What's the worst movie ever made that you've actually seen presented in a serious format?

[Orrex]

I'm willing to bet that better than 99% of the people who identify Manos: The Hands of Fate as "the worst film ever" have only seen it in the context of MST3K, RiffTrax, or some other lampoon-based presentation format. Likewise, any variation of the "Chiller Theater" concept in which the host or hosts actively mock the films don't count as serious format.

So here's the question: what is the worst film that you've seen presented in a format objectively intended to showcase the film, rather than to showcase the famous "worst-ness" of the film?

In fairness, we should eliminate B-movies from this list because all of the lousy B-movies in history combined can't match Ishtar or Battlefield Earth. To pick on films with a shoestring budget and no studio support is simply bullying. Likewise, made-for-tv films and films released in straight-to-video or straight-to-DVD format don't count, either.


So what is your pick?

I suggest Ultra Violet.

[BurtWorm]

1. The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill and Came Down a Mountain

(Should also win for worst title.)

May not count because it's actually the only film I've ever gone to in a theater that I walked out on. Reason for badness: No there there. Anywhere. At all.

[Crystal Clarity]

28. "Should also win for worst title"

Best understatement I've heard today :rofl:

[tigereye]

55. I really liked that movie!

:rofl:

[BurtWorm]

77. You're playing with my mind, right?

:o

[tigereye]

78. no, I like oddly-paced, quiet movies...

I thought it was interesting... :shrug:

[BurtWorm]

79. I think I had seen enough of those by the time that one rolled around.

I thought Local Hero was the apotheosis of those movies--and a great movie in its own right--and everything like it that came after was a paler and paler shade of it.

But there's no accounting for taste!

:hide:

[TZ]

2. Excaliber

I saw this when I was maybe 10 or 12 and the sheer awfulness stands out, especially to someone like me who has read and seen her fair share of Arthurian movies/books.

[Orrex]

4. For decades it was so painful for me to be the only geek I knew who hated this movie.

All other considerations aside... why, exactly, do the knights wear their armor all the time?!?! Even down to the scene when Uther and Igraine get it on?

"My kingdom for a can-opener!" you can almost hear the amorous warrior-king cry.

[Richardo]

5. That one was horrible, I agree

I've scrubbed much of it from my memory.

[TZ]

6. LOL!

Do you know that scene is one of the ones that stands out in my mind from that movie! It is an EXCELLENT example of the stupidity of that movie...

[edbermac]

13. I rather like Excalibur. I have it on DVD.

Made by John Boorman, who said he really wanted to do the Tolkien Rings book, but was never able to secure the rights.

After the success of Star Wars he managed to get financing for Excalibur instead. And I think he did a way better job than Lucas did. There are a few clunky scenes but on the whole it was pretty enjoyable.

Now a really BAD effort by Boorman was Exorcist 2: The Heretic.

[Iggo]

I loved that movie when I was 20-ish.

Saw it recently (within the last couple years) and oh my god...let's just say that movie is put together poorly.

[Iggo]

12. I loved that movie when I was 20-ish.

Saw it recently (within the last couple years) and oh my god...let's just say that movie is put together poorly.

[joeybee12]

26. Best movie made of the Arthurian Legend...

BEST!

[TZ]

32. Been some pretty dreadful ones then.

I think that the best one will be when someone finally adapts "The Mists of Avalon" to the big screen. Awesome awesome book.

[Orrex]

43. It's not bad, though I have to say that I liked it much more when I first read it

than when I read it the second time a decade later.

Still, even a weak adaptation of that book would make a better film than Excalibur.

[realisticphish]

67. PLATE ARMOR

NO. BAD MOVIE.

Yeah, I'm a weapons/armor nerd, but yeesh. Only several hundred years off

[Frank Cannon]

96. Yes, and wizards? Give me a f#*#ing break.

And some woman in a lake with a sword? NO WAY could she hold her breath that long.

[Blue_Tires]

38. Helen Mirren makes me rub my crotch up against the tv screen...

so you know my feelings

[Orrex]

45. Ahem

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=9285214

[Jade Fox]

59. I've tried to watch that movie a few times....

believing the good press it has gotten. Unwatchable.

"My kingdom for a can opener" LOL! Like the Tin Man, they must have been rusted into their armor.

[Deep13]

70. It's one of my favorites, despite its cheeziness.

:hi:

It's not very realistic, but as a fairy tale it doesn't need to be.

I saw the guy who plays Arthur on Dr. Who recently. I think it was the episode called The Doctor's Daughter.

[Richardo]

3. "Quintet" - Robert Altman 1979

With Paul Newman of all people.

Incompresensible, horribly slow pacing, unbearably loud overwrought music. Boring and infuriating at the same time - how can that be? :shrug:

:boring:


:scared: <-- because it was set in an ice age

[Kingofalldems]

7. Can't Stop The Music

[CBGLuthier]

10. If I had seen more than ten minutes of Nancy Walker's Opus

I would probably agree with you. But not fair to trash it unless I sit through all of it.

[sarge43]

56. Well, if you take your first bite of an apple and you have more worms than apple,

you can say, "Damn, that's a rotten apple."

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

8. Macunaima

[CBGLuthier]

9. Phantom Menace? Battlefield Earth? Prince of Tides? Exorcist 2?

Since I actually really like two of the movies already mentioned my tastes may be a bit skewed.


Star Wars I was certainly the most disappointing film I have ever seen.

Battlefield Earth was the most incompetently made big-budget film I have ever seen.

Prince of Tides was over-wrought melodrama with the director casting herself as the heroine of the film. Makes me gag a little just thinking about it.

Even though I really love the works of John Boorman, Exorcist 2, The Heretic sure was one god-awful, cocaine-binged piece of shit.

[mikeytherat]

90. Best review of "Battlefield Earth" ever:

Battlefield Earth is one of the worst films ever made. It’s that simple. It’s
Plan 9 From Outer Space made for sixty million dollars. Had Ed Wood
made Battlefield Earth, people would have expected an apology. When
the cultural impact of this fiasco finally sinks in, John Travolta will be
lucky if he can get a job plucking the gray hairs out of Ron Palillo’s ass.

Battlefield Earth is based on a novel written by Church of Scientology
founder L. Ron Hubbard. Perhaps the Church of Scientology wanted to
ensure nobody else joined up. This movie is like watching the Pope
accidentally catch on fire while giving Easter Mass. If that’s not a time
to rethink your spiritual choices, what is?

Discussing the details of the plot is akin to discussing the literary merits
of a Nora Roberts novel. I just can’t emphasize enough how bad it all is.
It’s such a disaster it may resurrect Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs’s career.
He’ll be able to defend himself by saying, “At least I didn’t make
Battlefield Earth,” and executives will have to acknowledge that he has a
point. Anyway, it’s the year 3000, a thousand years after a race of
creatures called the Psychlos has taken over the Earth. Their chief of
security is Terl (John Travolta), who wants to use the humans as slaves
for his personal gain. Unfortunately, Jonnie Goodboy Tyler (Barry
Pepper) has other plans and leads a revolt.

Psychlos are essentially Jamaican Klingons who speak like Ferengi. The
primary special effect in the movie is accomplished by filling buckets
with dirt and pieces of concrete, then tossing them across the screen.
Director Roger Christian has a hard-on for flying dirt like you would not
believe. The guys who wrote this should be forced to dictate everything
for the rest of their lives so they may never again touch pen to paper or
finger to keyboard and declare themselves writers. If Christian can get a
job as a Sears portrait photographer after this movie, Congress should
make the use of cameras punishable by death. Every single scene is at an
angle, which gave me the urge to slide off my chair and smash my skull
into the floor. Action scenes look like they were shot inside a paint
mixer.

If egos were farts, one imagines John Travolta could destroy an entire
planet by devouring a single frozen burrito. That this film even got made
is clearly one testament to that fact, and that they’re already planning a
sequel is another.

mikey_the_rat

[LynneSin]

11. I Know Who Killed Me

In the end we were all hoping she died.

[SunnySong]

14. All right once again AI: Artificial Intelligence

runners up include.

'It's Alive!' (1969)
Across the Moon (1995)
Aftermath (1994)
Alien from L.A. (1988)
American Pie Presents Band Camp (2005)
Anatomie de l'enfer (2004)
Audrey Rose (1977) 1
Avia Vampire Hunter (2005) (V) 1
Babe Watch: Forbidden Parody (1996)
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)
Basic (2003)
Blade: Trinity (2004)
C.H.U.D. II - Bud the Chud (1989)
Cannibal Campout (1988)
Captain America (1990)
Slacker Uprising (2007)
Car 54, Where Are You? (1994)
Children of the Corn (2009)
Daddy's Deadly Darling (1972)
Dead Man's Curve (1998)
Don't Say a Word (2001)
Dracula 2000 (2000) 1
Eragon (2006)
Eraserhead (1976)
Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
Fathers' Day (1997)
Fungicide (2005)
Future War (1997)
Guinea Pig (1985)
Half Past Dead (2002)
House of the Dead (2003)
Howling II: ... Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)
It's Pat (1994)
Jack Frost (1998)
Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
Killer Flood: The Day the Dam Broke (2003)
La momia azteca contra el robot humano (1958)
Lady Death (2004) (V)
Living a Zombie Dream (1996)
Lust for Dracula (2004)
Mac and Me (1988)
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Meet the Spartans (2008)
Monster a-Go Go (1965)
New York Wildcats (2005)
Night Train to Mundo Fine (1966)
Nothing But Trouble (1991)
Planet of the Erotic Ape (2002)
Raptor Island (2004)
Reptilicus (1961)
Revelation 666 (2006)
Ring of Terror (1962)
Rollerball (2002)
Rushmore (1998)
San Franpsycho (2006)
Showgirls (1995)
Skarecrow (2004)
Soul Survivors (2001)
Space Mutiny (1988) 1
Spike and Mike's Hilarious Sick and Twisted Festival of Animation (1997)
Street Fighter (1994)
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)
Tail Sting (2001)
The Assemblage of the Crystal Sphere: A D&D Story (2008)
The Birds II: Land's End (1994)
The Crawling Hand (1963)
The Girl Who Shagged Me (2005)
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? (1964)
The Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon (2008)
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
The Truck Farmer (1954)
Track of the Moon Beast (1976)
Unseen Evil 2 (2004)
Viewer Discretion Advised (1998)
Walk the Angry Beach (1968)
What to Do on a Date (1951)
Wild Wild West (1999)
Prince of Space (1959)
Zodiac Killer (2005)

[Orrex]

63. Did you see all of those presented in a serious format?

Also, you've cheated a few times on that list: The Star Wars Holiday Special was a made-for-TV abomination, for instance...

[SunnySong]

69. I saw the Star Wars Christmas Special on its original airing... Bea Arthur scared the kids more than

the wookies.


By serious format I assume you meant uncut without Mike and the robots.

I did my best to purge MST3k movies from the list but a few might have slipped in.

[realisticphish]

68. nah, don't buy it

a large percentage of those are mass-produced b-movie schlock. And anyway, being cheap and terrible doesn't make it unpleasant to watch. Prince of Space, for instance, is FUCKING AWESOME. How can a movie that has Krankor in it not be awesome?

[baldguy]

97. A.I. is great - if you view it as a horror movie.

[LeftinOH]

15. Forrest Gump- which became worst picture to win an Oscar, and the second-worst

Oscar acceptance speech, by Tom Hanks. The worst Oscar acceptance speech was also made by Tom Hanks, the year before for 'Philadelphia'.

[Orrex]

23. Well, Forrest Gump is the official "must hate" film of Teh Lounge

Along with Hanks as the "must hate" actor.


So I guess I'll say that you're not alone in your assessment, even if I don't share it!

[TZ]

52. I thought the ;must hate film was anything by Tim Burton!

:P

[Orrex]

64. That's *my* official "must-hate" criterion

Teh Lounge maintains a different standard!

[BlueIris]

94. Self-delete. nt

:hide:

[Arctic Dave]

16. Worst movie I saw this year, "Nine"

My wife owes me sooooo much for making me sit through that train wreck.

[LynneSin]

20. Proof that you can put 6+ Oscar winners in one movie and still make shit

7 if you consider the director was an Oscar winner too.

Perhaps it was an overkill of talented actors all trying to prove they were the most talented actor.

[Arctic Dave]

21. The incessant screeching in my ears, MAKE IT STOP!

[fishwax]

48. ugh -- yeah, that's the worst I've seen this year, too

[burrfoot]

87. You should have seen "9" instead-

that one was wicked cool :)

[crim son]

17. Easy.

Austin Powers, any of the three. Stupidest crap I've ever tried to watch and I didn't make it more than half an hour into any of them.

[Flaxbee]

19. The *ONLY* redeeming part of the first and second movies

was the opening sequence (the third movie's opening sequence sucked).

But the first and second movies with "Austin" dancing around in the opening scenes - honestly, what a hoot. The rest of the movies - pure crap.

[crim son]

44. I have to agree, right down to your

comment about the opening scenes.

[KurtNYC]

18. Close Encounters of the Third Kind bc it spawned big budget effects flicks

for decades. The 'typhoid Mary' of bad movies.

Now effects are king and lack of a strong story will not stop a movie from being made (or being successful).

[CreekDog]

22. "The Village"

or "The Forgotten" (whose story was so perplexing that the authors couldn't unwind it)

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

24. Premonition

Just terrible, maddening bullshit.

In the theater: Night At the Roxbury. Unfunny as hell.

[Boojatta]

25. F once dated a woman who was very good at...

:dilemma:

[JonLP24]

27. I'm afraid to say

Afraid that I will get flamed. The movie I'm thinking of is usually in top 10 lists of greatest movies ever made.

If it was just plain worst movie it would be easy for me but this is one that presented itself as serious.

[JonLP24]

33. Nevermind

Reading the other thread I saw Chuck Norris and it reminded me of a movie that did present itself as serious and is worse than the movie I'm thinking of.

Bells of Innocence starring Mike Norris. Chuck was in it too but my god, that movie was awful.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

74. Let me guess

"To Kill A Mockingbird" or "Gandhi"

If that's it, I won't flame you. You're entitled to your opinion and I respect it, even if I reserve the right to disagree with you

[JonLP24]

84. Nope

I liked "To Kill A Mockingbird". I do want to read the book because I've read that it is much better than the movie.

I never did see "Gandhi" so I have no opinion.

I will reveal since you guessed. "Citizen Kane". I like old movies so it wasn't because it was old. I couldn't stand the overreacting scenes. But it may not be the worst movie I ever seen with a serious attempt. Bells of Innocence was awful.

[Misskittycat]

99. The book -- To Kill a Mockingbird -- is very similar to the movie.

[Blue_Tires]

29. "300"

ironically, if it were meant to be a satire of the genre, then it would have been brilliant...

but it's so serious in its life-and-death masculinity, you know the writers were playing it straight...

[Arctic Dave]

30. Damn, I forgot how crappy that movie was.

"Meet the Spartans" was a better movie then that POS.

[Blue_Tires]

37. it was just *SO* over-the-top in its manliness and hawkish jingoism

it should have been a pure satire with a couple of tweaks...

might even have been the 'Dr. Strangelove' of this generation...

[realisticphish]

54. Yeah, this

especially after I read "Gates of Fire," and realized how awesome a story about Thermopylae could have been

[MilesColtrane]

83. Hated it.

[TreasonousBastard]

101. Whoa! That one's so bad I wiped it completely from my mind...

one of the worst suckfests ever.

[Crystal Clarity]

31. Hey!!!.... I take exception to the Ishtar reference

How dare you!?! :spank:... JK! :-)

The movie was SO bad that it became funny for that reason alone. Hey, it was supposed to be a comedy... :shrug:

[Lance_Boyle]

34. 2 standouts: Transformers 2 and C.H.U.D. n/t

[Moondog]

35. Gigli.

[Rob H.]

36. 'Boxing Helena'

Laughably bad. A complete waste of celluloid.

[jmowreader]

39. War of the Worlds, the one with Tom Cruise in it

I guess the people making it thought enough CGI would make people not notice they didn't hire anyone who knows how to act to be in it.

[Orrex]

46. I wasn't thrilled with it the first time I saw it, but I've liked it better on subsequent viewings

For all his well-publicized madcap histrionics, I maintain that Tom Cruise is actually capable of greater subtlety in his acting than he's generally credited for.


Not that he's one of the greats, mind you, but I find him to be a consistently serviceable actor in his roles.

[kwassa]

91. It was so much weaker than the original version of the film.

This is right up Speilburg's alley, I am surprised it was so bad.

[azmouse]

40. The Fountain

Worst. Movie. Ever.

[sarge43]

41. Pearl Harbor - an insult to all the people who were there that morning. n/t

[Orrex]

42. And to everyone who paid to see it

Though I grant that the degree of insult is much greater for the survivors and veterans, of course!

[Ikonoklast]

47. Zardoz. Sean Connery in a diaper.

I win.

[sarge43]

49. You're certainly a contender

Dominatrix boots and a French braid - yow.

[Orrex]

50. You mean we all lose.

I'm going to go cry now.

[CBGLuthier]

61. That gives director John Boorman 3 films on this list

Personally, I like Zardoz and Excalibur. At least they aren't boring and Paulie Shore is in neither of them.

John Boorman has made truly great films like Deliverance, Hope and Glory, The Emerald Forest, The General.


But there is no defending Exorcist 2.

[Mike 03]

51. Brilliant Question. Even though it is almost a cliche, I would have to

vote for SHOWGIRLS.

That fucking screenwriter came to my school and lectured to us how he was the best paid screenwriter of Showgirls, Flashdance, Jagged Edge, Sliver, and many other embarrassing but profitable films.

[mitchum]

65. When Ezterhaus was a journalist in the 70s, he was a very good writer

astonishingly good

Cocaine is not a good drug

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

53. The Green Berets

[Paladin]

57. "Myra Breckenridge"

Saw it when I was a teenager. It's the only flick I ever went to where the departing audience literally begged those of us waiting in the entrance line to turn our tickets in, get our money back, and not waste time seeing it. Wish I'd taken their advice; absolutely dreadful......

[Lydia Leftcoast]

58. A "classic" that is an exercise in artsy pretentiousness--Last Year at Marienbad

A man and woman meet at a decadent Central European spa and argue about whether they met last year and had an affair. In between those scenes, the man wanders around mumbling "These walls, these corridors, these carpets..." or something meaningless like that.

Little else happens.

It's incredible that critics in 1961 took this film seriously. Some still do.

[Mr. Ected]

60. Cabin Boy, starring the inimitable Chris Elliott

Which I have seen no fewer than a dozen times.

I happen to LOVE bad movies. And Chris Elliott's smug stupidity.

"These pipes...are clean!!!"

[Common Sense Party]

62. Caddyshack 2.

:puke:

[UTUSN]

66. Anything Neil SIMON, specifically Barefoot in the Park, but IMDB has nothing but raves

for it. Well, *one* review/rave. Noting that it was nominated for an Oscar. All I remember was Jane FONDA screeching.

[peekaloo]

72. I, too, seem to miss the "humor" in his writing(s).

seems lame to me. :shrug:

[Deep13]

71. Gone with the Wind

Hated everyone in that film. I was rooting for Sherman.

[kwassa]

93. horrible film

Scarlett O'Hara was a twit at the beginning, a twit in the middle, and a twit at the end. Selfish, narcissistic, idiotic, unlikeable woman who learned nothing in the greatest historical crisis of the century.

[Rabrrrrrr]

73. Titanic. Forrest Gump. Love Story. The Val Kilmer Batman movie.

[JonLP24]

85. I personally thought the George Clooney Batman movie

was the worst.

[Rabrrrrrr]

86. Yes, it was fucking awful. But Clooney managed to pull off a good Batman despite the script.

The Val Kilmer Batman was both poorly written and shittily acted (no surprise) by Val.


I think that if Clooney had been given a proper Batman movie script - like the first one, or the first Christian Bale one - he would have made a stellar Batman.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

75. Twilight: New Moon

:boring:

[chrisa]

76. Beat these ones: The "Epic" Movies.

This should blow all of the above listed movies out of the water. It's the reverse of the usual challenge: Try watching these movies and actually laughing once.

They're an endurance test - especially Epic Movie. How long can you last?

[Initech]

81. They suck, but they're not meant to be taken seriously.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

80. Lost World aka Jurassic Park II

I knew it was going to be awful beforehand, but a friend dragged me into the theater. Aaaaarrrgh.

[Initech]

82. Controversial choice alert: "A Beautiful Mind"

[gardenista]

88. The English Patient

[deutsey]

89. Little Children

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Children_(film)

Based on some reviews I heard, I was really looking forward to seeing this movie. When I watched it, however, I ended up getting very pissed off at the movie, mainly because I felt it was so incredibly contrived and self-serious. I remember hating the ending in particular.

Another movie like this one was "The House of Sand and Fog." Some friends spoke very highly of this movie but, as with Little Children, I thought it was terribly contrived with an annoying over-the-top ending.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Sand_and_Fog_(film)

[kwassa]

92. Eyes Wide Shut

a movie that was supposed to be sexy and dangerous that was neither.

Kubrick's worst.

[BlueIris]

95. "Saving Private Ryan."

:hide:

[wickerwoman]

98. Guess y'all had sense enough not to try Mamma Mia.

But it is definitively the most God-awful dreck ever to stain the careers of not one, not two, not three, but FIVE quite talented actors (Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgaard, Amanda Seyfried, Julie Walters and Meryl Streep... SHAME!) I actually sat through the entire thing in stunned disbelief thinking "it can't possibly be this bad, the next scene will turn it around".

Runner-up is the only movie I have ever walked out of in the theater: Oliver Stone's The Doors.

[Odin2005]

100. Jurassic Park III

That was BAD. Semi-Sapient raptors? REALLY?

[TreasonousBastard]

102. "The Bride" Sting, Jennifer Beals and Quentin Crisp were not able to...

salvage this incredible assemblage of corn mush and batshit destroying the reputation of "The Bride of Frankenstein". Perhaps, it has been suggested, they were responsible for making an already dreadful script phenomenonly, astoundingly unwatchable.

It is the only movie I remember walking out of. Maybe halfway through I had long known that it couldn't possibly redeem itself, or even get marginally more watchable, but it just became far too painful to endure another hideous scene.