kid

[hifiguy]

52. Snivelling little rat-faced git

Host Ah, John. Allow me to introduce my next-door neighbour. John Stokes, this is A Snivelling Little Rat-Faced Git. Ah!

Mr Git: Hello, I noticed a slight look of anxiety cross your face for a moment just then, but you needn't worry - I'm used to it. That's the trouble of having a surname like Git.

John: Oh ... yes, yes.

Mr Git: We did think once of having it changed by deed-poll, you know - to Watson or something like that. But A Snivelling Little Rat-Faced Watson's just as bad eh?

John: Yes, yes, I suppose so.

(Mrs Git approaches.)

Mr Git: Oh, that's my wife. Darling! Come and meet Mr... what was it?

John: Stokes-John Stokes.

Mr Git: Oh yes. John Stokes, this is my wife, Dreary Fat Boring Old.

John: Oh, er, how do you do.

Mrs Git: How do you do.

(Mrs Stokes appears.)

Mrs Stokes: Darling, there you are!

John: Yes, yes, here I am, yes.

Mr Git: Oh, is this your wife?

John: Yes, yes, yes, this is the wife. Yes. Um darling, these, these are the Gits.

Mrs Stokes: (slightly shocked) What?

John: The Gits.

Mr Git: Oh, heaven's sakes we are being formal. Does it have to be surnames?

John: Oh, no, no. Not at all. No. Um, no, this... this... this is my wife Norah, er, Norah Jane, Norah Jane Stokes. This is Snivelling Little Rat-Faced Git. And this is his wife Dreary Fat Boring Old Git.

Mr Git: I was just telling your husband what an awful bore it is having a surname like Git.

Mrs Stokes: (understanding at last) OH Oh well, it's not that bad.

Mr Git: Oh, you've no idea how the kids get taunted. Why, only last week Dirty Lying Little Two-Faced came running home from school, sobbing his eyes out, and our youngest, Ghastly Spotty Horrible Vicious Little is just at the age when taunts like 'she's a git' really hun. Yes.

(Mrs Git gobs colourfully into her handbag.)

John: Do ... do you live round here?

Mr Git: Yes, we live up the road, number 49 - you can't miss it. We've just had the outside painted with warm pus.

John: (with increasing embarrassment) Oh.

Mr Git: Yes. It's very nice actually. It goes nicely with the vomit and catarrh we've got smeared all over the from door.

Mrs Stokes: I think we ought to be going. We have two children to collect.

Mr Git: Oh, well, bring them round for tea tomorrow.

Mrs Stokes: Well...

Mr Git: It's Ghastly Spotty Cross-Eyed's birthday and she's having a disembowelling party for a few friends. The Nauseas will be there, and Doug and Janice Mucus, and the Rectums from Swanage.

Voice Over: (and caption) 'And Now a Nice Version of That Same Sketch'

(Cut to exactly the same set-up as before.)

Host: John! Allow me to introduce our next-door neighhour. John, this is Mr Watson.

Watson: Hello. I noticed a slight look of anxiety cross your face just then but you needn't worry.

(Cut to nun.)

Nun: I preferred the dirty version.

(She is knocked out by the boxer. Cut to Women's Institute applause film.)

[RedCloud]

54. "I take the utmost exception to you farting before the Queen!" "Didn't know it was her turn!"

[Rambis]

55. You great, soft, cissy, girly, nancy, french bender Man United supporting puff!

http://www.mafster.co.uk/space/files/audio/LOM2ManUPuff.mp3

[Rambis]

56. What a fookin bell

as in bell end

[Gold Metal Flake]

57. What is a "berk"? Or is it "burk"?

[AllenVanAllen]

58. "You fucking muppet!"

Former RNC chairmen Michael Steele