We're here. The End is Near. Get Used to It.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

I mean...if ya really wanna peddle the product, you're gonna need a slogan.

[Book Lover]

1. That is

fucking hy-sterical. Nominated, though there's no chance in hell....

[Wonk]

2. Salvation can be yours for a mere $49.95 a month

sent to my paypal account.

[Flammable Materials]

13. I think the Church of the Subgenius might have a patent on that. n/t

[Tace]

16. However, Salvation Gold Plan Is Available For Only $59.95/Month

sent to my paypal account. Get's you to the front of the line. (Buy Now, Don't Delay, Limited-Time Offer, Offer May Be Void In Some Locations.)

[trof]

3. And now, the end is near, and so I face, the final curtain.

My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.
I've lived, a life that's full, I've traveled each and every highway.
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Scooby dooby doooo.....

[moof]

17. Just two minor changes

The line before Scooby dooby doooo.....

should read

" I did it his way. "

and of course "Scooby dooby doooo....."
would read

"Scooby dooby doooon't....."

as most of "his laws" are negative.

Apologies to the real Chairman.

[Deja Q]

4. Okay. Not sure why but I nominated it too. As to the content,

if the end is near, anyone up for some looting and orgying? }(

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

8. aw sure..I like warm climates

[trof]

5. Don't sell the steak. Sell the sizzle.

Now where did that come from?

[Deja Q]

6. Nice sizzle. But if the steak ain't that meaty, why leave

potential customers frustrated and dejected? :cry:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

7. Um ..either an ad for Sizzler

Or Joan of Arc's HS yearbook.

[trof]

11. Elmer Wheeler

In this piece, from 1938, John McNulty, a writer who chronicled New York City life for almost twenty years in The New Yorker, profiles the slogan-maker Elmer Wheeler.

If a Texaco salesman at a filling station has asked you, “Is your oil at the proper level today, sir?” or if you’ve ordered a malted milk at a soda fountain and the clerk has stood there, an egg in each hand, and asked, “One or two eggs today?,” then you’ve been under the subtle influence of Mr. Elmer Wheeler, head of the Tested Selling Institute, 521 Fifth Avenue. Mr. Wheeler has adopted the profession of seducing people in the mass with words. He advises merchants how to win sales and influence customers.

Mr. Wheeler composed that suave speech about the proper level of oil to replace the crude old question “Check your oil today?” There are nine words in it, to save you the trouble of counting back, and Texaco paid Mr. Wheeler $5,000 for it. This is $555.55 a word. He worked out the malted-milk-and-egg technique, for Abraham & Straus, so that they might sell more eggs at their fountain. He not only devised the phrase “One or two eggs today?” but also planned the gesture of the clerk holding an egg in each hand.

The scene of the soda clerk, the eggs, and the timid customer (who usually takes at least one egg in his malted milk when all he wanted was a malted milk) is now reënacted thousands of times daily all over the city. It is the perfect example of one of the principles of Tested Selling, which are masterfully explained in an essay written by Mr. Wheeler some years ago and recently expanded into a book with a red-and-yellow jacket. The book has a number of Wheelerpoints in it, and the egg episode dramatizes Wheelerpoint No. 4, which is “Don’t Ask If—Ask Which! “The essence of Wheelerpoint No. 4 is that the customer should always be given a choice between something and something, not a choice between something and nothing. This point is vital, but the great motif in Tested Selling is Wheelerpoint No. 1, “Don’t Sell the Steak—Sell the Sizzle!” On this majestic theme, Mr. Wheeler writes:

The sizzle has sold more steaks than the cow ever has, although the cow is, of course, mighty important.
http://newyorker.com/archive/content/?050328fr_archive01

[Bouncy Ball]

9. PEAK OIL

[ashmanonar]

12. what, peak oil, where, when!?!

*looks around frantically, runs off, hits door*

[AuntiBush]

19. They left the "ton" off the word "simple."

[datasuspect]

10. STOP OFFENDING PEOPLE'S FAITH!

you know, now really.

[MuseRider]

14. Nominated.

:spray: Just wanted to get in and nominate this one before it also gets locked. :hug:

[Tace]

15. I'm Really Looking Forward To Covering It

Hey, it's the scoop of a millenium or so.

[malmapus]

18. Always look on the bright side of life *whistle*

Somethings in life are bad, they can really make you mad

Other things just make ya swear and curse

When yer chewin on lifes gristle don't grumble..give a whistle

And this'll make things turn out for the beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeest

[salin]

20. end time...

troll cream http://www.trollshop.net/trolls/trollcream.htm

(still had that in my paste buffer... and while I love it - got not a single response... so what the heck - why couldn't it work on and endtimers marketing thread?)

[Inland]

21. Not when the logo is good.

Where's the pic of Jesus on the trailer when I need it?

[scarletwoman]

23. Here ya go -- "Trailor Hitch Jesus"

:D
sw

[DearAbby]

24. I see that Picture and in my mind I hear the Tastee Freeze theme jingle

I really wonder if there is a case of Bud in that cooler above Jesus head....HEY STOP THAT TRUCK!

:rofl:

[Tace]

28. I Was Thinking The Exact Same Thing About The Cooler

I'll bet you a beer there is. Could be Miller.

[bonito]

22. maby we will go back where we came from

I got to really think now, was I afraid then? hmm. was I dead? hmm,no cause I'm alive now, so where was I?, and where am I going? WAKE UP FOR YOUR OWN SAKE! and LIVE WITH OUT FEAR! IT"S GOT YOU BY THE BALLS! WAKE UP DAM IT! Peace.

[Dave Reynolds]

25. Feel free to be sick, so we can make you all better.

A message to you from Beeg Pharma.

[bloom]

26. What if they are the ones selling the sickness

and the cure.


If it's true that mercury in vaccines cause autism (Autism Spectrum Disorder including Asperger's, ADD, ADHD...) that is exactly what has been happening.

[Dave Reynolds]

29. More profit for them,

and the stockholders go wild.

And they get nice tax breaks.

[peekaloo]

27. LOL.....I'm kinda slow but I just got it.

:dunce: