long story short, but I just found out my mother died 5 years ago

[NMDemDist2]

I had cut all ties with her in 1994 and for some masochistic reason I did some online research and she had passed on in 2002.

No sympathy needed, I had made my peace with her and our relationship years ago.

But it really is something the things you can find on the internet eh?

[VenusRising]

1. I cut all ties with my mom in 1999.

I often think about this very situation and wonder how I will handle it.

No sympathy, just love.

:hug:

[NMDemDist2]

4. thanks dear

:hug:

[MonkeyFunk]

2. Ugh...

Well, I'm still sorry to hear that. It has to be upsetting at some level.

[NMDemDist2]

3. it's like I feel like I *ought* to feel something but all I can think is

Glad she's moved on. And I don't have to dread the phone call I'd get when/if she found me again.

We'll see in a few days as I process it. It's almost like I heard about a celebrity with a horrible life had died. I am relived she isn't having to battle anymore.

[MonkeyFunk]

5. yeah

I'm sure it'll take some time to work out. Don't feel like you HAVE to feel anything, or SHOULD feel anything. Just be aware that it's there.

[NMDemDist2]

7. I will

there is bound to be some grief at some level, if only for 'what might have been'

:hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. sounds awful.

:hug:

[NMDemDist2]

8. nah, not awful

but now I'm kinda curious how.......

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. i mean it sounds conflicting...

and most things that are conflicting in my experience cause anguish.

you know you are supposed to feel sad but you dont. makes you question yourself. etc.

regardless, i am sorry. :hug:

[NMDemDist2]

13. thanks hon, but I'm either shallow enough or evolved enough not

to spend a lot of time questioning my self. :rofl:

I report, you decide (but just know I won't care if you judge me hehhe) :evilgrin:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

15. ...

:rofl:

[Tikki]

9. I, also, found out about my mother's death from......

an online obituary. She had been living somewhere far, far from where I was.

Tikki

[NMDemDist2]

14. that sounds worse

:hug:

[ThomCat]

11. I was disowned by my dad almost 20 years ago.

No loss. I wish it had been a clean break, but unfortunately, other people always insist on telling me how he's doing. I'd love to have years of lost contact.

Good for you! Successfully cutting the bad ties is often the best thing you can do.

:hug:

[NMDemDist2]

12. yup

It's amazing how people will beat themselves up due to societal pressures. a toxic relationship is the same whether it's a lover, coworker or parent.

I have made my peace enough to wish her soul Godspeed

[Connonym]

16. I'm sorry that your relationship was so toxic to lead to estrangement

Even though you've made peace I would imagine that there must be a lot of pain in the past that lead to the decision to sever relations and for that I'm sorry. I'm glad that you don't beat yourself up for that. I suspect that toxicity in a familial relationship is even more difficult than it is with a lover/friend/coworker simply because there is the societal expectation of "supposed to" you know what I mean? At any rate, learning of your parent's death in that way still must have been conflicting and as such I must offer one of my patented Connonym internet :hug: Not the real thing but offered in a very real way.

[NMDemDist2]

17. thank you dear

right back at ya

:pals:

[Gormy Cuss]

18. Still a bit of an odd thing to find out.

:hug:
You had a reason to do that search. Maybe you just wanted to be sure that door is finally closed, locked, and the key thrown away. Maybe it was something else. At least now you know.

[NMDemDist2]

20. yup

and now i know ....

:crazy:

[Kali]

19. ...

I was close to my mom and I miss her almost daily. On the other hand I have a couple other family members who I have either cut the tie or should, so I can understand your feelings completely.

[NMDemDist2]

21. I feel that way about my Grammy

still miss that old broad all these years later

[KamaAina]

22. And here I was thinking it was weird to learn that my father had died in February

saw that just a couple of weeks ago. But five years?! :shrug:

[NMDemDist2]

25. I had to do the research. I used to check online for her business every few years

this time it wasn't there, so I dug a little deeper and found she died.

a moment of morbidity on my part I suppose......

[idgiehkt]

23. well, I am sorry for all of it

that you had to go through what you have, and that you had to find out this way. I know you said no sympathy, but I can't help it. Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. :loveya:

[NMDemDist2]

26. heheheeh

hugs are *always* welcome :pals:

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

24. You don't have to think you "ought" to feel something

Your feelings (or lack thereof) are yours - don't let any part of society make you think you must mourn if you really had no ties to a person. We can choose our friends, but not our relatives. :pals:

[NMDemDist2]

27. ain't it the truth!

she was a seriously flawed woman who truly did the best she knew how. I wish her soul Godspeed.