Men of the lounge, in this Xmas season, I want to share one thing with you

[Maddy McCall]

Menstrual cramps.

:P

[JohnnyCougar]

1. Only if I can share my indegestion with you!

[Dangerously Amused]

4. Quick Maddy, quick! Take the deal before he changes his mind!!

Ha haaaaa, sucker.


:evilgrin:

[JohnnyCougar]

6. I'm not so sure.....

I just ate a plate full of leftover tuna caserole...that was wayyy too leftover!

[Maddy McCall]

7. Alright. Where do we meet to make the trade?

BTW, I ain't no Walmart. Once I give you my cramps, they are yours forever, and you can't bring them back.

:D

(Believe me, indigestion is nothing compared to cramps. :P )

[JohnnyCougar]

18. Well, if I am unhappy with the trade,

can I just start eating raw habañero peppers and pork rinds until you are willing to trade back? :evilgrin:

[Maddy McCall]

22. Maybe you can find some unsuspecting guy on the street...

and bequeath it to him as a gift from you. :D

[JohnnyCougar]

27. Well, you called my bluff...

I'm not trading. I actually did eat a whole raw habañero once, and it felt just like merh is describing below....

I thought my abdomen was about to implode, and I could barely breathe!

So no trade! Sorry you gals have to go through with that. :pals:

[Maddy McCall]

31. Speaking of habaneros...

On my last trip to NOLA, right before the hurricane, I bought a bottle of "MEGA DEATH HOT SAUCE."

Now, you might think that no hot sauce can be hot enough for one to wish to die, but listen on...

We've made a Saturday night tradition of cooking at the firehouse. Well, a couple of weeks after Katrina hit, I cooked red beans and rice and served it to the firefighters. Several policemen and deputies stopped by, and the firefighters, having tasted a drop of the DEATH SAUCE on by putting a drop on the tip of their finger and touching it to their tongue, warned them: "Whatever you do, use tobasco on those beans. Don't DARE put any of the DEATH SAUCE on them!"

Well, of course one of the Joe Macho policemen had to demonstrate that he loves hot food, and had never tasted a hot sauce that was too hot.

I handed the bottle to him and said, "Have at it." He doused his bowl of beans n' rice with the DEATH SAUCE. I mean he liberally doused it.

He ate a bite. His face turned red. He ate another bite. His face turned even more red. He finished his bowl, and had to leave suddenly. One of the other policemen found him in the bathroom puking his guts up.

We have given him hell ever since.

This is MEGA DEATH SAUCE. It's made from NOTHING but habaneros. Nothing to dilute it. Pure habanero juice and seeds.

[JohnnyCougar]

39. I've got some stuff that is probably just as hot if not hotter.

Dave's Ultimate Insanity hotsauce. They claim it is the hottest sauce in the world. I think they have concentrated habañero juice in there.

Here is a link!
http://www.firegirl.com/hs1125ui.html

And yes, I am one of those people who actually put it in my chili. Still, though, I use only a few drops for a whole pot.

[AntiCoup2K4]

43. Dave's is LETHAL

And I've got a damn good tolerance for peppers. First time I tried it, I was warned, but my idea of "going easy with that shit" was a little different from the person that warned me". I was breathless. Literally. And I had put this stuff on a reasonably thick steak, so it's not like there wasn't enough food in the bite to delete any "ordinary" sauce.

I gotta respect any sauce that can do that to me. To me, food isn't spicy unless I'm literally sweating from eating it. And hiccups, usually. I never get them for any reason other than hot food.

[JohnnyCougar]

41. Here's one for you, maddy!

http://www.firegirl.com/1199-02.html

[Maddy McCall]

48. Cool! I'll have to look for that one next time I'm on Bourbon Street!

They have hundreds of different hot sauces in each shop.

Thanks! :hi:

[ForrestGump]

45. I believe her. They sure don't look too

pleasant to me:

[Wapsie B]

2. No need to share.

Please.

;-)

Truly men could not handle what you gals go through.

[Maddy McCall]

8. Sure you don't want to give it a spin, just for a day or two?

:hi:

[Wapsie B]

13. No that's quite alright.

:hi:

No way would I want to deal with bleeding and cramping and what all else goes along with it. You have my eternal admiration just for getting through menstruation.

[Maddy McCall]

20. LOL.

I'm a lucky one. I didn't start until I was 17. My parents had made me an appointment with a "specialist" when, one January in my junior year, I got a funny feeling, and BOOM, there it was.

Damn. Sorry I just got so personal. I'm just hoping that being a late bloomer will also mean that I'll be an early finisher (menopause).

[Wapsie B]

23. No need to be sorry.

I've been a late bloomer myself but in other ways. :)

[neweurope]

50. Hey, gimme your cramps and you take my menopause.

I know how bad cramps are. I'd still trade willingly.


---------------------

Remember Fallujah

Bush to The Hague!

[Maddy McCall]

51. Really?

What's the worst part of it? :(

[neweurope]

56. There was a post here the other day - I can't use the search function...

try "sagging breasts", "waight gain", "facial hairs", "hot flashes" and the like...

Hope you get better soon! :hi:

---------------------

Remember Fallujah

Bush to The Hague!

[merh]

3. I have an answer for those -

menopause. :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

5. or perimenopause

:hug:

[merh]

9. Yup

Age 36 when I experienced my hot flashes. :hi:
Doc said no way, I was too young, but heck, my body didn't pay much heed to the doc.

Now, I am free of those other problems and don't miss them at all. :evilgrin:

:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

11. I am heavy in the throes of the hot flashes, night sweats

and unpredictable cycles, at age 41.

[merh]

19. Don't you feel like you are going to implode

or spontaneously combust? :scared: I swear, mine were so bad, folks at work could tell when they came over me, I would turn pale and have sweat on my brow and upper lip and be immobilized. Night sweats are awful, I hope you are consuming more soy and using the herbal supplements available. Also, please increase your water intact. Water is pretty friggin healing.

Like I said, age 36 for me, it was not pleasant, but once you get past it, you will find it has freed you.

Take care :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

30. I think I started to hit it at around 35 as well

then I got preggers...

I am using progesterone cream, soy and lots of water...

Is it me or is my bladder shrinking?

[merh]

34. LOL, blame it on the intact of the water.

I know I do. :P

[KitchenWitch]

36. Sounds good to me!

:rofl:

[radwriter0555]

62. The gift to men, that keeps on giving? KIDNEY STONES.

Rock on.

[Maddy McCall]

10. Believe me, I anticipate that day...

when it's time for the monthly, and I see no red. :D

:hi: :loveya:

(Got called out this afternoon for a grass fire, and ended up hanging out at the station--I'll call you tomorrow, sweetie.)

[merh]

12. It is very liberating

not to mention that you end up saving money each month. Our "items" can be costly.


(I know you will call when you can. :hug: I hope you get to feeling better. Hot tea and honey with a shot of whiskey. :loveya: )

[KitchenWitch]

14. Not only are they costly

They are also taxed!

[Maddy McCall]

16. And taxing...

if incorrectly installed.

:rofl:

[KitchenWitch]

17. LOL

You are a sick puppy...I love that in a person!

[Maddy McCall]

21. Hehehe.

I can be. :D And I, too, appreciate a sick sense of humor in my friends. (Or else they wouldn't put up with me!).

[Maddy McCall]

15. I hadn't thought about being liberated from "the items."

:D

Well, I gotta finish decorating the tree. TTYL.

:hi: :loveya:

[merh]

24. Enjoy the tree decorating

and be sure to get some rest. :hi:

:loveya: :hug:

[Maddy McCall]

25. Hey, M., don't you wonder why only a couple of men have replied...

to this thread?

:rofl:

[merh]

29. Are you kidding?

Those that have opened it and read what it is about have run from the rooms in fear.

I know I heard some screaming, I know I did. :rofl:



:hug:

[ForrestGump]

26. Only if I get to keep the...container

Maddy...forgive me, but please use your imagination to substitute for 'container' what presents more commonly come in. Hint: it's not a bag. I swear, I almost sent this without catching that egregious innuendo...I really would rather not get tombstoned twice in one day. :-)

And, yeah, I'll gladly trade you mine so you can see what it's like to osmoregulate while standing up (a word of advice: beware the zipper) and for people to take you seriously even when you've got nothing but inanity to say. :D

[Maddy McCall]

28. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Before your explanation, I was thinking, "Damn, I thought *I* was sick!"

Osmoregulate--does that mean "for the blood to return-flow from the appendage to other parts of the body?" :D

[ForrestGump]

32. Well, I'm STILL sick, but my explanation

shows that at least I realize it. I could sure use one of them containers, though. :D

Actually, you're right about 'osmoregulate.' I used entirely the wrong term. Osmoregulation is the law passed that prevents all of the Osmond Brothers smiling at the same time -- visual hazard. What you're talking about, and what I should have named as such, is basically testosteronenea...what you describe is, essentially, a symptom of testosterone poisoning. Some of us have relapses every day...it's very sad. :-(

[hfojvt]

33. that's not very jolly

Can I share my ulcers then?

Gotta be lotsa people out there who could share migraines, asthma, and menstrual cramps.

[Maddy McCall]

35. See, women get all of those conditions...

Women get asthma, migraines (especially at "that time") and ulcers.

But men don't ever get to experience the wonder of cramps. That's why I'm willing to magically share mine.

:D

[hfojvt]

38. The wonder of cramps?

That sounds a little bit like the "gift of celibacy" or the "wonder of an impacted wisdom tooth".

I once had the "wonder" of poison ivy, running sores all over my body, except, strangely, the palms of my hands, and my feet.

My dog here got spaded after having a litter of puppies and she has not gone into heat since. Is that an option? I have a shovel here, come any closer with those menstrual cramps and you will get spaded too. :hide:

[Maddy McCall]

40. Spay me, baby.

LOL. :rofl:

[NMMNG]

37. I feel for you Maddy

Aunt Flo is due to visit me by Wednesday. x( I'll be greeting her with my usual arsenal of Ibuprofen, Percocet, heating pad (when home) and ThermaCare wraps (when away from home).

