Is It Possible To Be Too Nice?

[Mr. Ected]

Nice seems to be my default mode.

Yes, I get irritated when someone crosses me, and I go off internally when an injustice or inequity takes place on my watch.

But I find it ABUNDANTLY difficult to raise my voice or to express my anger. In fact, my voice wavers, and my pulse races, and I become a laughingstock.

I've become modestly successful by remaining nice, accomodating, self-deprecating, and kind. Is there something wrong with me?

[Moondog]

1. Yes, it is possible to be too nice. Internalizing the stress will give you

an elevated blood pressure and a bad stomach.

Something wrong with you? Nah, you've just decided to swallow the bile and try to get along, for the sake of making a living.

The thing is, when you have to do things like that as a steady diet, you need to quit soon enough that you get to enjoy the fruits of your labors. Or you'll die at your desk. I've known two people that have done exactly that. They didn't find one guy for a couple of days. Not a pretty picture. Having no discernible desire to follow in their footsteps, I retired a couple of months after hitting 50. Smartest move I ever made. I'm a much happier person, and I still will not outlive my money. Think it over.

[Jade Fox]

2. Some people interpret...

behavior like yours as an invitation to treat you badly. At least that's my experience.

I find if I don't make it clear to people that I will defend myself, they will make aggressive moves against me.

[raccoon]

13. Right, many people, if they perceive you as easy to push around, they won't

hesitate to do it.

I used to be "too nice" until I learned to be more assertive.

You can too. :hug:

[raccoon]

14. Dupe. nt

[Brigid]

3. You're really not the problem.

We live in an increasingly cold, semi-sociopathic, chaotic society in which anyone who is not spending all of his or her time trying to trample all overeveryone else is seen as a wimp. Ir reminds me a little of the "Mad Max" movies. And I fear it is only going to get worse. :(

As for dying at my desk, I've been telling myself lately that I have got to do something about my job situation before I start having real problems.. That's why I'm job-hunting. Even in this miserable little screwed-up little excuse for a town, there's got to be something that won't make me want to run my fist through a wall when I come home every night.

[Skittles]

4. you want I should kick your nice ass, mr. Ected?

it might help :7

[Mr. Ected]

6. That would be mighty neighborly of you, Skittles

But I wouldn't want to impose on you.

That wouldn't be nice.

[Nikia]

5. I usually act nice in real life and it makes me feel like a victim

Sometimes it feels like I give people permission to hurt me.
Sometimes I really want to stand up to people, but instead I end up being "nice". I hate the fact that I am a coward and a victim. I don't want to be that way, but everytime I offend someone by asserting my rights, I feel like I should apologize and usually do.

[gmoney]

7. "People will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with Welcome written on it."

-- Andy Partridge (XTC), Snowman

[Forkboy]

8. I'll never know.

:evilgrin:

[vixengrl]

9. Are you now in, or have you ever considered, a career in customer service?

I think I get where you're coming from--I am about as slow to anger as anyone can be. I give people the benefit of the doubt. I have had people just lie to me, or vent on me (as a part of my job) and I don't take it personally. When I finally do feel anger, it is the quitest, "more in sorrow than in anger", "My telling you off hurts me more than it'll hurt your sorry ass to know" type of anger I can manage.

Although I do that because if I really got angry, I'd leap down someone's throat, invert their lungs, and use'em for party favors. Being nice is my safety switch. Also, I've found that zen calm is astonishingly off-pissing to the subset of humankind I'll call "raging hardons". Their discomfiture amuses me much as the drunkard's walk of a crippled mouse amuses a hungry cat.

I don't think staying nice is a problem or wrong. Kill the SOBS of this world with kindness if you must. They will never know what hit'em.

[handmade34]

10. assertiveness not aggressiveness

and do not ever sacrifice your well-being unless it is desperately needed for a loved one or the greater good. I used to be exactly as you describe, nothing wrong with you. You will find your voice when it becomes necessary.

[IcyPeas]

11. Yes.

I work with a nice person. She is a pollyanna to the "T". The world can be literally collapsing, people being killed, rioting, and she'll come out with some hokey pokey statement and then I just want to ....... it makes me mad. It's sickeningly sweet. Twee. I don't think it's natural. I don't feel like it's authentic. So I think there is nice and then there is NICE. :grouphug: aagghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[SecularMotion]

15. Exactly

It's not natural and it's dishonest. I work with the same type of person. People who are TOO nice are like people who wear too much perfume or cologne - they're trying to hide something.

[Mr. Ected]

16. WRONG

Many people fake their "niceness". I don't. I'm good-humored by nature. When people step on my toes, I flinch. But I don't yell. I approach adversity and confrontation with a level head, a dose of humor, and some passive aggressive logic. It's worked for 48 years and I'm not a welcome mat begging to be stepped on.

I find it amazing that so many people believe that the only way to combat assholes is to become an asshole.

[merh]

19. I like the way you think.

[Raffi Ella]

20. It took me a long time to realize

that I am NOT obligated to react to someones "personality faults". I use to be the kind of person that would call someone out in a heart beat but it never really got me anywhere and caused me a lot of stress.

I still have a ways to go to find a happy medium though. SOunds like you have found yours already.

[SecularMotion]

22. What do you disagree with?

Something I said or the post I replied to?

[Orrex]

12. Are you a seething cauldron of secret, pent-up rage?

[Heidi]

17. There's nothing at all wrong with you. Sounds like you're determined

to not allow other people's behavior to dictate your reaction. I think tht's a good way to be.

[Orsino]

18. Yes.

Nice builds bridges and heals wounds, but it can get trampled on by the less scrupulous. The key may be to use nice to ally with similarly-minded individuals in sufficient strength to resist the not-nice.

[Evoman]

21. I'm a cool cucumber with orchestrated bursts of aggressive behaviour. Let me explain.

I'm somewhat like you in that I tend to be a nice guy. The thing is, I very seldom "go off" internally. Most of the time when people try to piss me off or do something stupid, I don't care or feel like reacting. But I do just to keep them on their toes (i.e. I pretend to be more pissed of than I am). Yeah, I get frustrated sometimes, and there are some issues that tend to really set me off (usually centered around religion and human rights), but most of the time I pretend to care.

To put in plainly, being nice never really worked for me. Being an asshole worked very well, but was too much work and didn't feel so good.

So I found a happy medium.

[applegrove]

23. As long as you can kick assholes to the curb successfully and don't

attract any users you should be okay.