The repuke I'm dated just posted a new photo on his Page and I am fainting with lust.

[crim son]

Now, what could this mean? Is it all about the physical? Am I blind? Am I insecure about who I am? Are my values entirely screwed up? Is he the hottest thing on two legs? Dear Jeebus (I pray) forgive me for loving a repuke. Forgive us both, I implore you.

Sigh. It's been almost nine months and I am completely fucking doomed to the point I can't even tell him. You are my confessional minister and I thank you.

[LeftyFingerPop]

1. No matter who you are...

looks fade.

Looks don't mean much at all really, and they can deceive you.

As Bob Dylan sang..."You know sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace".

[crim son]

5. Ah.

You're right, although he's not a young man and I think I find him beautiful because of his ability to think. Still, I married a lovely man who seemed to be wonderful, right up 'til the wedding night. My solution: never marry again. :hi: Phil, how about morphine? Tried that?

[LeftyFingerPop]

9. Morphine? Are you serious? n/t

[crim son]

11. No.

Where would you get morphine?

[LeftyFingerPop]

16. I don't know...

That's why I asked if you were serious lol.

My pain tonight is not physical.

[crim son]

18. I guessed that.

You would wake from the morphine to be hit over the head with reality. I'm a proponent of life change or at least attitudinal change, myself. The chemical escape always has a huge freaking hangover. :hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

20. I am for...

whatever is quickest. :hug:

[crim son]

22. When life was hard, that was always alcohol.

Nowadays I just wait it out, because the shitstorm always passes. Always. It's important that we understand that and wait it out.

[Omphaloskepsis]

2. I don't know...

Your entire situation confuses me.. I wish you the best, I just can't provide any insight. Good luck.

[crim son]

6. Yeah, well, you have the hots for my daughter's dentist.

Whaddya know? :P

Omphalo, we disagree on NO principles. He and I are proof that what we read is who we are. It's very confusing, as you say.

[Omphaloskepsis]

19. You have a lot on your plate right now...

*Selling your house
*School
*Finding a job after school
*Kids
*Divorce
*STBE still hanging around

Maybe a relationship is too much to tack onto everything else right now. Sorting out other things first might help in the relationship thing. Maybe you need support, understandable, and seek male companionship to help with that.

You are smart.. You will figure things out.

[crim son]

23. You are right, of course.

But hey! I completed my program with a 94 percent average. The job search will wait until after the holidays. The STBE has recently said that we should have no regrets about the past and focus on the good that we have created - the children, and that he will ensure that I don't live in some shitty apartment or in a terrible neighborhood. Ah, shit, other than that you are totally right. I did tell the man we couldn't move in together... does that count for something?

Hugs to you, Omphalo

[Indi Guy]

3. Do you talk politics??? n/t

[crim son]

8. We do. As long as we stick to the issues, we don't disagree.

The moment we talk pundits, we swell in fury. I believe he is conservative on the basis of what he considers to be fiscal issues, and states'/localities' rights. I agree with him. We both despise the shrub with a burning passion, else I would have to acknowledge his idiocy. Can't lust after an idiot, no way. :D

[Indi Guy]

25. A shared passionate contempt for shrub is a great start!

;)

This understood, maybe he needs to be brought along to where he will grow to question other (but not all) elements of the Rep ideology.

Myself, I've been an Independent for over 20 yrs. I enjoy the freedom of not having to be an apologist for any party's line. On any given issue, I simply call it as I see it.

Maybe the two of you will help each other find a new common ground, without either of you compromising personal integrity.

When in doubt, gently take the lead. Trust me, most men welcome not feeling like they have to drive all the time. But be cautious not to let him get lazy & count on you for his part.

Both parties must want to strike a balance; otherwise you're right -- the relationship is doomed.

[Shakespeare]

4. This is the same guy who physically yanked you around?

And you're still with him?

[crim son]

10. Yes, I'm still with him.

I think you'd have to know me and understand my innate good sense. And you'd have to trust that he's succeeded in making great changes, else I'd be gone. Shakespeare, I knew the moment I saw him he was something remarkable, and though it's been a bit of a hard road, I wasn't wrong. Of course I understand skepticism. You'd have to know me for the hardass I am to believe that I have the highest standards and do adhere to them.

Methinks, however, that it sounds like I'm o'erprotesting. Hmmmm....

[LeftyFingerPop]

12. Jesus Christ...

No offense crim son, really, but any son of a bitch who touches a woman should be GONE. You know that, and you are rationalizing.

[crim son]

15. No.

I was married for seventeen years to an angry man. This is different, as far as I can tell.

Nevertheless I will not repeat the mistakes of the past and if there is any real indication that I'm doing this, I will leave him. Promise.

[Shakespeare]

If you have high standards, then anybody who raised his hand to you...

...would be permanently eliminated from consideration. Permanently.

[crim son]

17. You'd have to understand him.

I know that sounds like a weak excuse. He hasn't touched me in eight months and I know he won't again: that's all I can say for sure. Again, I also know it sounds unbelievable.

When I first married, I was prone to slap people in anger. One time my husband slapped me back and I got his point. I've never slapped anybody since. This is something like what's happened between me and D, I think. Could be wrong; don't believe I am.

[Orsino]

27. I have to believe that people can change.

I just hope that part of the resolution has already included an unflinching analysis of what went wrong in the incident in question? Do the both of you understand what happened and why? Are there rules in place to ensure that the same behavior won't recur?

Good luck and best wishes.

[LeftyFingerPop]

7. Oh.

He physically abused you? If that is the case, then...:puke: .

I mean...:wtf:

He's a handsome republican who abuses women? Sounds like a catch to me. Don't worry, you can change him. :eyes:

[crim son]

13. I understand where his reputation might proceed him, and it's my fault

in a way for reporting every date.

I guess I would say that he is proof that the stereotype cannot be relied upon, and that people can and do change. Now, it's been only eight months since the incident you mention, but he hasn't forgotten it, nor has he repeated it.

Anyhow, I appreciate your concern and your :puke:. Heh. I also recognize that anything I say will sound merely defensive so I will desist.

[LeftyFingerPop]

14. He hasn't repeated it yet?

He will...trust me.

[crim son]

21. He won't.

We are both passionate arguers, about politics, about philosophy and about everything else. He has never since touched me even at the worst of times. The thing is, Phil, we are the same. It's hard for me to judge a person who has my own weaknesses. He also has my strengths.

Jesus. Maybe I'm living in a fantasy world, I don't know. What I do know is our relationship is different than any I have had and not because of its inauspicious beginning. Anything is possible though, and I won't rule it out.

[LeftyFingerPop]

24. I must admit...

you talk a good case, but it is nothing but rationalization. I've seen it too many times, but I am not a professional of course. So take what I say with a grain of salt, but I know the score on a lot of things. I'd be interested to hear what a professional who knew the entire situation would have to say.

A woman hitting a man is not the same thing as a man hitting a woman. I believe that a man either has it in him or he does not. I've had sharp things thrown at me in arguments with women, and I came close to striking back, but did not.

You have to understand that even though you could make a case for women being stronger emotionally, men are usually much stronger physically....and all it takes is once for some horrible damage to be done. That is why once is too much.

[New Earth]

31. that is not necessarily good

I used to think it was 'cute' or ok that me and my ex bf had the same 'strengths' and 'weaknesses' but it's what always brought us down. I realized for myself, that even though I want things (more like beliefs or interests) in common with someone, I don't want to have the same habits or strengths/weaknesses. At least for me, those things should be different...or complete opposite. I guess to balance it out. Or you are both going to have the same problems over and over again...

[CreekDog]

26. i think you love him in the worst way n/t

[distantearlywarning]

28. A prediction:

A month from now, or 2 months, or 6 months, he's going to push you around again. Or he's going to hit you. Or call you names or denigrate you in some other way.

And you're going to come back here and you're going to say to the rest of us, "Well, you were right, he didn't change. I should have listened to you all before when you told me to leave him."

Guaranteed. 100%. It's going to happen again. People generally don't change for the better that way, they just hide it well for a while until their partner or their counselor or their parole officer is lulled into complacency. Then as soon as some new stressful situation happens, BOOM! They go off again, and it's usually worse than before.

So why not save yourself the trouble of getting hit or having your self-esteem torn a little more and just end it now? Then you won't have to come back here in 6 months and admit that you were rationalizing and denying this time.

I say this from the perspective of someone who was once in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship with a man who was my inferior in every way, and who did not share any of my beliefs about the world. In that kind of messed up relationship you don't know what love is. You don't even know what lust is. You confuse love and lust with the amount of work it takes to try to keep an unpredictable asshole happy. Trust me, they're not the same thing. They're not even correlated.

There ARE men out there who are handsome, liberal, and treat women like they are human beings. There ARE relationships out there that don't require you to give up part of your soul to make them work. It's just hard to see all those potential GOOD relationships when you are stuck working so hard desperately chasing one that is bad.

[bicentennial_baby]

29. Yep, been there, done that,

got the t-shirt.

My oh-so charming and attractive Ex will be released from Federal Prison in 2 days...yay :eyes:

They don't change.

[Phillycat]

30. I agree with every word of this post.

For a very intelligent woman, Crim son sure is being stupid about this. But then, I was that stupid for three years before I finally got away (and there wasn't even physical abuse there, just emotional) and stayed single for a year before I met my husband, who simply isn't capable of raising his hand in anger to me. A man either can or can't do that.

So I have no room to talk. But I do hope Crim son wises up about this abusive asshole before he really gives her a good belting.