DU Women: Are you Miss, Mrs., or Ms.?

[bertha katzenengel]

Poll question: DU Women: Are you Miss, Mrs., or Ms.?

I am "Miss -- not single."

I'm a happily married lesbian and I prefer -- currently, at least -- "Miss," although mostly I am referred to in mail, etc., as "Ms." Meh. I know of no "rules" for how married lesbians are referred to. I imagine most use "Ms." but I honestly don't know. As for "Mrs. & Mrs." -- Mrs. V. and I have never talked about this but that sounds kinda weird to me. Besides, I can't imagine a setting in which we'd need to be that formal. :shrug: As you see my thoughts on this aren't solid...

So how about you?

Note: by "not single" I mean, currently in a committed relationship.

[progmom]

1. I guess officially I am a Mrs, as I changed my name when I married

But dammit, Mrs. just sounds weird to me. I prefer Ms.

[Misunderestimator]

2. I despise "Miss".... I prefer no title, but if required... then "Ms."

And if I married, I would remain "Ms."

:hi:

[Jamastiene]

12. I'm with you.

My other post says the same thing you just said.

[Kenneth ken]

55. but I will stil use Mis

for you - because it's shorter than Misunderestimator :D

:hi: Mis

[arwalden]

3. My aunt is...

Dr.

[Misunderestimator]

6. And that's only because...

no one ever assumed a woman would be a doctor...

[Maddy McCall]

35. Hope I'll be one soon.

:scared: So much work. :)

[tigereye]

42. I keep telling my sis

that she needs to finish her dissertation so I can call her Doc. ;)

[mermaid]

69. Or A Lawyer, As I Hope To Be Some Day

Then you can refer to me as ESQUIRE!!

In fact, if my full ambitions are ever met, you'll be calling me "Senator" or "Congresswoman"....or "The Honorable" as in a JUDGE!!!

Preferably on the supreme Court, please. I'd like to be the first transsexual woman on the Supreme Court....are my fantasies great or what?

[Demit]

4. I don't understand why, if you're divorced, you're not considered single

That one has always stumped me.

[SarahB]

7. I think it's because "Miss" is supposed to be synonymous with virginal.

:eyes:

Seems pretty stupid though, huh?

[mermaid]

70. For The Same Reason

used cars are not called new cars. :sarcasm:

[SarahB]

5. Serious gray territory.

I'm going through a divorce and plan on taking back my maiden name, but the logistics of that will take at least a couple more months. Do I even get to be a Miss again? Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm comfortable with Ms. indefinitely. I don't plan on being a Mrs. again anytime soon.

[Mizmoon]

8. I am married and use "Ms."

I also hypenate my last name.

What a pain in the butt I am :)

[Misunderestimator]

9. And you even use Miz in your username!!

:thumbsup: :bounce:

[Mutley]

10. Miss - not single

Not for too long though. We've decided fall of next year... probably October. Then I'll be a Mrs!!!

[Jamastiene]

11. I prefer my real name.

I wish "androgynous, just call me by my name" was an option.

[mcscajun]

13. Ms. -- Twice Divorced, currently Single.

And I don't know why all the census folks and other categorizers insist on knowing whether you're divorced, widowed, or Single (never married). Shouldn't "Single" be sufficient? :shrug: But maybe it's a 'stigma' thing?

Unless we want to replace "Single" with "Never Married" -- then we shift the 'stigma' and eliminate the confusion altogether. :)

To the "never marrieds" -- I'm Just Kidding!!!

[Demit]

16. Whenever I'm asked on a form whether I'm "single" or "divorced"

I think "none of your GD business" and check off single.

[Marnieworld]

25. Married and kept my own name

I use Ms. But sometimes I'm called Mrs. (my last name) which is my mother so that's not right. Mrs (his last name) does not exist. It really bugs me that people don't get this. I've even filled out medical forms etc. that do not even conceive of this. It's 2005 for cripes sake. It can't be THAT unusual.

[mcscajun]

39. "It's 2005 for cripes sake. It can't be THAT unusual."

It certainly shouldn't be ... yet it was not too long ago on DU that we had a thread asking what the hell Ms. meant and where it came from, how it was pronounced, etc.

Is it possible this isn't covered in school anymore? When I went to school, correct forms of address and proper letter writing were covered in English class in elementary school.

[LSdemocrat]

43. I don't know what the difference between Miss and Ms. is

No, I was never taught it in school. I always just assumed Ms. was short for Miss.

[mcscajun]

47. "Miss" is the standard form of address for any unmarried female,

particularly one under the age of 18. Ms. is not short for Miss at all. Of course, Ma'am (short for madam) is what women 'of a certain age' (i.e. anyone old enough to be the box boy's mother) get called in stores after a long time of being Miss to any retail employee.

Ms. is a recent development that leaves the marital status of the woman undeterminate. It was originated and embraced by the women's liberation movement in the 1970s. Mr. doesn't indicate a married man vs. a single one, hence the idea.

It's especially useful in the professional world, and for any woman who wishes to keep her private life, well, private.

[all.of.me]

37. it was always a dilemma for me

i never married my kids' dad (i've never been married!), but we lived together for 10 years. i didn't know what to call it then, and i don't know what to call it now. separated? divorced? single? geez. just call me by my name. who cares about my status! none of their business anyway!

[mermaid]

71. Hey, While We Are At It

why don't we just replace the "Single" with "Unwanted" or "Unloved" instead of just "Never Married?" THAT'll get the stigma out of it in a hurry...:sarcasm:

[The Animator]

14. Mr.

[Misunderestimator]

15. Pfft... Was going to congratulate you on your individuality...

until I realized you were a man... :silly:

[The Animator]

17. Hey men can be original too.

It doesn't happen very often but it does happen.

(On edit... Crap I should probably read the whole subject line before posting. I feel like I've just accidentally stumbled into the ladies room. Sorry.)

[Misunderestimator]

19. LOL

Even funnier!!

I thought you did it on purpose... by accident is even better! :bounce:

[mermaid]

28. Can't Help It...

The Restroom door said gentlemen
So I just walked inside

I took three steps
And relized I'd been taken for a ride

I heard high voices
Turned and found the place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse
What could be worse
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse??

BWA-ha ha ha ha ha ha....weren't you ever curious what it looks like in here, dude??

[eyesroll]

18. Ms., divorced

I was Mrs. when I was married, but really didn't care for it.
I've gone back to my maiden name, and don't like Miss (never did -- I was Ms. before, too).

Should I ever marry again, I'm not changing my name legally. If I get to be known socially as Mrs. Hisname, fine, but I'm not waiting in line at the DMV again. ;-) I know it will be scary enough the first time someone makes an improper leap and calls me Mrs. Myboyfriendsname.

Heck, just call me Stacie.

[hyphenate]

20. I prefer Ms

right now, because I'm too old to be a "Miss" and I am not a "Mrs." at all. Besides, I always said if I married, there would be no taking of a husband's last name. I've been pretty independent so far in my life, and I don't think there is going to be much change anytime soon.

[CornField]

21. I typically prefer "The Honorable" although at one function

I told the presenter to introduce me as "Illustrious Potentate" and another time as "The Comedic Countess of Cedar Rapids."

I've never understood why men, barring significant education, only require one title throughout their lives while women require more. Why is it that a man's name is more important than his marital status but a woman's is not?

[mermaid]

30. See My Previous Posting (#24) It's Actually BELOW This Post....

The reason WHY is because the appellation "Mrs." came about as a result of the possessive "Mr.'s" as in, we women were the PROPERTY of our husbands.

How ELSE do you explain an "R" in MRS. when there is no "R" or even "R-sound" in Missus?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

54. Hmmm...isn't Mrs. an abbreviation of Mistress? nt

[mermaid]

68. Hmmm

I don't think so. Are you referred to as "Missus Jones" or "Mistress Jones" when you are married to Mister Jones?

'Nuff said.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

72. Allow me to clarify:

What I should have said is that I think Mrs. derived from mistress, not that we use those words that way today...Certainly, I agree with what you point out.

[crispini]

41. Hey! Cool!

I'm a precinct chair now. I can use "The Honorable" legitimately! w00t! I'm going to go with THAT from now on. Mwahahahahahah! Do you think I can get my coworkers to buy into it? :evilgrin:

[fudge stripe cookays]

62. rabble rabble rabble.

Depends on which coworker!

:D
FSC

[Debi]

52. Because they have a penis.

At least that's what Mom tells me whenever I ask a man question. :hi:

Hello Iowa BTW!


edited bc I can't spell!

[mcscajun]

65. Precisely why "Ms." came into being/use

Although it's never become universal, sadly.

"The Honorable" -- I like that. And if I were to win the election I'm currently in, Something that's SO unlikely to happen I could be hit by lightning twice before it occurred, I'd get that title, too. :)

[NorthernSpy]

22. H.R.H.

But I get called Ms, and don't much mind.

;)

[Mad_Dem_X]

23. I'm married, I have his last name, but I prefer "Ms."

especially when dealing with people I don't know. It's none of their business if I'm married or not. :)

[mermaid]

24. I Am Miss Single

I hate "Ms." or "Miz" makes me think of pre-Civil War Southland, Gone With The Wind...ah, never mind.

I mainly posted this, because I have an idea for married lesbians. Incidentally, I'm neither married, nor a lesbian. however, there has been some confusion on how to address married lesbians.

Since the usual title of a married heterosexual woman is "Mrs." which I suspect comes from the idea of a woman belonging (as property) to a man, hence "Mr's" (possessive) becoming Mrs. because there is no "R" in "missus" I can only think that this is how the appellation of "Mrs." began.

That in mind, why shouldn't married lesbians have the appellation of "Mss." as in "Ms's" (possessive) becoming Mss. Jones for example, either keeping thier own last name, or adopting one as a mutual agreement, either one of the existing two, or a completely new one, possibly made up of the old names...or not.

An example of this in my own mind is a married lesbian couple I know of, whose last names were Fox and Bridgewater. They mutually decided to change their last names both to "Foxbridge." I thought that was pretty cool, actually.

Anyway, I just wanted to toss the idea out there of married lesbians getting the "Mss." appellation, after all, "Mrs." doesn't apply in any way, since, firstly, women are NOT the property of men...and that goes double for lesbians.

[redqueen]

26. Other - I honestly don't know.

I usually check "Ms." on stuff, but as far as how my mail is addressed, I don't pay enough attention I suppose.

People usually just call me by my first name, so... :shrug:

[Momgonepostal]

36. That's my situation, too

It usually only comes up when I fill something out, in which case I always put Ms. Sometimes someone I don't know will call me Mrs. ___, but I don't bother correcting. Most people I know well use my first name.

[Shell Beau]

27. Call me whatever you want, I really don't care. It's pretty silly when

you think about it. But I go by Mrs., just because I like people to know I am married just because I'm sorta kinda still a newlywed (3 years) and I am proud to be my hubby's wife.:crazy:
eidt- darned spelling

[BlueIris]

29. Ms., goddamnit.

But at least you asked. It's 2005, and some people think young(ish) plus no wedding band=Miss. IT'S NOT 1965. To each her own, but for all you know if could be Dr., so don't assume. You'd think people in polite society could understand that.

[auntAgonist]

31. Interesting. I kept my FIRST married name and also have my

SECOND married name. They are hyphenated. So........ am I "Mrs Mrs" ?

heh.

gad it's early.

:hi:

[RevCheesehead]

32. Officially, I am "the Reverend"

but my parishoners call me Pastor Ruth. O8)

on edit: I see no point in making a distinction on marital status. If men don't have to, neither do I. :P

[Spacemom]

33. I'm Mrs.

I took my husbands last name, and I'm proud to be his wife. I don't think it conveys ownership in any way.

[Maddy McCall]

34. Completely depends on context. In professional situations...

married women should be referred to as Ms. In social situations, if they prefer to use the honorific title of Mrs., then that's fine.

But Mrs. shouldn't be used in the workplace.

[cally]

38. I've always used Ms. and I didn't change my name

when I married. I'm occassionally called Mrs. Hubby's name. I sometimes let it slide, but almost everyone calls me by my own name.

[tigereye]

44. me too!

[demnan]

40. I think we will all be "Ms" in the future

as I don't believe any woman should be addressed differently simply based on her marital status.

[politicat]

45. I am a Miss, though I married.

My husband didn't have to change his title or name, and DAMMIT, I'm not going to, either.

I hate Ms. It sounds lazy and slurred and backwards, a badly pronounced version of Missus.

I was born a Miss and I will die a Miss, no matter what I do with my life, just as men are born Misters and die Misters.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

46. miss. single.

nt

[Adelante]

48. Ms

Married twice. Never changed my name either time. Took up Ms in the early '70s and never let it go.

[scarlet_owl]

49. I'm a Mrs.

[FuzzySlippers]

50. Ms.

My Fundie aunt always addresses mail to me as Miss. Go figure.:shrug:

Something ironic. My subscription to Ms. Magazine (this was a long time ago when I was in high school) came addressed to Miss FuzzySlippers.

[Debi]

51. I am a married Mrs. who took her husband's last name

I am a conformist :cry:

Say good-bye to my wild youthful days :cry:

Now, I AM my mother :cry:

[fudge stripe cookays]

56. Hey! I worked hard for this Mrs!

Don't worry. I'm a conformist too.

I love being married. But I will NEVER become my mother. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever.

FSC

[ScreamingMeemie]

58. Sing it!!! I am a Mrs...even in real life!!

I love being married as well. :hi:

[Debi]

59. I've seen your other posts -

and I feel bad for you.

My mom is getting kinda nutty in the 'finding herself' stuff right now. But all in all we're doing okay.

Funny about working hard for the MRS. I am proud of being a Mrs., I sadly am at the point of my life where I define my achievements by my son's and husband's. I'll get back to me in due time. Now I'm happy being the woman who worked hard to help my boys be successful. (They give me accolades and cool stuff!)

[fudge stripe cookays]

61. Thanks!

I appreciate it!

Doing better. My mister (reprehensor) helped me become the well adjusted "finally comfortable-in-my-own-skin" Fudge I am today.

I don't think I'd have made it without him. We don't have kids, so we are a total partnership. He supported me in my activism, and supports me in everything else I do.

Take a bow, honey!


:hi:
FSC

[mermaid]

75. That Is Usually The Way It Goes...

One day we wake up and realize that we now ARE our mothers!!

I have, in the past month had this driven home to me rather forcefully. I recently moved from Texas to Pennsylvania, and live with my mom now. (Thank you George W. Bush!)

Not that I don't get along with my mom, or anything, in fact, we're quite tight, but...to be a loser at life at age 34...

I mean, I'd intended to move in with my mom when she retired, anyway, because I didn't want her to be alone...but I wanted it to be a choice thing, and not an economic force thing. Oh well.

Anyways, my mom has lived in this area for twelve years, and it is a fairly small town. Well, when I first moved up here, and people didn't yet know me...I kept getting asked if I was Rose's daughter, and I'd say yes, and ask how they knew, and get told that I looked like her.

Not to mention I have countless time now caught myself saying and doing things that I swore I'd never do or say, or think...when I was a teenager. My God, I am becoming my mother, too...

So, here's for you, Debi... :hug: it's okay...it happens to all of us!

In fact, I think this is a good place for a :grouphug: for all of us who have become, or are becoming...our mothers!


Unfortunately, they don't have a hankie emoticon, or I'd give ya one of those, too, Debi! :hug:

[mogster]

53. Interesting thread

I've bookmarked it :evilgrin:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

57. I chose Ms. not single...I am married nearly 40 years now to my

wonderful husband. I also took his name, since I could not STAND my maiden name! I use Ms. and Mrs. interchangably these days. I do think it's interesting what my two daughters did. The older one kept her maiden name...The younger one took her husband's name. Both are very happily married to terrific young men. We must have done something right!
Perhaps I am old-fashioned about my marriage, since I like people to know that I am married. I also wear a wedding ring all the time. I am not my husband's property and he is not mine, but we do belong to each other.

[xmas74]

60. I started using Ms. the day I turned 18.

I still cannot get the sound of Miss C_____ out of my mind, as said by my foul-tempered trig/calc teacher. I remember I turned 18 over the Christmas holidays. I went back into school and th first time she said Miss C________ (always w/ a snear attached to the "Miss") I stood up and said to her "Ma'am, that would be Ms. to you!"
I got a one day suspension for talking back. I still hate the sound of Miss to this day!

[ahem]

63. Ms. since I was a teen and kept it (and my name) after marriage.

I still get the occasional person calling me Mrs. (husband's last name), but he gets the occasional person calling him Mr. (my last name), so it all works out ;)

[Left Is Write]

64. Mrs. - not single

I don't object to being called Ms., especially if someone doesn't know my preference, but I'd rather be called Mrs.

[KitSileya]

66. I am Ms. M

I'm not married, nor have I ever been, and I'm single. If I ever marry, I'll still be Ms. M. And I'll keep my last name. We're only 7 people in my country with our last name - so you can bet your bottom dollar that if I marry someone named Smith, our children will be named Jane and John Smith M, not J.M. Smith. If he's got an equally unusual last name, or is the only one in his family to carry on the name, we'll alternate the kids' last names.

[marions ghost]

67. I like the simplicity

of Mr/Ms

I can't keep up with what title everybody wants. If I observe on a letter that a person specifies Mrs. I will TRY to return that as a courtesy, but I make no promises. Regardless of the symbolism, it's just cumbersome in a business situation. You can't make assumptions about marital status.

Only my elderly aunts write "Mrs." or "Miss" on letters anymore. It seems very quaint. But maybe there's a revival going on in the post-boomer generations...? As for "Ma'am' / "Sir" -- I would prefer not to be the recipient of Ma'am. Whenever anyone uses it with me I always think "what do they want?" (It feels as antiquated as "Madame" --somewhat false rather than complimentary).

On non-business letters to friends, such as birthday/holiday cards or announcements, I don't even use Mr/Ms. Obviously I don't care what Miss Manners might say.

[RevolutionaryActs]

73. In my own little world I'm Mrs. Maroulis.

Mmm Constantine.



Oh but the answer the question, I guess I go by miss? :shrug:

[Heidi]

74. I don't like courtesy titles.

I use them for other people in a professional setting, though, because it's expected: i.e. "Mr." for men, and "Ms." for women unless I'm told otherwise. I _always_ refer to business colleagues as Mr. or Ms. unless the colleague has given me permission to use his or her first name.

For myself, though, I don't believe my relationship status has anything to do with my professional life, so I just sign my full name to correspondence the first time I write to someone, and sign my first name on subsequent correspondence. In person, I ask business colleagues to call me by my first name.