were you a fuck up as a kid?

[mopinko]

trying to console myself about my troubled kid. if you have a story of being a fuck up as a teenager or young adult that has a happy ending, please tell it to me.

[Deja Q]

1. I'm writing a book about it...

in hopes others won't follow the same path, and signs to watch out for...

[mopinko]

2. this is not

a happy ending.

[Deja Q]

3. Oh, but there is...

:think:

Trust me, it genuinely will be.

[Mojambo]

4. I was gearing up to lay down some truth on you and then you asked for a happy ending.

Sorry, wish I could help.

[mopinko]

5. at this point i would consider

pretty much anything short of life in a cardboard box to be a happy ending.

[SPKrazy]

6. well...

I suppose that I was indeed a fuck up as a teenager.

Drank like a fish and did whatever drugs were around (no IV stuff, no one I knew did that) totally screwed up college, screwed up my life.

Then got sober and clean and somehow graduated from college. Worked for a few years and then went to grad school.

I'm almost 46 now and I could have gone down much further but I'm not into the pain of where I was headed.

:hi:

[Ishoutandscream2]

9. Jesus, that's my story

and I turn 46 on Sept. 17. I was just like you, and it took me a helluva long time to "find myself." I sometimes wonder how I made it this far.

[SPKrazy]

10. I turn 46 on

August 27

:thumbsup:

:pals:

twin sons of different mothers?

:hi:

[Ishoutandscream2]

14. Perhaps! I think, and I'm not trying to be cocky

but our intellect probably pulled us through. I know that sounds a bit strange, because obviously we did some very stupid things. But intellectually, we were able to somehow overcome all of the stupid stuff. Strange observation, I know, but I really believe that.

I, like you, did everything but needles. I was a fuckup, but I somehow managed to keep it somewhat together. We are both very, very lucky that we're not either dead or living in a gutter. Again, I attribute that to intellect and a helluva lot of luck.

Oh, and happy birthday!

[SPKrazy]

18. Thanks!

Intellect had to have some part in it.

Luck, yeah, luck or something too.

Very lucky not to be dead or living in a gutter.

Happy Birthday to you soon enough!

:hi:

[RetroLounge]

25. Class of 1961 checking in!

:hi:

RL

[mopinko]

30. does this mean

there is a used book store in my future? cool.
:hi:

[RetroLounge]

37. Everyone should have one...

:hi:

RL

[RetroLounge]

24. You're telling my story, my friend...

46 this year, sober at 29, after 15 years of being a drunk fuck-up...

:hi:

RL

[SPKrazy]

36. Hey my friend!

:hi:

we 61'ers making a difference somehow here eh?

:woohoo:

46 this year, sober at 24 after 9 years of being a drunk fuck up

[skygazer]

59. Okay, this is just wierd

Another '61er here who was a mess as a kid, dabbled in all kinds of nasty stuff and has managed to crawl out of it to be a happy and sensible 46 year old.

Must have been something in the water that year.

[SPKrazy]

76. mebbe we are just the survivors?

scary thought, but there are many who didn't make it out of that...

makes sense that a few that did would be online telling about it...

:hug:

maybe I'm wrong... hope I'm wrong...

:hi:

[johnnie]

7. Oh yeah

I flunked 7th, 8th and 10th grade because I was a slacker. They let me go on the 7th and 8th on a 6 week trial and I passed so I wasn't held back. I was one of very few to be taken to juvenile court by the school district in 11th grade for truancy and was put on probation, but I brought my grades up to A's to get off after a few months. I started being a pain in the ass in kindergarten and kept it up until graduation.

I put more chemicals in my body as a teen than what's in a case of Twinkies, but I turned out ok. There is a lot I can go on about, but that was then. I am now a self taught electrical engineer, I own a house and a recording studio, I have released two Cd's and working on numbers 3 and 4 and am fairly productive.

[HEyHEY]

8. Depends what you mean

I never realized I was a fucked up kid until I was much older. Then alot of the way I was and am started to make sense.

[mopinko]

11. i was, and am, sort of a fuck up myself.

not so much in the sense of being mean, or getting into trouble, just the classic "not living up to my potential." i don't seem to be much of a mom, in spite of everything that i have put into it.
i just don't seem to act for myself. always responding to other people's needs, and not my own. then in the end, that unmet need explodes.
sigh

[Rosemary2205]

12. I'm sorry but you are just wrong.

I realize some kids seem to have needs greater than a parents abilities - some kids are just more work than others. Yes, I realize some parents find themselves, through no fault of their own, in situations that make it all but impossible to meet a child's needs. But calling a kid a fuck up?

That's not cool.

[GirlinContempt]

17. I dunno, some kids are fuck ups.

When you're old enough to know right from wrong, to have a more solid understanding of things, and you willfully and wantonly fuck with your own life and other peoples, you're a fuckup. Being under 18 doesn't suddenly make your fuck uppedness 'greater needs'.

[Rosemary2205]

19. I could not disagree more.

I've worked with 100's upon 100's of "troubled kids". Every single one of them, every one, acted out because of some lacking. This is why mentoring programs work so well. There is no such thing as a "bad" kid. There are some kids who were so fucked up by their parents or by life in general that salvaging them is next to impossible but I've yet to see one kid that was "born bad".

I have nearly 30 years experience working with kids the rest of society has given up on. The very mindset that they are "fuckups" is just wrong on so many levels.

[amitten]

20. Everyone is born with both bad and good. I believe that nature

and nurture play almost equally into everyone's life...unless one side is extremely unbalanced (i.e. severe abuse, or a genetic disorder).

And I believe keeping a balance in a child's life of BOTH bad and good things, as is only natural, keeps the child balanced.

Kids who are treated like gold and spoiled/coddled often turn out just as bad as kids who are neglected. Balance is the key...and recognizing that children, like adults, are only human.

[Rosemary2205]

22. I agree with spoiling/discipline and balance.

Three of the hardest "salvage" cases I've ever run into were brothers who were the product of parents who just did not believe in placing any limits on their kids or imposing societal expectations of any kind. The oldest was 17 when I met him, he's 37 now and one of our mentors is still struggling to teach him that self discipline, work and being considerate of other humans is a more efficient way of getting him what he needs and wants.

[mopinko]

29. just fyi

she is 20, bipolar, and has had enormous amounts of support and help. but she refuses to take meds, refuses to acknowledge that there is anything wrong with her, (it me, you see, she is fine) and is an extremely talented and intelligent kid. her biggest mistake is a steady stream of bad choices in boyfriends. this clown is not the first.
i'm pretty sure that this recent mess is drug related. something which she really, really, really knows will fuck her up. but she does it anyway.

[GirlinContempt]

34. Being born bad and being a fuckup are two totally different things.

I'm all for taking some personal fucking responsibility, and being born bad is just silly.

[mopinko]

45. i think we are pretty much born who we are

i don't really think our experiences shape us all that much. it just seems that way. we react to things in the way that we, personally, are put together.
all 5 if my kids were who they are as babies. this one started being miserable on the way out of the womb, almost. she was a miserable and unhappy baby. she was an oppositional toddler. yes, they all are, but this kid chiseled it in stone.
don't get me wrong, i love this kid to death. she is an amazing individual. hopefully, her brains and imagination will pull her through. but i don't think she will ever really love her mama. no matter how many messes i pull her out of, no matter how much i give her. it will never be enough. and she will probably throw away a big chunk of her life, just to prove me wrong in some dumb way.

[mopinko]

28. oh, no

this kid fucked up. fucked up in choice of boyfriends, for one, again. but she is in some deeeeeeep shit right now.

[TOhioLiberal]

13. If you ask the right person...

...he'll tell you I'm a fuck up NOW. :shrug:

[Akoto]

15. Well, sort of ...

Starting in middle school, and then on into high school, I was too stubborn to admit that I had an anxiety disorder. In the end, trying to ignore it just made it worse and ultimately ruined my life as it was. I ended up dropping out of school because I grew so sick and could no longer deal.

I'm now 22, and catching up on a lot of things someone my age should have already done.

[GirlinContempt]

16. Sure.

I left home at age 12. Both of my parents were alcoholics, I was a shit. So, it almost goes without saying that we REALLY REALLY DID NOT get along, like, beyond most parents and kids not getting along. I lived on the streets for a while, dropped out of school, slept in bus shacks and squats, got pisstank drunk and high whenever I could. I did really, incredibly stupid and dangerous things, nearly got myself in to a whole lot of trouble on numerous and diverse occasions. Arrested, etc.
The happy ending? I just sort of... grew up. My sister helped me out, gave me a place to live, got my education and stuff in order... I just sort of realized that I had to do something, that I didn't want to be scared or hungry or uneducated forever. I was really lucky I had someone who could help give me a way out. I slowly built a relationship with my parents, who're still fucked up, but the time apart and a little more maturity on my part and a little more space on theirs really helped us. Awful as it sounds, part of what helped me was seeing people I used to hang out with ten years ago in shitty bars or coffee houses, and they're still in exactly the same place. And they were a lot older than me to begin with. It gave me some drive to move on up.
I'm not the most successful person ever, or anything, but I've got great friends, a relationship with my family, some education, a job, and the ability to move forward in my life from here on out.

[wildhorses]

21. my parents were fuck ups

i just followed their lead ;)

[SPKrazy]

40. yeah, but i see

great potential in you that while has begun to be realized, is yet to be completely realized i think WH

:pals:

[wildhorses]

41. yeah, it ain't over til its over!!

and, i ain't heard the fat lady sing :rofl:

[SPKrazy]

55. hopefully she aint singing

for a long time!

:rofl:

[XemaSab]

23. Notsomuch, but I had friends who were total fuckups who turned out okay

:shrug:

[Fox Mulder]

26. I'm still waiting for my happy ending...

and I'm 25.

[badgerpup]

27. shit...I couldn't even get being a fuckup right.

...went the 'never lived up to my potential' route...though I was struggling. Wasn't till I was 27 that I was diagnosed as a bipolar- when I had a full-out manic episode. That was GLORIOUS for about two months...never felt so good in my life; still think of it as dancing with the storm.
Then it got out of hand- I asked (begged) for help, and the mental health people applied lithium and it was like hitting a brick wall at 60 miles an hour.

Did some serious thinking re: kids then...decided that OK, if I was going down, I was going down, but nothing in my contract said I had to take anyone with me.
I've never gotten in legal trouble or hurt anyone...and now I'm disabled and dealing with agoraphobia and social anxiety...although I don't live in the basement, and can't STAND Cheetos.
:nopity:

[Turbineguy]

31. Are you kidding?

I had my own corner in elementary school.

It ended well however. At least I think it did. Yeah, OK, there are a number of people who like me. They seem quite normal.

[AwakeAtLast]

32. Nope, I was annoyingly responsible

which, as it turns out, created its own set of problems.

I don't think there is such a thing as a kid being a "fuck up". Is the term "misdirected" sound better? That's the best I could come up with. :shrug:

Good luck!

[DU GrovelBot]

33. ## PLEASE DONATE TO DEMOCRATIC UNDERGROUND! ##

==================
GROVELBOT.EXE v4.0
==================



This week is our third quarter 2007 fund drive. Democratic
Underground is a completely independent website. We depend on donations
from our members to cover our costs. Thank you so much for your support.

[SPKrazy]

39. ##GROVELBOT STILL IS A FUCK UP##

:rofl:

:rofl:

:rofl:

[Kali]

35. oh yeah

rotten boyfriends, sex, drugs, rock and roll. Almost married a psycho right before the end of my last year in high school. Nothing too criminal, at least no prostitution or robberies, but wasted a lot of potential for sure.

I'm the responsible one now. bwahahahhahahaha Strange how things turn out. Your's is an adult, it is hard but you may have to back off and let her sink a bit. Sorry.

[mopinko]

46. right now the consequences are a little tooooo large

not sure what i can do exactly. but if she doesn't stay in school, she doesn't stay insured.
i do know it is a part of my personality that i just don't do that very well, sit back and let people sink. and if she is doing stupid drugs now, and destroying her brain, i am gonna do my best to find a way to drag her ass off to the hospital. she hasn't got it to spare.
if i thought i could get away with putting a hit on this asshole BF, i would be awful tempted. he is quite the disappointment to his folks, too. maybe i could just help him find his way to jail.

[Kali]

49. yeah it is a hell of a lot easier to tell somebody else to let their kid fall

than to walk the talk. Still my personal experience was that when the parents pulled that kind of shit I found somebody/something worse.

[tigereye]

38. no, but I have had a lot of slacker/druggie pals who grew up and did very

well for themselves. Most of em have happy lives, kids and decent jobs. (not that kids are necessary for happiness, but some times they are a good addition to it)

There is always hope.

[mopinko]

56. don't say kids, please.

that is my #1 fear right now. the 2 of them think their love is written in the stars. i half expect them to go tie the knot right away. but i think that their fairy tale includes the giant party part, so i think they will hang on to that for a while, anyway.

[Wapsie B]

42. No, I was just without direction really.

I was as straight-laced as they come in high school. But that lack of direction led me to screw up college and succeed in getting myself in situations that did a number on my self-image. So in a way I supposed that was a fuck up. It's just that I didn't really know where I was going or who I was.

[Richard Steele]

43. At the age of 14, I was convicted of "armed robbery of a Federally insured instititution".

AND all the many and varied charges that go along
with "Robbing a Bank"- illegal weapon posession, terroristic threats,
a dozen charges from making the bank teller give me her keys
to use her car for my getaway..........

Yeah, you might could say I was pretty "messed up" when I was
a teenager. :eyes:

And, I can't really claim that I turned out "all right" in any sort
of conventional sense....because I really am a bit of an oddball.

But that crazy-ass shit I did back in 1983 was the LAST time I had
any interaction with the police beyond traffic tickets.

Some of us really -DO- learn from our mistakes. Reflecting upon my
own life has led me to believe that there's hope for everyone.

[mopinko]

44. 14!

is your mother still alive, or did that shit kill her?

[Kali]

48. ...

:spray:




sorry, I know the topic is serious, but that was funny :hide:

[Richard Steele]

50. Nope. I'm 38 now, and Mom is still live and kicking!

But it's only been these last few years that I've learned
just how STRONG a person she is; how strong she was forced to be.

Turns out, the crap I put her through when I was 14
was nothing compared to what she went through when she was 14.

Live long enough to see your grandchildren reach 14. Then beat
the shit out of those stupid, ungrateful little bastards until
they straighten up and fly right!

[w8liftinglady]

47. with an IQ of 160-I was a pothead who had a baby out of wedlock

I have been a nurse for 20 years.Today,I helped a family say goodbye to their dying loved one.They told me I was the best thing that ever came into their life.I'm not a fuck up anymore.

[Jamastiene]

51. I was a fucked up kid and now I'm a fucked up adult.

:D I'm a terminal fuck up, but I'm basically happy, so there's your happy ending. :rofl: Some people just fuck up a lot. We still have value and we still can accomplish great things.

[idgiehkt]

52. you are a peach, girlfriend

not a f*ck up AT ALL. :hug:

[Jamastiene]

53. Awww, thank you.

:hug:

[distantearlywarning]

54. Yes.

I'm sure my parents were convinced at several points during my childhood and especially my very troubled adolescence that I was going to end up in a very bad place in life. I was a rebellious child who spent half of elementary school at the principal's office, barely maintained a C-average throughout junior high, got thrown out of high school for drug dealing, had a major drug/alcohol problem as a teenager, dropped out of college (the first time) without a degree. I'm lucky I'm not dead or in jail.

However, despite all that, I have found myself at age 32 happily married, a homeowner, and in the process of finishing a Ph.D. And to all appearances, a totally normal citizen. People don't believe me these days when I tell them how I spent my youth. :-) And I have a great relationship with my parents - it's much, much better than it ever was in my teens and early twenties.

My advice: don't worry so much. Lots of kids just grow out of it. And sometimes the smartest, most creative ones just can't get along in school but do very well later in the adult world.

[mopinko]

57. school for her

has not been the standard meat grinder. she was homeschooled for 8 years (which she blame for everything) then flunked out of several schools. then i got her into a therapeutic school. she did so great there. and did pretty good her first year in college. i just hope she stays in school. her dad threatened to cut off her tuition, but i think she knows that is a bluff.

[EFerrari]

58. I was 'way too "good" as a kid and 'way too wild as a teen.

I apologize to my mother two or three times a year. Seriously. :)

[mopinko]

60. thanks for the hope

that you ALWAYS spread. :hug:

[EFerrari]

62. How many ways did I fuck up?

I got pregnant, I dropped out of school, I didn't drink or drug but hung out with people who did. I was self absorbed and resentful. My mother was evil and I hated her for years. I adopted pets that wound up on her plate -- oops, I mean, on her to do list. I couldn't balance a checkbook to save my life. My boyfriends were always nearly ten years older than me.

What a goddam mess.

And you know something, I adore my mother for never giving up on me or on us. Holy cow. There she was trying to get sober and there I was, being a mess all over her. :(

It'll be okay, mo. You know that. If I could creep back from the edge of all that reactive stupidity and chaos, ANYONE can. lol

:hug:

[mopinko]

66. one thing i do know-

this kid has a boatload of talents, is smart as can be, and is a million candlepower shining, one of a kind individual. she has everything she needs to find her way.
in a way i understand that she hates me so she doesn't have to hate herself. that takes a little of the sting out of it.

[EFerrari]

67. And that's maybe all you really need to know.

It's not personal, it's just trying to survive.

[mopinko]

69. yeah, knowing and

really having it to hold on to are not QUITE the same thing, but i am trying. this kid has some great radar for my soft spots, tho. man, the shit they threw at me. oy vey.

[EFerrari]

71. Doug used to hit every one of my keys as if he was a concert pianist.

I know.

[mopinko]

72. yep

that laser aim left me just a llliiiiitttttttllleee too sore to really sick the cops on them. they escorted them out of the house. but i could have told them to search their stuff. i didn't (course, i probably would have ended up paying the lawyers fees. and it would have hosed up her financial aid. she is lucky that i hate the "war on drugs")

[EFerrari]

73. You're in the same bind I was in, unless I am mistaken.

People got all over my case to sic the law on Doug and all I could see was, that in the end, I'd have to deal with all the sh!t I stirred up because he couldn't. I'd have to pay for a lawyer to deal with the charges I filed. :crazy:

No, thanks.

[billyskank]

61. No, I grew up into a fuck up.

[EFerrari]

63. LOL! Sistah!

High five!

:rofl:

The older I get, the more I think that people need a "brat period". Some of us try to avoid it, but we really don't or can't or something.

And THAT'S why I apologize to my single mom whenever I remember to, because I became a fuck up just when she thought we were out of the woods. Like Lucy and the football, it just wasn't right.

Note to MOM: I love you.

[Throd]

64. 100% complete and total fuck up

I came from a good family with two loving and supportive parents. I was living in Citrus Heights, CA at the time which is a nice and safe community. At the age of thirteen I freaked out and got into drugs. I became violent and angry. I soon fell in with a crowd of like minded individuals, and when we got together things just would get worse. I got arrested for stealing and smashing a car during a police pursuit. Later I got busted for assaulting a paramedic. My poor parents were beside themselves wondering what had happened to their boy. I moved to SoCal after high school and continued to be a self destructive idiot for another decade.

Over time I noticed all my associates were either cleaning up their act or going to prison. I realized that there is nothing more pathetic than an old "rebel". I had nobody to blame for my predicament but myself and a long series of bad decisions.

Today I have a loving wife, a beautiful daughter, and another one on the way. I have a nice home in a good neighborhood and a very good career. I feel an enormous amount of gratitude as to where my life is right now.

The point of all this is that I was able to turn my act around because I think my parents did a good job raising me despite my iron willed determination to be a raging asshole. When I got sick of being the way I was, I had the tools to rejoin society as a contributing member.

[mopinko]

79. thank you.

this post gives me the most hope of all in this thread, i think.
i know that we will not stop trying to help this kid. i hope we can find ways to do that that are not "cave ins".
i am going to call her social worker from her high school (therapeutic school) and see if she can make sure she starts school on time, and with whatever she needs. this is part of what they get paid for, and would probably do anyway- keep these kids on the right track through college. if they even get there in the first place.

[Throd]

81. I wish you the best of luck along with your efforts

My parents never stopped loving me. Aftwer a while they learned to not be enablers and realized I was going to do what I was going to do. They have later told me that they always knew I would eventually turn my shit around and are very relieved I never killed myself or anyone else in the meantime. Now with a child of my own I truly understand the hell I put my family through.

[mopinko]

82. yeah, i am sorry

for what i put my mom through, even though i didn't fuck up THAT much. she did the best she could, but we were a mess.

[Oeditpus Rex]

65. Not really, but

my mom convinced me that I was, and I still believe her.

[mopinko]

70. that's too bad

i fear that i have that gift. i look at them all, and the first thing i see is their flaws. the last thing i see is their strengths. it isn't about them. it is about me and guilt.

[LeftyMom]

68. I didn't get in any real trouble, but my grades were a mess and I almost never went to school

I guess I turned out okay, I get decent money for interesting work, I'm raising a great kid and I'm in college where I've only had two classes I didn't get an A.

[Nikia]

74. I wasn't a fuck up but I feel like one now

In high school, I was the best runner at my school and one of the best in the state, graduated in the top 5% of my class, belonged to numberous clubs, and never got into trouble. In college, I went to school with other accomplished people, had countless friends, and met and married my husband.
When I graduated, I had a hard time finding a good job. I had few friends in the real world. My anxiety and disordered eating had always lurked in the background, but they became severe and interfered with my life. I felt like a complete faliure.
My current job is better and brought me new challenges. Even though it has caused me so much worry, in a way it has enabled me to gain confidence and consider new challeneges that I had previously been afraid of. I don't know whether this story will have a happy ending. There are many things that I worry about. I am going to attempt to rise above my faliure, which in some people's eyes isn't even faliure. At this point, I have nothing to lose.

[mopinko]

75. you sound like my youngest.

an amazing child. she doesn't believe a word of it. and she is none to happy to find out that she has inherited the family big boobs!

[treestar]

77. No, I was very good.

But then that was considered uncool. So effing up doesn't really hurt in the long run, it seems like.

Where I went to school, it was better to be cool than to get good grades, and in later life you find the self confidence factor is way important. Way more important than having good grades or not having gotten into trouble as a teenager.

My parents really liked it though. They consider themselves lucky (their contemporaries had problems with kids that my parents never had, and when they heard these "horror stories" they considered themselves lucky).

[flvegan]

78. No, I saved being a fuck up for my adult years.

I'm enjoying them now.

[haele]

80. There's a difference between f**k up and f**k off as a kid

F**k ups keep screwing up by not being observant or being clumsy. It's usually unintentional F**k offs don't care, they just want to have a good time - and usually, very intentional about their actions.

I was a F**k up, a cosmic Klutz. My brother was a F**k off.

Haele