Dad might be dying. What are my options about flying?

[yewberry]

Sorry if this is sort of a bummer.

My dad went in for a triple bypass two weeks ago. It turned out to be a quadruple bypass, but he did okay in the surgery. Afterward, though, he wasn't doing all that well.

The rehab strategy was far too optimistic--they wanted him up and about within two days, and out of the hospital within three days. Now, he's been either in a chair or on crutches for almost a year. He was hospitalized for 2 weeks with septicemia last year, and lost most of a foot to diabetes after a long hospital stay this year. Not a really healthy person, but they forced him to walk within 24 hours and keep it up for the first 48.

He failed. His sternum fell apart. He developed 2 blood clots on his heart that kept it from beating, and there is still (4 days later) fluid around his heart. His white blood counts are high, but they don't know why. He's been heavily sedated for four days to keep him getting agitated and trying to remove his intubation.

Four days of unconsciousness, and no doctor has talked to my family about my dad. Most of the nurses have been great (except for that one...) but no doc.

So, here I am on the west coast trying hard to glean what I need to know from unhelpful nurses and wacky family members. JetBlue will offer bereavement fares once dad has died, but what if I want to fly out while he's still alive?

Does anyone know about this stuff? Is there a way to get out there while he's still alive?

Thanks for any help.

[Flaxbee]

1. I don't know, but let me ask around and get back to you -

probably tomorrow (Monday).

I'm so sorry to hear this. :hug:

[yewberry]

15. Thanks for thinking of me.

Learned today that they're going to keep him under for another 24-48 hours, so we're just waiting now to what happens.

Thanks again.

[flvegan]

2. I've got $100 that hopefully gets you there.

???????

[yewberry]

16. Oh, geez, that'd be too much.

Thanks so much for the offer.

Turns out that they've decided to keep him under for another 24-48 hours, so we're just playing 'wait-and-see.'

Thanks, really.

[Suich]

3. I've got another $100

to help you out.

:hug:

[yewberry]

17. I can't thank you enough for the offer.

I can't believe how much people who don't know me have reached out.

Dad's still the same, and they've decided to keep him under for another 24-48 hrs, so we're just waiting to see how that goes.

Argh.

[pokerfan]

4. Ask around for "compassion fares"

No idea if anyone even offers those anymore.

Sorry to hear about your father.

[yewberry]

18. Thanks.

I'd thought of bereavement fares, but that doesn't exactly apply.

I'll ask about that.

Thank you.

[moriah]

5. I have a companion certificate from Delta....

It might help if you want to have someone there with you. Delta's round trip fare leaving tomorrow from Seattle to NYC is 370 round trip having you come back in a week.

They only offer bereavement fares for imminent death for flights out of the country.

According to Jetblue's website, they do not offer bereavement fares. http://help.jetblue.com/SRVS/CGI-BIN/webisapi.dll/,/?St=81,E=0000000000035427563,K=864,Sxi=11,Case=obj(1920)#s1

American offers berevemeant fares based on imminent death, not just after death -- no specific price

http://www.aa.com/content/agency/Booking_Ticketing/Fares/Compassion_breavement.jhtml

----------

Not sure which part of the east coast you're traveling to, wishing you and your father the best of luck. PM me if you need the Delta companion cert.

[Rhiannon12866]

10. If I recall correctly, my "medical emergency" flight reservation was open ended,

since I had no idea what was going to happen and how long I'd be needed. My grandmother was dying and my cousin and I flew to NC to be with her. My cousin has kids, so she only stayed for three days, but I was there for a week and a half, and had no problem getting a flight home after the "memorial service..." :-(

On edit: I flew American...

[yewberry]

19. That's incredibly kind of you to offer.

I'll call American and see about a compassion fare.

Meantime, Dad (in NH) is being kept under for another 24-48 hours, so it's status quo for now.

Thanks again for your kindness.

[pitohui]

6. bereavement fares are often higher than other discount fares

bereavement fares haven't been a good deal in years, they are cheaper than the very highest coach ticket, but they are frequently substantially more expensive than ordinary discount fares - i would not bother to wait for the funeral/bereavement fare as i suspect the $$$ savings will be minimal and there is no chance that your dad could wake up and see you one last time at a funeral -- so i think you are wise to consider visiting now

companion tickets usually cost as much as two ordinary discount fares -- they are unfortunately a gimmick, and i hear constant complaints about them and have never been able to use one myself because it has always been cheaper for me to fly another way

my advice is to go through side step, kayak, etc. and do the usual searches you would do to find the cheapest airfare -- also doing separate searches of budget airlines that don't participate

some websites have guarantees, for instance, on nwa.com, you can do a calendar search on their website to find the cheapest fare, then if you find an even cheaper one thru a different website, they will give you a $100 voucher

i don't know where you are flying, but some destinations are cheaper to fly to on non-business days, some destinations are more business oriented and the cheapest day to fly out is actually for the weekend, such as departing on friday -- unless you really have no option and must leave immediately, it is worth checking the difference in price for departing different days

last minute walk-up fares are generally the most expensive by far, on the plus side, on some legacy airlines, you will almost certainly be upgraded to domestic first if you are forced to buy such an expensive fare at the last minute and if there happens to be an open seat in first available for upgrading you


finally let me say that i am very sorry to hear about your dad

[yewberry]

20. Thanks so much.

I have used kayak in the past, and they do have good information about how and when to get a good fare.

I do have a ticket to fly there (New England) in late October, but I'm afraid that might be too late.


Thanks again. It helps.

[dgibby]

7. I don't fly, but

do you know anyone who could give you frequent flier miles? Also, call the American Heart Assoc and ask them if they can help or know someone who could. If you belong to a church, they may be able to help.

As for making your dad get up and walk immediately after surgery, that's the best way to keep from getting blood clots, and is definitely part of the Standard of Care (I'm a retired RN). It sounds like your dad's health has been compromised for a long time, which is not in his favor. Diabetes always interferes with the healing process. High white count could be due to infection of some sort. As for getting him out of the hospital, 3 days is the goal to shoot for, but not realistic in your dad's case. The problem with hospitals, is that the longer you stay, the better the chance you'll pick up some nasty, super bug (MRSA,etc). Hopee this helps. Sorry about your dad.:hug:

[yewberry]

21. Hadn't thought of the frequent flier miles.

Holy cow, my dad might have some. Until last year, he frequently made international trips for work. I'll look into it.

Thanks for the words about my dad's health, too. They've decided to keep him under for another 24-48 hours, and they think he has a lung infection.

I appreciate your kindness.

[dgibby]

38. Your welcome

I've been exactly where you are now, except I was driving 400miles every wk-end to see my dad. It's awful not to be there, so I really do feel for you. Wishing you all the best. Keep us posted. We're thinking about you.:hug:

[Rhiannon12866]

8. When my grandmother was dying, my cousin and I flew to NC to be with her.

We decided to go at midnight and were in the air by 8am. They called it a "medical emergency," I think, and the airlines couldn't have been nicer. This was before 9/11, but I can't imagine that they've changed the rules about that.

I made the reservations over the phone and I just had to ask and give them the information about my grandmother. When I went to check in they let me on the plane before anybody else and the woman who checked me in gave me a hug. Good luck with this and I recommend going. It was difficult, but I've never regretted that I didn't hesitate...

Rhiannon:hug:

[yewberry]

22. I'm definitely going to have to ask around.

I'm glad to hear that you were able to fly when you needed to--maybe it'll work out for me.

Thanks for your advice and your kindness.

[Rhiannon12866]

46. You're more than welcome. I sure can sympathize and this worked for me.

I didn't ask around, no time, but my options were limited, since the only airline that flew from Albany to Asheville was American. Tell them that you have a family "medical emergency," which was what I did. And I'm sure that you have the necessary info about your Dad. As I said, they couldn't have been nicer to me and I really made arrangements at the last minute.

My thoughts will be with you. I really hope that this works out for you and that your Dad recovers. We had high hopes for my grandmother, since when my cousin and I walked into her room, and we were very scared, not knowing what to expect, she was sitting up in bed and on the phone. Please let us know how you're doing...

Rhiannon:hug:

[moriah]

45. I flew to NC as well, it was right after 9/11 and I think Mom booked a compassion fare.

I know I was on Delta -- they're usually the cheapest for NC.

Everyone was kind, my grandmother had just went into kidney failure and we knew it would be the end.

I got to see her, she was out of it, but I think she knew I was there. I had just gotten in a wreck, girl pulled out in front of me, so I had the check from them with me. Good thing too -- my dad didn't have the money to bury her (she actually wanted to be cremated, so that's what we did.)

That was back in my youthful days of being stupid. I knew I was going to have to deal with my alcoholic crackhead father and I wanted to bring some of my medicine, so I did. A dugout full of "medication", beginning with an M and having a J in there somewhere. Put the "bat" from the dugout in my change purse which is attached to my keychain, put the dugout in my bra, and off I went.

Got searched twice on the way out there but no one found anything.

My dad, when I landed, started to run up to greet me, and had a Marine with an M-16 put the M-16 between him and me, and said "You wait for her."

My dad was really surprised when, after we got off of airport property, I reached into my bra and changepurse and offered him some. "You've got balls, girl.... too much."

On the way back I left the bat with him and just flew with the wooden, now empty, dugout.

--------

I am proud of myself, though. I managed to keep him completely sober on the day of the funeral. Even if, right after she died, he took my rental car while I was arranging to have her body transported to the funeral home and ran to buy crack. Oh well.

[Rhiannon12866]

48. Thanks for the information. I was sure that the rules regarding family emergencies hadn't changed,

despite 9/11. And I'm glad that people were kind to you. At times like that, you're not up for being hassled, but I've found that people can be both kind and understanding...

And I'm so sorry that you had to deal with your Dad in such a state at such a time, but he must have been feeling pretty awful. I'm not making excuses for him, but you really went above and beyond to be there for both him and your grandmother. At least you know that you can be strong and compassionate when you need to be. You certainly deserve a lot of credit for your strength and clear thinking when under a lot of stress...

I'm amazed they didn't find your "contraband" in their searches, since they've really cracked down since 9/11. My mother, in her 70s, got nailed in Chicago for carrying a corkscrew that she's carried around for 20 years and she and my Dad traveled all over the world. The scary thing is that this was her connecting flight, so they missed it in Albany.

My heart goes out to you, but you did what you needed to do and deserve to be incredibly proud of yourself. I sympathize, though I didn't go through nearly so much. I wish you the best, my friend...

Rhiannon :hug:

[moriah]

49. I'm just glad I got to see her, even if she was unconscious.

I was very stupid to have felt that "medication" was the best way to handle it -- I probably could have called my doctor and she would have prescribed the more normal prescription given in times of stress -- a few Xanax or some Valium. And that I could have flown with! But ... I got through it.

Dad was an only child, his mother and I were the only family he had left. I knew that even if he'd been clean when I went out there that he was likely to slip up. He loved his Momma, and it was really hard for him to lose her -- it was right before Thanksgiving, she died on the Wednesday before, and she was buried on his birthday. It's been 7 years and he still celebrates neither.

Nowadays when women get felt up just for daring to fly, there's no way I could do what I did, it was really stupid.

That morning, when Dad reached for the vodka to make himself a drink, I took it out of his hands and told him that I knew my Nanny (as I called her) would never, ever forgive him if he went to say goodbye to her while drunk, and that if he wanted a drink, he could wait until she was in the ground.

My grandmother was always proud of my bossiness, stubbornness, and temper -- I inherited all three from her. :) And I won the argument.

When we picked up her ashes from the funeral home, I could tell Dad was about to lose it seeing the cremains, so I decided a joke was in order. None of the women in our family were thin, and after her knees went out, it didn't make matters any better. She died at about 500 lbs.

So, I picked up the box, and said "Well, Nanny, I think this is the most effective reducing diet you've been on!" It was what he needed, and he burst out laughing instead of in tears.

I also got my sense of humor from her, so I knew she wouldn't be mad.

There was a truly wonderful florist in Wilmington who did the casket spray -- blue irises and white roses. If you ever need a florist in that area and don't know where to go, PM me, I think they're still in business. She always loved blue irises.

[Rhiannon12866]

50. Wow. You sure have had a hell of a time, but you've handled it well.

And I understand that you needed something to help you get through this, it's not unusual. I took valium for the last time on the day of my other grandmother's funeral... When my Nana was ill, and she was the one I was close to, my Dad's mother, I toughed it out during the day, but had a bottle of wine at the ready for both me and my cousin, so I could sleep, like it isn't exhausting enough keeping a vigil like that...

My Dad drank vodka, too, though he predeceased his mother. My Nana had four children, but only one survived her. She was closest to my Dad, and me, since I was the eldest, and both of us, Nana and me, spoke at his funeral.

When my grandmother died, I told my cousin that she would understand anything. She did in life, certainly more than my parents, so I couldn't see why this would change...

You have to be a great support for your Dad, so kudos to you. I know that my Dad depended on me, knew I was the one who wouldn't judge him (especially since I inherited a lot from him), and it sounds like you and your Dad have a similar relationship.

