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Trajan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-26-05 04:29 PM
Original message
From Our Friends at Whitehouse.ORG :


Remarks by the President

THE PRESIDENT: Good afternoon, and Happy Easter. As you know, the White House has since 1878 publicly reaffirmed the separation of church and state on this day by inviting hundreds of school children to celebrate the reanimation of Jesus Christ's corpse by rolling brightly-dyed chicken abortions across the lawn of the Executive mansion. This year, in a transparent effort to simultaneously appease such disparate and whiney special interest groups as PETA, the National Right to Life Coalition, and Vegans with Colitis - I have declared the era of the Easter egg roll to be over. (Applause.)

That said, let it be known that this administration remains wholeheartedly committed to holding all manner of events which combine the politically succulent ingredients that are children (especially colored ones), Christianity, and photographers. And so, we are pleased to announce a replacement for the Easter egg roll event - one which is not only tremendously enjoyable for young people, but also reaffirms the absolute supremacy of both Jesus Christ and fossil fuels within the context of a familiar seasonal activity. And so, without further delay, I am proud to declare the first annual White House Easter 10W-40 Motor Oil Scavenger Hunt open for business! (Applause & Squeals of Delight.)

At this time, I'd like for all the children in attendance to pay close attention to me. In just a few seconds, Mrs. Bush will fire two or three dozen rounds of live ammunition from her pearl-handled revolver straight up into the air. When she does, I want all of you to scatter to the far corners of the White House grounds, where you will find the flower beds brimming with hundreds of brightly colored vessels of name-brand domestic automotive lubricant. So don't dawdle, because those bullets are gonna fall back to earth plenty fast, and the child who gathers the most bottles of 10W-40 before time is up is going to enjoy the experience of standing next to me while I smile upon him beatifically. And oh, how the flashbulbs will flicker, and tomorrow we shall look beamingly upon our shining faces as they grace the front page of 93% of the newspapers in America (barring any pesky TNT-laden Palestinians blowing themselves into flesh confetti tonight). So get ready, and remember, you've got just twenty minutes before Mrs. Bush unleashes her second blizzard of lead, which will be your cue to stop collecting and return here, to home base. Any children observed still collecting oil after the closing booms will be soundly pistol-whipped to within an inch of their lives by the nearest Secret Service agent. OK, is everybody ready? (Cheers.)

Hit it, Laura.

(Shots Fired.)

(Squeals of Delight and Panicked Trampling.)

Go to it, kids! Go get all that top-quality motor oil! It's the best source of energy the world will ever know. And anybody who tells you different is an America-hating commie terrorist-supporting fudge-packer! And don't you doubt it for a second! (Cheers.)

Thank you, and God Bless!

Ya gotta love those Whitehouse.ORG folks .... They have their finger on the PULSE of the President and his turrist-hatin-posse ....
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