Things we'll never hear Shrub say:

[Rabrrrrrr]

I'll go first.

Overheard in a rare collectible bookstore, "Well, I was hoping for The Divine Comedy in it's original Italian, to calm my anxiety on the flight over to Prague to receive an arts and humanities award from Vaclav Havel, but if all you have is this modern Italian translation, that's what I'll go with. It's loses some of the nuance, but let's face it - I've read it so much, shouldn't make a difference anyway, eh? Heh heh. I always love . . . hey, that copy of 'Trout Fishing in America', is that really a signed first edition? Laura - look! - another one for my collection of Californian writers!"

We can at least dream that we have a president who thinks, can't we?

[Norquist Nemesis]

1. OMG!!! ROFLMAO!!!

I thought "I'll go first" was a wishful quote.

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. LOL! You're right!

I hadn't thought of it, but yeah, I would mind hearing the little coward war criminal say "I'll go first" when i tapplies to anything other than a buffet line, bar, or corporate handout.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

5. Follow Me! or

Come on you Sons Of Bitches... you want to live forever?

or

Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!

or

We must all hang together or most assuredly we shall hang separately.

or

any famous american quote from the last 250 years.

except of course, Bring 'em on.

[Norquist Nemesis]

6. I'm still laughing!

It's the best one!

[wtmusic]

2. * is the Divine Comedy

a tall order. I'd be happy if the guy could construct a sentence!

[sasquatch]

4. Here's another one

"There's too many white people in this administration, Karl it's time I let you go and take that fundamentalist bastard Ashcroft with you."

[eileen_d]

7. LOL at that one

How about these:

"The gap between rich and poor in the United States is increasing at an alarming rate."

"Two phrases I regret to have associated with the Iraq War: 'Mission Accomplished' and 'Bring It On.' Can you forgive me?"

"Today I'd like to talk about the 9/11 investigation, specifically the role of my administration before and after that horrible day."

"Prosecuting corporate criminals will be a top priority in 2004."

and more related to the original post:

"No, I'd prefer the unabridged version of that book on tape by James Joyce."

[opihimoimoi]

9. But Laura, Ari and I were just pretending to be Gay, honest.

[punpirate]

8. Many come to mind:

"I have renounced all worldly things and have joined a Benedictine monastery, and have taken a vow of silence. I hereby resign the presidency."

To Larry King: "I have failed at everything in life except winning public office, and I couldn't have won without the dirty tricks of Karl Rove. Quite simply, I'm a rich-kid fuck-up. I've deluded the American people at every opportunity. I'm the biggest liar ever to inhabit the Oval Office, and that includes Nixon and McKinley and my dad."

[Rabrrrrrr]

10. You know, we're just not supporting the arts properly.

We should be more like Europe. Don't you think we're spedning too much on the military, Dick?

[AlFrankenFan]

11. Here's another one he'll never say

"I'm sorry."

I do have a link to the English translation of The Divine Comedy online.

[CanuckAmok]

12. No thanks, I'm driving.

n/t

[BringEmOn]

13. "I've got nothing to hide...

therefore, I'm appointing an independent counsel to investigate 9-11, and my administration's involvement, along with my family's involvement with the Saudis."

"My administration will fully cooperate with the investigation into the illegal and immoral Iraq War and any war crimes that have been alleged. My administration will cooperate fully with the World Court in their investigations."

"The independent counsel will also have full, unfettered access to Vice President Cheney's energy meeting papers along with full financial disclosure concerning Cheney's dealings with Halliburton, along with my financial ties to Ken Lay and Enron."

"I will also release the Ronald Reagan presidential papers and appoint another independent counsel to investigate Iran-Contra and other alleged crimes committed during the Reagan/Bush I administrations."

"I have nothing to hide....bring it on!"

[salinen]

14. "Some of those folks I had executed

while Governor may have been innocent."

[Lisa]

15. "Thank you so much for inviting me to give the keynote speech ..."

"... at the 10th international summit on global warming. But before I summarize recent advances made by our Environmental Protection Agency scientists ... you'll have to forgive my going on about this topic, but I just love studying these issues so much! ... before I do that, it gives me great pleasure to sign the Kyoto Protocol, bringing the United States into the community of nations determined to lead the world into a safer, more sustainable future."

[Zuni]

16. Based on the calculations I have done

I have concluded the suspected black hole in the star cluster G-107A is perhaps the closest such point of gravitational proximity that it actually distorts the light rays of ther outer bands of the milky way galaxy, near the constellation of gemini. Using a complex system based on Einstein's theory of gravity as a distortion is the spatial fabric caused by matter itself rather than Newton's hypothesis of gravity as force, I have concluded that perhaps we are being slowly drawn into the orbit of this supermassive black hole.
I do this kind of stuff in my spare time.

[Zuni]

17. Oh, I got another

I have been perusing historical texts on the ancient greek city state of Athens, while examinng tyhe evolution of their cultures, laws and politics using the Kantian dialectic of history as an evolving concept, based on the learnings and lessons of the previous generations. It seems to me that Marx's dictum of the class in power controlling the society does not apply here, because according to the Roman historian Cleftus Arenonous, in Athens the debates were generally brought forth from....etc

[Rabrrrrrr]

18. That one's great!

well said!

[NoPasaran]

19. "I made a mistake"

[Rabrrrrrr]

20. "I'd love to accept an honorary doctorate, Mr. Jones,

and I appreciate you wanting to give me one, but as your university isn't accredited, I have to stand firm on my scruples and respectfully deny your generous offer, so as not to be slapping the faces of those who have legimately earned the title of Doctor, and those who have studied and made inroads into knowledge through acceptable scientific and historical processes without clouding their research with vain and ultimately unhelpful attempts to make their theories fit your brand of religious dogma and doctrine. I'm sure you can understand my perspective on this."

[foreigncorrespondent]

21. In order to save the...

...sanctity of marriage I am declaring that gay marriage is now legal in the United States.