Have you ever been emotionally abused?

[Bullwinkle925]

I'm trying to figure out what to do with a certain someone who is playing that game with me.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

1. If we are breathing

and posting here...

Yes.

Kidding aside...

yes

[Bullwinkle925]

2. what did you do?

or is it still happening?

[QueenOfCalifornia]

13. I put up with it

and tried to overcome my own low self esteem.

[SeattleGirl]

3. Yes. I have.

Most horrible thing I've ever been through, and it took me a year to finally put a stop to it.

Took longer than that to recover from it.

I never, EVER, want to go through that again. :cry:

[Bullwinkle925]

4. do you want to PM me?

i'm totally confused about this particular circumstance.

[SeattleGirl]

8. Sure.

Check it in a few.

[Bullwinkle925]

11. i shall ....

thanx

[Fox Mulder]

5. Most of my life.

[raccoon]

25. Ditto. Especially in my family of origin. nt

[bicentennial_baby]

6. Yes...

In some ways, it was worse than the physical abuse.

:pals:

[RoyGBiv]

7. Yes, as I type n/t

[unsavedtrash]

9. yes. I just call it my childhood.

I'm sorry you are going through it. :hug:

[Bullwinkle925]

12. it's perplexing to me . . .

and i'm unsure about the situation at hand.

[AlCzervik]

10. yes.

most of childhood and well into my teen years and it left a mark.

[elshiva]

14. Yes. I am overweight so I get a lot of that...

If you can ignore them.

[Coyote_Bandit]

15. Yes I have

Best thing I ever did was to leave that relationship and completely break off all contact. It cost me a fair amount of money and the loss of several other relationships to do that. It was terribly painful. But it was absolutely worth every single thing I sacrificed.

One of the positive things I acquired was a bullshit detector that does a pretty good job of alerting me to whenever someone is trying to use me or sell me something. I have become very resistent to being manipulated.

Take care of yourself.

[raccoon]

26. Where did you buy it?

"One of the positive things I acquired was a bullshit detector " :silly:

I'm working on upgrading mine!

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

16. Oh, hell yes.

A good part of my life- I spent many years in a clinical grade depression because of it. I'm still amazed I managed to fight my way as far out of it all as I have.

I was set up to be the raging alcoholic I became because of it. By all rights I should be long gone. Because I'm not, I can tell you with certainty that miracles DO happen.

[Heidi]

17. Does moderating GD-P count?

Sorry. It was the first thing that came to mind. :P

Seriously, yes, I have been. But it was a long time ago and I was fortunate to have a lot of support, which made it less difficult to remove myself from that cycle. :hi:

[Bullwinkle925]

18. Are you series? Of course it does.

And, I'm glad that you were able to eject yourself from that abuse!!

[From The Ashes]

19. Yes...

my unlamented Ex-husband is a master of it. And, I'm still feeling the effects of it as well.

[hunter]

20. I jumped out of a moving car.

Effective, but not recommended. I don't like blood.

She sent my stuff to me in a box.

:scared:

[nomorenomore08]

42. Holy shit! How were you not killed, or horribly injured?

:wow:

[quakerboy]

21. Yes

to greater and lesser extents.

[Pushed To The Left]

22. My two longest relationships had a lot of what I would consider emotional abuse. n/t

[Roon]

23. One of my exes used to abuse me so emotionally

he moved his boyfriend in, I slept alone in the basement, I lost everything when he and his boyfriend moved out after five years. The whole time I was abused mentally....

[Lydia Leftcoast]

24. Yes, and there are only two ways to stop it

In my observation and experience, mere criticism becomes emotional abuse when it either makes you feel like a worm by making blanket statements about your worth as a human being ("You're no good. You never do anything right.") or prevents you from living a normal life. ("No, you can't go out for a drink with your colleagues after work, because I don't like your colleagues and your place is here with me.")

The first tactic is to stand up to the abuser. Refuse to accept the criticism. "I am not a rotten human being, and I won't let you say so. I have a right to a little harmless socializing that doesn't include you."

Sometimes this works.

If it doesn't, the only solution is to end the relationship.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

45. Yes, that's why I stopped going to church.

The doctrine of original sin is emotionally abusive. "You're a sinner, you're worthless just because you were born". A made up problem with a made up solution. I refuse to worship a god or go to a church that promotes that garbage. I refuse to be insulted by a minister's sermon and his blanket statements.

Emotional abusers are everywhere. And our society sanctions it in entertainment (Contest reality shows such as Survivor, The Apprentice, etc.).

Bully bosses, bully teachers, bully peers in school, bully spouses. It's everywhere. The only answer is to leave. They won't change.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

48. YMMV

Church, specifically one I attended in graduate school, was where I first found unconditional acceptance.

But if your particular church was making you feel abused, then you were right to quit it.

And I agree that too much entertainment these days is based on humiliating people.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

56. I have yet to set foot in a Christian church with unconditional acceptance.

Christianity STARTS with the doctrine of original sin; it is the reason for their theology. Therefore, all Christian churches are inherently abusive for telling you you're a worthless POS and you need Jesus to save your ass from a perpetually burning hell. No original sin, no need for Jesus and substitutionary atoneoment. No thanks. :grr:

I will have nothing to do with unearned guilt and shame, drawn from a fairy tale about a couple of fruit munching simpletons.

Read John Bradshaw, Ph.D. "Healing the Shame that Binds You". He was a Catholic priest for a number of years so he knows whereof he speaks.


Unitarian Universalist churches are where I hang out. No hellfire and damnation. No Christian theology either.

[applegrove]

27. Get out. Now.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

28. Initials MH?

I hope not MS!

[woo me with science]

29. Adults teach other adults how to treat them.

Take care of business, or leave.

[Deja Q]

30. Adults also teach children how to act...

Funny how our world has turned out...

[woo me with science]

32. Yep, that's part of the problem.

Adults act like children instead of standing up and doing the right thing.

[Deja Q]

36. Not quite the mindset I was thinking, but I suppose that works too.

What is the 'right thing', anyway?

[woo me with science]

39. Depends on the situation, and the person.

Don't you think?

[Darth_Kitten]

31. If someone is playing with your mind or emotions, cut them free.

Life is too short to be sucked into the games some toxic people wish to play.
:)

[skygazer]

33. Yes, I have

And the harmful affects can linger far longer than the abuse that created them. I would say get away from them frankly. I've never known an emotional abuser who changed their ways. :hug:

[ThomCat]

34. I think almost everyone has had to deal with emotional abuse

at one point or another. :(

I hope it's not someone you have to deal with too often, or too closely. I certainly hope it's not someone in your family.

:hug:

[grasswire]

35. Yes. I was married to a narcissist.

Many abusers seem to suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Read the symptoms and walk away from anyone like that. I'm still not totally free of contact, and he's still as mean and manipulative as ever.

Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (DSM):

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following<1>:

has a grandiose sense of self-importance
is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
believes that he or she is "special" and unique
requires excessive admiration
has a sense of entitlement
is interpersonally exploitative
lacks empathy
is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

[woo me with science]

38. Let's refrain from labeling this person as an "abuser" and a "narcissist" just yet.

Everybody is a jerk now and then. Unless you know the OP beyond this post, you know nothing about the dynamics of this entire relationship. All you know is that some behavior right now feels abusive, and the OP is reasonably trying to figure out what to do about it.

Throwing out DSM diagnoses at this point is unnecessary. The OP is the person who can control this situation by his or her actions.

[grasswire]

43. you are wrong

The OP asked if anyone had been emotionally abused. I have, and shared the characteristics of my abuser.

Nobody said the OP's person has NPD. Calm down.

I'm actually a bit confused by your response. "The OP is the person who can control this situation by his or her actions." What does that mean?

[woo me with science]

47. Wow. Interesting response.

You seem a bit upset here, yet you are telling me to calm down?

Thank you for clarifying your comprehension that the comments about narcissism need not have anything whatsoever to do with the OP. It is a public discussion board, and you are, of course, free to share your story. I am, of course, free to point out that listing characteristics for narcissism may be a bit premature in this instance.

Of course the OP has the choice of what to do now. I'm not sure what is confusing about that.

[Bennyboy]

37. everyday of my life........

My father emotionally abused me since before I was born. Still doing it.

[Zavulon]

40. You'd have to be more specific for me to answer.

If you're referring to parents taunting their kids, no. If you're referring to being rudely chewed out in front of others by your boss, yes.

I'm not trying to be snide with my question - I only ask because my girlfriend's best friend is a therapist and pretty much the only thing I've learned from overhearing their conversations is that in her mind, anything but complete and total approval / positive reinforcement is "emotional abuse."

By my understanding of the term, I've never been a victim of true emotional abuse. By my girlfriend's friend's definition, everyone on Earth has been a victim of it since they were two years old.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

46. Teasing is abusive, for your information.

Teasers are picking on other people and demeaning them. Then when the object of their abuse starts crying, they say "Oh you're too sensitive!". That is bullshit.

Tickling people is sadistic and abusive, too.

[Zavulon]

49. Fine, but in that case

anyone who has ever gone to an elementary school has been emotionally abused. When I think of the term "emotional abuse," I tend to think of abuse that not everyone has suffered.

By the same token, any kid who has been in a playground fight has been physically abused, right? But when I think of the term, I'm thinking of something more severe.

[nomorenomore08]

41. By parents/relatives? No. By peers? All my life, starting in preschool.

nt

[BlueIris]

44. Yup. Years of therapy to sort out the consequences. And by the way,

emotional abuse isn't a "game" anymore than physical or sexual abuse is. You need to get away from the abuser, ASAP. Call a crisis line if you need to. I'm not sure that DU is a good place for you to get the help you need.

[RainDog]

50. having a lawyer ask me to sign an agreement not to sue for emotional abuse...

does that count?

fwiw, I didn't sue. But obviously I had cause.

[LoZoccolo]

51. Yeah, even though I would say that everyone plays games with each other.

Even politeness is a game where you reveal some of your true feelings. Lying holds society together to some degree.

[UndertheOcean]

52. Stab him with a fork .

[Bullwinkle925]

53. that's the best response so far . . . .

and, how do you know it's a *him*?


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[pitohui]

54. yes i suppose everyone has

you can't live with passive aggressive fuckwits and you can't shoot them, so the best thing to do is to cut them out of your lives and don't communicate with them at all in any form whatsoever

if they email you, block it

if they phone, don't answer their ring or their voicemail

if they show up at your house or work, swear out a restraining order against them

[greenbriar]

55. oh yea

hubby is a master