Remember my friends, the fundamentalists? A bit of dirty D&D gossip.

[Writer]

So I was participating in my weekly D&D session this evening. Mr. Writer is our DM and put a lot of work into creating the adventure we're on at the moment.

I don't have the patience to dig up the link, but I wrote a long missive about my fundamentalist friends who game with us. You can find that entry in my journal. Anyway, I've had the male half of the duo in the past make snarky, sometimes mean-spirited comments to me during playtime. I always chocked it up to his misogynistic tendencies (he believes men should lead... always... even when playing D&D... and I happen to be a strong woman :P). His wife tends to be fairly nice but doesn't hold back from making judgments of various media programs, etc., that don't fit into the schema of her strict belief system.

Tonight she decided to make several very mean, snarky comments about my character (a ninja) who was busy doing surreptitious ninja activities that apparently she didn't approve of. The comments were so mean that my husband left the gaming session absolutely pissed off, even more so than me. I was angry for a while, but the more I considered her comments, the more I felt sorry for her and completely lost respect for the both of them. Also, I'm so fucking busy at the moment that what happened tonight is the least of my worries. Nonetheless, I felt that her actions destroyed any possibility of continuing a decent friendship. She was downright hateful to me.

But the question, of course, is why? Why would she act this way? I couldn't think of any previous personal conflicts or disagreements or moments that in any way can explain why she behaved this way. It wasn't even within the realm of her character, so it wasn't role-playing either. It was just spiteful. I'm not 100% sure what my other friends at the gaming table thought of this, but at least one noticed.

The only thing I can figure is that I am a strong woman, lending suggestions to the group, and they disagree with my being that type of person. That is the only thing I can consider when assessing this. But whatever the reason, I think it's her loss. That is the way she decided she would behave, and she will have to face the consequences of her actions, which is a damaged friendship that has lasted for several years. (Also... it's just a FUCKING GAME! GEESH!)

Well anyway... I thought I'd type this out, I suppose in futile attempt that my typed words may bring me clarity. Unfortunately it hasn't worked.

~Writer~

[KitchenWitch]

1. I have no insight for you - but I am surprised that they (your fundie friends)

actually play D&D, since it is supposed to be so damned Satanic.

Sounds to me like your acquaintance is lashing out at you because she is not liking being the "submissive" wifey. Much better to aim that anger at someone that reminds you of your own shortcomings then to actually work on yourself and deal with your own ugly situation.

My $0.02

[Writer]

3. That could be.

But she LIKES being a submissive wife (or, at least, that's what she says :)). She takes it to an extreme, in fact. She bakes us cookies every week - and that's very nice. They're tasty cookies, but it's part of a role she's playing. I suppose it's like "cookies as a political statement." She's going to make it darn sure that everyone understands that she's a homemaker type.

Another thing: she likes to be referred to as "Mrs. X" or "X's wife." Not by her first name. Even in the realm of fundamentalist Christianity, I find that rather extreme.

[KitchenWitch]

5. Deep down - probably without even realizing it...

She absolutely resents having given up her own identity and basically her own backbone. And you are a reminder of that.

[Writer]

6. I wouldn't be surprised.

I mean every bit of the life they're living is pulled out of a manual: "this is the way a marriage works" written by Joe Q. Fundamentalist. There's nothing organic here. He's the man. She's the woman. And that's that. Maybe she hates the fact that Mr. Writer and I live rather harmoniously (with the eventual bump here and there) in an egalitarian relationship.

Actually I rather feel bad for her. How can someone harbor so much hate in one's system? How can that be a peaceful way to live?

[KitchenWitch]

7. It is not a peaceful, or even a healthy way to live.

But, for some, putting one's faith in Jaysus, and critical thinking (or even thinking for themselves) become mutually exclusive.

"My pastor told me that I had to be a 'good' wife..." etc.

[Writer]

9. Wow. Yeah...

what a horrible self-imposed trap that is! Does anyone not understand that living a "Christian" life is done so through actions and not words? Mr. Writer is not that religious, but I'd say he's one of the most Christian men I've ever met. And he does this by respecting me as a whole person, not just a person playing a role.

My friends... not so much.

[Oeditpus Rex]

12. They think it's all about adhering to 'rules'

I feel very, very sorry for people who think they need rules — particularly rules supposedly written more than two millennia ago and (mis-)translated dog knows how many times since — to tell them what kind of people to be, and that all they need do is follow those rules to be good people.

[Oeditpus Rex]

10. Maybe that's at the root of their stance on same-sex marriage, too

In their mindset, women must submit to men. But, since it isn't obvious who the submissive one would be in a male-male or female-female relationship, such relationships threaten their own, the same as you do.

[KitchenWitch]

11. Whoa...THAT'S IT!

[Oeditpus Rex]

13. I sincerely doubt it's a new idea

But it never occurred to me before. :shrug:

[KitchenWitch]

15. Me neither...

but whoa d00d!

[Oeditpus Rex]

17. Once in awhile

I hit one juuuuuuust right. :)

[KitchenWitch]

18. That one is bouncing around on Waveland Ave.

:7

[Oeditpus Rex]

19. Cool

That means nobody'll throw it back. :)



Hey — do you remember The Official Firehouse of the 1989 National League Championship Series, and the House Next To The Official Firehouse of the 1989 National League Championship Series? That was SO cool. :D

[KitchenWitch]

20. That WAS great!

:D

[lildreamer316]

32. I would also like to volunteer that

this is actually, underneath, a totally different kind of submissive/dominant thing here, therefore the problem.

