My husband was fired by e-mail today

[Ellen Forradalom]

We're so screwed. I'm unemployed, too, and we haven't been doing too well together, as those DUers who hear my occasional screams in the Lounge may have noticed.

We have nothing left to lose, except our home. We're practically ready to divorce anyway. In that position, what would you do?

[hang a left]

1. So sorry.

I am sending you positive thoughts.

[sniffa]

2. i'm sorry

:hug:

aLL i can do, so here's another for the time being. :hug:

[Maat]

3. I'm so sorry!

Hang in there, and don't make any hasty decisions! Take time to breath. Is there any family who could help either financially, or who could provide emotional support or good advice?

:hug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

6. We're not

all discussions of marital future have been deferred

[Maat]

64. Good wishes!

Take care!

Your are in our positive thoughts and prayers!

[JDPriestly]

4. Stop blaming each other and ORGANIZE!

I'm sorry too, but revenge, not against each other or against the individuals who hurt you, but against a society with rules that allow such things to happen is the right response. We need worker friendly laws that make certain that employers can't fire employees without cause unless they compensate the employee.

[Ellen Forradalom]

36. Yes, the rules need changing

Our problems are apart from this crisis, although it doesn't help much.

[babylonsister]

5. By e-mail? That's so wrong on so many levels, Ellen.

I'm sorry to hear this and want to lend my best wishes that you'll figure something out.:hug:

[Gato Moteado]

7. counseling would be a good start

unemployment benefits also.

then keep your chins up and go out there and get better jobs.


hang in there....you can do it.


good luck and :hug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

9. we're in counselling

[leanin_green]

53. At least your spouse will go to counseling. My marriage is. . .

on the way out, too. So, I've been writing a country song about it. That's what helps me. I call it, "It's All Over, But the Cryin'." One thing I know for sure, Ellen. If both people aren't working at it, or only one really cares about the relationship, it's like trying to walk with one leg. Pretty soon the whole body breaks down. Good luck, and wish me luck. You can commiserate with me anytime, if you'd like.

[texastoast]

8. Talk

and don't let money ruin love. Abuse, addiction, and adultery can ruin love, but don't let money. But then again, what the hell do I know?

[ebal]

10. Legit email?

Are you sure it wasn't a fake message?

[demnan]

11. I'm so sorry to hear that

It's bad enough to be unemployed but for two people to be going through problems as well must be unbearable. I just hope you find a solution. If you want to reach out, this is the place.

Good luck to both of you! :hug:

[Kadie]

12. I'm sorry.

What a terrible thing to happen. Sorry I don't have any advice, but you will be in my thoughts. Take Care.

[Digit]

13. I am very sorry

Times like these put lots of stress on relationships.
I hope things get better for you soon.

:hug:

[Debi]

14. drink...but that probably won't help anything.

:hug:

I'm sending you positive energy, and my prayers.

[qanda]

15. I am so sorry

I have been where you are and it is a very hard place to be in, but there is hope for tomorrow. I don't know what problems exist in your marriage, but I don't think this time filled with so much emotion is the proper time to make the decision about your marriage.

I pray that you will see some daylight soon, but please hang in there.

:hug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

40. I agree

survival first.

[Don Claybrook]

16. I'm very sorry to hear this, Ellen

I was laid off for 7 months. I never felt so bad; I felt like I wasn't a provider for my children.

And I wanted to give up and run away. But eventually my search paid off and I got a really good job. I know that's scant comfort now, but if the days ahead become dark, please try to keep in mind that you'll come out the other side of this thing ok.

Good luck to you, and to your husband.

[Ellen Forradalom]

17. Thank you all for prayers

and positive energy. Boy, have we dug ourselves a pit. Pray for the clarity to get ourselves out.

[Roland99]

18. Fired via email? WTF??

What the hell kind of policy is that?

[Ellen Forradalom]

20. A sole proprietor

with ADHD kind of policy.

[Roland99]

29. Sounds like a nutcase was your husband's boss.

Sorry to hear about it.

[SoCalDem]

19. Sending you hugs.. but seriously....

if you can sell your house, and make money on the deal, it would be better to do it now, before you are unable to make the payments, and fall behind.. That could affect the saleability.. Maybe the two of you can come together in the task of preparing the house for sale.

If you can make a chunk of change on the deal, you will then have a breather and a chance to re-evaluate the marriage. If it's doomed, what better time to leave than when each has a little "traveling money" and no hard feelings?

Relocating to a new state town, area..with a little cash to get set up and a whole new chapter in your life opens..clean pages, no footnotes.. ready for you to start filling the pages :)

Hope things do work out for you :hug:

[WhiteTara]

21. I'm so sorry

I'm sending you both lots of good energy. I wish I could say something to help you, I'm sure that you are both wonderful people that have had so many pressures from the problems of the world it is hard to know what is what. Bright blessings from the Goddess to you both.
:hug:

[cally]

22. I'm sorry

Hang in there and know that you are in my thoughts. I know how hard losing a job is. :hug:

[GreenPartyVoter]

23. I am so sorry. My husband and I had some hard financial times and

went through bankruptcy. Emotionally we were frazzled but divorce never entered our minds. I hope the two of you can work out a solution.

:hug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

38. You had a solid marriage

to begin with. We, well, not so sure.

[faithnotgreed]

24. since you ask

what one would do

i would
calmly talk to my so and see what ideas we can come up with

look into unemployment
look into employment

discuss if there are any family members who may be able to help out temporarily

be absolutely certain if divorce was the way to go as it should be a last resort (i am not familiar enough with your lounge posts to know the situation so sorry if i say anything that is obvious or already tried or insensitive in any way)

this is of course just a start as there are clearly multiple issues going on here simultaneously so its important to separate out those that dont belong and address those that do

i do want to say i am so sorry ellen
please keep talking if at all possible (with emphasis) - it really can do wonders for any relationship or situation if there is any will to work things out

on edit: one basic i am trying to get across is that there is so much going on for you both esp now that whats most important is to not mix everything in together if you are
take whats most immediate - financial and employment it sounds like - and focus on that
as we all know money is such a stressor on any relationship let alone one thats fragile

i dont know where you live or your work experiences and life situation etc so that may be easier said than done but i believe things can usually work out (if situation isnt abusive in any way)
not always easy or how we thought they would but what is best and healthiest for you both

sending you both hugs ellen
im very sorry for all this hitting you

[serryjw]

25. Let us help........

Where do you live and what do you/hubby do?

We need a forum so DUers can help each other to find work.

[texpatriot2004]

31. Is there a DU forum for helping each other find work?n.t

[bonito]

33. Thats what I call action, good post!

[lostnfound]

26. I'm so sorry. That is terrible.

There's no advice that I'd know how to give, except some kind of cliches about it being dark before the dawn.

And maybe a suggestion for each and both to take stock of what's really important to you. Take time to hear yourself from the heart.

Personally I find some comfort in the perspectives of Carl Jung, and in Jungian writers like Robert Bly and especially Clarissa Estes. When someone lost a job or missed a promotion, Jung would say 'Thank goodness for that'; and if they got a promotion he would say 'what terrible news! maybe if we stick together we can muddle through' because he believed that growth comes out of pain and the tension of our unfulfilled desires. Maybe he lived in simpler times, I don't know, because sometimes tension is just too much.

But I do hope you both will find some silver linings in the dark clouds.

Via email. That is so wrong.

[longship]

27. Post qualifications. Maybe a DUer can help find job.

nt

[texpatriot2004]

30. Where do you post them? n.t

[longship]

61. In this thread, for instance.

It might take it out of G.D., though.

Do either one of you have tech experience?

[Renew Deal]

28. For better or worse, richer or poorer

Lay off being mad at each other if you can and get to work.

[texpatriot2004]

32. A cowardly bullshit way to be fired...I was at least fired by phone

and I thought that was pretty friggin' cowardly.

How long have you been married?

[Ellen Forradalom]

41. unbelieveable isn't it?

We were drinking coffee, speculating on our future, when the message arrived. He looked down. "Ah! I'm being fired by email!"

Together about ten years.

[texpatriot2004]

46. Oh come on, ya'll don't give up. It's hard. It sucks right now. It

really sucks to be fired by email by some yellow-bellied coward.

My husband and I have been together about 7 years. In the spring of 2002 we bought a house. In the fall of 2002 I was fired because I had medical problems (back surgery). They fired me on a Friday, by phone, three days before my surgery and like a day or 2 before my one year anniversary there. I ended up having like 3 surgeries (2 more after the back, not related to the back) in 6 months time.

I haven't been able to find a job since then. It's hard on one salary. It's hard on the relationship too. It's very stressful. We don't always agree.

That's my story, part of it anyway. You have a history. You have worked stuff out before. You have survived other times. Right?

[UndergroundRadical]

43. And you may want to contact an attorney over this:

I don't know if that's even legal the way they did it. Corporations and businesses are getting worse every year. They don't even have the balls any more to say it to your face. That's why they set up voicemails - so they don't have to be decent human beings and give you the time of day. Fucking greedy pigs.

[texpatriot2004]

47. F-ing greedy pigs is right. And they don't have to be "human"

and that is such bullshit. "It's not personal, it's business" they say so that they can justify their bullshit behavior.

[UndergroundRadical]

51. That's the way America is going:

Numb and impersonal. Pure profit. Pure business. The good old days when you would walk in the hardware store or in the cafe and people would actually talk with eachother is long over. Now it's just 'give me your money, take your product or service and get the fuck away from me.'

So impersonal. I swear corporations are tearing the fabric of America apart.

It used to be that you could still be friends even if you disagreed on politics or religion. Now it's so different. People want to start fights over it and/or fucking kill you.

America is not safe or sane anymore.

[madrchsod]

34. sorry ellen

i know what you are going thru...i`ve been there a few times but as you know it`s worked out. counseling may or may not work but at least ya tried. can you move further west? seems there are more jobs out there ...well keep the faith , with a little hard work, and good luck you`ll be ok..see ya at the next meet-up and i`ll split a burger with you

[Ellen Forradalom]

35. Thanks again.

We're deferring a decision on our marriage, of course. First things first.

I posted my resume online and am getting some calls, and even have an interview on Monday morning. So not bad at all.

[faithnotgreed]

44. beautiful ellen

the whole thing
not mixing in a marriage decision just now is quite mature

very best wishes on the interview
please let us know.....

sending a prayer or good vibe or warm light (whatever you prefer - ha)

[Metta]

37. Jeez, tough break.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Your shock, dismay and outrage are normal. I hope the two of you are in counseling. I work with people going through loss and grief and this works for me/them. If you want to take the edges off and give yourself some therapeutic distance, try this: without being hypervigilant or brittle, see/ feel or tell yourself you're in a perfectly formed circle with its edges at a comfortable distance from you. If you can stay with that and breathe normally for awhile, the circle will manifest more fully and, if you look for it, will bring a sense of peace that deepens as you practice this.

Once this is secure, and that doesn't have to take a lot of time, see/feel/ or tell yourself you're in a perfectly shaped, comfortably sized sphere. As this image stabilizes, fill it inside and out, with gentle, golden flame. This will clear you mentally, physically and emotionally and give you a therapeutic clarity.

Any time you spend with this is time well spent. No amount of time is too short. You don't need a special place to do this for it to work. Frequency, at this point, is more important than duration.

[applegrove]

39. That's tough!

[UndergroundRadical]

42. So sorry to hear that: Listen VERY carefully

First, you need to count divorce out of the equation completely. That will solve NOTHING! I am a product of a divorced home and it hasn't helped me or anybody else. In fact, it's made things A LOT worse than they already were.

