Meeting my girlfriends kids for the first time.

[yurbud]

her divorce has just been finalized, so she wants me to meet them.

Maybe it won't come up right away, but I want to say something like "John will always be your dad, I'm just __________________."

What should go in the blank?

[MissHoneychurch]

1. just put in your name

that is the best way I think.

[XemaSab]

2. screwing your mom.

n/t

[yurbud]

5. I was going to let her cover that part.

[Oeditpus Rex]

12. ROFL! ROFL! ROFL!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:applause:

[MsAnthropy]

28. Post of the day

:woohoo:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

3. The man who will lock you in the closet.

:popcorn:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

4. I would'nt bring that part up at the first meeting with the kids .

Let them get used to you first and let them call you want they choose - as long as its not mean , if you know what I mean .

[yurbud]

6. they are youngish, so they might not be shy about saying what they are

thinking.

I'm not talking about calling me daddy or something, just saying something that makes sense, sounds nice, but not over-reaching.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

8. Just your name for now .

Let the mom explain to them in her own way who you are ( in regards to dating her and etc . ) - I am coming from personal experience . Just be good to the kids . :) and be your happy self . Show them why their mommy likes you . Magic tricks always work :)

[yurbud]

10. yeah, that seemed to work in 40 Year Old Virgin

[SeattleGirl]

7. Be open to the kids

And let them approach you. Don't force yourself on them (and NO, that is NOT meant in any negative way). I just mean, don't do the weird Uncle thing, and try to make them like you before they're ready. It'll work out much better that way. Best wishes for you.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

I agree .

[yurbud]

20. I'm good that way around kids anyway, and they tend to like me

[cynatnite]

9. I've had two stepdads...I hated it when they tried to play friend...

or something like that. It just was weird to me.

My advice: Don't do anything like that at all. Let them be the one to make the move, ask the questions or whatever. Also, keep it simple. Don't complicate it with stuff like this. Just be there...that speaks louder than any words.

[yurbud]

21. that's my instinct

[Xithras]

25. Agree. Agree. Agree. And NEVER discipline them.

Let the kids decide what kind of relationship they want with you. If you like video games or board games, feel free to slip that fact into a conversation to see if you have any common ground, but keep in mind that to THEM you're just another adult. There IS no relationship there, and your relationship with their mother doesn't buy you any points.

As to the discipline thing, I firmly believe that it's rarely the stepparents job to get involved with discipline, and it's never your job when you're not married. Way too many people assume that they have some kind of authority over their signifigant others children, when the kids perspective is still just that you're the guy "mom is dating". When mom punishes them, their anger towards her is tempered by their existing relationship and their love for her. If you punish them, even by yelling at them or correcting them, there's no relationship to put it into context so the kids will simply be angry towards you. They'll add you to their "mean adults" list, and it will be very difficult to build any kind of trusting relationship afterward.

Also, don't be suprised if they completely hate you at first. I don't know the divorce situation or how old the kids are, but most kids, even teenagers, hope their parents will work things out and get back together. The kids may see you as an obstacle to that and reject you, hoping that their rejection will cause their mother to do so as well.

[BikeWriter]

11. I would avoid that, unless they bring it up...

Just try to be friendly and let them adjust for a while.

[SoCalDem]

13. Slow and easy does it..

Don;t hug them

don;t touch them

don;t tease them or try to joke around with them until you know them well

treat their mom well

actually with small kids it's usually better to not even meet them until you are pretty sure this is THE relationship..

Kids get creeped out by a parade of "Uncle-daddies"..

and don;t worry. they will NOT want to call you Daddy.. and you shouldn;t want them to..

You are just their Mom's boyfriend and they should call you by your first name

if her divorce is just now final, there will probably be very raw feelings, and if Daddy has visitation and is a decent dad, everything you say or do there will be reported to Dadd..

a creepy situation all round...good luck :)

[Skittles]

14. do NOT get too deep the first meeting!

keep it to a purely introductory meeting! That other stuff comes later when you get to know each other....you size each other up the first meeting! :)

[MissMillie]

26. I agree

Keep it light for now. There's no need to define yourself just yet.

[Heidi]

15. ". . . I'm just competition for your inheritance." (nt)

[tjwmason]

16. Another vote for name.

I'm sure that this is very nerve-wracking for you, and creating possible scenarios can help - but try to take things naturally and let them move at whatever pace things happen.

I'd just say "call me 'yurbud' ", and see what happens from then.

[China_cat]

17. Unless you're planning on getting married

within the next 2 weeks, just your name will be more than sufficient. If you start with 'I'm not trying to be your dad', they will automatically assume that you are trying to be their dad.

[yurbud]

22. I wasn't planning on bringing it up--just having an answer ready

[ScreamingMeemie]

18. Please don't say anything...It won't ring true with the kids. It will make

them think you are thinking too much about it and you probably are. I speak from experience. MrG never did and never has said anything remotely like that to our girl. She adores him. We were lucky (if you look at these things that way) that he was able to adopt her at the age of 7...and none of us have looked back. Form your own relationship, separate from their father and his position. :hi:

[purr]

19. I dont know how old they are - but heres my experience:

When I split with my ex, I was pregnant with my now 2 1/2 yr old, and my 4 yr old was 2. My now 4 yr old was very shy around him because there was another man around that wasnt his dad. It took him about 2 months to get over it. When my now 2 yr old was born, my ex wanted nothing to do with her for her first year of her life - so she called my hubby her daddy. Which I know he's more of a father than her sperm donor, but hes not her true dad.

He also has a 6 yr old son - so my 4 & 2 yr old both call hubby 'daddy' when they're not thinking or too involved. Its his first name when they talk to me about him. It doesnt bother me what they call him - as long as its not asshole or the such.

Let them pick :) Dont need to mention the dad. Just say Hi.. I'm yurbud :) Then depending how old they are tickle the crap outta them..

[yurbud]

23. I think I'll get them a hairless cat like yours, so I'll always seem less

weird.


When you pet that cat, does it feel like a scrotum?

[purr]

24. LOL yeah they do - my neighbor calls them the ball sac cats

:rofl:

[yurbud]

30. ET looks like a scrotum too. It was all I could think of the whole movie

[purr]

32. My husband calls Osiris golem from Lord of the Rings..

I dont see the resemblance.

[yurbud]

33. me either except for skin condition

[Midlodemocrat]

27. The man who is going to pay to send you to boarding school.

[datasuspect]

29. "are you my new daddy?"

i had a kid ask me that when i was dating his mother.

i had to say no.

[yurbud]

31. "I'm your rental daddy. Mommy has to take me back to U Haul later."

[China_cat]

34. Now that's a good one.

When my husband met my oldest son who was in the Air Force at the time, the conversation came around to how we ended up getting married since my husband is from Holland and I'm from PA. DH tells son "she got me in trouble and we had to get married".

[MissB]

35. Well, if the talk is leaning towards marriage,

then I'd suggest "bonus parent".

[Arugula Latte]

36. I would say meet them on neutral territory the first time.

Like at a park or something. Not at their house.

[yurbud]

38. we're going to a museum. Their mom wanted to pick me up, but

I said it would be better to meet them there.

Her original idea was to have a dinner with a bunch of other friends, which I think would have been less traumatic than going from zero to mom's boyfriend.

[tatertop]

37. a guy who is going to pay and pay

Kids are expensive.

[southlandshari]

39. Good luck! Seems to me that just your name is enough the first time

you meet. Unless you guys are engaged and ready to marry next month, or planning to move in together (not such a hot idea under the circumstances, but that's another thread!).

I just think meeting them as their mom's friend would be the most natural and least threatening route at this point.

:hi: