A good friend of mine who is mentally ill lost control yesterday

[Droopy]

I got home from work this morning to find her e-mail about how she had freaked out at work and lost control, basically breaking down in tears. She was thinking that she might lose her job because of it and that's been a source of stress for her for a while. She was able to take an extra dose of her medication and that calmed her down. I'm not clear whether she did that at work or when she got home.

She thought that people were saying bad things about her and thinking that she was a bad person.

I've been friends with this woman for five years. She lives 1000 miles away from me but we've kept in touch through e-mail and an occasional phone call. We have also visited each other a couple of times.

She's been afraid of losing her job for as long as I've known her. She is alone in the world and lives a long way from her dysfunctional family. They don't care anyway. Her job is not only her source of income, but also health benefits and that's the part that really scares her- losing her job and not being able to afford medication.

She's been having money problems for a while now and has been stressed out. Her e-mails over the last couple of months have been sort of on the depressed side. I think she has been building up to this relapse for a while. A lot of stress on a mentally ill person can do that.

I saw her e-mail today and knew I had to call her and talk to her in real time. She said several times that, "I was just cruising along thinking everything was fine and that I was normal." She also said that it was really hard for her to realize that she will always be different and saddled with this mental illness.

A scary thing about being mentally ill is that many people who are sick do not know that they are sick. The "reality" that they are experiencing seems every bit as real as the real reality that 95% of the population experiences. She has that problem with her illness as do I. We only do the sane thing to do as a last resort. For me that was checking into a hospital before I blew my head off. I figured, "What do I have to lose?" For her it was taking an extra dose. She was having suicidal thoughts until she took her medication.

I made sure she was alright in the phone call. She is going to see her psychiatrist today to see what can be done. I will call her tomorrow, too, to see how things are going. She was happy to hear from me because I understand. No one else around her does. I wish I lived close enough to visit in person.

[Bertha Venation]

1. you're a good friend

I'm sorry for your friend. I do know how you both feel. :hug:

[Droopy]

3. Thanks Bertha

:hug:

[TZ]

2. Yeah I understand.

Even on medication this is a life long struggle. I watch my manic-depressive Uncle go through this a lot. Its really depressing to know you are helpless and can't do anything but offer support but often thats enough...Sounds like you are a very good friend to her Droopy...:hug:

[Droopy]

10. A supportive person can make all of the difference in the world

to a mentally ill person. They may just need someone who will really listen. :hug:

[Juche]

33. Totally true

Its called a 'secure base' and Daniel Goleman wrote eloquently about it in his book 'social intelligence'.

For me it was a therapist I met in college. I only saw her for 5 months but those 5 months opened doors that never would've been opened otherwise.

Kudos to you for having the courage to be a secure base.

[raccoon]

4. Hope she is all right. You're a good friend, Droopy. nt

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. My dear Droopy...

You are truly a good friend...I know it's tough being far away from her, esp. now that she's in a crisis...

But you're doing what you can, and I'm sure she appreciates it.


:hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

6. To have you as a friend

is worth so much.

Thank you for caring Droopy :hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

7. Delete

double post. Sorry.

[Schema Thing]

8. Sounds so similar to my ex

unfortunately, she wouldn't acknowledge that she was mentally ill.


Well, actually, she would acknowledge having PTSD, just none of the behavior/cognitive disorders that come out of PTSD.


Your friend, though tortured I'm sure, is so much better off with her self-awareness.

[hunter]

12. With me it's that awareness that evaporates first.

I imagine everyone has a seething pit of crazy inside them but they are usually able to shape it into something productive, or at least turn the heat down under it before it boils over.

Off my meds I'm not even aware the crazy is leaking out -- it's the world around me that's different and depressing, it's other people being irritating... It's not me being paranoid, irritable, and depressed. I simply can't see it. That part of my mind goes blind.

[Schema Thing]

13. I totally empathise with that and understand how that can be

I think you are brave to share it openly.


with my ex, there is never an admission after-the-fact that the crazy made bad things happen during the episode. She'll acknowledge that she was "in a bad place", but not that that place is crazyville.

I don't know why exactly; I suspect she's spent her entire life constructing her Apparently Normal Personality, and there is a terror of admitting that when illness takes over, she acts in ways that hurt other people and herself. Instead, she explains why she was pushed into this or that, as perfectly appropriate reactions to other people's sins against her.

She won't let it all out to therapist, and often they, at least to hear her tell it, reinforce her belief that others are doing her so wrong that she can't possibly confront her own demons with these other people treating her so poorly.

She has no specific memories of whatever it is that happened (and of course we assume it was sexual/physical abuse as a child), and at this point, I doubt she ever will. Whether that is good or bad, I hear varying reports; but I tend to believe that people who can confront the demons head on do better.


btw, I understand that you're mental illness may not be at all similar to hers beyond the not knowing when it is coming on.

[LeftyFingerPop]

9. You are a kind soul and a good friend to her Droopy. n/t

[Droopy]

11. Thanks for the kind words everyone

I gotta hit the hay now. I appreciate all of your thoughts and I will check this thread later for replies. Good night everyone.

[Roon]

14. My ex is bi-polar and can't keep a job

because of his mood swings and flipping out on staff and customers.He can't get the meds that he needs and he can't get any help because there is no low-income mental health help in Denver. He tried to apply for disability and is denied because the Dr's say there is nothing wrong with him, which I know is bullshit. So he continues to suffer, out of work, no income and takes care of his elderly Mother to keep a roof over his head.

Mental illness is no joke. I hate the stigma that is attached to it or people who tell mentally ill people to "snap out of it"..such crap.

I am being treated for depression and anxiety and my meds really, really help. I can get low-income mental health treatment because I have aids. The state doesn't want you flipping out and going out and spreading the hiv virus. So I get a free counselor.I am on zoloft,risperdone, buspirone, , and seroquel and I am feeling fine. I just wish people like my ex can get the help that I get and they can be a functional memeber of society again..if only they could get treatment.

[GreenPartyVoter]

17. Bipolar is often missed or mis-diagnosed. (As I can personally attest to.)

x(

I hope that someone can help with your ex getting correctly diagnosed. :(

[Roon]

18. Me too

I wish i could afford to send him to see a doctor like I do. He needs it so bad. If it wasn't for his Mother he would either be homeless or living with me.

[GreenPartyVoter]

19. Is he too "rich" for state aid? If it weren't for MaineCare I would be screwed.

[Roon]

20. He's not rich, he just can't get help..even the county hospital don't have anything

and what he really needs to be doing in trying to get on disability again and then he can get all the help he needs.

[GreenPartyVoter]

21. I hope he can do that somehow.

:hug:

[Roon]

22. Yes, me too

it hurts me to see him suffer so... :hug:

[blue_onyx]

24. I've read it's often mistaken as a drug/alcohol addiction

Supposedly Britney Spears suffers from this disorder and we've all witness its effects on her. It must be a horrible disorder to deal with, either personally or through a friend/family member. It's wrong that people with long-term medical disorders could be destroyed financially because they lost a job. We need universal health now.

[GreenPartyVoter]

26. A lot of us self-medicate. Me, I use food, but I have known others who drink or use drugs.

[Jamastiene]

15. You are a great friend, Droopy.

Sometimes, a person needs someone to talk to who will not judge them harshly, someone who understands. A great nonjudgmental listener who cares and wants to help is priceless, for real.

[GreenPartyVoter]

16. Give her a hug from someone else who knows how it is. *great big hugs*

[timtom]

23. For the first two sentences

I thought you might be talking about my daughter, who just landed a pretty good job, after having just graduated from college.

Her mother and I are hoping that she can keep her job without going off on someone. It's very, very sad, but she's held together pretty well.

She doesn't take medication and she's bi-polar.

[J-Lo Biafra]

25. My thoughts go out to your friend. I hope she finds her way out of the woods soon.

:hug: For her and for you.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

27. I've been known to break down in tears at work before.

Back when I had a job and had insane bosses (nowadays they all seem to be insane).

I got to where I did not care what anyone thought.

[BarenakedLady]

28. She is lucky to have you

I would be lost without the support of my friends. I also live far away from my family.

You are a good man, Droopy.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

29. I hope she is okay, and doesn't lose her job.

That sounds like an incredibly scary situation to be in. It is too bad she doesn't have other friends nearby too that she can turn to. Dealing with mental illness seems like it must be one of the hardest things someone can have to face, and then to have no family to speak of just makes it harder. But to have no friends nearby as well, that just seems like an incredibly lonely and cruel life. :(

You're a good friend to be here for her. It's too bad you are so far away. :hug:

[Naturyl]

30. Is this person willing to consider disability?

If work is causing her this much stress, it might be good to get her out of that environment.

[BikeWriter]

31. One of my exes had a complete breakdown. I took off work...

...for months, got her medicine and drove her to and from counseling daily. She'd refused to be in lock down. She recovered eventually and became more healthy and independent. The only problem with that is she no longer loved me...

[Richard Steele]

32. That sucks so bad. She's lucky to have a friend like you.

Mental illnesses are more common than cancer, and more controllable...
but how often do someneone's friends start avoiding them
because their CANCER came out of remission?

Mental Ilness isn't fatal half as often as the STIGMA
our society places on it is.

You're a good friend to your friend, Droopy.
And sometimes, a good friend is all it takes to give us hope
that life might just be worth living for a little bit longer.

KUDOS to you. :hug:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

34. And if we truly believed in the idea of Commonwealth

We would have a society where the normal work environment is calm, organized, and run by competent people.

Nowadays it looks like ALL businesses, nearly, are run by narcissistic sociopaths, who scream and yell and threaten employees and get away with it. My health collapsed after my job stress and nagging husband finally pushed me past my limit. I was in the hospital with bacterial pneumonia and my immune system was GONE for about five years. I thought I was going to die. My doctor washed out my lungs four times in five years and saved my life. I separated from my husband at the time I collapsed.

I think a big part of this picture is the stressful environments and unreasonable demands most people live with.

I know that I cannot put up with the work mindset as it presently exists. This culture of overwork and stress is why the rich get richer and the rest of America is quite angry at them.

Not to say that your friend is not sick, Droopy, but that sensitive people are run over and destroyed by the people who run things in this society.

You're a good man, Droopy. My thoughts are with you and your friend.

Any kind of mental illness is sad, and it is criminal that our society does not deal with this.

There have been tons of books and columns about dealing with bullying at work, dealing with an impossible boss, yada yada.

These books are harmful because they assume that you can't cope because you are weak. People can't cope because they are pushed past human endurance, and they ruin their health. I know.

I do hope your friend gets the help she needs.