Both your Dad and your Nanny were and are very fortunate to have you. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I feel as if I didn't have that much to face, compared to your experiences.

And a sense of humor is absolutely essential. It's the only way to cope, IMHO. I got mine from my Dad, and your Dad certainly has benefited from yours.

I wish you the best, my friend, since you have a lot to deal with. But your imagination, humor and compassion will serve you well. Let me know how you are. I've coped when I've had to, but you've been stellar...

Rhiannon:hug:

[auntAgonist]

9. tofunut, I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad.

I hope you're able to get out to be with your Dad soon. There are some great and generous responses to your OP.

best wishes to you and your Dad.

kesha.

[yewberry]

23. Thank you.

I'm a little amazed at all of the support here. It's truly appreciated.

Thanks for your good thoughts, too.

Rachel

[Haole Girl]

11. My advice is to get on the web...

start with Kayak. Then (if you don't find anything low enough) try orbitz, travelocity, cheaptickets, etc. Sometimes, a bereavement fare (calling an airline directly) can end-up being higher than an on-line fare. Also, the airlines webfares are usually lower than calling directly (and if/when you need to make changes there are not as many extra service charges).

I wish I could help more.

Good luck & I hope there is some way your father could possibly pull through this.

:hug:

[yewberry]

24. Will do.

I think you're right--I just need to actually do the research and see what I can find.

Thanks for the advice and your kind words.

[grasswire]

12. call his attending physician

It's scandalous that no doctor has talked to you about your dad.

And go. I'll bet that DU-ers have plenty of frequent flier miles to donate. I don't fly anymore, so I'm sorry I have none to give you.

Is any other family there with your dad?

[yewberry]

26. I did talk to his nurse once, but that's it.

He does have family there (thank goodness) but I'm sort of the one that he's closest to, you know? And I'm Seattle.

He's going to be kept under for another day or two, so I'm going to wait until there's some kind of news before I commit to flying out.

Thanks very much for your concern. It's really appreciated.

[applegrove]

13. So sorry to hear about your loss.

[yewberry]

27. Thank you.

I appreciate your kind words.

[marzipanni]

14. This website does the low fare searching for you. My cousin recommended it.

A membership for 3 months is $29.95, but the discounts for airfare make it worth it.

<snip>
5. Emergency and Bereavement airfare savings can be up to 70% off travel valid 7-days a week, no
Saturday night stay is needed between dozens of U.S.A. cities. Travel is also valid for single
traveler

http://www.bestfares.com/news-newsID941-BestFares_Members_Exclusive_Top_25_Travel_Offers.html

Good luck.:hug: I'm sorry about your dad, you, and your family going through this.

[yewberry]

28. Thanks.

I'll definitely look into how to best handle the airfare conundrum. Thanks for the link.

I really appreciate all the support people have offered.

Thank you.

[jobycom]

25. Count me in for $50 if you need it.

Sorry to hear about your dad.

[yewberry]

29. That's a really kind offer, joby.

I'm going to hold off for a bit--they're keeping him under for another day or two, so I'm going to wait until he's conscious (or there's some chance of him becoming conscious) before I go.

Thanks so much, really. The support that people here have offered is amazing--I'm feeling pretty humbled by all of you.

[jobycom]

30. Ah, I just like tofu.

Seriously, don't be shy, PM if you need some help. And you know you'd help people out if someone here needed it and you could. :)

You don't get another chance at some things, so don't wait on it if you need it.

And I'll keep sending vibes that something good happens for your father.

[yewberry]

32. "Don't be shy?" Now I KNOW you're kidding.

If 'shy' were an olympic event, I'd bring home the gold.

But yeah, you're right, this is one thing not to play games with. I'm going to do my absolute best to go once we know anything at all. They tried lighter sedation today, but he got really agitated and tried to pull out his pic line and intubation, so they put him back under.

Thanks, really.

[From The Ashes]

31. I got a round trip ticket...

...from San Antonio to Detroit for $220 from AirTran.

[yewberry]

34. Thanks so much for your kindness.

Dad's in NH, I'm in Seattle.

You really made me smile, and that is worth everything to me right now!

Thank you so much for your generosity.

I can't tell you how much the offers of help and support have meant to me today.

[EFerrari]

33. Just keep us updated. And take good care of you.

((((((((((tofunut)))))))))))

[yewberry]

35. I will. Thank you.

I'm really seeing that I can make this work if I need to. That's a really big deal for me.

So thanks.

[Madrone]

36. Call American direct.

I've had to do this twice now. Once my mom had a brain tumor and a few years later her husband had a massive heart attack they didn't think he'd recover from. I called EVERYWHERE. The only people willing to help me without either person actually being DEAD were American. They will want to know the name of the hospital, and probably the name of the doctor.

I can't say ENOUGH about American and the hoops they jumped through to get me home. Every person I spoke with on the phone was sincere and compassionate - they went out of their way for me. During the stepfather's heart attack I missed my connecting flight in Chicago due to flight delays. No other flights went out until noon the next day. One of the stewardesses on my flight from Seattle lived in the Chicago area and that was her last flight of the night. She DROVE me from Chicago to Kalamazoo (3 hours each way) to get me home. INCREDIBLE.

The flights are not super cheap, but they are cheaper than just about any other last minute flight you'll find. The REAL benefit to bereavement fares is that they're open ended. You are not penalized if you stay longer or come back earlier. I think each of my flights was in the $600 range. You have to give a return date - just because they need something in the computer, but as soon as you know what's going on you can call and change the return date, and you can even do it multiple times if you have to.

[yewberry]

39. You are the second person to recommend American in this situation.

I'll absolutely call them.

You're right--one the hard things in this situation is that there are so many unknowns, and that's really been tripping me up. It sounds like American might help with that part of it.

Thanks so much.

[w8liftinglady]

37. I can wire you $25 to add to the others.Let us know...we'll get you to your dad

[yewberry]

41. Thanks so much for your kindness.

I think I have to wait a couple of days before I make any plans (he's going to be under heavy sedation for another 24-48 hours at least).

But really, I can't tell you how much your offer means to me.

Thank you.

[dgibby]

40. Do you have any connection to the military?

I know the Am Red Cross helps with military, but not sure about civilians, but it couldn't hurt to try. Also, google: Angel Flights. They might be able to help you.

[yewberry]

42. Grandfather, grandmother, father-in-law, brother-in-law are/were military.

But nothing super-close.

Thanks for the ideas. It's funny how myopic we can get--there are some avenues that never even occurred to me.

I believe I can make this happen, now, and that's a load off my mind.

Thanks.



Edit: I talked to a family member. He's got fluid in his lungs (suspected pneumonia) but they think no MRSA. Still fluid around the heart. He's being kept under because one of his lungs isn't working properly, and they want to keep him on the machines so that his lungs compress his heart equally. He was under lighter sedation today, and came out of it enough to try to remove his intubation and pic line. They've installed an external pacemaker. Wait and see, I guess.

[Gormy Cuss]

43. Bereavement/compassion fares have one advantage over discount fares: no change fee.

--at least that was the case when I used them 3 years ago. They do cost more than the discount fares but if you want the flexibility to stay a bit longer once you get there, it may be the right choice.

I was flying to Maine every third week for a bit and the prices were all over the board. It just pays to search before booking.

FYI-- Southwest flies into Manchester and Jet Blue flies into Boston and Portland,Me. Both have relatively cheap fares without a lot of restrictions.

I'm sorry that your father isn't doing well. I know how frustrating it is to be on the opposite coast/ from ailing family.

[yewberry]

44. Southwest flies into Manchester?

Oh, thank you, I had no idea. Dad's in Manchester.

It is incredibly frustrating. I just wish I could see him and let him hear my voice. I miss him.

Thanks so much.

[zanne]

47. OUT OF THE HOSPITAL WITHIN THREE DAYS?

After a quadruple bypass? That's absolutely ridiculous. I was in the hospital for eight days after mine, I was not diabetic or afflicted with any other diseases and I was 38 years old.

[yewberry]

51. Well, I think that was 'best case.'

Dad's just 63, and after lifelong good health, he's been an absolute mess for the past two years.

There was simply no way that could have been out in three days, and the plan was just way too optimistic for his situation. I'd be a lot happier if he hadn't broken his sternum apart, but then that event led to noticing the clots around his heart and the fluid in his lungs. So, who knows?

He's still under today. We're just hoping for the best.

[pitohui]

52. my mom was out in 2 days after quintuple bypass at that age

and that was going on a decade ago now -- admittedly she was a highly motivated non-diabetic patient

no, i don't think the plan to put feet on the street in 3 days after any bypass is terrific medicine but my point is that bypass surgery does amazing things now

i will keep my fingers crossed that all will end MUCH better than you expect, it ain't over until it's over

[zanne]

53. He's at CMC, right? nt