Friend conundrum.

[LaraMN]

My friend wants to go dancing this weekend and I told her I'll go with her. She's a recovering alcoholic and told me she wants me to feel free to drink even though she's there, and can't.
I'm not comfortable drinking around someone who has had massive alcohol issues. I'd rather not drink if I'm with her, but I don't want her to feel as though she's *robbing* me of anything. I really don't need to drink to have fun.

How do I assure her that I REALLY don't mind refraining, and that she isn't somehow lessening the experience and being a downer?

[commander bunnypants]

1. you cant

dont drink. If she does that is her situation

CB

[LaraMN]

3. I'd rather she not associate me with drinking.

I don't want to make it harder than it already is for her.

[commander bunnypants]

2. on second thought

how do you dance on ice?


CB

[Oeditpus Rex]

4. How long has she been sober?

When an alcoholic says "Go ahead and drink," they aren't just being polite. It can also be a self-test or affirmation. If she's relatively recently sober, that's more likely the case.

Once an alcoholic gets to a certain point of sobriety (which varies by the individual), they go from "I can't drink" to "I don't drink."

[Gormy Cuss]

5. By having a good time dancing, laughing, and enjoying your nonalcoholic drinks.

You know, acting like you're having as much fun as you would if there were alcohol involved.

[RetroLounge]

6. You need to understand your drinking has nothing to do with hers

You'll be in a bar full of people drinking. Her reaction is out of your control.

If you want to drink, then do. If you don't, then don't.

Just send us pictures of you dancing and we'll be happy :D

RL

[billyskank]

7. I wouldn't drink either

I mean, if I did drink, which I don't.

Just tell her that you don't mind not drinking and don't require it for fun. It's the truth, so just be simple and straightforward.

[Zavulon]

8. Tell her you're on antibiotics or something.

You're taking medication and couldn't drink if you wanted to. That's your story.

[undeterred]

9. The fact that she's still talking about it probably means its still hard for her

So if I were you, I would not drink. Be one of her non-drinking friends. Its much harder than she wants to admit, so you doing this one little thing will make it just a little easier.

I hardly drink at all- in fact the only time I drink is in social situations. But I have a lot of friends who are recovered alcoholics. So if I am with them in these situations I don't drink- because it doesn't mean a thing to me and maybe it makes it just a little easier for them.

[izzybeans]

10. It's a test for a recovering alcoholic. Example: My uncle was never sure that he

could remain sober until he started hanging out with his friends and family that liked to drink. Part of that was them being comfortable around them, to do what they normally did. It was actually a part of his "treatment". He had been very distant for a while because of this. Now he goes out on the town with no issues (it's been several years). He avoided it for a while and thought he was okay, until he was placed in a position to answer the "what are ya having question?" he had to become comfortable with his own answer. "I'll have a water thanks!"

If they can't be around it they have work to do. If she is expressing her comfort then she's asking you to be confortable as well.

It may take some time, it's always hard to tell. If you go out of your way to change your behavior for your friend, you may need to be careful that you do not do the opposite of your intentions, which would be to help her recover.

[hyphenate]

11. Have one drink

like a light beer or something, and then drink ginger ale the rest of the night. OR if you know the bartender, tell him you're trying to give the impression that you're drinking, and when you order, tell him to just bring ginger ale all night.