What would you do if someone lied about being single?

[In_The_Wind]

I made it very clear from the onset of our affair that it's okay if we have a no strings relationship as long as he is single. x( I think he lied.

[AllegroRondo]

1. Drop him like a hot rock

dishonesty is something I dont tolerate in a relationship.

[In_The_Wind]

70. I agree.

Dishonesty is the one thing I can't accept.
Once lied to :shrug: I can't trust the same way again.

[billyskank]

2. Kick him to the curb

Totally.

[In_The_Wind]

69. I will have better things to do.

[SPKrazy]

3. well that's up to you

but if it were me, i'd be pissed and would depend how much strings there were i guess (if none are truly attached what difference does it make?)

:hi:

[In_The_Wind]

8. It's about integrity.

He was the one who ask for "no strings".
He is also the one who was telling me that "I'll never get rid of him."




:hi:

[SPKrazy]

16. eeeeeeeeeeek!

"I'll never get rid of him"

he's not a stalker is he

I understand the integrity

I read the other stuff you posted elsewhere

sounds like a drop kick to me too

:hi:

[In_The_Wind]

22. He is what I call 'an edge player' ~ loves to take risk.

He's wild and crazy (but he doesn't drink or do drugs).
He could be a lot of fun, not the marrying kind but lots of laughs.

He is also a fool. I did tell him that I was a trained investigator so he knew if I started looking closely at him I would find the truth.

I'll know what is real in a few short days.

[SPKrazy]

25. well then he is living his dream :P

taking risks by trying to fool the trained investigator :D

I'm sorry Joan

:pals:

[In_The_Wind]

27. Fools are easily forgotten with no love lost.

I'll be heading out of here in a few weeks so it was only a summer fling anyway.
x( darn it
summer isn't over yet ~ buy-bye to that boy-toy too soon





Thank you.

[SPKrazy]

28. where ya headed?

:evilgrin:

:hi:

[In_The_Wind]

75. south

1/2 of my favorite stuff is sitting in my apartment in south florida.
I'm going to head down there for a short stay before I pick-up billyskank for his USA vacation.



:evilgrin: although I'm beginning to wonder why he isn't just flying straight to Texas.

[raccoon]

78. Sounds like a contradiction to me,

"no strings", but OTOH,
"was telling me that "I'll never get rid of him." ????

[rockymountaindem]

4. One time that happened I crawled away

Another time it happened I called that person back and made her endure a highly awkward conversation which ended in me hanging up and enjoying a boost of self-respect.

Maybe one of these days I'll find someone I like who will also be single. 'Till then, I advise you to throw it in said person's face because in my two experiences, the time I did that I felt way better afterwards.

[In_The_Wind]

66. I don't care enough to be hurt. I'm just MAD.

What part of "Are you single?" didn't he understand?


I'm not interested in dating just for the sake of having something to do.


Mr. Single & Exciting is still out there. I'll wait.

[rockymountaindem]

71. It's not about being mad

It's just about having the feeling that *they* know *you* weren't fooled by their act.

[In_The_Wind]

72. Ah. But I was fooled by his act for a few weeks.

I want to believe the best of people.
I wanted to believe that it was the right time for us to laugh together for awhile.

[FloridaJudy]

5. Lie to him about my psychotic brother who collects guns

I don't have a brother. 'Nough said.

[In_The_Wind]

63. I wish.

He knows my whole family.




Hey

Maybe I should tell him your brother is bringing his gun collection with him while he visits us.

[trof]

6. I would lie about being married just to get even.

tit for tat

Sorry, probably shouldn't joke.
:-(

[In_The_Wind]

60. I should tell him that I've told all_of_my_friends.

That should scare the bejeebus outta him if he is in a relationship.

[MrCoffee]

7. nail their SO

[In_The_Wind]

12. I wouldn't like it.

His SO is a female.
I'm straight!

[Inchworm]

9. Buh-Bye!

Seeee ya!

Then I'd remember the sex a little different.

:hug:

[In_The_Wind]

52. It's the 'remembering' that gets me.

If he lied ... it is ~ don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya ... hasta la buh-bye!


:evilgrin: But Damn! It was fun!

[some guy]

10. Call or drop by

tosee his wife. Verify for certain whether or not he is married, and if he is, tell her, "I made it very clear from the onset of our affair that it's okay if we have a no strings relationship as long as he is single" and that now that you know he lied, you will never have anything to do with him again.

How they deal with it is their problem.

:D

[Deja Q]

19. Nice! And another benefit, that's called "social networking"...

:hide:

[newcriminal]

30. and when you see the kids crying hugging her leg?

[some guy]

35. be glad

she is dumping the guy?

I don't know why you post to me and use the word "you" since I'm not part of the situation at all, and was offering advice from my perspective.

The OP isn't interested in an affair with a married man. Maybe the man is married, maybe not. That's why I suggested confronting the wife (if there is one.)

If the wife (assuming thee is one) has kids crying and hugging her leg, she is still better off knowing her husband is willing to cheat on her. Maybe the wife would blame the OP, maybe the wife would deny the reality as presented by the OP. Maybe the wife would leave the husband. None of that is the responsibility of the OP. Any harm done is done by the husband.

[newcriminal]

76. I completely disagree with that

You are giving the advice, and I disagree with your advice. Just because he is a jerk doesn't mean she needs to stoop to his level. And if you think that the other person isn't responsible your kidding yourself. If she knowingly goes up to the wife she is partially responsible. There is no reason to involve the wife, this is between the two of them. I am in no way condoning his behavior, but the wife is an innocent her and if there are children they are obviously an innocent victim here too. To ruin their lives just to get back at him is selfish and just as low down as what he is doing.

[some guy]

91. has nothing to do with

...getting back at anyone. If I wanted an answer to a question, I would find a source who could provide an accurate answer. In this case, the wife, (if there is one) would be the best person to ask.

Ruin their lives? If a woman has a husband who cheats on her, her life is already pretty screwed up, and knowing for certain he is cheating on her gives her the awareness that it is. From that point she can make decisions to improve her life.


edit to add: for all we know, the guy is in a situation very similar to the OP (married in name only) and the 'wife' (if there is one) would be absolutely indifferent to who the guy is seeing.

[In_The_Wind]

50. I don't want to get the wrong guy in trouble.

I've never been to his home.
He could be living alone and there is no lie.
Or he could be living with his wife/girlfriend/SO, I'll know when I drive by the addresses given to me by the background search I ran earlier this afternoon.


:hi:

[some guy]

53. Well, yes,

you want to have the conversation with the right person, if there is a right person. I was posting from the POV that cheaters deserve to get caught.

:hi:

[raccoon]

80. Why hurt her for something HE did? nt

[ThomCat]

11. Um, that's bad.

:(

I'd drop anyone who did that to me. It's an invitation to all kinds of drama and dishonesty later on.

However this turns out, do what you think is right. :hug:

[In_The_Wind]

24. It was fun while it lasted.

:hi::loveya:

[Blue-Jay]

13. Why did I think that you're married?

Regardless, if someone lies to you about that, you need to cut contact.

[In_The_Wind]

17. Because ~ I am in_name_only since 1999.

Mr J_A and I became friend instead of lovers many years ago.

www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6767356&mesg_id=6767427

The boy-toy may be innocent or guilty as all hell.
If he is lying to me he's history.




:hi:

[Blue-Jay]

20. Oh. I see.

I'm sorry. I lost my DU scorecard about 4 years ago.

[In_The_Wind]

33. It's not the hottest topic.

It's work living with someone you're not in-love with.
Having another house-mate makes it a lot like three's company. :eyes:

[Blue-Jay]

34. Can I be "Larry"?

[In_The_Wind]

39. Sure. Why not?

[raccoon]

81. self delete nt

[redqueen]

14. *sigh*

I would stop talking to them... I have a VERY hard time trusting people, so anything like that and it's a *definite* sayonara, pal.

[In_The_Wind]

48. If he did lie ~ it's goodbye.

I want to know that I can trust my friends.

[idgiehkt]

15. I once asked a friend

why they thought someone would have lied to me about something.

They pointed out that the person lied because they are a liar. Duh...I felt embarassed by the answer but it really is that simple, and hindsight has proven it to be even more true. It's the lying that matters and tells you all you need to know, if you are for certain that they did lie.

[In_The_Wind]

47. I don't have a burning desire to have the truth right at this moment.

I'm willing to talk with him.
I would rather hear a truth I don't like than hear a lie.
The earth won't come to an end if he lied but our affair will.

[The Straight Story]

18. I would confront them and listen to their reasons first and foremost

I was with a girl many years ago who said the same thing - indeed she was married, but they were separated. But at the same time she also lived there, in a separate room. She was scared I would not understand - she did not know me well enough that early on to know that it made no difference to me.

She had left the man, but because she co-owned the house ended up living there with him while working on a divorce.

Sometimes, someone thinks so much of someone they don't tell em all up front out of fear - shit happens.

Sit down, talk to em, tell em it is ok to be honest with you and that you will listen.

[Deja Q]

21. and then get tested. Twice. For everything.

:(

[In_The_Wind]

29. I'm too smart to need that!

Be safe, be happy.

:loveya:

[Deja Q]

31. I'm too freaky to be given happiness.

:)

[In_The_Wind]

45. I hope you are onto something.

There could be many plausible reasons for his behavior. If he really did end his relationship with her, he may not be too pleased with his current living arrangements.



A little over a week ago I told him my thoughts on lying and being lied to ~ If someone is lying to me ... they are insulting my intelligence. They think I'll never be able to see the truth.
Perhaps the reason for the lie is horrible however it becomes worse when compounded by the lie.



I will talk with him because I really do like him.

[Redstone]

23. If you find out that he DID indeed lie about that, you have only one rational

course of action. Walk away, and never look back.

But you know that, didn't you?

Redstone

[In_The_Wind]

26. I know that!

But part of me feels like messin' with his head just a little bit.
www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6767356&mesg_id=6767513

It was fun but it looks like it was a very short fling.

[applegrove]

32. Drop him. He doesn't respect you. Why would you want to be part

of his marriage/relationship? He's already cheating so it cannot be good.

[In_The_Wind]

44. I don't know if he really is cheating.

I don't know that he is married.
He said he was engaged but they broke it off back in May.

:shrug: It's just a feeling I have.

[Nikia]

36. If I were single again and dating

I would not sleep with someone or even see them in a non public place alone until I met a close relative or already knew a friend of theirs who I trusted. If those were impossible for some reason and I really liked the guy, I might do an extensive background check. Perhaps that sounds paranoid, but I don't think that you can be too careful these days.
I suggest that you do your own background check. There should be records as to whether or not he is married or not. A non married relationship might be harder to determine, but you might be able to determine whether or not another woman lives with him. If you know people who hang out with him, work with him, or in activities with him, they might be willing to tell you if asked. With or without this confirmation, you might want to confront him.

[In_The_Wind]

42. I did a background check on him earlier this afternoon.

The report took a few hours to return to me but it shows that he isn't married. It also gives his last 5 known addresses so I should be able to get any answers I need by doing a bit of leg work myself.

I did ask him if he was married or dating anyone. Silly me. I didn't ask if he had fathered a child within the last year.

[triguy46]

37. If honesty is optional in the relationship, no problem.

[In_The_Wind]

41. Honesty is never optional as far as I'm concerned.

[triguy46]

61. Then the answer is clear, grasshopper.

:think:

[alarimer]

38. I broke up with him

I don't know if I just assumed he was single or if he told me but I sure was surprised when I called his cell phone and got his wife. Well there was a whole lot more drama as well but that was plenty, believe me.

[In_The_Wind]

40. You did the right thing.

People do really stupid things ... like cheating. It's amazing that he gave you his cell number knowing that his wife might answer.





I don't want to be any part of causing heartbreak which is why I refuse to date someone who is already in a relationship.

The guy had 100% of my attention for the past 4 weeks. We could have had lots of fun together.

I think it's going to be a Häagen-Dazs Reserve™ night ~
or

[alarimer]

43. Well she had moved across the country

And he had also gone out there to work on a project and then had a stroke (at age 33 or so!). So he was staying there. Well I don't actually know what was true and what was fiction but they are divorced NOW, 6 years later. Oh, and he had a kid he never told me about. I don't know why. I don't object to dating guys with kids.

Liars are bad news, no matter what the situation is. It poisons everything.

[Xipe Totec]

46. Rat him out to his missus nt

[In_The_Wind]

58. I'm thinking about it.

[wildhorses]

49. dang it!!

x(

:hug:


:hi:

[In_The_Wind]

56. it was getting better every-time

:evilgrin:

[u4ic]

51. Dump his sorry ass, pronto

Hi Joan! :hug: :loveya: :hi:

[In_The_Wind]

54. I probably will.

It was sooooo perfect!
Damn it! We red hot together.

He visits his parents in florida 3 to 4 times ever winter so we really didn't have to say goodbye at summers end. x(



Hi u4ic :loveya:

[DS1]

55. Flush

[In_The_Wind]

57. and replace

[janx]

59. I had that problem once years ago...

so I went to the state records and checked.

Single? NO.


He was separated, but he wasn't single. Then, like an idiot, I married him after he finally got a divorce.

It takes some of us a long time to learn. ;-)

[In_The_Wind]

62. Oh my! I am sorry.

I don't want to marry him. I don't even want him to bring a change of clothes and stay for the weekend!
I just want to play with him for awhile. :D


I take it you've either dumped or housebroken lover boy.

[janx]

65. I divorced him later. It was sad. n/t

[In_The_Wind]

67. ~

[laylah]

64. Ask him how his

partner would feel if she knew? Or maybe, if it was someone cheating on his daughters? Better yet, if the shoe was on the other foot? Been there, done that...devastating~!

[In_The_Wind]

68. I think she would feel ... lower than an earthworm's belly.

I've been there too and yes, it is devastating.




He said the reason he is single now is because his girlfriend was cheating on him.
That is if he is single.

[Rowdyboy]

73. Show him how it feels-tell him you're pregnant (if he'll fall for it)

I have a real contempt for creeps like that.

[In_The_Wind]

74. He won't fall for that one.

He called last night around 9:30 and showed up early this morning to work on my roof.
He wrecked/totaled one of his work trucks two nights ago.
I may have misjudged him after all.


I have real contempt for creeps who cheat too.

[sniffa]

77. depends on which DUer it is

[In_The_Wind]

83. He isn't nor was he ever a DUer.

[JVS]

79. Enjoy the ride and make increasingly outlandish requests

Liar: Doing that would make me feel dirty.
JVS: You already are dirty, you 2 timer, so just go ahead and do it or I might have some news for your Boyfriend.

[In_The_Wind]

85. That seems like an interesting way of teaching a cheater a lesson.

At this point I've enlisted the help of two friend trying to get at the truth. :shrug: Which is absurd if he really only wants his privacy.

[pitohui]

82. i never dated married men or men w. children (even if divorced)

it's up to you to draw your own line, but i felt for my own self protection i didn't want to be involved with a known cheat and a liar, nor was i going to get involved in raising another woman's kids

so i had a firm policy and can't remember ever seeing a man even once, as a date, if i learned he was married or had kids, maybe it happened, but if it did, it sure didn't stick in the memory files

dump the creep, there are lots of fish in the sea in my humble opinion

[In_The_Wind]

86. If he isn't free ~ I don't want him!

I made that clear to him from the very beginning.

:hi: Thanks for you opinion.

[Pacifist Patriot]

84. Ask point blank and dump him at the first sign of any negative vibes.

[In_The_Wind]

87. I did ask him if he was single when he ask me out.

I made it clear to him that I don't want to hurt anyone by dating someone who is already involved.

[Pacifist Patriot]

88. I mean ask again voicing suspicions.

[In_The_Wind]

90. I do intend to ask him about everything.

He talks a good game, making plans with me for later this Fall is a good way to cover his missing time now. He is a self employed workaholic. Winter is his free time.

It's my questions about his companion before we started seeing each other that I want answered first. Did they break-up? Was she pregnant with his child? Is he paying support (I hope so)?

[Rising Phoenix]

89. cut his ass loose....

you can do better

[In_The_Wind]

92. Thanks, Rising Phoenix.

My biggest problem is that I really am shy. I never go out where there are singles :shrug: I haven't a clue where to go around here to meet people.

It won't be difficult to say goodbye to him. I'll be heading south in a few weeks to pick up stuff for the camper and looking for this winter's home. I don't really need to find a new place until late November. Perhaps I'll meet some interesting guys this year. I'll have my trike with more space to ride than last year and that will be good for my head.



:loveya::yourock: