Now available at Wal-Mart: Flavored Body Massage Oil

[RevCheesehead]

Yup. Right there in the Valentine's aisle, next to the SpongeBob box of chocolates. Choice of Strawberry or Raspberry (there was no chocolate - believe me, I looked!), for $3.

What will the fundies say? :evilgrin:

[philosophie_en_rose]

1. They'd probably try to cook with it.

:)

[RevCheesehead]

5. "Honey, try this dessert topping..."

Or better yet, a raspberry-vinaigrette dressing.

[Cobalt Violet]

2. Sounds like the War on Valentines Day has started.

:nuke: Happy Valentines Day :nuke:

[Maine-ah]

3. why.......

happy VD to you too!:evilgrin:

[Deja Q]

4. Raspberry?????!

:bounce: :9 :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

:loveya: :loveya:

[RevCheesehead]

11. I'll have to go back.

I went with the Strawberry. Not bad. :9

[Shine]

6. probably tastes like shit.

I'm picky about stuff like that...

:evilgrin:

[RevCheesehead]

12. You get what you pay for...

And $3 a bottle is pretty cheap (or so I'm told). ;)

[Shine]

15. Yeah, really. LOL!

we don't have Wal-marts out here, in my neck o' the woods.

I think that's a good thing.

[LaraMN]

7. Just doing their part to encourage snogging and shagging.

That's where little fundies come from, y'know.

[Oeditpus Rex]

10. Yeah, but fundies do it quickly and quietly

in the dark, and NEVer with accouterments.

Oils, vibrators, masks and whips make Baby Jeebus giggle and point.

[Scooter24]

18. lol...

they probably will buy them at 3am and use the self-checkouts.

[TheMightyFavog]

21. Sounds like this....

Grunt, grunt, grunt AHHHHHHHH! rollover, fart, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

[WritingIsMyReligion]

22. D'you speak from experience??

:evilgrin:

[TheMightyFavog]

30. No.

I have it on good authority that this is waht fundie sex sounds like.

[britpopper]

74. Really...

Do you think it really lasts that long? Three grunts!?! It is for procreation only, right?

[TheMightyFavog]

75. Point taken.

What do you say? Two grunts, max?

[britpopper]

76. Definitely...

One on the in stroke and one on the out...

[cfield]

90. That IS what it sounds like!

I had to listen to it growing up with two 280+ pound totally Fundie parents. It's horrid! :scared:

[Deja Q]

23. ! ! ! ! !

:rofl: :rofl:

That is SO true! My fundie ex was as quiet as a rock.

[RevCheesehead]

26. That's because God might hear them.

:)

[Oeditpus Rex]

29. Rev, I just thoughta somethin'

Gonna make you laugh to the point that it could be dangerous.

Check your PM. :7

[RevCheesehead]

31. You know, you're starting to get a reputation.

I'd like to help you nurture and grow into a naughty guy.
:loveya:

Got it. ;)

[Oeditpus Rex]

32. I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation

Never been afraid of any deviation. :evilgrin:

[RevCheesehead]

33. That doesn't look like you.

I thought the beard was real. :cry:

[Oeditpus Rex]

36. It's Joan Jett, ya big silly

[RevCheesehead]

37. So it's come to this, has it?

http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_video/fish.avi

[Oeditpus Rex]

38. Come to?

I been slappin' folks with fish for years.

[RevCheesehead]

41. It's a new thing for me.

Silly me - I've been multiplying them, along with loaves. :silly:

[TrogL]

80. what about handcuffs and ball gags?

[hfojvt]

8. now you tell me

I just got back from the store.

[RevCheesehead]

13. when's your date?

tonight? :loveya:

[hfojvt]

56. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow

you're only a day away!!! :woohoo:

[RevCheesehead]

58. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time.

:hug:

[hfojvt]

59. I wish I could be that sure

Actually I do not, because it is one heck of a long way down.

Would you believe that I am chatting with "her" even now, and she has blown of our movie date, and does not even feel she has enough time for a lunch date.

I was about 80% sure that something like this would happen, and I am not nearly as upset as I was in November of 2004 or even 2002.

But just let me add FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!1!

[RevCheesehead]

60. Try not to make a big deal about it.

Just meet for lunch, or coffee, and enjoy each other's company. Get to know who she is, what she enjoys, her opinions about stuff. And smile. Then, when there's that awkward pause, you lean in, smile, and tell her "I just want you to know, I think you have the most beautiful eyes."

Who could resist that?
Just be yourself, Prince Charming. :hug:

[hfojvt]

61. I tried

she does not even want to meet for lunch, or says she can't. So damn her eyes anyway.

Ah well, I was too slow in responding and she has signed out. You know, this is an internet thing and I have neither her name, nor phone number, although she has mine. So I am not even sure what I want to do now. I have a day off tomorrow though, vacation day, but no date.

I guess I will have a bonfire, if it is not too windy, and do some more cleaning.

It's not like I don't have anything to do. I think there are even some flowers on the wall I have not counted in a while.

[RevCheesehead]

63. I'll bet you anything she's scared.

Are you moving too fast? Maybe the word "date" is frightening to her. Why not meet for coffee "as friends," and see what happens?

This internet thing can be scary at times, since you don't really know the person. I've met people I thought were jerks who turned out to be wonderful, and I've fallen in love, only to be disillusioned when meeting face-to-face. :(

So, this woman isn't ready. Keep looking. Forget it, and move on to the next one. There's someone out there, looking for you!
:hug:

[hfojvt]

73. I find that there is no joy in the journey

I have not found even a nickel's worth of reward in the dating game, other than the false hopes I create with my imagination. Looking for a date is even more frustrating than looking for a job. Not only is there not anyone looking for me, there is no one even willing to settle for me, even though hundreds of women do much worse every day.

Sure, I have only known her since August of 2004. I am moving with lightning speed. I almost actually got to meet her. And I do not believe I ever said the word date to her.

[peacefreak]

9. Cool!

Next it'll be whips & fur-covered handcuffs:evilgrin:

[RevCheesehead]

14. Those were back-ordered.

:evilgrin: I asked. ;)

[Deja Q]

24. So the oil is condom-friendly then?

:spray: :rofl: :rofl:

[RevCheesehead]

27. My god - who plugged in the Toad tonight???

:evilgrin:

[mongo]

84. All of the flavored lubes are water based

and can be used with condoms. If it says massage oil, instead of lubricant, check the indgredients.

[Deja Q]

25. And some walmarts already sell the whipped cream and chocolate sauce...

So no problem there! :7

[evlbstrd]

16. What?

No Barbecue or Nacho Cheese?

[RevCheesehead]

19. Nah - that would be in Bubba's Box of Chocolates.

[Scooter24]

17. haha...

I saw those the other day...

They were next to the red-velvet handcuffs with a feather tickler, the spin the bottle game, and love dice. I was really shocked :P

[RevCheesehead]

20. You know the weird thing...

Even though the bottle is safety-sealed, the cashier put it in it's own little bag... like it was contraband.

Good thing she doesn't go to my church. :D

[Scooter24]

39. She was probably distracted

and made a mental note to get some when she gets off. (pardon the pun) :)

You should make little V-day gift bags for your church. Complete with little feathers and lotions...or maybe a Jesus Loves My Ass mug with candy?

[RevCheesehead]

49. Whoa - - Care packages for Nuns!!!

:rofl:

That is just too damned funny!!

[AntiCoup2K4]

28. Since it's WallyWorld, do these products have a warning label...

FOR USE BY MARRIED HETEROSEXUALS ONLY!!!

[RevCheesehead]

34. No, but there's a tiny warning label on the inside/front label...

that says "for adults only." The checker didn't ask for ID, though. :(

[DanCa]

35. So got any plans for valentines day?

:evilgrin:

[RevCheesehead]

40. As a matter of fact, no.

Nothing firm, anyways. :7

[DanCa]

43. I cant promise firm ... maybe we can work around it.

:evilgrin: give me a jingle.

[RevCheesehead]

44. Always ready...

to give you a hand. ;)

[DanCa]

46. lmao please dont ever change

:hug:
:love:
:toast:

[RevCheesehead]

47. Never!

:hug:

And, thank you! :loveya:

[LaraMN]

42. The Carmen Electra aerobic strip workout came from Wal-Mart, too!

They're seriously increasing the skank factor, locally.

[RevCheesehead]

45. You should see their undies!

I found a nice black camisole (in my size!).

And there were some rather - interesting - items, too. :evilgrin:

[LaraMN]

48. We have nothing but a Wal-mart in my town

to supply most basic items, and I have admittedly bought some...interesting...items, myself. :rofl:

[RevCheesehead]

50. It's either that,

or plain wrapper packages via UPS.

Creativity in Small Town, USA. O8)

[LaraMN]

51. I'm too creative for my own good,

but not for my husband's. I'm lucky he's not prudish. ;)

[RevCheesehead]

52. Mr. Romantic?

I saw that "shop vac" thing.


:wow:




:rofl:

[LaraMN]

54. He's multi-faceted.

He also has an entire folder on my bookmark list of lingerie items he likes, and he loves to buy me pretty things.

Once, he dragged his friend into Victoria's Secret to buy me some silk pajamas. When he got in line, he and his pal thought they had grabbed a defective top, until a lady behind them told him they were looking at the darts, which were "for a woman's breasts." :rofl:

[no name no slogan]

53. Funny, I saw that same stuff at Target today

while I was picking up "supplies". :evilgrin:

[RevCheesehead]

55. That's on the other side of town...

well, the nearest city (20 miles). But I've got to go back tomorrow, so I'll check it out. Thanks!

[samhsarah]

57. lol

:rofl:

[spindrifter]

62. Please--I do not want anything

from W-Mart rubbed on my body.

[NMMNG]

64. How dare you taint this beautiful Christian holiday with *sex*?

St. Valentine's Day is for choosing a sweetheart, or showing your friends and loved ones that you care. It is not about massaging and licking naked bodies, and the subsequent immoral acts that follow! :cry:


Three hundred years after the death of Jesus Christ, the Roman emperors still demanded that everyone believe in the Roman gods. Valentine, a Christian priest, had been thrown in prison for his teachings. On February 14, Valentine was beheaded, not only because he was a Christian, but also because he had performed a miracle. He supposedly cured the jailer's daughter of her blindness. The night before he was executed, he wrote the jailer's daughter a farewell letter, signing it "From Your Valentine." Another legend tells us that this same Valentine, well-loved by all, received notes to his jail cell from children and friends who missed him.

Another Valentine was an Italian bishop who lived at about the same time, AD 200. He was imprisoned because he secretly married couples, contrary to the laws of the Roman emperor. Some legends say he was burned at the stake.

snip

The custom of choosing a sweetheart on this date spread through Europe in the Middle Ages, and then to the early American colonies. Throughout the ages, people also believed that birds picked their mates on February 14!

In AD 496 Sain Pope Gelasius I declared February 14 as "Valentine's Day". Although it's not an official holiday, most Americans observe this day.
Whatever the odd mixture of origins, St Valentine's Day is now a day for sweethearts. It is the day that you show your friend or loved one that you care. You can send candy to someone you think is special. Or you can send roses, the flower of love. Most people send "valentine" a greeting card named after the notes that St Valentine received in jail.


http://inventors.about.com/library/inventors/blvalentine.htm

[RevCheesehead]

66. I didn't go thru the aisle intentionally.

I had to walk thru it to get to the electronics dept.
It was serendipity. :loveya:

[NMMNG]

68. Sure you didn't

I know all about you librul types. :evilgrin:

[RevCheesehead]

69. I despise that day more than any other.

I'll get a card for my parents, but that's it.

Oh, and maybe a bag of Hershey's kisses on the day after.

[NMMNG]

71. Candy is the only thing that day means to me too

It's not like I have a "sweetheart" to celebrate it with. Ever. But then who knows what the future holds.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

65. Dribble it on your Garth Brooks cd

and munch out.

Only at Slave-Mart. Yuck. :puke:

[RevCheesehead]

67. On my ... who??

EEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwww!! :banghead:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

72. Sorry...

Wal-Mart, Garth Brooks, Fundies...
They all just seem to deserve each other. The fact that the fundies are pissed with Wal-Mart doesn't make me think any differently.

[Fleshdancer]

70. Two things that should NEVER be combined:

Sweat shops and flavored body massage oil.

:scared:

[RevCheesehead]

77. Ewwww...

Thanks for that image! :scared:

[TrogL]

78. I just paid $15 for that at an "adult" store

What a ripoff.

[jane_pippin]

79. Does wal-mart sell condoms yet?

Last time I was in one--years ago--I looked all around for them and they were nowhere to be found. I even asked one of the people working there where they were and he said they didn't carry them. (I also asked if Sam's Club might carry bulk boxes of them, but no dice there either. Bastards).

If not, is one of those oils the flavor of hypocrisy? (which I assume tastes something like dandelions and Asper-creme, though I have no reasons that back up this assumption in any way).

[mongo]

81. Our local Walmart sells condoms

quite a variety too...

[jane_pippin]

85. Good. I hate them slightly less now.

Very slightly, but still, credit where credit's due and all that.

[Wapsie B]

83. Yes they do.

That's a good point. One the one hand Wally-World is the epitome of goodness and morality, the love of the rw Taliban in the U.S. who preach no sex unless it's a married mommy and daddy making babies. Then they sell condoms for pleasure sex.

[jane_pippin]

87. Yep. Analyzing the ways of wal-mart is enough to make your brain explode

But I am glad to hear they carry them.

[mongo]

82. We sell a couple of different chocolote oils

God - I hate Walmart. What brand/size did you get for $3.00?

I doubt if I can even buy the same thing wholesale for that price -- unless it is a 2oz bottle.

[RevCheesehead]

86. "Flirty Flavors"

It's called Flirty Flavors Kissable massage oil.
$3 for a 7 oz. bottle.

It's not very oily.... and it tastes more like Cotton Candy.
(I went with the strawberry)

Do you have any Chocolate Mint? :9

[mongo]

88. We have a chocolate mint body bar

solid massage oil -- it melts with body heat.

Meant as a massage oil -- not condom safe.

[RevCheesehead]

89. Next time I'm in Ohio, I'll look ya up.

:bounce::bounce: