How many times have you been in love?

[Bossy Monkey]

Poll question: How many times have you been in love?

This of course depends on how you define being in love-- especially whether crushes count or if mutuality is required. Anyway, just answer by your own lights. If you want to share below in a reply what being in love means to you, feel free.

[CarpeDiebold]

1. Once

according to my girlfriend's instructions

[dr.strangelove]

2. Twice for me

My first love was young college love. It was loads of fun, but it died out once we kind of grew into ourselves and realized we had less in common than we thought. I will always care deeply for her and wish her the best. My second love is my wife. Our love is a more mature love, that is based on our common feelings on a variety of issues and our respect for each other. She is the perfect person, at least to me, and I love her more now than I did when I met her.

[CarpeDiebold]

3. how nice!

I"M TOTALLY STEALING THIS LINE!!

"Our love is a more mature love, that is based on our common feelings on a variety of issues and our respect for each other. She is the perfect person, at least to me, and I love her more now than I did when I met her."

THIS is my ticket out of ANY trouble i cause with my girl! WOOT!

thanks bro! (and i'm very happy for you...that kinda love is hard to find...)

[dr.strangelove]

7. Thanks

Its been a good ride. For awhile I did not think this kind of love was out there for me. I had a few girls I cared for, but nothing like this. Then one day standing on line to buy a lotto ticket I met her. How funny is that, while trying to win the lotto, I met my wife. I did not win whatever million dollars the prize was but I did pretty good. We have been together 9 years now and we are expecting our first child in two months.
Thanks for the kind words and good luck.

[redqueen]

19. Congrats!

:toast:

[hfojvt]

53. you say only twice

I still remember an episode of Tattletales that asked the women to guess how many times their husband would say he has been in love. There were only three options - 0nce, twice, or more than that. Two of the wives said "he better say just once", one of the wives said twice because her husband had been married twice. The husbands came back, and the answer of all three of them was - "more than that". Evindence to me that men are hopeless romantics.

[Shell Beau]

4. Just once and that is with my husband.

We've been together since we were teens. :loveya:

[Redstone]

17. You just crushed a couple dozen DU guys' egos, you kow that, don't you?

But I gotta tell you, how nice I think it must be to be able to find your other half when you're young. Mrs R and I were the better part of 40 when we met, and sometimes we think about the lost time before that...though if we had met in our early years, we'd probably have eight kids or nine kids, and the two we have are more than enough for me (just joking).

Redstone

[ET Awful]

5. Really, truly and completely? Once . . . and she ripped my heart out.

That is all.

[ForrestGump]

6. Oodles of infatuations, crushes, etc, in my life, but

I don't know if I can really count them against The Big One, or how much so, certainly as a fully requited thing. I'm honestly not sure where the line is or how many times I've crossed it. I do suspect that I'm likely to cross that line once and for all, unequivocally, with the feeling of an explorer: that I've followed a similar route before but that the trail was never so clear. But the very unfamiliarity of the terrain -- more a vague familiarity, like walking a familiar route while wearing 3D glasses -- provokes more than a few questions.

Can you feel it, right away? Sometimes, at least? And can it be so hard to ignore or rationalize even if you want to restrain yourself by telling yourself that it's too sudden, too perfect, and every inch a very nice little infatuation and should be relished as such? How do you know if it's true love? Jump right in and find out? I know there is such a thing as true love -- I mean romantic love, not the agape or unconditional love that I could never doubt the universality of -- because I've seen The Princess Bride a b(r)azillion times. Enquiring minds want to know...

There's more I could say on that right now, but...


..that's all I have to say about that.


"I may be a smart man, but I don't know what love is" (or something like that) :-)

[Bossy Monkey]

9. I think love and "in love" are almost totally different

because the volcanic passion of being totally in love can never stand up against real life unless you're just inherently volcanically passionate, and then you get the whole Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf thing and who wants that? So while I'm totally crazy about the person with whom I'm in a relationship, I'm not TOTALLY CRAZY about her in the sending flowers every day/ falling to pieces if she doesn't return my calls sense. And that's very nice, too.

[tjdee]

31. Love at first sight may sound trite...but it's true, you know....

that's what Morrissey says.

And it's different for everyone--but I know within a day whether a person has affected me to that level.

As for true love...I think I felt that once. And it was weird because it felt like the planets fell into line, the world made sense, it was the most natural thing in the world. Like I'd always been with him and he'd always been with me. I understood what falling "in" love meant. It was like it had always been there waiting for me to run into this guy. It was like a puzzle piece clicking into place.

Of course, he is now married to someone else. :shrug:

[Xithras]

8. Three times

The first was more of a puppy love, but she was the first girl I ever kissed. I dated her on and off for years before she finally met someone in college and got married. I was devastated when I found out she was getting married, until the point where she propositioned me for "one last fling". I'm a heel and actually did it (hey, I was single and hadn't had a date in months), but I lost all respect for her and pretty much fell out of love at that point.

My second love was a woman that I nearly married (proposed, she said yes, we were planning the ceremony, etc.) I loved that woman more than anything, but one of her meddling friends (who I'd dated) screwed our relationship up deliberately. In the end, mistrust undermined our relationship to the point where the wedding was called off.

My third love is my wife. I kiss her every day and tell her how special she is to me, and I mean it when I say it. I often tell my wife that when we grow old I get to die first because losing her would simply kill me. The funny thing is, I'm serious when I say it...I honestly can't comprehend living without her.

My love for my wife makes my feelings for my second love rather odd. I still bump into her from time to time, and despite the fact that she's married now too, we've realized that we still both have the same feelings for each other as ever. I love my wife completely, but I love my ex fiancee too. She loves her husband, but that didn't stop her from crying over her stupidity at listening to her friend one day (the friend eventually admitted that it was all a lie). Our solution is simple...we just don't see each other anymore. Occasional smalltalk when we bump into each other at the store, but we agreed that we were treading on dangerous ground if we got any closer to that. Still, it doesn't dampen my feelings.

So my answer is that I've loved three women in my life, and still love two of them. Feelings are funny things, and aren't always fair or sensible.

[regnaD kciN]

67. Wow...

The first was more of a puppy love, but she was the first girl I ever kissed. I dated her on and off for years before she finally met someone in college and got married. I was devastated when I found out she was getting married, until the point where she propositioned me for "one last fling". I'm a heel and actually did it (hey, I was single and hadn't had a date in months), but I lost all respect for her and pretty much fell out of love at that point.

...talk about the absolute best way to "get over" someone! :evilgrin:

[lady raven]

10. Real...

THOUGHT I was in love- 6 or 7 times.

It was REAL once.

[Redstone]

11. Ambrose Bierce once said, "He who says he has loved twice,

has not loved once."

Although he's one of my favorite writers, I disagree with him. My count would be, probably, about forty times. Maybe more.

Redstone

[NNadir]

23. It's generally not true.

One can be in love many times, if one defines love as caring more for the other than one does for oneself.

My love for my wife is transcendent, and ranks above all my other loves for intensity and depth. But I was indeed in love before I knew my wife at all. This doesn't diminish what I have now in any way. If anything it makes it richer by the granting of perspective. Having lost love, it is all the more precious to keep it.

[Redstone]

24. Yup. You said what I did, but much more eloquently.

Nice post.

Redstone

[redqueen]

12. Once...

and always will be.

[NNadir]

13. I have been "in love" with six different people, but the last one...

...over 20 years worth has been the best by about a zillion miles. I love my wife enormously.

To be perfectly honest, I hardly remember the first several people, but they were very important to me at the time I think.

[LeftyMom]

14. Twice before I would have said I was

but the depth of feeling was not what it is now. So was I not really in love or are there degrees of love? I don't really know.

[MissMillie]

15. Too many times, with people who were decidedly unworthy

someday, I'll get it right.

[Orsino]

16. Four or five?

It depends, of course. My first loves weren't that deep, though naturally they seemed so at the time. I guess they all do.

[Rowdyboy]

18. I've only been "in love" once...Still am and always will be...

He's my "other-half"

[terrya]

20. Only once. That wonderful man in my life now.

Love can never be understood until you actually, truly experience it. I thought I was in love with a couple of other guys earlier in my life...I was mistaken.

[kwassa]

21. Twice, in a real deep love.

And I didn't experience the first one until I was 37. I didn't know before that experience that I hadn't really been in love, or that it could feel as strong as it does. I simply thought it wasn't in the cards for me.

Met the second and final when I was 43, and we have been together 10 years.

[TX-RAT]

22. Just once, and i still am, going past 35 years.

She hasn't run me off yet.

[last_texas_dem]

25. Once

and if all future incidents destroy me as much inside as that one time has I hope to never experience it again. Although I don't plan on putting up much of a fight to prevent it from happening again...

[billyskank]

26. I thought I was once

but then I remembered that I reproduce by a cloud of spores.

[edbermac]

27. Never...too busy being "in lust"

:evilgrin:

[supernova]

28. In love once, infatuated several times

I loved the person that I eventually married, BUT that turned out to be an unhealthy attachment. For a variety of reasons, I don't talk to him anymore.

I have since been infatuated with several people, but nothing came of it. I also dated a couple of people I ended up not liking. So there you go. I've been the dumper and the dumpee.

Does The One exist? I don't know. As a single person here and now, I have to believe there are several potential members of The One club out there. Who that person is or what he does ... I don't know. :shrug:

I do know that have finally arrived at the stage in my life that I enjoy getting to know people again. So, we'll see. :-)

edit: A related question might be "Has anyone ever loved me back?" The answer, sadly, is "No." I still think that would be a great thing to find that.

[RevCheesehead]

29. That's difficult to answer.

I will admit to thinking I was in love at least 2-3 times. However, it was not mutual. Somehow, I think that love must be better when it is a mutually shared melding of body, mind, and soul.
But alas, I do not know...yet.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

30. Considering I'm only a teen...

That would be a big fat zippo. Zero. Nada.

:P :P

[RetroLounge]

32. I'm certainly not the one to answer this poll

RL

[Broken_Hero]

33. 3 times for sure...n/t

[NorthernSpy]

34. for real? just once, so far...

:think:

[Deja Q]

35. 4 times:

1. Too young and scared and stupid. (age 21)
2. Passed him at a store and too scared (age 29)
3. Co-worker. Found out she was married, though we still sneak peeks and today she made an amusing double-ententre. (age 31), I am 33 now.
4. Saw in a bar; he tried initiating contact but - you guessed it - too scared. This was 3 weeks ago. (age 33)

Maybe the punk in H.S. was right; I am God's little joke...


What is love? You look in the person's eyes. Both of you feel the same fireworks-like sensation.

It's also an exchange of two fantasies.

[MrSlayer]

36. Twice. The first didn't go so well.

The second is going swimmingly. It took a long time for me to open up the second time though, having my heart crushed is not something I cared to have happen again.

[Wapsie B]

37. Where I've fallen in love with a woman

I'd say 3. But where that woman had the same feelings for me, 0.

[tigereye]

38. once every decade since my teens

a few reciprocated, a few not, and not "serious" love ( as opposed to the infatuation- based mix I thought was love) until I met the guy I married.

[WindRavenX]

39. 3 times

And this third one is the charm :loveya:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

40. I'm not counting the mild infatuations--but I've had four

occasions when I got that run-over-by-a-truck feeling. Alas, only one of them was mutual.

I've had other relationships that were okay, but only one case in which our mutual friends kept commenting "You both look so happy." And indeed we were...for a while.

Unfortunately, the gentleman lost interest after two years.

[bigwillq]

41. Three (nt)

[EFerrari]

42. A bunch of times! Each one was great.

What, is there a limit? :shrug:

[Zomby Woof]

43. Once

:-)

[nini]

46. and worth the wait

:loveya:

[Zomby Woof]

47. You are right, Nini!

:loveya:

[nini]

49. as always

:P

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

44. Twice where I thought it was real and indefinite

One for 7 years...one for 18 months...moral of the story...don't fall in love with anyone who can fall deeply forever in love with 4 people in 6 years

[nini]

45. ((((((NSMA)))))))))

:D


:bounce:

[Zomby Woof]

48. Teena!

:hug:

[HEyHEY]

59. Once

Damned Mexican heartbreaker!

[enigmatic]

62. good to see you again!

:hug:

[RandomKoolzip]

65. Hey, good to see you back!

[regnaD kciN]

69. Four people in six years...?

I hope you mean they'd fallen "deeply forever in love" with those people one after the other...or were you spending time in Utah?

:evilgrin:

[ghostsofgiants]

50. So far, nevah.

[GirlinContempt]

54. Except with me

[ghostsofgiants]

56. Well that wa so obvious I didn't think it even counted.

[GirlinContempt]

57. Exactly

Too bad I don;t love you back
:(

[ghostsofgiants]

58. You're evil.

So very evil.

[totallynluv]

51. 4 times

1. Mutual, but too young. He wasn't ready to handle it. I doubt I was either.

2. Married him, but he spent most of the time trying to avoid feeling anything for me or anything period and it ultimately became emotionally (nearly physically many times) abusive. I had to let go and leave the marriage because my feelings were long dead just out of self-preservation.

3. The man I almost had an affair with when I was married. I did nothing physical, but the emotional attachment shook me to the core and I had to re-evaluate everything. He never understood this. He could never quite open up (even when I was available again) and embrace what we felt when I told him I loved him. I had to let go. It made me feel like an emotional masochist to try to continue in the face of so many walls in this on again, off-again whatever.

4. When I least expected it, the man who gives me everything I need came into my life. He loves me how I need to be loved and lets me love him the way I want to love- without reserve. Yes Virginia, there is sanity and passion all in one. You can have it all.
Ironically, once I surrendered to my feelings, Mr. #3 finally came forward with the fact he really loved me. Mr. #3 never saw what he put me through before. He only sees his loss now.

Love is surrender. To love is to be brave. To allow one's self to be loved as one deserves (and nothing less) is even braver sometimes. Ultimately, it wasn't until I accepted being alone that true love found me. I take life's lessons and choose be treated with complete respect as a cherished lover and a best friend in one. I will accept nothing less for myself than what I would hope for my own daughter to have one day.

To anyone- give yourself the love you deserve first. Only then is there hope. :)

[judaspriestess]

52. I lost count n/t

[Zynx]

55. A couple times in my own way.

I'm not a very emotional person and I don't just gush and become irrational.

[Jamastiene]

60. Once for some reason.

I can honestly say most of my feelings have ended up being strange crushes, but that one time, it was real, for sure.

[Oeditpus Rex]

61. Who knows?

I'd say four, but if we don't know it's love until it happens to us, how do I really know those were love? That is, how do I know there isn't something that feels even stronger?

(Oy. That's kind of a scary thought.)

One thing — I never really felt like I was "in love" with my most immediate ex; the relationship wasn't based on romance. We started as friends — indeed, as quite a team — and we're still friends. That sense remained throughout the eight years we were together. And I did love her. Still do. Very much.

[Liberal In Texas]

63. Every time.

[AgadorSparticus]

64. 3 times with 3 very different types of love: puppy love, romantic love,

and the third one is an unglamorous but more complex and complete type of love.

[regnaD kciN]

68. I see your point...

...and find the question almost impossible to answer. Being a child of the '60s and '70s, I never really "dated" all that much. We tended to fall into relationships, either quickly (meet and become inseparable from the start) or slowly (get to know each other over many weeks or months, and suddenly and almost without realizing it make the switch from being friends to being a couple).

Leaving aside teenage "crushes" and other situations where I may have had strong feelings that weren't reciprocated, I probably figure I had about five or six serious relationships and around three "flame-outs" (got together for a short time before realizing it wasn't going to work for one reason or another). Of those five or six, each one was different in its basic quality, in terms of intensity of emotional connection, physical attraction, psychological impact, philosophical/ethical/religious compatibility, and so on. Depending on how a given person might define "love," I could well say that only one or two of these relationships qualified as being "in love"...but, depending on the definition, it might be a different one or two each time. (And, of course, it's quite possible to feel a great deal of love -- even more than you've had in some "real" relationships -- for someone with whom you are "just friends," without either of you ever wanting to take it any further than that. I've had that happen at least three times in my life.)

The only real test I can come up with is the "proof of the pudding" -- longevity. Not just as in "how long we've put up with each other" ;-) , but "how well we've grown together" -- to the point where it's almost as impossible to imagine going without that person as it is to imagine going without breathing. As you put it so well, over time, love will almost always become less glamorous, but can grow ever more complex and complete. By that standard, only one love has passed the "acid test."

And we'll have been married fifteen years this coming August. :loveya:

[Zomby Woof]

66. .