An essay about loss by Cortney Davis that was on NPR "This I Believe"

[Maddy McCall]

Yesterday, Cortney Davis read this essay on NPR's "This I Believe" segment. She's a nurse, and she has changed the way she sees the grief process. I heard it while I was on the road yesterday--I boohooed through the whole thing, as I recalled the loss of my grandmother.

I hope y'all find it as touching as I did.

A Way to Honor Life
by Cortney Davis

I believe in grief. Almost every day, when I walk into the hospital where I work as a nurse practitioner, I hear crying, moaning or wailing: A young woman has miscarried. An elderly widower is holding his wife's belongings. A mother stands guard over her badly burned child.

Once, I would have rushed to comfort these people. Uncomfortable myself with their grief, I'd want to ease their sadness with my cheer and consolation. I'd hug a patient and tell her to "try to get pregnant next month." I would reassure the widower, telling him, "Your wife had a long life." I'd enter the burned child's room in intensive care with a smile, rather than encouraging the mother to weep in my arms.

When my own mother died, I was terrified, confused about how I was expected to act. Was I allowed to be the grieving daughter, or should I be the competent, grief-denying professional? I held my mother's wrist, counting her pulse as it slowed. After her last breath, I rang for the nurse. Heart pounding, I waved goodbye to my mother, her gray hair bright against the sheets, and said, "Bye, mom," in the cheery voice I'd practiced all my life. I didn't know then that I could have climbed into bed and held her, that I should have wailed when she was gone.

It wasn't until I had stayed with many dying patients and, finally, with my dying father, that I allowed myself to grieve — for my parents, for those lost patients, for all their loved ones who, as I once did, held back their tears. At my father's death I cried like a child, not caring that I made the gulping noises of unrestrained mourning. Now, years later, I know that it is both necessary and human for us to wallow, each in our own way, in grief.

I no longer comfort others with false cheer....

More at: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7136723

[flamingyouth]

1. Thanks for posting that.

Excellent.:thumbsup:

[NC_Nurse]

2. Wonderful post.

Thank you. :hug: