Most pathetic movie ever.....

[pauliedangerously]

Hi. I don't post in the lounge very much, but I do enjoy sitting in the background people watching...

I thought I'd fly this little tidbit by you.

Do any of you ever peruse the cheapo dvds at the grocery store? I do...sometimes. I scored one of my faves a month ago, "They Live" (John Carpenter...it's a riot with a cool theme). I'm digressing....

Okay, I bought this movie called "Hamlet" starring Ethan Hawke figuring it was going to kind of like what "West Side Story" was to "Romeo and Julliet."

Boy was I wrong...it was the most pitiful piece of film I've ever seen. I had to shut it off after 40 minutes because I couldn't bear to see Shakespeare maligned so. The dialogue was taken mostly from the original script and it was pure Yucko...

I don't remember ever shutting off a movie for being so bad. I will gladly mail this dvd to anyone who wants it...maybe we could pass it around to each other like a gag gift???

Anyone have a similar experience with grocery store dvds?

I'll be up for awhile. Please keep me company.

[Arkham House]

1. Oh, yeah...

...we have a local dollar store and you can get DVDs for--duh--a dollar...and jeez, what crap. Fiftieth rate Japanese monster films, fifth-rate slasher films--and since even first-rate slasher films are garbage, you can imagine what fifth-rate ones are like...linguini-and-barf westerns...I mean, this stuff is the sewer underneath the bottom of the barrel... By the way--I didn't hate the Hawke "Hamlet" as much as you did...it was a failed experiment, but at least it was an experiment--and Shakespeare's dialogue is Shakespeare's dialogue, even in a Manhattan Yuppie Scum environment...

[pauliedangerously]

2. Maybe it's an acquired taste...

...it just seemed like Emo Hamlet to me. I'll try it again someday if I don't give it away...then again, I can just keep an eye out for it at the grocery store.

I wouldn't have minded the Emo overtones if the dialogue had been rewrittten.

Thanks for the alternate viewpoint.

[WCGreen]

18. Well Hamlet was the first Emo guy.....

When you get right down to it...

[blondeatlast]

25. ...

:rofl:

[lost-in-nj]

3. I feel that way about

The Notebook.
I was told since I didn't cry I don't have a soul!!!
:wtf:
biggest piece of fluff I have ever seen!



lost

[Redneck Socialist]

7. The women I work with are obsessed with that movie

I'm like "meh" and they're all like, "OMG!" I'm like, totally sure that they would concur with the "no soul" comment you received. :shrug:

Why am I typing in valley speak? I have no fucking idea.

[Bucky]

20. Notebook? I thought that was just huge 2-hour commercial you paid to see

It was like the opposite of product placement advertising. They inserted a story into a sales pitch.

[pauliedangerously]

11. It didn't look too bad on imdb...

I'm guessing it paled in comparison to "The Unbearable Lightness of Being?" That one made me cry, and I don't cry much...well, it evoked tears anyway.

[blonndee]

4. Pay it Forward was the worst piece of schlock I've ever seen.

I don't know if it meets the standards you set out, but I rented it cheap, and I still felt ripped off.

[pauliedangerously]

5. Hope you didn't get smacked with a late fee....

Did you watch all of it?

[blonndee]

6. Unfortunately, I watched the whole thing. Blech!

I thought it would be good, with Kevin Spacey and all. How disappointing.

[pauliedangerously]

8. Kevin Spacey was in it too?

***on edit***

Maybe I should pay more attention to the subject lines...I was too busy thinhking about hypnotoad's buffalo shrimp....

[zonkers]

9. Two of a Kind , (1983) J. Travolta, Olivia Newton John, Charles Durning.

It was so bad, some shots were blurry. Gene Hackman plays God (the voice of God).Ernie Hudson and Kathy Bates were in it too.

It pretty much ended Olivia Newton John's career and cooled off Travolta until Tarentino resuscitated it with Pulp Fiction years later.

[Broken_Hero]

10. Meet Joe Black

The Post man...for starters...

[ElboRuum]

12. Torque n/t

[Deja Q]

13. The last time I bought a DVD at a grocery store,

I couldn't eat it. Too hard and it stayed crunchy in milk. I want things that I put into milk to get all damp and limp, dammit! :P

Since then I've stayed away from synthetic fiber...

[pauliedangerously]

15. If you want them to get damp and limp.....

you have to put them in lacquer thinner. Works like a charm, but I wouldn't recommend eating them.

[BlueIris]

24. Not purchased at a grocery store, but "Darkness Falls" is a terrible film.

Probably the second worst I have ever viewed. The number one most pathetic movie ever in my eyes is still "The Hearse" (Margot Kidder, 1980). SO bad. But "Darkness Falls" is also quite awful. Is it possible to be derivative...of derivation? 'Cause that's what that one is.

[hyphenate]

14. Well

The one I consider the most godawful movie I have spoken about before, but it's from like 1983 or 1984 called "Liquid Sky." Read the IMDB description for a good laugh.

Lately, I bought (cheap) Message in a Bottle. I like Costner and knew Robin Wright Penn from Princess Bride of course and a few other films, but it was SO predictable, that by the time she gets into bed with Costner, I couldn't watch any more of it. It was like, yeah, well, we know what happens from here on in, so forget about it.

As I also said in another thread about DVDs, I just bought Pay It Forward. Never saw it before, though I got it fairly inexpensively. I hope it isn't as bad as some here imply.

[pauliedangerously]

16. Funny, though,

I actually liked Liquid Sky. Just goes to show that there's no accounting for taste. Yes, it was bad, but it didn't try to pretend to be good. I was a teenager when it came out, though, and I was into the styles in it. I actually bought it on dvd last year after not having seen it in twenty years. It was, uh, interesting the second time around. I may watch it again in a few years.

Perhaps the Hamlet film is more appealing to millenials.

Pay it Forward didn't sound too bad to me on imdb.

I have to go out and get some bleu cheeze dressing...no thanks to hypnotoad.

[WCGreen]

17. Love Story.....

Oh My God was that awfull.....

[Radio_Lady]

19. It's a tie: "Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia" (1974) and

Naqoykatsi (2002) It gave me one of the worst headaches I've ever had.

http://www.us.imdb.com/title/tt0145937/

[alittlelark]

21. Some Stephen King movie w/ cats running through the streets

I don't know the name, but I walked out after 20-30 minutes.'

[BigMcLargehuge]

22. Two if By Sea... Dennis Leary + Sandra Bullock + romantic comedy + art

heist movie = BigMcLargehuge trying to suffocate himself with popcorn/drown himself with above-ground-pool sized Pepsi/bludgeon himself to death with seatback from row in front.

God was that awful. The only time anyone laughed was when the lights came on at the end and we realized we weren't all dead and in hell.

Others that just collapsed under their own awfulness -

You've Got Mail.... Tom Hanks + Meg Ryan + AOL Instant Messenger/eMail + bookstore + romantic comedy = BigMcLargehuge staring incredulously at Mrs. McLargehuge for 90 minutes, then asking if making me watch this film was her way of demanding a divorce.

Mission to Mars... Gary Sinese + That kid from Sliders + visible wires in the 0G sex scene + 900 hours of stultifying boredom before a revelation ripped RIGHT from 2001. Mission to Mars actually made me long for a giant meteor to land in the theater and end our collective misery.

90 minute adaptations of Austen novels, ALL of them. You can't appreciate her wit in edited-for-time format. At 90 minutes, Pride and Prejudice is rendered into a patheticly weak costume drama. It's suppoed to be FUCKING FUNNY!!!!! The book is Funny!!! The A&E version that is at least as long as the entire Enlightenment period is fucking funny!!!! The 90 minute versions make me wish for the subtle drama and understated pace of Zulu Dawn, or a few Billy Mays KABOOM/OXY Clean Infomercials.

Any movie ever made, in any genre, about golf that isn't Caddyshack. WTF... Golf is boring. Golfers are boring. Why make movies about boring people playing a boring and meaningless walk in the lawn disguised as sport? Same goes for Tennis movies. I gnawed off my own leg off half way through Wimbeldon.

[Maccagirl]

23. Toss up between "The Cat In The Hat"

and the remake of "Psycho". I can't believe Mike Myers and Vince Vaughn got paid to do such crappy work.