is anyone up?

[WindRavenX]

I really need to talk to someone.

[physioex]

1. What's up Raven?

[last1standing]

2. I'm still up. What's going on?

n/t

[ffm172]

3. awake and able to respond

[yvr girl]

4. Sure am

And I just finished a huge coffee, so I'm not sleeping anytime soon.

[jdots]

5. shoot we are listening

hellllloooo ?

[Huckebein the Raven]

6. I'm up too

:hi:

[WindRavenX]

7. I don't know how to begin

I had an emotional snap tonight.
The guy I've been dating, wonderful, brilliant- is bipolar.
He had a breakdown.
He needs to be alone to fix himself, which is the right course.
I really love him, but I can't help him. He's in counseling.
I feel selfish for not wanting him to be with me...but its teh right thing.
And school financial issues..

[yvr girl]

8. You can't solve his problem

There's nothing wrong with being practical on your part.

[WindRavenX]

11. I know

But FUCK I love him so fuckign much...and I saw all of this...all of this ..I hate being able to read people.
Something was wrong last week.

[sffreeways]

28. Hey I went through this exactly

My partner of 10 years started acting weird, then wild, then I didnt recognize her. It was destroying our lives. It did destroy our lives.

I stuck it out for 3 years. I finally seperated from her and sent her back to France to her parents. Not because I couldn't cope but because I thought she might get better health care back in her country of origin.

Here the shrinks kept giving her more prozac which was making the BPD worse. Oh my goodness the stuff she did, would make your hair stand on end.

So she stayed in France for about 4 months and got some really good help. They diagnosed her right away and started her on tegretol and seroquel. The combination was perfect and she was totally normal again. I mean it was freaking amazing and I had the love of my life back. Unfortunately we were financially ruined but oh well whats money when you have love.

While she was there our son (21) was murdered. She came home right away and was there for me 100% and I could have never gotten through it without her.

She takes her medication religiously and knows how important taking that medication is to both of us. She would never go without it ever.

Everyone is different and the meds don't always work as well as they did for her but I am so glad I stayed with her. I lover her more and more everyday if that is even possible because I love her so much.

Bipolar disorder is the scariest damn illness I have ever been exposed to. It does things to the one you love that you can't even imagine in your worst nightmare.

I hope this works out for you. If you really love him as much as you say you do and I believe you do then follow your heart. Many times I thought of leaving her but I always knew she was ill and suffering and couldn't help what was happening to her. I knew she loved me too despite the horrible way she treated me sometimes. Always somewhere in there I could feel her, I knew she was there beneath all of that horrendous bizarre behaviour. And she was.

Once a friend who had HIV told me to leave her and I asked him how he would feel if his lover dumped him because he was having complications from AIDS. He was shocked at first but when he gave it some thought he understood what I was saying.

Try to get as much info as possible and do your best to find the best psychiatric help available. If you ever need to talk I'd be happy to lend an ear. You just can't get enough support to get through this I can tell you that. And people just don't really understand what is happening and make terrible judgements because all they see is the turmoil and drama. Pay little attention to anyone that isn't supportive of however you are deciding to cope.

If you are both lucky nothing tragic will happen while you are going through this and you'll get the right combination of drugs and your partner will take them. The right drugs can be miraculous. Something to remember is the longer the illness continues untreated or not treated properly the less likely it is that it can be controlled so getting medication right is imperative.

I hope you have alot of strength, it will take everything you have. It can be done. I did it and I am not one bit sorry. Not one bit. I hope this helped.

[ffm172]

9. you say he wants to be alone

so there is no reason for you to feel selfish because you need the break also.

[physioex]

10. Ohhh...That's terrible

How sad.....

[xmas74]

12. Just leave the window open

when he is ready, he will come back. It has nothing to do w/ you (this is from someone who grew up in a family of bipolars).

[WindRavenX]

13. how do you deal with your feelings?

I love him, and he says the same of me, yet, how do you pause your emotions ?
I don't know how to deal with this

[yvr girl]

15. Put them in a box

Sometimes you have to let your rational self rule. Go with what your head knows to be right, not what your sentimental heart is whispering in your ear.

[yvr girl]

17. You don't turn off your emotions -

only time can do that.

You just need to put them in their place.

[xmas74]

22. You don't pause your emotions. You find other ways to release

them. Get a journal, do some volunteer time, check up on him every once in a while (not every day and not in an emotional way-just a casual way). Give him room to breathe. If he is right for you he will be back.

[freeplessinseattle]

24. well, don't know if I can help, but my bf's bipolar and it's been

a stressful year (for him more so than me, of course, but it does take it's toll and I look older, I think. feel older anyway). I know how it is to have him away and long to comfort him, and needing comfort yourself. I can never depend on him to show up, I've tried to get used to waiting patiently and calmly, and waking up the next morning alone knowing he is out there somewhere being self-destructive and feeling chaotic emotionally, and can only hope that he has checked himself into the hospital, like he's done most of the time. then I may get an email from him in a few days, then maybe not for weeks, now it's been nearly two weeks since he sent me an em from the hospital, so I am trying really hard not to freak out that something bad happened, all this worrying and concern combined with missing him terribly does take it's toll, so I have found that I just have to distract myself and tell myself something like we're apart now but will be together soon, and instead of hoping for that email or door bell every day, tell myself that a watched pot never boils so to speak, and the watcher never sleeps, we need to take care of ourselves, too, sometimes alone time is the best thing for all of us.

I wish you both all the best.

[last1standing]

16. Sounds like you have a lot to deal with.

And it looks like there are several of us who are ready to listen. What's going on with the SO and school?

[WindRavenX]

19. he's in counseling right now

Has been for months, apparently.
He was once engaged to a woman who, one day, disapeared. Reappeared with anotehr man.
Those issues are what he is dealing with............

[last1standing]

23. That would be a tough one to get over.

Sometimes things get so hard that you need to just turn off some parts of your emotions to get by. It may not be the best solution but it's gotten me through some pretty nasty situations.

I know what it's like to have everything come crashing down around you. If you'd like to PM me I'd be happy to help in any way I can.

[TahitiNut]

20. There's daylight between 'want' and 'love' ...

... and I would hope that the 'love' is always greater than the 'want'. Love must always be coupled with respect ... and that often runs contrary to the want 'to be needed.' Supporting another's individual growth (hopefully a never-ending process) is often not accomplished by yielding to our drives and habitual inclinations. Sometimes it takes standing back and having faith.

But that's just my opinion. YMMV :silly:

[WindRavenX]

21. you're 100% right

Which is why I feel selfish for the "want" part.
I will wait for him to get better. He knows what to do.

[TahitiNut]

25. Appetites are natural. No need to feel selfish.

Least of all, don't waste time and energy on 'guilt' ... since that means you'll do it again. (There's a profound truth in that it took me years to comprehend.) Part of respect is the inalienable right to say 'yes' or 'no' or state one's own needs and desires. That goes for self-respect, too.

We are complete individuals in and of ourselves. We're not semi-humans looking for completer sets. Possessed of such self-respect, two loving people cannot go wrong.
And when the oxygen masks fall, always put your own on first! :silly:

[WindRavenX]

14. and the psychologist I talked to in the infirmiry...

...I wanted to kill him.
His response on my fears that I won't finish college:
"Is it such a big deal to not finish school?"
FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. I WORKED MY ASS OFF TO GET INTO THIS SCHOOL.
GODDAMMIT.

[realisticphish]

18. wow

thats a rather odd thing for a psychologist to say (coming from a psych student). as others in this thread have said, the only thing that can be done is be there for him when he is ready to come back. don't worry, you'll get through this :hug:

[sffreeways]

26. Wide awake

as usual suffering from drug induced insomnia...legal substances.

[WindRavenX]

27. ok, Im gonna sleep for three hours

Thank you DU. Thank you everyone. I really needed.
And I am scheduled to talk to a psychologist tomorrow.