Our kitten's letter to Santa

[Missy Vixen]

He's cute, he's funny, and he's learned how to type...

From the desk of Oscar, Pinecoon’s Pandemonium

Dear Santa,

I realize that you’re a busy man, so I’ll keep this short. My name is Oscar. (Just ignore my birth certificate. My mom named me “Pandemonium.” What kind of a name is THAT? “Pinecoon’s Death and Destruction” would have been more to my liking. How can I possibly represent as “Pandemonium”? It’s not bloodthirsty enough!)

Have I been good this year? I can explain.

The broken glass candle bowl was NOT my fault. My brother, Mojo, was in on the deal. He, of course, sucked up to Mom till she picked him up and gave him kisses! I couldn’t believe it. She loves ME best!

I was also not the one who knocked over all of Mom’s glass stuff on the family room mantel. I heard something about “Tiffany crystal candleholders” and “Limoges box” and, well, I hid under the bed, as any other self-respecting kitten would do. If these people would realize that the mantel is a great place to practice my pouncing skills when it’s cleaned off, I wouldn’t have to do it for them!

I’ve also done lots of good this year, too. I made sure that my parents didn’t oversleep every morning. It’s good to get a really early start on the day, right? Mojo and I were very helpful to our sister, Holly. She can’t overeat when we’ve eaten all the food! We make sure that the house remains insect-free at all times. (Does it matter if a few things got broken and spilled?) I also kept Mom from drowning when she gets in the thing she calls the “soaking tub,” and I hardly ever fell in.

Since I’ve had such a stellar year, I’m hoping you’ll have a few gifts for me. This is what I’d like under the tree (which, contrary to popular belief, I did NOT knock over.)

1. World peace (My parents will be so impressed!)

2. An unlimited store credit at a better pet store, for instance, “All The Best”.

3. The complete elimination of the canine from the face of the planet. That’s right. D*gs.

4. Two words for you: Kitty Condo.

I’ll leave some cat treats and a bowl of water for you. Remember, I’m the cute one.

Love,
Oscar

p.s. If the reindeer aren’t working out, my sister Holly needs a job.

[absyntheNsugar]

1. Cute...my cat's letter would be a bit different tho

something like

Dear Santa,

Please send me:

- A shotgun to blow away the dogs
- An opposable thumb (so I can operate that shotgun you're gonna send)
- A can opener (that will work sooo cool with that opposable thumb!)
- Wall to wall carpeting.
- The ability to sign Mommy's and Daddy's name (With that opposable thumb I'll be able to use those credit cards...)

Thanks

Sophie Le Chat

[geniph]

2. Those big Pinecoon boys are a handful, aren't they?

and worth every shard of glass and spilled dish. :loveya: :loveya: :loveya:

You should send this to Betsy, she'd love it.

[patdem]

3. That is one if the funniest Cat stories i have heard..

Four (4) Cats share their home with me..and I am so greatful1. This certainly got me thinking about what THEIR letters to Santa would be like...be right back! :evilgrin:

[patdem]

4. Here are my four cents worth!!!

Sweetie Pie:

Dear Santa:

I am 14 years old and I am a little slow now, but you know the person I have trained understands that I am the sweetest kitty in the universe. I know this because I hear it 100 times a day. And trust me, I AM! So what would the sweetest kitty in the universe want for Christmas? Well, Santa, as much attention as I do get, it is not enough. I have been locked out of the bathroom on occasion, and sometimes the bed does not produce the space in which I would like to sleep. The lap I used to adorn is now clinging to a desk and watching some stupid square which entertains me not. But most of all, I want to be able to snuggle up to the shoulder of my love like I used to before I got this old, and can no longer stretch my body out from her lap to the nape of her neck…that more than anything I would love to do again!

Best Wishes for a successful Christmas, Santa,

Sweetie Pie
THE SWEETEST KITTY IN THE UNIVERSE


Rompy Stompy:

Dear Santa:

I am 12, but you would never know it by my svelte, lithe body and the energy I can produce without warning. I am the most energetic Cat anyone could ever want, of course age has slowed me down quite a bit, and made me more loving for some reason? I used to loathe humans because they moved so much. I love adventure, but it should be of MY making. I do not wish adventure to be foisted upon me. So I avoided humans as much as possible for about the first 8 years of my life. Then suddenly they stopped moving, without warning I was able to get used to my surroundings, enjoy my life and even start to snuggle up to humans. It was not easy, but now I really enjoy it. Except one thing…two years ago the humans let another kitty named Monsterdotcom live here and he REALLY upsets my placid (when I want it to be) life. There is something wrong with a human who stops moving, makes me conformable in my life then lets some bizarre male stupido Cat live here with us. Santa, can't you find Monsterdotcom a better home?

May your Reindeers have a clean litter box for ever,

Rompy Stompy


Monsterdotcom:

Dear Santa:

Wow, kewl to be talking to you er uh well writing, but might as well be talking. I am the most precious faced Cat in the universe. I know, cause the human who lives here tells me I am, and who am I to question a human, you are a human right??? Well, anyway, I am a stalker, I love to stalk, but the only thing I have to stalk in this house is another skinny pathetic 12 year old Cat. We used to have a bird, but alas, she died. Santa, I loved to sit and watch that bird, it was so much more fun than watching that stupid Cat. So, Santa, for Christmas I would love an Aviary to watch over. It would be my favoritest gift of ALL.

Keep those boots dry, Santa

Monsterdotcom

PS I am voting for Bush bahawahwahabahwahahaha!!!

Zoe:

Dear Santa:

Santa my life was traumatized when my mother gave me away, but my life has become rather staid in my new home. I am the only Cat in the house that gets to go outside the house, so you can see I am pretty special. Everytime I come in they all gather round to sniff, sniff, sniff. As you can see I am the most special Cat in the house. However I have fault with the routine. I would like to go out and come in as I WANT and not depend on human intervention, so Santa, can you see it in your heart and or gift basket to give me a kitty door so my comings and goings are of my choice?

Give my other mommy a great big wet kiss when you visit her.

Zoe, the Privileged

[put out]

5. Hello, Santa

My requests are deserved:
Why did they name me Happy Birthday? I am never happy, and I resent being any human's birthday gift. What about my birthday? Huh? Huh?

I want a new brush. My humans have several and I hate them all, both the brushes and the humans. If you just bring my a new brush, I will let them groom me and then I will bite them.

I would like a different kind of litter. Then I can refuse to use it and relieve myself on their carpet. They live in a place where there is too little carpet, and thus my gifts cannot be shared in the way you would like, because you are all about gifts.

I need more expensive food. I refuse all offers of table scraps, and any sort of store-bought chow. I currently am being fed vet-purchased stuff which is already costing plenty, but I am worth it. My daily puke is unworthy of my status. I wish to give of myself to my humans commensurate with the money they spend taking care of my beautiful self.

I wish for you to take away all devices which distract my human from paying constant homage to me and my desires and lovely self. This would include cars and televisions. Instead, I want an open aquarium, and an unlocked bird cage. Please put in a bird, and a hampster too, if you have any extra. They will make more.

I am just a gorgeous cat. Make them pay attention to me all the time. Then I shall ignore them, because I have been a very good cat this year.

Thank you in advance Santa. I am sure I will get what I want. Because I always do.

Happy Birthday

[YellowRubberDuckie]

6. Those are so cute...

And I love hearing about your pets' personalities.
Duckie

[Missy Vixen]

7. I love them, too!

Okay, evilDU'ers, there must be more cats out there with letters to Santa!

In the meantime, it's a good thing to be owned by a feline, isn't it?

Julie

[VOX]

8. Kick for cat lovers...

:kick: