"Goodbye And Good Riddance"

[arwalden]

What do you think when you see the public "goodbye and good riddance" threads? For some reason they bother me.

Even the goodbye threads that are less-angry-sounding make me uncomfortable. What's the purpose? Are they trying to embarrass DU? Are they trying to get sympathy or an outpouring of support? ("Please don't go! You're the best! We love you.")

I'm trying to figure out if they make me uncomfortable because I'm empathizing with the author's emotions and whatever it is that has frustrated them to the point of feeling like they have no choice but to abandon DU.

Maybe I feel uncomfortable because I feel like I've been dragged into the spectacle of a private argument or disagreement that shouldn't involve me. --- It's that same uneasy feeling I would get when (as an apartment dweller) I would hear my neighbors arguing.

I know that I shouldn't feel this way... but I also worry (or wonder) what they will do AFTER the fact if/when they start feeling less-angry and have gotten over whatever it was that made them fell so frustrated.

Maybe they want to come back, but would be too embarrassed to return after the spectacle of their departure and after making such a big deal in trashing DU. Then what?

-- Allen

(Clearly I ought to be worrying about more important things... but this was on my mind today.)

[La_Serpiente]

1. Maybe they take things personally here at DU

I am not sure. I don't take anything personally here (except on some occasions). However, most of the people who have left have been veterans and were here for a long time. Things must have obviously changed because this is the primary, and the number of seriously thoughtful posts have decreased over the past few months.

Maybe their perception of DU just changed and preferred the old ways. When the nominee is chosen, I think they'll come back.

[Bronco69]

2. I always figured they just resubscribe under a different

name when they get over it, and start posting again as if nothing happenned. LOL :-)

[Deja Q]

3. Worse can be the responses...

While most "goodbye" posts are not offensive, though a bit lacking of information as to why people are leaving, some of the responses to these posts are rude and perhaps disturbing. I'd gotten so mad at one post, after having read so many others, I snapped at him, which in retrospect was wrong and I should have acted differently... of course, the message I'd wrote got deleted while his stayed, also making me wonder who supports incivility they claim to want to fight... :cry:

[blondeatlast]

12. I came close to leaving once, and writing the de rigeur "goodbye"

But I thought a while about it and realized that I would get some damn nasty responses--and don't think for a minute I wasn't going to read those responses.

And I am generally a very nice person, but this is like a huge Dem party for me, and I am not so naive as to think everyone should (and does) like me.

[blondeatlast]

4. I kind of agree with you.

If the "byers" would just have it out with those they had a problem with, I wouldn't mind, so long as they don't break the rules. OTOH, I have replied to several of them trying to get them not to leave; which they never do forever. Those that are leaving temporarily and say so don't bother me either.

It's the ones who seem to be begging for a reply that bug me. I'm not usually a fan of theirs anyway.

Rest assured, if I reply to a "bye" thread, I'll miss you for howevwer long you are away. If I don't, I wish you well; don't let the door hit you on the way out.

[LynneSin]

5. Sign me up for your team!!!!

Personally, if I was DU Admin I'd lock the thread and ban the person who started it - this is why I'm NOT a DU admin. (mind you, when I was a DU Moderator I never did anything like that since this was not policy as given to us by the DU Admins).

Oddly enough even I have had to take a few breaks from DU. But I have found the best thing is to quietly slip away for a few days or a week, enjoy the break and then quietly slip back into DU.

[Maeve]

13. Yeah, if you slip off quietly, you get a "Whatever happened to"...thread!

I get fed up with the board on a fairly regular basis, but can't stay away for long....
y'all may not be druggies, but you're addictive! :bounce:

[Bunny]

6. There have been some real drama queens who saw their

exits from DU as just another act in the Great Play of Our Times, i.e., their lives. These are the ones who are hoping to be begged to stay, and I usually just ignore them.

Others have posted more thoughtful goodbyes, perhaps they believe the board has gone downhill, or that their viewpoint is no longer appreciated. When longtime, respected posters say goodbye, it can be a heads up to the rest of us. I usually hope they'll cool off and then return when they feel better about it.

I think a lot of folks are having huge problems with the primary process, and all the extreme ugliness that has resulted, especially in GD. It's a shame.

Anyway, if you need a break, then take one. If you've had a break and want to come back, then come on back. You will be welcomed. We need as many folks as we can to send that imposter back to Texas!

[trof]

7. Spot on!

Sometimes a Grand Exit is just as satisfying as a Grand Entrance.

[blondeatlast]

10. Amen. Well said.

[KG]

8. i'll never understand why people take it all so serious

it's just a message board, not RL.

[arwalden]

9. I'm guessing that for some folks, this IS real life...

... or their perception of real life.

I'll admit that it can be addictive and that I, too, spend an unhealthy amount of time online... but I have to agree with you... it's just a message board after all.

-- Allen

[soleft]

11. I appreciate it when it's someone needing time off and are letting us know

that so we don't go around thinking, hmmmm, I wonder what ever happened to Republicanssuckbeyondallcomprehension.

But when it's an obvious I'm going to hold my breath til I turn blue kind of thing, I just hope they can find the help they need off line.

[Blue-Jay]

14. I just sigh and say "Whatever, drama queen".

If I ever get sick of DU, I'll just stop coming here. A few people know how to contact me if they'd care to. I consider myself the "Anti-Swan Song" candidate.

[NicoleM]

15. Every message board I've ever been on

has had the big dramatic "I'm leaving!" threads. It's not unique to DU.

Also, I think it's stupid. However, once I did post an "I'm taking a break" thread on a small board that I posted on a lot. I didn't want anybody to think I got run over by a bus or anything. But I didn't say mean things, I just said, "I need a break. I'll probably be back."

[populistmom]

23. The "taking a break" post is a good idea

I was active for years on another board (more of a parenting/mom type of board) and I was so sick of it a year and half ago, but I always thought those "I'm leaving" drama queen posts were ridiculous, so I said I was taking a break. Rarely did anyone say much to me afterward (I was active with these people for nearly 5 years and got maybe 2 e-mails when I left), so I just quietly faded away. I don't miss it.

[Booberdawg]

16. It is a "drama queen" production, and really rather manipulative

And what's interesting is they all come back anyway in a short time. I saw one recently that was back in less than 2 days!

I think most people just know when they need to take a break and take one without all the drama and attention getting routine. Who knows what the motives are. Some are probably to punish, others are meant as a "fuck you", and still others want to be begged to stay and be told how important irreplaceable they are. Any way you look at it, it's manipulative and drama seeking.

[arwalden]

17. Sometimes It's Like Looking At A Horrible Automobile Accident...

... you know you shouldn't---but you do anyway.

Even though I often feel uncomfortable with the goodbye threads, the part of me that looks at automobile accidents feels cheated because the swan-song messages rarely (if ever) contain any juicy details.

It's all very vague and we're left wondering WHY their feelings were so hurt... or if there was any justification at all for the spectacle before our eyes... or if they are just being hypersensitive.

I ought not be so curious... but... keep in mind that even though I never actually BUY A COPY of the Enquirer or the Globe or the Star, I do read the headlines while standing in the checkout line at Safeway.

-- Allen

[Philostopher]

18. I pulled the 'drama queen -- I'm LEAVING!' stunt once.

But it was on a moderated message list on Yahoogroups, where even if I'd unsubbed quietly and gone my merry way, the moderators of the list -- both of whom are personal friends, and neither of whom was the main problem when I did it -- would have asked me about it until I explained, then posted the explanation to the list anyway if they felt it was relevant. I learned about the Yahoo 'Internet only' option that way, but since then I just let the messages pile up in my inbox for that list and go back after a couple of weeks -- nobody notices, and I don't have to be embarrassed by having shown my ass on the way out the door.

Many of the veterans on DU who do this are people who miss the old days, when there were only a few hundred people posting regularly and they were the 'big fish in a little pond,' and when there was a feeling of a big, squabbling, somewhat dysfunctional but ultimately cohesive family about DU*. If they'd simply stopped posting a year and a half ago, somebody would have noticed. Now, there are so many people here posting so frequently, their exits will be lost in the shuffle, and they know that -- and they don't like it. They feel they have a lot of time and effort invested in the dialogue here, and they want attention when they leave. While I agree with Allen that it makes me uneasy when somebody does it, I understand why they feel compelled. It makes sense emotionally (and from a social dynamic perspective) for them to do it, whether I like it or not.

There are human beings on the other side of all the words we throw at this place. Some of them take changes in DU more personally than others do. With at least a thousand regular posters, you get all kinds of people -- some of them are bound to take things that happen here more personally than others. Sometimes, not only are the people who post 'goodbye, cruel message board' posts an annoyance to those who don't take it so personally -- sometimes they're also in pain. Pain of one kind or another is usually the reason for 'I'm leaving' threads. I think it's natural that their pain makes everybody else uneasy, and I think that's why some of us take issue with those messages. That's my take on it, anyway.

____

*I'll be perfectly honest -- I actually like it that it's different now. I lurked for ages, and only started posting when the total number of people exceeded about 20,000 because suddenly, I could jump into a thread and not be ignored. When a wide enough variety of opinions and outlooks is expressed on every subject, more people can contribute, including me!

[peekaloo]

19. Crap, I thought this might have been a rant about Boosh's

comments on Saddam.


I'm leaving.

[WillParkinson]

20. Some people just hope...

That someone will say 'please don't go'.

For some people this group is the closest they have to friends and I guess they just want to hear that they'll be missed.

[Rowdyboy]

21. I'd be afraid to post a Goodbye thread....

Afraid no one would care enough to comment, which would really put me in my place. Instead, when it gets to be too much, I just step back (especially weekends when my partners home).

[arwalden]

22. I Wonder If Anyone Read My Subject Line... Then Saw It Was From "arwalden"

and then thought that I was actually leaving. Wouldn't that be a hoot?

If they didn't bother to actually look inside and see what the thread is about, I expect that tomorrow I'll be getting some PM's asking me why I changed my mind. Or perhaps someone will chide me for making a big scene and then not leaving. LOL.

-- Allen

P.S. If you posted a goodbye thread, I'd have quite a few words to send your way my friend. Don't worry about nobody noticing.