I don't know what sector you're in or what you do for a living but I seriously urge you to perhaps put your house up for sale and make the move to Vegas. It is the fastest growing job market in the United States and has fairly affordable homes and/or apartments if you select to live in the suburbs. I am positive you and your husband both will find jobs out there very quickly. I have a friend who told me that they have demand coming out their asses and ears but nobody to fill all those jobs. Especially for teachers and nurses. If you are in those fields they have PLENTY of work for you and VERY HIGH SALARIES. Either that or there's Phoenix. That's the second fastest growing job market in America.

I wish you the best friend. Here's a link for the Vegas Chamber. Give them a call and I'm sure they'll be able to help you.

http://www.lvchamber.com

Information Center: [phone]

I'm sure they would love to help you out with anything you may want to know.

Also, here's their relocation guide online:

http://www.lvchamber.com/relocation/index.htm

And employment information:

http://www.lvchamber.com/employment/index.htm


Good luck with whatever path you choose. I seriously think Vegas is the best choice you can make even though I'm not from there and I don't live there. I know several people who were poor back home and moved out there and made a good living for themselves. So it's just some advice. Good luck.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

45. Same happened to my friend who ignored the email and went to work

the next day like he hadn't received it. He figured if the guy really wanted to fire him he should have the balls to do it in person. As it turned out, his boss didn't have the balls and he is still employed there. Whatever tension there was blew over and he feels pretty secure about being there. (Personally, I would have only stayed until I found another job.) Good Luck!!

[donheld]

48. So sorry

:hug: My company has been firing people by phone. :grr:

[ignatius 2]

49. He needs to get to the unemployment office pronto. He should be

entitled to 26 weeks,hopefully. I don't know your situation, but maybe you could go to a temp service and find work..many times in a soft economy,employers will use temps and then hire them if something permanent comes up.

Good luck to you,I really hope good things are on their way for you.

[FreedomAngel82]

50. I'm sorry for all your troubles

:( :hug: I'm not sure what to do. I'm just a college kid who lives at home with my parnts and single. :hug:

[DearAbby]

52. So Sorry Ellen...But this too shall pass. I find that one door closes and

another opens. Most times you will find you are much better off. Don't make rash moves based on emotions. you're right it's suvival mode now. Positive thoughts your way.

[Redstone]

54. Damn, m'dear, just damn.

If there's only some way the two of you could use this situation to form a common front and deal with the financial situation...together, two have the power of four, not two, if you can understand what I'm trying to say.

Hang in there, kiddo. Talk to me if you need to. I can't type much these days, but will answer any PM from you.

Redstone

[bigwillq]

55. That's awful.

I'mvery sorry for your hubby. Sorry about your whole situation. I don't know too much about it so I don't feel I can offer any words of advice. Here's the best I can do :hug:Good Luck!

[HEyHEY]

56. I'd tell him to keep showing up like he didn't get the email

Let the cowards do it face to face

[Bluebear]

63. I love the way you think.

And I am so sorry, ellen.

[Lex]

57. Sell the house, split the equity and go your separate ways

if the marriage is irreconcilable.

Big mistake to let a foreclosure happen. It ruins people's credit big time.

If you really don't think the marriage will make it, a clean break may be needed?

[Blue_Tires]

58. i hope everything works out nt

[AccessGranted]

59. I got fired by phone while on medical leave!

That was just wrong!

[lonestarnot]

60. Save and print email if grounds for discrimination. Did they give a

reason?

[mopinko]

62. so sorry ellen

fwiw, hubby and i have been together almost 24 years, and i have had a rant or 2 in the lounge about him. it was rocky the whole time until recently. things just busted loose after a very bad summer, he figured out that he had never trusted me, but that there was no reason for that. it was partly because he dealt with a long term sleep problem, but also plain learning to trust, or at least not feeling like he had to keep his ass covered at all times. i have talked to other people who also said that it was at 25 years that they really stopped thinking that it would end some day. so, if you feel like it ought to be working good by 10 years, not.
best to the 3 of you, however it goes.