I have a shitty relationship with my little sister.

[HEyHEY]

It's terrible, here I am haven't seen her in a month, she comes home and walks past me without saying hello.

At my oldest sister's wedding last month, we barely spoke. At xmas there was a big hub-bub where my oldest sister came down on me for not ever spekaing to her. I've never done it on purpose. I'm a very warm guy, I just always felt as though I wasn't welcome with her, which is wierd because we used to swing dance and I taught her Karate when we were kids.

But as we grew she grew distant. She kind of was a big wannabe of my older sister, consequently she ended up being a bitch. And I have to be honest, I have little respect for her, she goes through too many boyfriends, doesn't respect my Dad, and is very superficial.

I don't get it.

I think one of the reasons for the problems may be (on my part) when I was younger, before she was born, I was best friends with my older sister. Then when she was born my eldest sister kind of ditched me. Then next 12 years of my homelife were not good. My Dad was never around (he's a good Dad, he was just trying to run a business) and so I was the only boy in a house full of women. Much of the tim eI felt unwelcom and alone. I spent most of my time on my own or with friends. It resulted in some rejection and abandoment issues, regarding my eldest sister especially.

I think she may have some problems with men because of it.

So, I'm thinking I may not be able to open up these days because of deep seeded resentment towards my youngest sister because of the reasons explained above. No matter what I try I can't get the gusto to try to reach out.

I think she wants to be friends..as do I ..very much. But each seems to scared to make the bridge.

I don't want to live like this, I want to have birthdays, Christmases, and such with my sister's and their families. You only live once and family is important.

But nothing seems to bridge the gap.




(You 40,000 are the only ones I've ever shared these feelings with yay beer)

[tkmorris]

1. OK, you're drunk

So Goddess only knows how you will feel about this subject tomorrow, but something you said really struck me and I gotta speak to it. It's the best advice you are ever gonna get so TAKE IT SOLDIER!

You said: "So, I'm thinking I may not be able to open up these days because of deep seeded resentment towards my youngest sister because of the reasons explained above. No matter what I try I can't get the gusto to try to reach out.

I think she wants to be friends..as do I ..very much. But each seems to scared to make the bridge."

Take the damned plunge. Seriously, these kinds of situations are some of the stupidest crap human beans do to each other. Two people who WANT to love each other but each is too damned afraid to reach out. I have seen marriages break up like this, parents lose touch with their children, siblings not speak for decades, ex best friends give up and lose it. It's exasperating.

Nothing matters but US. The people you know, the people you meet, the people you love. Don't let your emotional failings (or hers) get in the way. Break down the wall, expose your inner core, lay yourself bare and heal the wounds.

Love is all we have man. It's cheap magic but........it's all we have.

[jus_the_facts]

2. awww....I know how you feel...my sister and I don't relate at all....

...never have and never will....she always resented havin' to take care of me when we were little....I was the youngest and my parents made her watch me too much and I tried to tag along with her and her friends....as we grew older she got away with a lot more than I ever did...she'd even question MY friends about my personal life....she'd buddy up with 'em and take them places to get the dirt on what I was doin'....now she's a fundie repuke and we've had some major altercations....after the sElection I got so distraught I cussed her out in her chuch parkin' lot and got escorted by the cops to the psyche ward for a couple days instead of bein' arrested and chared with disturbing the peace and public nusince...AND have seen my two neices only twice since then at my Papaw's funeral because her idiot husband thinks I'm a crazy liberal devil worshiper....so you're not alone...it gets a LOT worse...I'm livin' proof!! :pals:

[roguevalley]

3. be around them, keep it light, act like things are good. Sometimes all it

takes is one person making the gesture and the others will eventually warm up. Drop the old stuff unless you are all prepared to go to a counselor together. Dominic Dunne, the author and reporter and his brother, the late author John Gregory Dunne were estranged and then after a few phone calls and getting togethers they reconciled. But they did it by dropping the past and making a present time together. It might be a way to go if no one wants to talk and if no one wants to wade through all the real and/or perceived resentment.

Dunne reconciled and was grateful since his brother just died. He said they just dropped the past. It worked for him. Try it for yourself. Not everything in life must be analyzed to death. Move on, be kind to each other, it might be your ticket to better times. It doesn't sound like you even know each other's common interests. Take it one day at a time and make the gestures, keep making them.

[Seldona]

4. Same here.

My sister and I were very close growing up. Seems my other 2 brothers had a click sort of, and my sister and I did.

Well 25 years later she is a christian fundamentalist who has cheated on her husband 3 times that I know about.

This coupled with the fact that she does crap like call my wife while she was away visiting her sick mother in Florida because a female co-worker was at my house before a shift in which we both worked, and the bar wasn't open yet.

I lived across the street from the bar when it happened. My sister stops by, and mt coworker and I are sitting on the living room couch bsing until work, and suddenly I am cheating.

My wife, bless her heart, literally laughed when she called.

Just because someone is biologicaly related doesn't mean they must be some sort of soulmate or whatever.

In fact my life is far less stressful because we do not interact on a regular basis.

If you two can work it out, great.

But if not go on with life.

It is to short to worry about forcing yourself to be around people you are incompatable with for the sake of being related.

At least in my opinion. It works for me.

[Karenina]

7. My (15 months) younger sister

Is a X-tian fundie control freak.

When the parental units brought her home, my toddler mind naturally viewed her presence as an encroachment. (I learned much from their errors and my kids are not into sibling rivalry, they're quite a team).

She was physically bigger and got the message from my mother that I had to be "vanquished." (Mom's word, not mine). I sliced and diced with my tongue, she pounded me with her fists. I could NEVER get her just to leave me in peace. My dad kept a lid on it until his death, always insisting EVERYONE'S boundaries be respected. As soon as he was gone, all hell broke loose.

Nearly a half century later, the dynamic is unchanged. Sis's words, perceptions and opinions come from the Almighty now and as such, are not to be challenged. I and my children are non-believing heathens. ;-) My mother once declared she never wanted both our families under her roof at the same time again. There is simply NO WAY to get Sis to leave anyone in peace. She is RELENTLESS in imposing her views on whomever is in her presence. (Her BAP daughter is exponentially worse). She went through my son's backpack without permission, something I would NOT do, found a CD not on her "approved" list and waved the insert in his face while berating him. I was not told of the incident until hours later. When I asked why, my kid quipped, "Oh Mom, I know you would have just torn her a new asshole. None of us need any more stress with her. I handled it."

The effective peace-keeping method is A BIG POND and superficial contact as I WILL NOT discuss dinosaur bones being planted by Satan to test faith. :eyes:

[Paradise]

5. try

saying something wonderful about her to someone she does talk to, and just watch what happens.:hug:

[bigendian]

6. It's about trust.

Trust yourself and do what you think is right. Only you can do that.
But remember.....she may not respond the way you wish. Only she can pick up the thread. Whatever she does it is not about you !
It seems like you really are ready for a change.

[NNadir]

8. I have a brother I didn't speak to for 8 years.

I started speaking to him again (on the telephone) about eight years ago, but I haven't seen him in about eight years now.

Things have gotten better since I helped him when he was down and out (via Western Union) but I have to admit there's a big hole. Since he's not really in my life, and my parents are dead, I have no one from my immediate family anymore. It kind of sucks, but you have to live with it.

[Karenina]

9. Family is functional

not exclusively biological. I have a Canadian "twin" of 40 years, we adopted each other at summer camp and never let go. Picked up some siblings here in Deutschland a decade ago. We share our families and histories, support, encourage and RESPECT each other.