Always pads....

[reyd reid reed]

I got this in an e-mail. This woman is my new hero.



AN OPEN LETTER TO
> MR. JAMES THATCHER,
> BRAND MANAGER,
> PROCTER & GAMBLE.
> - - - -
> Dear Mr. Thatcher,
>
> I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I
> appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or
> Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
> dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
> tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
> Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
> crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and
> secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
>
> Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
> "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting
> right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging
> through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll
> be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly
> with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
>
> As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen
> quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
> monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating,
> puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings,
> crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time
> for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent
> urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
> because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken
> chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
> just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants.
>
> Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the
> throes
> of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my
> uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive
> backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."
>
> Are you f **king kidding me?
>
> What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really
> think happiness-actual smiling, laughing happiness-is possible during a
> menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?
> Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there
> will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack
> yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so
> you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a
> sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God,
> pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi
> pad wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent,
> like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"?
> Or are you just picking on us?
>
> Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately,
> there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my
> maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
> Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending
> bulls** t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
>
> Best,
> Wendi Aarons
> Austin, TX

[Kali]

1. here is another

>This was an actual letter sent to Kotex by somebody who works for
>the Netcare Group.
>
> >Dear Kotex,
> >
> >I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my panty liner had a
> >bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
> >
> >
> >* Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
> >* Avoiding caffeine or chocolate may help reduce cramps and
> >headaches.
> >* Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and
> >feeling fresh.
> >* Try Kotex blah blah blah other products
> >
> >Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never
> >possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating
>woman
> >that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh.
> >See what happens and report back. I'll wait.
> >
> >While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the
> >chocolate from the vending machine. I guaran-friggin-tee that the first
> >responders will be females who just ovulated..
> >
> >Look, women don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene
> >products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that
> >from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted
> >their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.
> >
> >Printing out shit advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that
> >was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and
> >enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.
> >
> >Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's
> >not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or
> >bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging.
> >Put the shit in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts
> >discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is
> >nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing
> >your uterine state to everyone in the store.
> >
> >So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass.
> >
> >Ovarily Yours,
> >
> >Miss PMS

[reyd reid reed]

4. Heh...I like that one, too.

Don'tcha just LOVE it when men -- who don't have ovaries, never have had ovaries and never WILL have ovaries -- tell us how to deal with ours?

Isn't that just so spe-SHUL???

[Oeditpus Rex]

2. I wouldn't piss 'em off

Unless you wanna go back to belts.




:hide:

[reyd reid reed]

3. Hmmmph...

You'd better hide....

:P

[kath]

13. Ahhh, the belt. A most lovely device that I remember from my youth.

[reyd reid reed]

15. Wasn't it fun?

And it'd slip sometimes. Or show.

:scared:

[Missy Vixen]

55. Or migrate somewhere it shouldn't.

'Nuff said.

:scared:

Julie

p.s. My husband can't understand why I'm in here laughing till I'm crying.

[WolverineDG]

65. My mom gave me a belt

but I never used it. I was a "bad" girl who would sneak into grocery stores & buy Tampax instead. :wow:

dg

[hedgehog]

64. That memory makes me question once again just how any woman

got talked into wearing a thong?

[mike_c]

5. cranky cranky cranky....

I mean, if I had cramps and bloating and achy breasts and felt generally pissed off or emotional about every little fucking thing I'd think little smiley faces on my maxipad adhesive strip would be just the thing to cheer me up.

Women! You just can't understand them.

[reyd reid reed]

6. You don't have to...

just make sure you've got a clever hiding place picked out.

:P

[Justpat]

31. You're single aren't you? n/t

[mike_c]

46. how'd you guess...?

:rofl:

[BlackVelvet04]

7. Those two letters are the funniest thing

I've read in a long time. I haven't had a period in many years because of a hysterectomy but I can still relate. Thanks for the posts!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[reyd reid reed]

10. Ain't they great?

:hi:

[BlackVelvet04]

11. I well remember how I felt

and if I opened a package that said "have a nice period" I would want to rip someone's lips off.

I'm still laughing and I hope nobody minds but I posted these on another board.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

8. While she's at it, she might ask why

they made their nice long overnight pads shorter. Was it to save a few pennies a pad? Was it so they could afford to imprint "Have a nice period" on the stupid throw-away label?

As someone who now needs to use two of their fucking pads to keep from embarrassing myself, I really don't appreciate it. And yes, the pads are smaller, I'm not bigger. I compared old pads to newer ones, and found them to be 1/2 inch shorter. For some of us, it makes a huge difference.

[reyd reid reed]

9. I thought it was just me...

thought maybe I was just imagining it.

[unsavedtrash]

12. when I first saw the happy message I just sat there and cried.

I was having major problems that ended up with my having a hysterectomy.
I thought it was a horrible joke. Evil fucks from hell.

[reyd reid reed]

14. They just don't get it.

Sad thing is, I don't think they ever will. I wanna throw something at the tv every time they have one of those commercials. I think they've heard enough shit over that one and I'm not seeing it any more.

[libnnc]

16. Yes! Yes! Yes!

I actually said :wtf: out loud in the grocery store once after I saw that on the package.

That ROCKS!!

[reyd reid reed]

17. I'm tellin' ya...

this e-mail Spoke to me.

:hi:

[cwydro]

18. OK

I am not using some stupid initials like LMAO. I am actually laughing my fucking head off with your post. THANK YOU! Actually I do use Always...and have not noticed the new "slogan'...but the way you absolutely spoke to our "period" experience" was FANTASTIC.

Thank you.

And yes. I am pmsing.

Next week I will check for the slogan:rofl:

[reyd reid reed]

19. Listen to the commercial the next time they air one...

I know it used to say the same thing. With a little fuckin' smiley face at the end. They might have pulled it by now though...I imagine there were men all over the country complaining about smashed tv screens....

:P

[cwydro]

20. WTF?

you know I never see commercials for pads or whatever. Cialis and Viagra, oh yeah, but never noticed Always ads....perhaps I screen them out of my consciousness....

[reyd reid reed]

21. Wish I could...

I've had my youngest son ask me about 'erectile dysfunction' and I've had my kids ask me (those Valtrex ads, y'know), "Mom, what are genital herpes?"

Now...I realize that these are things that should be discussed -- but they always remember to ask, oh, in the produce section at the grocery store. At the dinner table at Grandma's...

I'd like to be able to tune 'em out. I just can't.

:cry:

[cwydro]

22. OMG

I cannot imagine how you would explain erectile dysfuncion to a young boy, Um...perhps you shouldn't.:rofl:

[GaYellowDawg]

33. He'll find out eventually.

Just a matter of time.

[cwydro]

27. ...

:rofl:

[grannylib]

28. My daughter heard the term "blow job" on the playground when she was in

first grade and asked me what it meant while we were on a crowded elevator at the hospital, going to visit a friend. ;-)

[Arkansas Granny]

36. My sister had a couple of these questions from her son.

The first was about age 3 when he spotted a box of her FHP as she was unloading groceries and referred to them as "her favorite old things". The reasoning behind it: "You buy them all the time and you never give me any".

The second was at age 5 or 6 when he asked: "Mom, just what is a douche?" She said she had to tell him that it was something that ladies used to keep their skin soft. She didn't think he'd believe it if she told him what it was actually used for.

[ScreamingMeemie]

71. "keep their skin soft"

:rofl: Talk about a woman who can think on her feet.

I usually just answer,"It's stuff.."

[Skittles]

29. I agree it is a condescending note

but not all of us gals lose our friggin' minds once a month

[dropkickpa]

57. Exactly

I hate the myth that all women are chocolate pounding raging bitches during their periods, and women feeding into it just reinforces so many negative stereotypes. We hear so often that we should be these irrational monsters during our periods that many women, I am sure, assimilate that and emulate it, because that's how they think they should act.

Very few of my friends have ever acted or felt the way the women in the letters describe. I'm sure, when the men the letters were addressed to read them, they just started laughing and said "Must be her time of the month."

Of course, when I was pregnant, I was almost psychotically insane (just ask my family, they were counting down the days until I finally spawned).

The tips given by kotex were actually very good tips, and they actually work. Why get angry over that?

[Jamastiene]

61. Obviously, you've never suffered from PMS or PMDD.

You see, some of us really are psychotic during our menstrual cycles, not because some stereotype told us we should be, but because we really do want an Uzi and a bottle of rum to ease the pain.

I'm glad you and your lucky friends have never ever had to suffer during your period, but the rest of us do. And trust me, it fucking hurts.

[dropkickpa]

62. I never said it doesn't happen

But ALL women do not suffer from them, which is what the stereotype is, and what I was referring to. PMDD is a totally different thing from the "All women are psycho on the rag" stereotype, it is a true disorder, and not all women suffer from it (I think the number is somewhere between 5-8% of women). It is not fair to characterize all women by the ones who have to suffer through it, which is what those angry letters seem to be doing IMO.

Girls have enough trouble with coming to terms with their bodies/periods (shame, feeling somehow "dirty", etc, which aren't helped by popular culture) for this type of stereotype to be acceptable.

This country has so many puritanical issues with women in general, and especially with bodily functions of women, that generalized playing into the stereotypes helps no one (same as some women play "dumb" because smart supposedly isn't attractive).

If we can get rid of the stereotype, women with true problems, such as yourself, will begin to be taken more seriously by both the medical field and the general population, and perhaps more progress will be made in figuring out ways to alleviate their suffering.

[Jamastiene]

66. I agree that stereotyping women and having a condescending

attitude toward women has gone on for far too long, but there are a bunch of us out here who do need letters like those to remind us we are not alone. I didn't honestly get the ALL in that letter, though. Just that many of us do find any idea of a happy period silly. :hi:

[dropkickpa]

69. I agree, happy is silly

Whatever genius thought that one up is a twit. I'd rather see "Have a productive period" and show some high-powered CEO lady ordering around her minions, or a foreman (female) directing construction, or a woman going about her daily routine, something that isn't just dippy.

[Jamastiene]

72. Precisely.

They treat us with such a condescending attitude. The least they could do is show us doing something that can be taken serious instead of all leisurely activities as if we have nothing else to do all day but be oh so happy that we started our period. We aren't their pets. Didn't they get the memo that we have brains and personalities?

[Skittles]

63. we are not saying some gals don't suffer terribly

we are saying NOT ALL OF US DO

[Jamastiene]

67. Gotcha.

I obviously misread the post, but I must say the OP is a refreshing take that hits home for many of us.

[SeattleGirl]

23. Freakin' GREAT letters!

Gad, I remember the "old days" when we called pads "mattress pads" because that's hwo big they were. I remember once, standing in line at the store, with the smallest box I could find (which could hold a refrigerator, btw), and the cutest boy in school, whom I had a HUGE crush on, got in line behind me. I wished so much that the floor would just open up and swallow me. :blush:

[Missy Vixen]

24. Wendi Aarons screams for me

When I saw that sentence on the tearaway strip on the feminine hygiene product, I thought I was seeing things as well.

I think all FHP's should come with free chocolate inside. It's the least they can do.

Julie

[SeattleGirl]

26. And a small bottle of booze, too.

[Missy Vixen]

53. A teeny, tiny little Blue Hawaiian

How are you doing, SeattleGirl? Should I arrange another get-together for Seattle-area DU'ers? ;-)

Julie

[QMPMom]

25. Excellent! I am laughing to keep from crying!

Every word of that is so true.

Remember when it was either Kotex (blue box for regular, lavender for super) or Modess Pads - which were both about a yard thick? And you had 2 choices for each: regular or super? And if you wanted to buy more than 12 pads the box needed it's own trailer on the back of the car to transport?!?

Now there is an entire damn aisle in the store! Why do we need an entire aisle? Why do the packages have to be in nearly neon colors?

I want to see condoms and viagra in giant neon packages. Oh wait! Men would just *love* to advertise to the world that they are having sex. They'd love the giant neon packages. It would show the world that they are still studly. Or *think* that they are! :eyes:

[Missy Vixen]

52. QMPMom, you rawk

>I want to see condoms and viagra in giant neon packages.<

Okay, it's like this. Without TMI or getting myself in a pickle, :hi: I had occasion to visit the local Target for some - ahem - birth control items. They remodeled the store I was in, so I was somewhat lost. Then I was having a difficult time finding the items I planned on purchasing, so I asked a female store employee where they might be located. You'd think I'd asked where the meth was located.

It's 2007. I didn't think that there would still be so much shock when anyone asked for those particular items.

Julie

[Deja Q]

30. Yipes.

:(

[Justpat]

32. I laughed so hard I cried. n/t

[GaYellowDawg]

34. As a man, I know what's best for that time...

... whatever the hell she tells me.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

40. LOL.

:rofl:

[Arkansas Granny]

35. This is great. I'm going to email this to every woman I know.

[femmedem]

37. As my sister once wrote to me on a postcard:

And why do stores have to put the good brand of tampons on the top shelf? Don't they know their target audience probably isn't six feet tall?

[BarenakedLady]

38. LoL!

:applause:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

39. I wish I could go on with you all, but I don't get homicidal.

:D

I get pissed off to no extent, because I am not regular and have no way of reliably predicting it, and so when it's been 6 months since I last bled, as is sometimes the case, the blood that comes out is enough to send me to the bathroom every hour to change a super plus absorbency. :grr:

But...I don't get moody. Angry that I have to bleed like fuck, but not hormonally enraged, if you get the difference. It's a much colder anger. Perhaps more dangerous, but whatever.

I honestly do not enjoy it even a litle, and I didn't enjoy it when I first got it, either. I just thought, "Fuck. I have to be a woman now? Dammit!" Sometimes I wish I could just stop it, go into extremely early menopause or something, except that's not fun either.....:mad:

[hippiechick]

43. Same here ...

... I have oddly been blessed with an extremely irregular cycle throughout my life - I can literally go 6 months without a period. My worst complaint is that (obviously) my estrogen is out of whack and I get ass-kicker migraines if I forget to dose up on my herbal supplements.

I don't get all the rage and indignation. :shrug:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

44. Yeah, neither do I.

I'm quite androgynous as it is (my brain was exactly androgynous on one of those "what sex is your brain?" quizzes, and I don't really get a lot of female stuff, such as going wacko over boys or clothes or make-up or shopping and yet don't get male stuff either), so I guess this is just that being manifested.

[davsand]

41. I had to send this one around.

It made me laugh REALLY loud.


Laura

[lizziegrace]

42. ...

:rofl:

"an inbred hillbilly
> with knife skills."

My sister once went after her now-ex husband with a hot iron. :)

[Hugin]

45. Would this be a bad time to mention...

the 'Unified Cycle Theory' here at DU and in the Lounge?

:hide:

(I think it deserves it's own Forum like the 9/11 people.)

[Nikia]

47. I don't get out of control emotionally or anything

Sometimes, I get annoyed easier at work because I hurt and worry about bleeding through the pad on my heavier days since I have to perform at a high level at work every day. It was the same when I was a competitive runner. It was hard to be doing my best and I got annoyed if my coach gave me a hard time about that. Now I was never like my cousin or sister's best friend who missed school the first day of their period throughout high school, but it is hard trying to be at my best then.
I do think that a lot of our attitudes to our periods is culturual. There are actually female feminists who say that we would be happier if we embraced our periods rather than having it be a somewhat taboo subject and to look at it negatively. Perhaps, that is what the Always message is about.
There were also probably some women who did think that this was a good idea. I temped at a company that made feminine hygeine products and women working on that product (from an r&d/engineering standpoint) outnumbered men which is significant because chemical engineering is a profession where men greatly outnumber women.

[spinbaby]

48. Wait...

Chemical engineers make feminine hygeine products?

[Nikia]

50. They did at that company anyway

Checking their competitors as well, they prefer that their research and development people are chemical engineers.

[skygazer]

68. See, I 've never understood this stuff about "embracing" it

Putting up with it, yeah. I have to do that. But that doesn't mean I'm going to "embrace" it. As for looking at it negatively, I can't see much that's positive about bleeding for a week out of every single goddamn month between the time you're about 13 and the time you're maybe 55 (except when you're pregnant, of course, another time of joy).

Okay, sure, we all do it and it's a sign that our bodies are working properly and that we're (theoretically) capable of giving birth (have I mentioned the joys of pregnancy and childbirth?).

Oh, yeah, we're supposed to love that, too.

Well, I'm happy to be a woman and I've never wanted to be a man. And I love my kids and carrying them and giving birth to them was an amazing experience. But I'm not going to pretend that there weren't things about it that SUCKED big time and I'm not going to pretend that having my period is anything to get happy about (except that it indicates I'm not pregnant again). Because it's not. It's messy and inconvenient and a royal pain in the neck.

[leftofthedial]

49. *That* is one tough demographic

I'm glad my market is just a bunch of drunks . . .

[Left Is Write]

51. Okay - am I the only woman for whom "that time" is no big deal...

and I am no more or less "happy" than I would be any other time of the month?

I get a little water weight two weeks ahead of time that lasts a few days, but otherwise no big deal. Doesn't bother me, slow me down, or change my life in any significant way.

The slogan "have a happy period" is only meant to imply that the Always products will make life easier and more convenient for you during your period, not that you have to jump for joy that you're getting it.

[Missy Vixen]

56. Left Is Write, I'll bet you are just as delightful then

as you are now, and that goes for Skittles, too. ;-)

My symptoms started getting worse when I hit my 40's. I keep telling myself I probably have another 3-5 years of this and I should just chill out, but there is a 24-48 hour window each month that just about anything will make me cry, and I need to minimize my contact with other people as a result. I should mention that the rest of the time, I am not a crier.

I think that the marketing person that came up with the idea might need to go back to the drawing board and rethink. Of course, that's IMHO.

Julie

[liontamer]

54. What a nut!

getting your period isn't a big shameful horror. It's a physical process that you can anticipate and medicate if necessary. I'm glad that people are making an effort to destigmatize it. I hope as a culture we all outgrow this unhealthy attitude to menstruation.

[crim son]

58. Wow. I'm a bitch the day before my period

and rather subdued during. It's a mess and it's inconvenient but whatever small aggression I feel toward my own bodily function I don't have any urge to be pissed of at anybody about. I know: I'm quite lucky to have it so easy.

[Shine]

59. That was fucking funny!

:rofl:

Although, I suffer from monthly cramps I try not to view it as a "curse" b/c I find that terminology to be extrememly unempowering.

I believe when women are bleeding we are actually more fully in our personal power and our connection to the earth with its natural cycles and rhythms. It's a time our bodies give us to pull back from the out world and get in touch with the inner wisdom we have.

At least that's the positive perspective I TRY to keep as I dose with Advil! :D heh.

[Jamastiene]

60. Wendi Aarons is a goddess in my book.

I'd sign a petition written by her on this subject. Damn, she's good. I say, Bravo, well said.

:rofl:

[ScreamingMeemie]

70. Wow...People actually look at the little strip of paper on the back of a pad?

I'm usually too busy to think about it.

That is a funny letter. :hi:

[Kerrytravelers]

73. The "Have a Happy Period" irritates me every time I see it.

It is the joke between the women in my circle. We now wish each other to have a happy period, like it's some freaking holiday.

[fortyfeetunder]

74. K&R #4....

happy period my @$$... :grr:

I think something foul is in the Cincinnati air for folks to be thinking like this. Maybe happy for HIM ($$$$$)....


Have you seen the have a happy period commercials on prime time? Just what the family ordered :sarcasm: