A friend of mine tried to break up with a very possessive and jealous girlfriend last week

[UndertheOcean]

Her response ? taking 30 pills of her anti-depressant medication.

I was really stumped on what advise to give him ? but I guess he just needed a sympathetic ear.

He has been with her for two years .... Anyway , my instinct tells me he should run , but my heart tells me you can't just wash your hands from someone you've shared your life with for 2 years. It just seems cruel.


whats the best way to deal with the situation ?

[BeachBaby]

1. It depends.

Does he know this for a fact? Was he with her when she did it? Or did she just tell him that?

If he knows without a doubt that she did that, then she needs to be evaluated - and he can call a medical professional or even 911.

Many people will make the claim of "I tried to kill myself because of you" or "If you leave me, I will kill myself" - it's a textbook manipulation tactic; but if he's not sure, he can't go wrong with contacting a medical professional. Either way, it's out of his hands.

[UndertheOcean]

10. She ended up in the hospital , she is staying with her mother right now

My friend is still torn about trying again with counseling or just letting go , I think he feels somewhat guilty . I tried to convince him that feeling any guilt is nonsense.

[Crazy Dave]

2. I had an ex girlfriend do the same

Similar situation but with pain pills and alcohol. The relationship was over period but that didn't mean I couldn't help by talking to the family and even to her but making it very clear that my only intention was to help and not to ever get back together. Any talk of getting back together got shot down real quick and the conversation would end with me saying I was there for support as long as she listened and followed the professional's guidelines and when that support was no longer needed or she wanted to have conditions then I go forever which after about three months I had to do anyway.

[crim son]

3. I think you did the right thing.

There is something inhuman about simply "washing one's hands" of a severely troubled ex. It really, really bothers me. At the very least the fellow should contact the girl's friends or family.

[BlueIris]

4. I think sticking around (and validating the self-destructive behavior) is cruel.

Especially as there is no good that can come of that. She needs (a lot of) professional care and he needs to be away from someone so unstable.

[pitohui]

16. blue iris has it right

nothing good can come of continuing this relationship

leave it in the hands of family and professionals and just stay away forever, it's over

[Dora]

5. One can be supportive, loving, and compassionate, and still leave the relationship.

If this young woman is so terrified of what life would be like without this relationship, then she is using the relationship as a shield - and that's not fair to anyone in the relationship.

If her family or other support network does not know of her suicide attempt, they should be notified. It would be an act of compassion for your friend to clue them in.

If he's willing to, perhaps couples counseling to facilitate the breakup might help the split by giving the ex-girlfriend some coping tools, and also giving your friend support in his departure from the relationship.

[AngryAmish]

6. It depends

Changing the cell number is of course the easiest and should always be done when dealing with a loon.

Now there are problems with insulation. You want to keep the loon away from you and prevent them from contacting you. Stop going to the bars where she knows where you hang out at for a month or so. Ditto for gyms, etc.

Now there can be problems with work - what if she starts coming to where you work. Loons are known to do this. It depends on your job. Again, insulate. Make the receptionist deal with her. Tell the receptionist to call the police if she won't leave. If you can take a work trip or if a freelancer, etc. work from Starbucks for a while. A Starbucks she does not know about.

I have had unfortunate experience with this sort of thing. One should not be manipulated into being in a relationship one does not want to be in. Make a clean break. Do not give them hope for a renewal. The stalker/loon type feeds off of attention, even negative attention. That is why the insulation is so important.

[auntAgonist]

7. loon? I didn't read in the OP that she was a stalker or a loon

She was taking anti-depression meds and apparently thought that by taking an overdose would either attract attention or maybe kill her?

Either way .. I don't categorize people with ANY form of mental illness as being a "loon"

ymmv.

aA

[UndertheOcean]

9. Thats kind of Harsh ... after living with someone for two years I think

you are almost attached to him/her as if they where a family member .... you wouldn't cut off a son or a daughter ... I don't know , its tough .....

[SacredCow]

8. You don't have to wash your hands....

it's a tough line to skirt, but it is possible to be supportive of the ex while letting them know that the relationship is over. That's not saying it's easy, though...

I'm going through a similar (though MUCH less dramatic) situation with my newly-ex. He is in the "everything is all right- we're going to get back together" stage, and it's so difficult for me because I do still love him and my heart WANTS to get back together. My mind, OTOH, knows that the issues that drove us apart will never be resolved- his intention is to just sweep them under the rug...

All the best to your friend and his ex.

[jobycom]

11. I had a girlfriend like that. I tried to break up, she threatened suicide, even told me

she had tried to cut her wrists, and wore bandages for weeks to keep up the illusion. Same girlfriend faked a rape, twice, and once faked a break-in by lying in the middle of her living room floor with a gun in her hand so that I'd find her that way. Used to fake amnesia and abdominal cramping under stress, too. And she made up friends and even a psychiatrist.

Since you say she is controlling and possessive, I'd say she is trying whatever method she can to manipulate him. He needs to get gone quickly, and not allow her to control him that way. She isn't suicidal, she's just trying to manipulate him. She needs therapy and help, but not the kind he can give her. She is only trying to keep him close by as long as possible, and the longer he stays, the more difficult it will be to get out of her clutches. And if he has no more than her word that she took 30 pills, I'd doubt even that.

On the other hand, since my only evidence that she is possessive is your statement that she is, my comments only apply if she's really that possessive and manipulative. There's always the chance she's just depressed, and needs genuine help. The depression could be making her irrational, possessive and jealous. In that case, he can be supportive without getting drawn back into a relationship. A simple test would be to tell her that he'll stick around to help her, but he won't date her or be her boyfriend. If she accepts that, maybe she really is just trying to deal with a bad situation, and maybe it's just depression. If she threatens further harm to herself unless he stays with her romantically, she's just manipulating him and refusing to take no for an answer. In that case, it's about getting her way, not about depression. Maybe.

That's my diagnosis as a non-doctor who has no real knowledge of the situation and is only basing my diagnosis on a bad experience I myself had. Take it as the useless advice it is. :)

[dgibby]

12. Possessive, jealous

AND manipulative. Tell your friend: RUN, don't walk, to the nearest exit!

[Rambis]

13. Call the police

worked for a friend of mine. He used to run over to his girl friend's house and finally one night at 3:00am he called 911 and said my girlfriend is threatening to kill herself. She stopped once the police were involved. Sad situation for sure-

[Dangerously Amused]

14. Allowing her to believe that a romantic relationship exists in any way, shape or form

...even if it is her own tortured perception of reality based on him "being nice and helping her through a difficult time," is just cruel. It is the easy way out now, but it will only delay the inevitable and make things more painful for her in the long run.

He should end it now, while she is in a safe place with her family to assist her, and he should end it in no uncertain terms. He can end it gently, but he needs to end it. Because if he lets her fantasy of a relationship with him continue now, it is more likely that she will attempt suicide later on when reality again does not meet her hopes and expectations.

[pitohui]

15. my advice is to cut the cord and run for his life

i had a friend whose gf constantly attempted suicide whenever he tried to get free, and i'm talking about this psycho witch was so disturbed that she used to beat up the guy

it took TEN YEARS for him to figure it out and get out

somebody who pulls this shit to keep you around is insane, if they're violent w. themselves then they're not going to treat you right either

the friend should cut off all communications and let the girl receive professional treatment