Battle of the horrible states: which sucks more?

LeftyMom

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Tue Jun-17-08 12:02 AM
Original message

Poll question: Battle of the horrible states: which sucks more?

I have a habit of dating people from places that aren't fit for human habitation. For goodness sake, my first high school boyfriend was born in Winnemucca, which, if you're familiar with Dante, is in fact mentioned as one of the inner circles of hell.

So of my last two serious relationships, who's from someplace worse?

The kid's Dad is from Bluffton, Ohio, which, in addition to being the whitest place on earth, hosts a Mennonite college (like the Amish, but with cars, refrigerators and buttons,) a grocery store sized building, complete with shopping carts for your haul, which sells only fireworks (bonus fact: setting off fireworks is illegal there, so you have to say you're going out of state with them) and a movie theater with only one screen, which often shows the same movie for weeks at a stretch. Oh, and in a sign of progress it's gone from one stoplight to three. Almost nothing is open after dark or on Sunday, but there's absolutely nothing to do on weekdays either. People pointed out to me 27 times (I kept track) Phyllis Diller's childhood home, which is apparently the closest thing Bluffton has to a tourist attraction. I'm not exactly sure who that is, but apparently she grew up in a reasonably attractive house. Popular Buckeye state pasttimes include being nosy, rotating junk endlessly through the town in garage sales, and complaining about the heat when it's not even eighty. I'm not saying that it's bland, but people there drive below the speed limit and think that Italian food is exotic and foreign. Several helpful Ohioans, all apparently quite informed about political issues, let me know that California's taxes were too high, though closer investigation revealed that none of them had any idea what tax rates in California are, or for that matter what rates they were paying in Ohio, and in fact none of them had spent any time west of the Mississippi. Under no circumstances should these people be trusted with an election.

flvegan, who had the good sense to be born in Massachusetts (apparently his ancestors, weary after their long trip on the Mayflower, resolved never to move more than ten miles from where they landed- a streak that landed hundreds of years until he up and moved to, quite possibly, the worst place on earth.) I'm so at a loss to describe the virtues of the sunshine state that I'll let his favorite television show do it for me: "God Florida's awful! Nasty insects, old people, fat people. A lot of people who offer you cheese... And they'll shoot you." Popular Florida pastimes include being armed to the teeth, robbing and killing German tourists, concerting to Scientology, executing the retarded and being eaten by alligators. In fact, Florida is so awful that the best thing you can do for humankind is to go spray a can of hairspray into the sky, so it'll sink into the ocean a bit faster. The roads are awful, badly designed and the drivers are even worse than reputed. Most Floridians drive at Warp Nine, even if they are technically deceased. Under no circumstances should these people be trusted with an election.

So, I ask you DUers, which dreadful state is worse?