I was an early bloomer. Aunt Flo paid her first visit to me three weeks before my 11th birthday. It is my fervent hope that this means I will be greeting menopause early.

[Maddy McCall]

42. I get an incredible burst of energy during "Aunt Flo"

Do you? (Love the term "Aunt Flo"--never heard that one before! :rofl: )

This is when I get my house cleaning done, decorate my Xmas tree (tonight), and do other things that I would never consider doing in the other part of the month--like rearranging furniture and the like.

The cramps hurt, but for some reason, I just can't sit still during "the time."

[NMMNG]

44. Just the opposite

I get fatigued, plus it's hard to want to do anything when everything from my waist down to my toes hurts like the dickens.

BTW, have you heard the term "Riding the Cotton Pony"?


edit for typo

[Maddy McCall]

46. No. LOL!

Have you heard this one: "I've got the cat on a string."

[NMMNG]

52. No--that's a good one

:rofl:

[ForrestGump]

47. Have you heard Dolly Parton's "PMS Blues"?

It's excellent. :D



Goes somethin' like this:


Eve you wicked woman, you done put your curse on me
Why didn't you just leave that apple hangin' in the tree
You make us hate our husbands, our lovers and our boss
Why, I can't even count the good friends I've already lost

Cause of PMS blues, PMS blues

I don't even like myself, but it's something I can't help
I got those God almighty, slap somebody PMS blues
Most times I'm easy going, some say I'm good as gold
But when I'm PMS, I tell ya, I turn mean and cold
Those not afflicted with it are affected just the same
You poor old men didn't have to grin and say "I feel your pain"

PMS blues, PMS blues

You know you must forgive us for we care not what we do
I got those can't stop crying, dishes flying PMS blues

But you know we can't help it
We don't even know the cause
But as soon as this part's over, then comes the menopause
Oh, Lord, Oh, Lord
We're going to always be a heap of fun
Like the devil taking over my body, suffering, suffering, suffering
Everybody's suffering, huh?

But a woman had to write this song, a man would be scared to
Lest he be called a chauvinist or just fall victim to
Those PMS blues
You know we'd kill for less than that
PMS blues
You don't want to cross my path
Cause a pitbull ain't no match
For these teeth a clenchin', fluid retention
Head a swellin', can't stop yellin'
Got no patience, I'm so hateful
PMS blues, premenstrual syndrome
Got those moods a swingin', tears a slingin'
Nothin' fits me when it hits me
Rantin', ravin', misbehavin'
PMS blues

It's the only time in my life I ever think about wishing I'd been a man
But you know that only means one thing
If I'd have been a man, I'd be somewhere right this very minute
With some old cranky, naggin', raggin' hateful woman
With those old PMS blues
PMS blues
I don't want to talk about it, we both could do without it
Got those treat your kids bad, don't you talk back
Gone ballistic, unrealistic
Awful lowdown, bitch to be around
PMS blues

[Maddy McCall]

49. I LOVE THAT!

I'm going to Napster tomorrow to see if I can find it there! LOL!!

:rofl:

My fave verse:

You don't want to cross my path
Cause a pitbull ain't no match
For these teeth a clenchin', fluid retention
Head a swellin', can't stop yellin'
Got no patience, I'm so hateful
PMS blues, premenstrual syndrome
Got those moods a swingin', tears a slingin'
Nothin' fits me when it hits me
Rantin', ravin', misbehavin'
PMS blues

[ForrestGump]

53. I've got it, somewhere

I'll zap it to you!

I like that verse, too. Though it does bring back horible flashbacks. :o

Oh no. I've been hanging out with women too much. I'm having hot-flashbacks.

[Maddy McCall]

55. Please do!

I just looked on Napster. It's not there. I heard an MP3 on a website, but couldn't find out how to download it.

Thanks!

[merh]

58. I'd like a copy!

Please :hi:

[Mojambo]

54. Ohhhh... I got that last year! n/t

[RevCheesehead]

57. ROFLMAO!

Funny how nobody asked for this in my "what do you want for Christmas" thread.

Nominated.
Guys, you NEED to read this. :rofl:

[satireV]

59. I would gladly take your cramps...

If I get the ability to bear a child along with it.

That's power beyond comprehension!

[_testify_]

60. Lady, I'll take your cramps if you take my kidney stones.

Have you ever seen a kidney stone?



I've passed one, and I have one delightful little bastard floating around my left kidney waiting for juuuuusst the right time to send me to the ER.


:)

[Touchdown]

61. I'll take them. You can go bald for me.

A period goes away. You'll lose your hair every day.:P

[Err]

63. Biology won't allow that.

Sorry.

If I could choose women to experience something that men go through, then I'd want them to experience public erections. They can happen at anytime and anywhere, even with little or no warning!

Those really suck!

[nemo137]

64. I have a friend who used to punch me in the kidneys when she was cramping

to, you know, share the joy.

[pdx_prog]

65. Trade you nose hairs and ear hairs for your cramps...

[ContraBass Black]

66. Hmm

What else can I do for you? How about a massage?