New J-Lo / Affleck film described as lowpoint in cinema history...

[Pert_UK]

"If early reviews are anything to go by, the pairing of the real-life love birds in the movie "Gigli" looks set to bomb when it opens at the U.S. box office Friday.

Among its biggest problems is a love scene in which Lopez spreads her legs and tells a smoldering Affleck, "It's turkey time. Gobble, gobble."...

"Witless, coarse, and vulgar, 'Gigli' is worse than its advance buzz could have indicated," wrote Fox News critic Roger Friedman. "The film -- if you can call it that -- is a total, mindless disaster." "

Full story:

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=638&ncid=579&e=1&u=/nm/20030730/en_nm/leisure_gigli_dc

Don't be confused by the rocks that I got,
I'm still, I'm still a hopelessly talentless annoying bag of self-obsessed shit......

No offence.

P.

[ForrestGump]

1. It's turkey time?

Well, yeah, I guess in terms of the movie's likely cinematic value. News of this property's direness - it's intrinsic suckiness - somehow just doesn't surprise me.

Is there a turkey baster involved in that scene?

Makes the mind gobble.

[Fenris]

6. Turkey time...I don't know what that means, but it sounds disgusting.

And frankly, I have no desire to engage in "turkey time," especially with Hennifer Chlopez. Whatever happened to polite requests for oral sex?

"Excuse me, James. Would you like to engage in cunnilingus with me?"

See, that was easy. And polite. No references to yard fowl or eating or (for Christ's sake) "gobbling". Just plain, simple oral sex.

If any girl told me it was turkey time and made gobbling noises, I'd tell her to put her skirt back on and get the hell out of my home. That's just a little crude for my tastes.

See, J. Lo does ruin everything she engages in: singing, acting, dancing, and oral sex!

[ForrestGump]

8. And Thanksgiving will never be the same again

I agree, 100%. The woman is just awful - famous for being famous, and now famous for comparing her delicate personal regions to a decapitated bird stuffed with breadcrumbs. Really appetizing. The feathers, alone, could choke poor James to death.

And Ben Anaphylactic, undoubtedly with his pop-up timer ready to shoot, may not be a whole lot better.

[Fenris]

10. Are we to gather from that comment that Ms. Lopez...

has a rather bizarre, irregular, and unattractive vagina? I don't mean to be vulgar, but maybe she's telling her audience something. "Hello, I'm J. Lo and my nether regions are shaped like a flightless bird that is slow cooked on special occasions and holidays. Eat up, Ben."

:toast: Loved the pop-up timer reference.

[ForrestGump]

14. Cheers!

And let's not speculate on the whole turney-neck thing. Some things are best left unknown......

[Fenris]

16. Indeed.

But if it's true, I think she needs to see a doctor.

[Wonk]

17. A google image search for "Lesbian + Turkey" found this...

:shrug:

http://images.google.com/images?as_q=Lesbian+Turkey&svnum=10&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&btnG=Google+Search&as_epq=&as_oq=&as_eq=&imgsz=&as_filetype=&imgc=&as_sitesearch=&safe=off

[Fenris]

18. Weird!

Well, good. Maybe it's a new thing. That's a really strange pic though.

[boilerbabe]

45. I'ts like, "hey baby, you and me, pork city"

I'm a vegetarian, but then, i wouldn't like to hear "hey baby eat my sprout" either hahahaha

[ForrestGump]

50. That just doesn't sound kosher

And let me say it one more time, for emphasis.....

(grrrrr....having fun with multiple postings)

[ForrestGump]

51. That just doesn't sound kosher

Though I do kind of like the sprout thing. But those alfalfa sprouts can get stuck in your throat just like.....well, never mind......

Maybe, in general, an imperative demand to consume some foodstuff in concert with a presentation of (male or female) personal pieces is just fundamentally unappetizing. Unless it's whipped cream, with or without strawberries, of course.

I still remember the night that I felt sick for hours after eating what seemed like gallons of whipped cream in an unorthodox manner. :-(

[Yaoi_Huntress_Earth]

9. Turkey Time?

I remember that's what my Marriage and Family professor called Thanksgiving. Then again the whole American movie scene has been going downhill for a long time. It's a sad thing really.
Love,
Yaoi Huntress Earth

[Fenris]

12. "Will your entire family be coming in for Turkey Time?"

:D

[ForrestGump]

15. Hi!

Yeah, they still make some good ones but so many of the relatively few that are released are just junk. 'High concept' junk that some misguided accountants and marketing gurus calculated would earn big bucks. Pretty sad.

And Turkey Time will never be the same again. Until the memory of this film fades, anyway. That is, assuming that anyone actually goes to see it.

[Yaoi_Huntress_Earth]

30. According to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

There's a rumor that Ben and Jennifer have been asked to star in a remake of Casablanca. I have yet to see the original, but it already gives me chills.
Love,
Yaoi Huntress Earth

[ForrestGump]

48. Yeah, and Warner Brothers is allegedly

going to team Ricky Martin and Jennifer Lopez for a remake of "Viva Las Vegas" :-(

She's everwhere, committing sacrilege after sacrilege....

[laconicsax]

2. This line...

"Much of the movie features Affleck's efforts to change Lopez' character from being a lesbian into a straight woman"

Would this just be a "Chasing Amy" remake sans Jay and Silent Bob?

[XanaDUer]

3. First thing wrong

the title "Gigli"

Guess the joke is everyone wants to pronounce it giggly.

I have heard bad things so far about this one.

Think I'll miss it.

[Systematic Chaos]

4. All I can think about when I hear the names J-Lo and Ben Affleck

is South Park:

Cartman: "Ewww! I have Ben Affleck spooge all over my hand!!"

or

"I'll fulfill your sexy weeshes with my taco flavored keeses!
Taco taco...
Burrito burrito"

Me and one of the floormen at my casino even have a running joke going about it. It's sad.

[madrchsod]

5. could anything be

as bad as "speed 2" or that bomb that cindy crawford was in? jo-lo- the flat-chested,big assed "jenny from the hood" pleaseeee say it isn`t so!!!!

[Wonk]

7. It's not nice to mock mudflaps, but I will anyway

http://www.generatormedia.com/portfolio/games/lopezbutt/index.html

Anyone think Ben is a fan of "This is Spinal Tap"?

Big bottom, big bottom,
talk about mudflaps, J'Lo's got'm.
Big bottoms drive me out of my mind;
how could I leave this behind?"

[madrchsod]

11. ohhh, how about queen`s

"fat bottomed girls"

[ForrestGump]

13. A classic tune!

Sure, she may have a big bottom, but I can see why she's thought attractive, though not necessarily my cup of tea (more for what Ive read of the actual person, as reflected in interviews with her, than what she looks like). She's pretty nice-looking, actually, though she's perhaps even crossed my threshold of "okay, Ms Lo, please put it away" with her attire.

Never been with a truly big-bottomed woman, yet, but that physical dimension doesn't get me either way (not a rabid fan of it, not turned off by it). I can tell you one thing, though, I saw a news report about Beyoncé Knowles' bottom - generally reported to be prodigious in size, I suppose, and something she's not shy about using to advantage - and I have to say that she is one spectacular young female. Hmm....I could maybe find myself overcoming my ambivalence to become a big-bottom fancier at this rate. Uh-huh, yes indeed. Though small- and medium-sized bottoms would still be just dandy. Kinda depends on who they're attached to, really.

And the turkey talk'd have to stop.


The bigger the cushion
The sweeter the pushin'
Or so someone said

The looser the waistband
The deeper the quicksand
Or so I have read

My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I'd love to sink her with my pink torpedo

Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about bum cakes
My girl's got 'em

[Pert_UK]

19. Turkey (noun).......

Large fowl with flopping pink hanging skin. Generally plucked and eaten only on special occasions - cavity often stuffed.

Well, it could be true......

:evilgrin:

FX Grandpa Simpson: "Or as it was known in those days, 'Walking bird'".

P.

[DS1]

20. Gobble-off is a common term for oral-sex in England

The last time I was in England, I suppose like in the states, BJs were common (not that I'd know, I was the fat kid that never got any).

Turkey time, ugh, nobody wants to hear that. It's like Kathy Griffin's routine about getting down to sex with a guy, and just before he says "I'm really small".

:shrug:

[Pert_UK]

22. No it isn't......

Point, Counterpoint....

Although if I overheard someone saying "She gobbled him off" I would assume that they were talking about a blow job, I have to state that this is not a term that I have ever actually heard used.

In the same way, if someone said "she slurped him off", most people would make the same assumption, but I've just made that up.....

:-)

P.

[northzax]

36. in fact

you can pretty much put any action involving the mouth followed by 'him off' and I think we get the drift.

[NotesFromAnIntrovert]

21. The instant I saw the "Gigli" preview . . .

it looked like an awful movie -- I just didn't know it would be "gobble, gobble" awful. Who thinks we'll be hearing about JenBen's breakup some time after their film bombs? Talk about your bad omens.

[sugarcookie]

23. "The Onion " Review

http://www.theonion.com/onion3929/gigli_focus_groups.html

[L.A.dweller]

55. Prescreening audience says they want to see:

"but what about an automobile fire in which Ben and Jennifer are shown perishing in a slow-motion montage, their newfound love discarded as they try desperately to claw their way past each other's melting bodies, while slowly roasting to death in their own fat? You'd be surprised at how many people came up with that one."

-- The Onion :D

[mitchum]

24. These people have nothing but utter contempt for their audience...

you know...the little people

[dfong63]

25. why such prudery?

Among its biggest problems is a love scene in which Lopez spreads her legs and tells a smoldering Affleck, "It's turkey time. Gobble, gobble."...

i disagree with this assessment. i admit i've never seen J-Lo in a film, but just based on this one comment, i have to say: get real!

in real life, sex between a man and a woman is not always accompanied by the most refined and literate dialogue. in fact, in real life some men find a bit of "vulgarity" to be a huge turn-on. especially coming from a lady who is otherwise very high-class. it's like letting her hair down. it could carry a lot of very meaningful signals.

some of the criticism i've seen in this thread, and in the review, sounds like pure jealousy.

[Pert_UK]

26. Don't be ridiculous.......

I wholeheartedly agree that "sex between a man and a woman is not always accompanied by the most refined and literate dialogue". However, talking dirty is one thing, appalling scriptwriting is something else.

Except for people of a VERY specific sexual preference, turkeys should not be introduced during the act of coitus, whether this is a analogical comparison between the act of cunnilingus and a turkey's eating technique, a metaphor to refer to the vagina, or the bird itself.

IMHO of course.

P.

[Yaoi_Huntress_Earth]

32. You're right, but...

The whole turkey line was very unsexy IMHO. I don't want to think of some ugly bird when it comes to oral sex.
Love,
Yaoi Huntress Earth

[Pert_UK]

27. Maybe she's suggesting that it's "fowl" down there?

Heh heh heh......foul / fowl?

Oh never mind.....

:evilgrin:

P.

[ChickMagic]

53. Or that it's loaded with salmonella?

:scared:

[ForrestGump]

54. You just leave Salma out of this!!

Grrrrrrr

[Terwilliger]

28. At Rotten Tomatoes...

12 reviews...all bad

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/Gigli-1124237/

[northzax]

38. I especially like

Danny Minton, From KBTV in Beaumont TX, "Gigli is so horrible I had to go cleanse my palate afterward by watching Glitter." damn. that's just wrong.

[oldcoot]

57. Good Grief

This movie sounds terrible. I wonder if those reviewers all demanded raises.

[Cosmic_Latte]

29. Yes!

I predicted that "Gigli" will bomb at the box office a long time ago, because I thought the title stinked. Or maybe I just hate J.Lo. I believe she and Ben won't last.

[tjdee]

31. Cause you can talk a person out of being a LESBIAN.

:shrug:

Oh lordy.

I had heard they took out the "J. Lo is a lesbian" thing because it is not only completely implausible (lesbian 'turns straight' for Ben Affleck as a small time hood, of all people), but because it tested so badly.

Oh well. They already got paid for it, so they don't care. Can't say I'll be miserable when this one sinks.

[sweetheart]

33. worse than brittany's crossroads and madonnas junk movie?

WOW!!! a new record. Recording artists sadly disappoint... perhaps the facile puberty conceptions of their music and lyrics just don't get much deeper when they hit the celluloid.

You'd think someone would have the balls to tell them.

Madonna - you're a matron... act your age
Brittany - you're a belly... stick to XXX
JLO - you're jenny from the block.. best ta keep to the neighborhood...

In all honesty, i think its great artists try new things and they all get kudos for that... just truly realizing where to stop is a sign of wisdom.

Thanks for the heads up.. .pert :-)

[ProfessorGAC]

40. Any Chance This Is The End of This Trend?

Video star/singers getting movies is a tedious trend, and hopefully after 3 major bombs in a row (both financially and critically) the entertainment brainiacs will realize it's a bad idea.

Starring in a movie immediately dilutes the credibility of a singer, because to many (myself included) it indicates that stardom is the real goal, not the craft. Sure success and money for the hard work is great, but how many people still had the same level of respect for Elvis once he was a movie star and not a singer? It's the kiss of death for many music careers.

Now that the $ don't flow in, it's also the kiss of death for the exec in a entertainment conglomerate who pushes the idea. I read the guy who pushed Glitter was demoted about 4 or 5 rungs down the corporate ladder.

So, the fact that Gigli stinks might be a good thing.
The Professor

[SiouxJ]

44. Didn't Lopez start out as an actress?

I thought she was one of the "actors" turned singers. Maybe I'm confusing her with someone else. Anyway, it doesn't matter as she does neither well.

[GOPisEvil]

46. Yeah, she started out as an actress...

...her first MAJOR role (that I remember anyway) was as slain Mexican-American pop star Selena. It was a big controversy in S. Texas as Jennifer is Puerto Rican, but she had the butt for it...:shrug:

Her music career came later, I THINK...

[ProfessorGAC]

47. Sorry Guys, But No

She was signed to do the Selena role because she was a singer, at the time on RCA. The career was on dry rails, but that was shortly before it became cool to be a marginally talented "diva".

The movie elevated her profile and got her record company to rethink their approach to her promotion. By the time things got rolling, the record companies had found the clone diva gravy train and she got in on the crest of a wave.

The Selena movie comes out 3 years earlier, she doesn't get the role. If it comes out 3 years later, she's another Mandy Moore.

Timing is, it would appear, everything. Unfortunately, it appears talent is irrelevant.
The Professor

[mitchum]

49. No...she started out as a dancer...

like so many of today's "actresses" and "singers"

[tjdee]

56. Yeah, she was a "Fly Girl" on In Living Color. Much paler, too.

I think all those pictures are under lock and key, but I really think she found that tan worked better for her during Selena, and she never went back.

[GOPisEvil]

34. You mean this flick is a bigger steaming pile of feces than "Glitter"?

:wow:

;-)

[underpants]

35. Look for Ben to go back into rehab(not meant as making fun of that)

Just like he did after "Pearl Harbor", whether he really had a problem or he just needed to go away and hide I dunno.

I really never saw what the big deal (no pun intended) with "J-Lo" was. :shrug:

[Loonman]

37. Another "Glitter"?

The movie that is so bad, it isn't even MST3K worthy?

[Brewman_Jax]

39. It has plenty of company

This waste of film has plenty of company in the film archives. Don't worry about this being the worst, something else will come out that will stink worse than this, if it hasn't happened already.

[SiouxJ]

41. You know, I used to like Affleck

and now I just can't stand him!!! Ever since he hooked up with Lopez. I never liked her and she's taken him over. Seems like she's gotten him all wrapped up in the "celebrity" thing. Before he just seemed like a normal guy but now he's all caught up in it. The only thing that makes me change the channel faster than a Ben/J-lo story, is Shrub.

[Loonman]

42. I like Matt Damon

Affleck way overacts.

[Ein]

43. Isn't Pacino in that too?

Say it ain't so, Al :(

[CBGLuthier]

52. PAcino is in it as a favor

to the director, Martin Brest who directed him to an oscar in Scent of a Woman. They say if you go to get popcorn you will miss his entire part.

[geniph]

58. I truly don't get the appeal of either one of these two

I don't think either one is particularly talented or particularly attractive. They remind me of the "cool couple" in high school that I never could see the appeal of then, either. I mean, who paid any attention to Jennifer Lopez before she appeared in that Versace gown with her boobs half out? And WHO on the People magazine staff is deluded enough to call a vacuous nonentity like Affleck sexy?

Matt Damon is at least funny; I can only stand Affleck in scenes with Damon, and even then, he pretty much stinks in comparison. I've never actually seen Lopez in anything, but her picture sure as hell seems to be on every magazine in creation. If you want to go for Hispanic sex symbols, for goodness' sake, who'd pick Lopez when Salma Hayek (who has actual talent, sensuality, and BRAINS) is out there?

Aren't their 15 minutes up yet?

The Onion article was priceless, though.

[ForrestGump]

59. A Salma fix for those traumatized by Ms Turkeyparts

That's more like it.

[thermodynamic]

60. That IS vulgar!

Of course, so is the "president" that FOX news blindly obeys.

[JackSwift]

61. I'll speak up for JLo

She was fantastic in Out of Sight and so was George Clooney. Both are actors of limited range, but it was a good story and they are handsome people who were lovingly filmed. Great views of the famous JLo butt.