Overheard a conversation about avoiding the "birds & the bees" talks with children

[Haole Girl]

One of the mothers said (I kid you not), "My daughter is too naïve." When I asked how old her daughter is, she replied 14. I tried & tried to stress how important is to tell her daughter EVERYTHING she will need to know. Later, I heard her whispering to someone who was listening to us, "There's no need to traumatize them."

The ironic part? Just this week, another woman I know found out her teenage daughter is two months pregnant... and told the mother, "It was only 3 times."

I see this abstinence approach is working reeeeal well. Uh huh.
:sarcasm:

[supernova]

1. Obviously, the "Lie back and think of England" sorts

Sad.

[Haole Girl]

3. It is sad

And at the same time frustrating. How can they be so clueless? :shrug:

[Schema Thing]

2. average age for American females to begin sex, 14y 9 mo.

[Haole Girl]

4. I know. It is actually earlier for their first sexual experience...

9 years of age (according to my sister, a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner).

[Arugula Latte]

9. Wow, I didn't realize it was so young.

:wow:

[Schema Thing]

10. weird thing is, shortly after reading that little factoid

we found out my step-creature at the time had begun having sex.... at exactly 14y/9mo.

[Haole Girl]

11. It freaked me out too

I thought she was exaggerating, but she knows her stuff when stats on children are involved. That is an average age. It might be someone, like myself, who was 20 before having a sexual encounter who skews the stats! :shrug:

[Schema Thing]

14. I really skew the stats

having started @ 24 when I got married. I kid you not.

[Arugula Latte]

18. Yep ... I was that age, also.

I can't imagine starting at 14. That seems like a lot to handle, mentally.

[Schema Thing]

12. and that's *average*, and full on sex.

shouldn't be too surprising I suppose, considering what puberty is. I know religion combined with lack of opportunity was the only reason I didn't start when my body told me to start @ 13 (male).

[Hippo_Tron]

23. Damn, where were all of those girls when I was 14 years and 9 months old?

:rofl:

[HughBeaumont]

24. Yeah, same here.

And 15. And 17. And 19.

Being an underweight late bloomer growing up in Reagans jock-and-beauty friendly 80s America sucked in every facet.

[Dora]

5. I never had The Talk.

My mother swears she did, but she didn't. I don't blame her for avoiding sex talks - she and her sisters had been abused by a stepfather. It did, however, create some gaps in my knowledge that took a long time for me to fill. I would much rather know something "too early" than not at all.

[Haole Girl]

7. I didn't either. Not details.

But in the high schools in California they had true Sex Education. And the talk from one wonderful woman from Planned Parenthood kept me thinking about what it would be like to have an unplanned pregnancy. It doesn't always matter, but her talk is one reason I waited many years (not my mother's personal beliefs).

[Ineeda]

17. As horrifically painful as it would have been for her,

in my very sympathetic opinion, her history of abuse should have been even more reason to 'have the talk.'

[Dora]

21. Oh, I agree.

But she didn't acknowledge her abuse until I was 20 years old.

[KatyaR]

19. Me, either--I'm 52 and never had the Talk.

I remember watching the film about body changes in 5th or 6th grade, but nothing more. When I got my period, my mother just dealt with it and we moved on--I had no idea that I could now get pregnant. I remember a close cousin, married when she was 18, having a baby a couple of years later, and I couldn't even SAY the word "pregnant" in front of my mother--she didn't like it at all.

I made some bad mistakes sexually, luckily nothing serious enough to ruin my life, before I figured it all out. But that's definitely NOT the way to go. I never had kids, but I would have made sure they knew what's what before they were too old.

[gratuitous]

6. "Naive" is no substitute for a good quality condom

As I get further into old age, I'm thinking more and more that the failure to discuss sexual matters with one's offspring is a form of child abuse. If talking about how to use or not use your own body would "traumatize" your son or daughter, how much more traumatized is the kid going to be when someone turns up pregnant?

[Haole Girl]

8. Especially now that there is HIV and AIDS

Saw a quote saying, "One person dies of H1N1 and everyone wears masks. One million die of AIDS yet nobody wants to wear condoms." Food for thought.

[trof]

13. Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees

And the flowers and the trees
And the moon up above
And a thing called "Love"

Let me tell you 'bout the stars in the sky
And a girl and a guy
And the way they could kiss
On a night like this

When I look into your big brown eyes
It's so very plain to see
That it's time you learned about the facts of life
Starting from A to Z.
(Rinse, repeat)

Sorry, couldn't resist.
;-)

[Haole Girl]

15. Hey

:-)

[trof]

16. Hey back yourself.

Ya durned Howlie.
;-)

[madamesilverspurs]

20. This summer I bumped into a gal I used to work with.

She was with her 24-year-old daughter, who continued to push the shopping cart down the aisle. Mom watched her then turned to me and told me that the daughter had just become a grandmother - for the second time.

---

[dugaresa]

26. the 24 year old was a grandmother ?

[madamesilverspurs]

28. Yep. Twice,

per her two young daughters.

---

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. um how? they would have to be almost exactly 12 each

[dugaresa]

30. that is what I was thinking

one thing if the woman was lets say 30, it is easy to see someone who was perhaps 15 who had a child and that child had a child at 15, but 24?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

33. yeah. thats also what i was thinking. its hard for a girl to have a child at 12

[rcrush]

22. If you get a bird and a bee to do it can you make a Beebird?

[HughBeaumont]

25. I never had The Talk OR The Film. Seriously.

My mom couldn't even talk to me about kissing, let alone sex, and my dad worked all the time. My sex ed was my dad's porno mags. I learned a hell of a lot more than I would have in health class, that's for sure. I also thought those letters were real and wondered "what the hell was I doing wrong?". :rofl:

[Sentath]

31. I'll give Dad credit, he tried.

But I was a bright li'l geek.

I used the 'proper' name for all the parts and he turned red and went away. I think we were both pretty happy with that ( ;

[Wapsie B]

34. Exactly how I learned too. Nothing at home or school.

In health class in school all the 5th graders watched "The Film" covering sex ed. So naturally I was curious about it and couldn't wait to see it. Get to 5th grade and guess what happens? Some fundies had the film and any sex ed at all pulled from the curriculum. This was back in the so-called "free love 60's."

At home there was nothing at all. Parents such as in the op prefer to bury their heads in the sand, figuring if they ignore it long enough the kids will somehow make it through to adulthood. It's so much easier to stay in one's comfort zone than cover a subject like sex with kids.

[dugaresa]

27. my daughter's best friend has a mother who is like that

she feels keeping her in the dark will keep her safe. it only makes her easy prey for men and boys.

i told her that point blank.

she had called me because it was apparent that after a sleepover at her house that my daughter was better informed about issues and was wondering what I told my kids. i told her, "the facts".

i won't tell anyone else how to raise their kids but i am not sorry about how i raise my own.

[LynneSin]

32. The only one who is traumatized are the parents

My mother never told me the Birds & the Bees. My dad knew better and told me them himself. Mom wasn't a fundy but it was just too embarassing for her to talk about it.

[LeftinOH]

35. "Abstinence" = Abstaining from talking about it.