Headlines We'd Like to Read, May 7, 2005

[skip fox]

Cheney Buys Bush a Case of Pretzels


othrs???

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. War Crimes Trial Begins

[shesemsmom]

2. Recount complete

Kerry declared winner after all

[skip fox]

3. Cheney's Undisclosed Location Revealed: Hooters in Newark

:toast:

[Zuni]

4. Paula Abdul to be impeached for Idol scandal

[Zuni]

5. Pres: I may have jerked horse off, but at least I didn't bone any interns

[Zuni]

6. Trent Lott to ride Monster Truck at Meadowlands

[Zuni]

7. Burger King announces New Sandwich: Huge Pile of Bacon, sausage

[HughBeaumont]

8. People Magazine: Cheney Biggest Dick on the Planet

Presidope's Actions This Week Put Yet ANOTHER Satirical Cartoonist Out Of Work
White House Announces 40th Teflon Coating for Presidense Bush
John Snow: "You know, just what is so BAD about a Robber Baron society anyway?"
274 Thousand Shitty Jobs Created, Good Jobs Still Offshored While CEOs Laugh and Fart Loudly
Republicans Blame Record 745th Consecutive Problem On Clinton Administration
Rove Breathing Heavy Sigh of Relief at Not Being "Mussolini'd" Yet
Bolton's Weird 1880s Stache Gobbles Up Cornish Hen At Banquet

[Zuni]

9. Frist to open Pyschic Healing Hotline

[Zuni]

10. Hannity arrested with trunk full of dead hookers

[skip fox]

11. President Sullen: Loses Gameboy on Trip

:toast:

[maveric]

12. Reverse Rapture occurs, Bu$h and administration pulled down to Hell!

[skip fox]

13. Now THERE's one out of the box!

:toast:

[Zuni]

14. World's largest cheescake made for mom

[skip fox]

15. Mother's Day Celebrated By All: No Deaths Worldwide

thanks zuni

[bluestateguy]

16. Ann Coulter Declared a Terrorist Under the Patriot Act

Right wing pundit reportedly sent to Guantananmo.

[Zuni]

17. President leaves First Lady---holed up in Horse Ranch in Nevada

[brook]

18. "Operation Successful.

$50,000 raised by DUers. Andy Stephenson on the mend."

We're closing in on a deadline here, folks. Johns Hopkins wants the full 50 grand Monday. We seem to be something like 14 grand short. Items are being offered on the Marketplace thread. Straight donations and kicks gratefully accepted here:http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=104&topic_id=3608367&mesg_id=3608367

We can do this!