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As promised, here's part two of the W. one-act play. I hope everyone enjoys it. Although there was a lot of pressure to make it as entertaining as part one, so hopefully I haven't let anyone down.
W: A day in the life
Part Two
Scene: Cooridor outside Oval Office. GEORGE W. BUSH, president, is creeping down the hallway. He looks back and forth, and as he approaches SECRET SERVICE AGENTS he bends down.
After passing SECRET SERVICE AGENTS, Bush opens side-door to Oval Office. He walks in, backwards, and collides with KARL ROVE, who is standing near the Oval Office desk.
Bush: Whoops! Hey Karl! Good morning!
Rove: Sir, it's 1:30 p.m.
Bush: It is? He looks at his watch.
Bush: No, it's 9:00. I'm right on time for work.
Rove: We sent Colin Powell in to try and wake you up. He didn't have any luck. He said you mumbled something about dancing penguins.
Bush, now sitting at his desk: Uhh....So, where's my schedule?
Rove: On your desk, sir. Do you see the folder? It's orange and says GEORGE'S SCHEDULE in big letters.
Bush looks at his desk, pushing papers around and knocking them to the floor.
Bush: I don't see it, Karl, are you sure it's here?
Rove: You're touching it with your left hand, sir.
Bush looks again.
Bush: I'm not following you, Karl.
Rove: Your other left, sir.
Bush looks at his left hand, which is resting on the ORANGE FOLDER. He opens it.
Bush: My two o'clock. Who's Dan Quayle?
Rove: He's the former vice-president, sir.
Bush: Vice-president of what?
Rove: The United States. He was your father's vice-president.
Bush: No, that's not right. Dan Quayle. Isn't he that gay fellow?
Rove: Gay fellow, sir?
Bush: That guy on TV.
Rove: Richard Simmons?
Bush: No, not him.
Rove: Christopher Lowell?
Bush: That's him! The home improvement guy! Why is he here?
Rove: It's not Christopher Lowell, sir, it's Dan Quayle.
Bush: Karl, I think I'd remember Dan Quayle. Never met the man.
Rove brings in a TELEVISION and VCR on a portable cart. He turns everything on and runs the tape. The scene that plays is GEORGE W. BUSH in the Oval Office shaking hands with DAN QUAYLE.
Bush (on tape): Glad to finally meet you, Dan.
Quayle: Thanks, George.
Bush: My dad is a good judge of character. Glad he picked you. We're in good hands if dad is ever shot or killed by a bull. They run wild in D.C., you know.
Quayle: Yes, thank you, George.
Rove turns tape off.
Bush: Doesn't ring a bell, Karl. But that's not important. Got something to show you.
BUSH digs into his pocket and pulls out a plastic, egg-shaped item.
Bush: Do you know what this is?
Rove: No, sir, I don't.
Bush: It's from Japan. It's a...TommyGucci, yeah, that's what they call it.
BUSH hands the Tamagotchi to Rove.
Rove: I believe it's called a Tamagotchi, sir.
Bush: The Asian market, Karly. That's the ticket.
Rove hands the Tamagotchi back to Bush. Bush takes the toy and sits at his desk.
Bush: Well, Karl, guess what I call it?
Rove: I don't know, sir.
Bush: C'mon, guess, I bet you can't.
Rove: Do you call it the TommyGucci?
Bush: No! It's a liberal simulator!
Rove: A liberal simulator?
Bush: Exactly. BUSH punches some buttons on the Tamagotchi.
Bush: See, Karl, this here creature is your standard liberal. Always wanting big government to help 'em out. It's begging for food and attention.
Rove: Yes...
Bush: And since I'm little government, I tell the liberals to find a job. And get this, Karl: this toy, after a few days, the liberal dies!
Rove: Sir, I believe the goal is to take care of a virtual pet. It's not a person.
Bush: Don't care. Can we sell these? Think of the money we'd make!
Rove: We cannot sell them, sir.
Bush: Well, why not? Get on it.
Rove: I guess I can give Ollie North a call. Maybe he can make the arrangments to sell the Tamagotchi through a third party.
Bush: Now that's thinking! Say, Karl, I want you to get Hannity on the phone. Tell 'em to plug the virutal liberal. Tell him I want him to mention it 75 times on his show.
Rove: 75 times?
Bush: Yeah, get the word out. You know they got those dolls? There's one of me in my Top Gun suit, and one of that firebrand, what's her name?
Rove: Paris Hilton?
Bush: No, no, it's...Ann Richards, I think. You know, the gal that's always tellin' them liberals what to do?
Rove: That's Ann Coulter, sir.
Bush: No, I'm positive it's Ann Richards.
Rove: Sir, Ann Richards was the governor of Texas.
Bush: No she wasn't.
Rove: Yes, she was.
Bush: No, you're wrong there, Karl.
Rove: She was governor before you, sir.
Bush: Really? Are you sure?
Rove: Positive, sir.
BUSH looks at his TAMAGOTCHI.
Bush: Whoops! Another liberal welfare queen down the toilet. Bush THROWS the Tamagotchi against the Oval Office wall, where it shatters.
Rove: Sir, why do you do that?
Bush: Do what?
Rove: You destroy things. You use it and, when you've done what you've wanted with it, you destroy it.
Bush: And that would be...
Rove: Wasteful.
Bush: Naah, things cost a quarter, Karl. Some super-computer in Tokyo just spits 'em out by the boatload.
Rove: Okay, sure.
Bush: Now, on to this Quayle fellow. What does he want?
Rove: He wants you to help in some fund raising.
Bush: What??? Why? I aint helpin' that Dean fellow win!
Rove: Sir, Dan Quayle is not trying to raise money for Howard Dean.
Bush: Are you sure? Thought I read that on Drudge the other day.
Rove: Drudge was wrong, sir.
Bush: Damn. Okay. Dan Quayle. Dad's Vice-President.
BUSH's face goes blank for five minutes.
Bush: I got nothing.
Rove: He just wants you to help raise some money for his museum.
Bush: Museum? Government aint supposed to fund the arts, Karl.
Rove: It's a private museum.
Bush: Yeah? And?
Rove: Sir, it's a good cause.
Bush: Well, okay, if that's what you think. Send him in.
TO BE CONTINUED
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