I've been cooking for a houseful of picky ingrates for 3 weeks now

[clyrc]

And I'm about ready to take off and just leave every damn one of them to their own devices. The last straw came today when we went to the beach, and I assumed I would have the afternoon off from cooking duties. But on the way home, my husband announced that he wasn't hungry, so we weren't stopping for food. So I had to throw some frozen chicken nuggets on to fry, only thing I had that cooks quickly. Which it turns out no one wants, but these people get even grumpier when not fed. I guess I need to mention my in-laws are visiting for five weeeks. My fil doesn't want to be here, and every day he asks me what day it is so he can calculate how long till he gets to go home. Him and me both, actually, I'm tired of trying to please so many people. My husband is grumpy because his parents drive him crazy, too, but at the same time he's acting like a slightly less irritating version of his absolutely impossible joy-suck of a father. All of which I'm supposed to deal with without complaining, because someone has to make some sort of effort not to be a selfish asshole. Lucky me!

[tainted_chimp]

1. 5 weeks!?

Yeesh, I'd be going b-a-t-t-y! :crazy:

Send out for pizza!

:hug:

[clyrc]

2. Can't send out for pizza too much

The lovely lectures on wasting money from my fil make eating outside food pretty much miserable, if we do it more than he thinks is necessary. I'm trying to find a way to make this holiday season a little less awful, but I'm getting no help and I've had enough.

[LaurenG]

3. Ooo - not stopping because he's not hungry!

Yikes! Next time just tell him that he will be hungry soon enough and if he wants to eat he'll stop to get something or he can run out later because you are done cooking for the day.

You must be a saint because I think I would have wanted to demand he stop the car, get out and take his grumpy dad with him. :7 Family and holidays - it just doesn't get any more fun and 5 weeks no less. Hang in there. :hug:

[clyrc]

4. Thanks!

The more my husband complains about his dad, the more he acts like him, and it would be comical if it wasn't so maddening.

[Lasher]

5. Tell your husband it's his turn to cook.

Since everybody's bitching so much maybe they can set a fine example for you.

[clyrc]

6. excellent plan!

TO be fair he did fire up the grill last night, so he can cook, it's just that 90 percent of the cooking falls to me. Making decent meals takes planning, and no one appreciates that around here, even though they should know better!

[Indi Guy]

7. Ha Ha Ha! This is one of the most honest posts I've ever read!

What you need to do -- you can't do right now. After the holidays, make hubby understand (in certain terms) what you experienced -- and that you are not prepared to deal with this again.

This said, there's something mythical about a woman's ability to overcome all odds & still remain a secondary player in life. Pardon my language but, "Fuck all of that!"

Most things transcend gender boundaries.

Spouses have to respect counterparts who respect themselves. You can actually help your husband be a better partner by drawing your line in the dirt here. You can tell him in your own words that you're feeling like the only one who has surrendered a life so that everyone can get along; and you're not prepared to do this any longer.

Be patient with your man (while you continually challenge him). I'm a man. I resented being challenged; but I wouldn't be the man I am If I hadn't been.

You don't have to push him; it's much easier to pull (given your own direction). He will not feel emasculated, as long as he's respected during the process.

[Indi Guy]

8. Go your own way & others will follow...

Your Love of life & freedom will entice your loved ones to go where they need to go for themselves.

:)

[clyrc]

9. Sometimes I'm certain that my main problem is that

I literally had it beaten into me as a child to be considerate of others, and now I don't really know where the lines should be. I don't have any idea when I should say "Hell no!" or ok, which sounds strange, but it's true. Many times I think my husband is just bluffing, to see what he can get away with.

[Indi Guy]

11. I was raised with the same kind of mentality, but at the end of the day...

...I was raised by followers.

When I decided (with love for all) to go in my own direction -- it was surprising how I empowered the followers rethink & follow their pre-ordained individual paths.

There was no fear here. It's so much easier to get along with people when no one is trying to dominate.

If your marriage can last, it has a much better chance to -- if "obligation" is removed from the mix...

[Indi Guy]

12. Even better...

Spontaneity is indeed the spice of life.

[clyrc]

13. Very interesting, Indi Guy

Thanks!

[cleveramerican]

10. I feel your pain

tell them!
tell them politely they are driving you crazy.
Tell then all your routines are thrown off by guests.
Then go take off by yourself for few hours.
When you come back everyone will go way out of their way to pamper
or avoid you, either way you win
Buy a big pizza for everyone.

Clear the air and you'll feel better

[clyrc]

14. I may just do it.

I'm seriously tired of this!

[clyrc]

15. Well, my husband now knows I'm upset

He came in and asked me why I was furiously writing on Du, and he asked me if I was complaining about him or his parents. I told him both, but he seems to think that's fair enough, because he hasn't said anything else. But the responses to this thread have helped, and now that I see that it's not unreasonable to be upset over the whole cooking thing, I feel better about saying NO MORE!

[China_cat]

16. Fish and house guests;

after 3 days they both stink.

Be glad your husband hasn't pulled on you what mine did to me some years ago when his parents came to visit for a month. They lived in Holland (both are dead now) where it is normal to eat at least 6 times a day. On the second day of their visit the dishwasher stopped working and my husband refused to fix it because his parents were here.

After they left he fixed it...took 2 minutes because the timer had become jammed and only needed cleaning.

You know, I'm still pissed about that.

[meegbear]

17. Hang in there!

You're a better person that me; I'd be the lead story of every news organization for the carnage I left behind.

[Sanity Claws]

18. In laws are hard to deal with but your hubby should be your

partner in all this. When the two are alone, tell him that you expect him to be on your side. No more of that shit about not being hungry. If you suggest something, he does it, at least so long as his parents are there. You need help and at the least he should provide back up to you.