Todays morsel of wisdom: when dealing with a court clerk be SUPER NICE

[Taverner]

Seriously

Imagine you had that job? Deal with pissed off people who got tagged by Johnny Law. All of the frustration they wish they could take out on the man with the gun, they take out on YOU.

I just got off the phone with a clerk over a traffic ticket. I was super nice, asked her how her day was, etc - and she is going out of her way to help me.

So keep in mind, just like the folks at the DMV, be nice to the court clerk

[Tommy_Carcetti]

1. I sweet talked the ladies at the County Records office yesterday.

And got exactly what I wanted.

[BarenakedLady]

2. I used to answer phones at the prison

People calling about court dates/bail info/release dates on their loved ones...

Yeah that job sucked.

[MineralMan]

3. As always, be kind to those who can

choose to help you or make your life hell. Smile. Inquire about their children. Compliment them in some way. Ask your favor with the full politeness switch in the On position.

Since we don't have the habit of slipping a modest banknote into the hands of our petty bureaucrats, as is done in most countries, a pleasant demeanor has to do.

This workds at least 73.5% of the time. On the occasions when it does not, excuse yourself and come back when that window is closed and consult another petty bureaucrat.

[Taverner]

6. Sometimes I wish we could just bribe them at the DMV

Yeah, I know its not fair

But there was something refreshing knowing that you could get out of any fine in Thailand, by paying a smaller cash only one.

[MineralMan]

10. Sadly, we don't have that custom here in the USA,

and more's the pity. The carefully-folded fiver in the palm is the grease that makes the machine run smoothly in most countries. The problem here is that our petty bureaucrats are too well-paid and disinterested in emoluments. Not so in places like Turkey and Mexico, where that grease oils all machines.

So, here, we have to behave obsequiously if we are to coax these people into acting in our favor. Still, it works well, and doesn't pick our pockets.

[AngryAmish]

18. Speak for yourself, I live in Illinois

As you may have noticed, there is a lot of palm greasing that goes on around here.

[Swede]

4. Always be nice and polite to the police.

They can seriously fuck up your day.

[PVnRT]

5. ESPECIALLY if you're unarmed and black

[Tommy_Carcetti]

7. Unless you live in Oakland.

Then apparently you're just screwed regardless.

[Taverner]

9. But on the other hand, you won't get pulled over for smoking a splif

True story

[Taverner]

8. Yes. And Day-Glo wallets please!

[MineralMan]

11. The Ultimate Tool for Dealing with Bureaucracy

Along the lines of this discussion, there is a further technique that can be used if you deal regularly with a government office. That is the complimentary letter. Pick a functionary who normally treats you with a minimum of contempt, and write a glowing complimentary letter about that person to the head of the department or whatever.

In my case, I did the DMV paperwork for a very small car dealer many years ago. Often, the transactions at the DMV office were complex and time-consuming. An uncooperative clerk could make things even worse. So, I picked one of the clerks who wasn't too awful to deal with and wrote one of these letters, sending the original to the department head at that office, with a copy to the head of the state DMV. I praised her professionalism and helpful attitude in my best business writing style.

Well, the next time I went in there, I found the letter framed on a wall behind the counters, and several helpful clerks from then on. It really works.

[ghostsofgiants]

12. You get better treatment if you treat those who are helping you with respect? Go figure.

:P

[MineralMan]

13. Yah, you'd think it would be obvious, huh?

Well, from listening to all the people shouting at the petty bureaucrats, it's clear that the message hasn't gotten out.

[ghostsofgiants]

16. I'm a tech support rep, so on top of unpleasant customers...

I don't have the benefits that would make a civil service job tolerable. The message definitely hasn't gotten out.

[MineralMan]

17. I used to have a software company that was

just me. I had some pretty popular shareware applications. Since I was the whole company, I got to do customer support, too. It was amazing, and it's one of the reasons I decided to fold the company. Telephone support is horrible. Now, I had written all of the programs, so I knew them inside and out, and could almost always solve any problem anyone had with one of them, but...

Customer: Your program's no good.
Me: Could you tell me what problem you're having?
Customer: It doesn't work right.
Me: Hmm...could you be a little more specific?
Customer: It don't print right.
Me: OK. What kind of printer do you have?
Customer: Laser.
Me: Which brand and model of Laser printer do you have?
Customer: Hewlett Packard.
Me: And which model?
Customer: It's a Series III.
Me: OK. How is it printing incorrectly?
Customer: There are lines.
Me: Lines? Where do they appear on the page?
Customer: They go from the top to the bottom.
Me: Hmm...Do documents from other programs print OK?
Customer: No. The lines are on everything. But it started with your program.
Me: I see. When did you last replace the toner cartridge?
Customer: It's a brand new one. I got it, then tried to print some labels with your program.
Me: Is it a brand new Hewlett Packard toner cartridge?
Customer: Hell no! I got it from this guy who refills them.
Me: Well, that's the problem. Sometimes a defective cartridge gets refilled, or a cartridge gets damaged when it's being refilled.
Customer: No way. The guy told me it was the software.
Me: I'm sorry, but that's impossible. If the printing is bad with other programs, it can't be my software causing the problem.
Customer: Bullshit! I think the cartridge guy knows what he's talking about.
Me: I'm sorry, but the problem is with the toner cartridge. Get a different one and try it. I suggest a new one from HP.
Customer: Your software's no good, and I want my money back.
Me: Whatever. Send the program back and I'll give you a refund.

Of course, it never came back. Amazing. And that wasn't even a bad customer service call.

[ghostsofgiants]

19. Oh man, I hear that.

Just last night I had a guy threaten to switch ISP (I work for Comcast) because he, by his own admission, fucked up his network driver and I couldn't fix it for him.

[Shakespeare]

14. I deal with them almost daily, and treat them as my BFFs.

Having a good relationship with a judge's clerk can go a long, long way in making everybody's life simpler in a lawsuit (I'm a litigation paralegal). So, when I have to call and ask for an occasional favor/accommodation, they're usually all happy and willing.

[Inchworm]

15. Funny you should mention this

I was pretty much hanging out in the Clerk of Court office for about 30min today having the lady look stuff up for me.

Super nice does work :)

:hi:

[Bake]

20. That goes double for lawyers!!

Clerks can make your life hell ... or not. It's up to you. I'm ALWAYS nice to them, and they always treat me well!

Bake