9. Humans attacked by pigeons with tire irons

[underpants]

Top Ten Surprises In ABC's Bird Flu Movie (Presented By Britney Spears)


10. Thanks to sponsorship deal, flu is cured by delicious taste of Dr. Pepper

9. Humans attacked by pigeons with tire irons

8. 20% of population comes down with less dangerous "bird hiccups"

7. Every time someone says, "chicken," all the characters chug a beer

6. Hilarious scene in which Leslie Nielsen confuses his Tamiflu with his Viagra

5. Every single person in the world ends up at General Hospital

4. The big villain? Larry Bird

3. Sad conclusion in which Charlie Brown puts a bullet in Woodstock

2. Hilarious scene where the guy playing President Bush actually solves the problem

1. Sole survivors Michael Jackson and Rosie O'Donnell are forced to repopulate the earth

http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/

[underpants]

1. Top Ten Features Of President Bush's Bird Flu Pandemic Plan

10. Hang "Mission Accomplished" sign in every Kentucky Fried Chicken

9. Torture some Perdue employees until they talk

8. Scare birds away with giant radioactive kitties

7. Be on the lookout for any bird which looks "fluey"

6. Build wall along border so birds can't walk in from Mexico

5. Never leave the house, avoid human contact -- like Letterman

4. Tax cuts for the rich

3. C'mon, it's a Bush plan -- you actually think there's ten items?

2. If you see a bird, run like you're being chased by a tiger

1. Hang on until 2009 when it becomes Hillary's headache