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It always feel like every month is something month and it always seem rather silly till the month affects you. Breast Cancer Awareness Month for many years has come and passed me by, and I haven't really thought much of it. Dimma, my grandmother had breast cancer a few years ago, and it was one of her many ailments and really caused her the least trouble. Frankly her diabetes and high blood pressure have been far more impactful. So even though Breast Cancer had touched me before this year, it didn’t seem such a big deal.
This year my best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. I've been meaning to write about this for Breast Cancer month, but every time I begin writing I tear up and can't go on. However, I just found out that her ovaries are healing after the chemo, so I decided it was time. She got married earlier this year and in March I got an email from her sister saying she had breast cancer. We have been best friends since we were 13. I vomited. Then I cried. Then I called her and got mad at her for getting sick and not telling me herself. Then we cried together. I had no idea even then how terrible the next few months were going to be for her.
The chemo gave her such terrible pain, both physical and psychological. I am sure everyone knows some of the effects of chemo so there is no need to regale you with the details of how horrifying it really is. Every times I spoke to her my stomach lurched. There is very little worse than watching someone you love suffer and knowing there is nothing you can do to help. The only thing worse than that, is being the one who suffers. She had to deal with her pain and the combined anguish of all us who love her.
One day I called my best friend and realized she was avoiding my call. She had just learnt that she would have to go through a modified radical mastectomy. When I first heard the news, I felt like someone had stabbed me. The next few days my breast hurt so much, I didn’t quite know what to do. Finally, we spoke and really what is there to say to someone who is about to lose her breast?
After the mastectomy, the chemo returned with a vengeance. It was now a weekly torture. Then one day it was finally over. I am skipping through a lot of detail not because it was not important how worried her sister was when she changed drugs, or how worried we all were when her liver was giving trouble but because there are just so many details. All of which include pain, worry, anguish and fear. One day she was ready for “just radiation” and it was finally coming to an end. Today she has just 9 rounds of radiation left and a recovering ovary. We both have our period today. One of us is much happier about it than the other.
I am not going to pretend that I know what is to have breast cancer. I don’t. I do however know what it is to love someone who fights Breast Cancer. The feeling of helplessness and constant worry. Hoping that she will continue to want to fight her cancer, hoping that it doesn’t break her spirit, hoping she realizes that she is still beautiful. How important it is to have people who love you and support you and not minimize your fears. I know, that without Lisa, this ordeal would have been much worse for me.
When I first told my mother, that my best friend had cancer, I asked her what I should get her as a gift. To which my mother said, “No gift will make this better. Wait, till she gets well, then get her something”. So now in honor of her finishing chemo and having a functioning ovary, I am off to find a dozen pink roses to celebrate breast cancer awareness month. I hope you have checked your boobs and have reminded the women in your life to check their boobs.
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