I would venture to say that these people are actually creating something along the lines of the BD&S&M lifestyle. Where the sub likes to be identified wholelly as the master's property - hence the "Mrs. X's wife" stuff. In the lifestyle; it is understood (but not ever voiced) that the submissive is actually the one in control, if you see what I mean. Anyone who has played before understands what I am getting at.
Anyway, they either feel too guilty about what they really want to do, or are really unawares of the true nature of their relationship, so they cloak it in the Christian-goodwife-and-husband act.
One, or both of them may see you as a threat to this kind of relationship also. Another dominant person in the vicinity can always be threatening, even in 'friendship'. Especially if they are not really aware of what undercurrents they are dealing with between themselves.

Hope this makes some sense.

[Writer]

35. I have had those same thoughts.

I had a feeling at least that Mrs. X does get some amount of sexual satiation from her being submissive to her "alpha" husband. But that runs so deep and introduces so many unpleasant thoughts (ack!) that I haven't explored the possibility any further.

I have to go now... I have a long list of activities over the next few days...

[Inchworm]

2. Hi writer!

Just wanted to say hello :)

lotta werds there for me :D

But.. wasnt the question, why percieve her actions as detrimental and not opponently?

War is war :D

:hide:

(btw I too felt the need to type it out. I can only hope I made sense) :D

[Writer]

4. Hi inchworm!

Yes, I'm here typing when I should be sleeping. Another very busy day tomorrow.

I'm not sure if I quite understand what you're asking here, but I'm guessing you're making a tongue-in-cheek joke... I think. :P

War is war... maybe I should bake a batch of cookies and have a woman-cookie-off? :P

[Inchworm]

8. Dont worry

I just read it...

I have no clue what I meant. Lets hope it was good?

:silly:

[Mythsaje]

14. Oh, I can't EVEN imagine gaming with fundies...

I game with pagans, atheists, agnostics, and wacko heretics like myself.

[DarkTirade]

16. A friend of mine had an opposite problem when he played D&D with his girlfriend

she's very touchy-feely-fluffy-pagan, and he was playing a rather angry, badass character. I don't remember the details but that character did something rather horrific to one of the 'bad guys', but something that was very much in character. She got really upset with him, and had trouble with the idea that he'd do something like that. Despite the fact that it wasn't HIM doing it, it was him doing what that character would have done.

[TheMightyFavog]

21. If she was playting something like a Lawful Good Paladin, I'd chalk it up to being in character.

But if not, well, I can't help you there.

[ThomCat]

22. Wow! I can't imagine gaming with people like that.

:wtf:

Maybe they should try to form their own fundamentalist christian gaming group. They're hang-ups and bigotries should not interfere with your gaming experience.

[Lethe]

23. If it was in character that is one thing, but out of character is another

It's no fun playing with someone who is just being mean-spirited for no reason. If I was the DM I would punish her character. If I was the ninja, depending on alignment, I would stab her in the back while she slept. :D

[Orrex]

24. Are you and they friends outside of the context of D&D?

If so, is she an asshole in those other contexts?

[SteppingRazor]

25. Time to find a new gaming group.

Seriously. I mean, you do these RPGs for fun, right? If that's the case, then there's no point in doing the RPGs, because you clearly aren't having any. (Fun, I mean.)

[GirlinContempt]

26. Maybe her character was in a bitchy mood.

[rug]

27. Sneaky ass ninjas. No wonder.

[Aristus]

28. What are they doing playing D&D? I thought fundies believed D&D was Satanic!

Can you have a dragon eat them, or something? What kind of saving throw does a fundamentalist have?

[Starbucks Anarchist]

29. She needs a +10 in self-respect.

And the husband needs a -20 in douchebaggery. ;)

[DS1]

30. she's jealous of your big knockers

that's my professional assessment anyway

[masshole]

31. I think it's much simpler

I'd bet hubby made a comment about you in private to his wife... a comment about your looks most likely.
Wifey now thinks her hubby thinks your hot.

Meow

[Fire Walk With Me]

33. Are they just jealous of your hit points?

Or whatever damage count is in D&D- I don't know and it's ruined a perfectly lame attempt at a joke... ;-)

[sakabatou]

34. Ninjas get no respect

Especially this one:

[SOteric]

36. Maybe the fundy hubby has a thing for ninjas,

and makes the wifey dress up all in black and kick his ass before they have good Christian sex.

[REP]

37. She'd like to be a strong woman but is afraid so she takes it out on you

Her husband is suffering from Tiny Penis Syndrome. She thinks she has to be a doormat to keep her TPS man and hates being a doormat, and the only safe way to be dominant is to be a bitch to a non-doormat. You don't need to like her, but dont waste any time feeling bad about her rudeness; feeling sorry for her is okay. It must suck to be a doormat married to a TPS asshole!

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

38. I think your husband should correct the problem.

-5 cursed undergarments of rotgrub summoning should suffice.

[havocmom]

39. Personally, I have noticed just about EVERYONE EVERYWHERE

being more nasty and hateful.

Thinking the Collective American Unconscious is waking up to reality that we are in a mess and people will actually have to deal with it. Makes most of the semi-delusional twits pissed off.

[Redneck Socialist]

40. Is she playing a pirate?

Since pirates are the natural enemies of ninjas that could be it.

Internet geek meme snark aside, I got nothin' :shrug: