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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:37 PM
Original message
Clueless about women, please help me out
hi ladies,
I had a first date Friday night with a very beautiful and nice lady who I have known off and on for 15 years. I thought we had a very nice time. We went to a very chic restaurant in my town that is somewhat romantic and had a nice dinner. The conversation and dinner went on for about 3 hours. I left it up to her to let me know when she had to leave, since I was flexible. At about 10:15 PM, she said she needed to get home to her babysitter for her 4 and 5 year old sons. The babysitter was a first time person, a rookie with her kids.
When I escorted her out to the valet parking area, we chatted for a few minutes until her car came up. She then hugged me (with no prompting from me) and told me she would kiss me except she had a cold sore on her mouth. As she was walking to her car, I told her that I would call her and she said "I'd like that" or words to that effect. Bear in mind, this lady is pretty assertive and perfectly capable of telling me politely that this was the last date and that we could be friends.
I think I have a second date coming. Am I way off base ?
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:39 PM
Response to Original message
1. sounds to me like you do
unless she is into playing mind games.
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WindRavenX Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:41 PM
Response to Original message
2. call her!!
How many days has it been (not that it matters)?
But seriously, just call and ask her out again!
We women HATE waiting...
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:42 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. I called her tonight and left a very nice message...
I didn't want to appear overeager, so I didn't call yesterday. She has to call me back now.
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WindRavenX Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:42 PM
Response to Reply #4
6. good plan
I hope she calls back- it sounds like you had a fun time! :hi:
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:46 PM
Response to Reply #6
12. thank you so much....you folks are wonderful....
I just can't stand not knowing LOL Oh well, life goes on.. :-)
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shawcomm Donating Member (877 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:43 PM
Response to Reply #4
8. You didn't ask for that second date via the machine did you?
:evilgrin:
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:45 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. nooooooooooo............Just reiterated that I had a great time...
and just asked her to call me back, that was it.
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:48 PM
Response to Reply #2
15. Today made 48 hours. 24 seemed too fast to me nt
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Lefta Dissenter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:41 PM
Response to Original message
3. a second,
and most likely a third, as well. :hi:
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SarahB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:42 PM
Response to Original message
5. Sounds like a good sign to me.
Best wishes! :thumbsup:
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Glenda Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:42 PM
Response to Original message
7. Oh that sounds nice!
I think you are in store for a 2nd date. Do you have any ideas on what to do for a 2nd date? Did she give you any clues as to what she likes to do?
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:44 PM
Response to Reply #7
9. hmm.....second date...I haven't really thought much about it...
I have been trying not to get my hopes up. I have been plumb crazy about this lady for 15 years and am desparately trying not to show it too much to her. If she rejects me, I just don't want to take a nose dive.
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WindRavenX Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:45 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. art museums and parks are good places
Places to walk and talk...plus if you get hungry or want coffee, you can easily modify plans.
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:47 PM
Response to Reply #11
13. good ideas ! I will consider those and sound her out :-) nt
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barb162 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:47 PM
Response to Original message
14. looks to me like you get a second date!!!
(good luck and I want to know all the gory details of the next date!)
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:49 PM
Response to Reply #14
16. thanks Barb ! I'll censor it to be PG-13 LOL no, I'm sure it
will be PG-13 because I really really like her and am not at all into the sexual thing at this moment.
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barb162 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:52 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. COOL!
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:53 PM
Response to Reply #17
19. anyone who spends their precious time on me deserves a
good summary, and that includes you :-)
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barb162 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:03 AM
Response to Reply #19
21. just keep a twinkle in your eye and keep feeling good about yourself
( and then just remember, DETAILS, lots of 'em)
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:05 AM
Response to Reply #21
22. thanks ! Details no problem, I'm just trying not to be insecure or
intimidated by her beauty. She is.... well...you know. She must like me because she can have her pick of men.
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barb162 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:14 AM
Response to Reply #22
27. well yes, she must. She wouldn't have spent that long with you
if she didn't like you; she would have found a way to cut it short. I know what you mean about people who are really physically attractive...it is hard not to just keep staring at them
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:20 AM
Response to Reply #27
30. yeah I really had to watch my eyes on the date LOL I was nervous
enough as it was. You folks are wonderful for this feedback. I've been thinking about her all weekend and a bit worried, as well.
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barb162 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:26 AM
Response to Reply #30
31. give her another call soon whether she calls you back or not.
Things happen with a mom of young kids, like kids erase messages all the time.
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:28 AM
Response to Reply #31
33. yes good idea. I'm pretty sure she will call back soon, probably
tomorrow some time. I went out on a limb and gave her my office phone number as well. So, we'll see. The only thing that made me really unsure about the date is that we got into the spirituality discussion. She is a bit more "Christian" than I am, but there were no arguments or harsh words or anything. I reassured her that she was ok with me.
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barb162 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:30 AM
Response to Reply #33
35. You'll be fine....
she'll probably try to convert you
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:32 AM
Response to Reply #35
36. LOL well....maybe. I was pretty clear, in a pleasant way, about who I
am. I think she's too smart to try the conversion thing. Hell, at this point, I'm just worried about the 2nd date LOL We have so much in common. We'd be a great couple, as long as religion, etc. didn't get in the way.
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barb162 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:49 AM
Response to Reply #36
37. I am sure the second date will be just fine ( as in "mellow") and
you'll both have a lot of fun. Try not to worry
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 01:14 PM
Response to Reply #37
39. to barb162: waiting for the call back :-) eom
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 10:27 PM
Response to Reply #37
59. update, 10:28 PM....
just got off the phone with her, maybe later this week another date, called at 10 PM. Guess all my worry was in vain :-)
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Ilsa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:52 PM
Response to Original message
18. Have a great second date! n/t
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-20-05 11:54 PM
Response to Reply #18
20. thank you so much, she is (at this point) the woman of my
dreams: very intelligent, well educated, nice, good morals, in my profession, a Farrah Fawcett look a like....I could ramble on... :-)
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tigereye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:09 AM
Response to Reply #20
23. it sounds like it went well
I think you have reason to be optimistic. Isn't that awful, though, waiting? That was always so hard, when I was dating ( a long time ago) to see if the other person was going to call. I was always assertive with guys I liked, it's good that it's okay for both people to show that they are interested in more ( dates or what have you.)

:)
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Kire Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:10 AM
Response to Original message
24. this gives me hope
I haven't had a second date for over 8 years.

Thanks for sharing. And congratulations.
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Floogeldy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:12 AM
Original message
You're not off base
But, be warned, she might have Herpes of the mouth.
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leftofthedial Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:12 AM
Response to Original message
25. anyone who pretends NOT to be clueless about women
ESPECIALLY OTHER WOMEN

is either a liar or self delusional.
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Merope215 Donating Member (574 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:15 AM
Response to Reply #25
28. Hell, I'm a woman
and honestly, I don't know anything about us. Then again, men are pretty hard to figure out too. :shrug:
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leftofthedial Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 01:28 AM
Response to Reply #28
38. you nailed it!
the whole "figuring out" thing is a waste of time.

just find people you like, who make you happy

spend time with them

treat them the way you want them to treat you
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last_texas_dem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:14 AM
Response to Original message
26. Damn
Alright, I'm a guy and quite clueless about women myself, but I have to say: if I had a date that went as well as the one you had sounds like it went I don't think I'd be feeling uncertainty at all!

I wish you the best of luck on the second date and, hopefully, beyond!
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:19 AM
Response to Reply #26
29. thanks ! I have this tendency to think women are just being nice to me
because they don't want to hurt my feelings... Maybe I need to lose that tendency.
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A HERETIC I AM Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:27 AM
Response to Original message
32. Take her a single rose
No wrapping - no nothing - just one single red rose - It isnt a dozen so it isnt over the top and she will adore you for it
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 12:29 AM
Response to Reply #32
34. GREAT idea !!! I am doing that !!!! woohoo, thanks so much ! :-) nt
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xmas74 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 03:46 PM
Response to Original message
40. I think that you might have a second date
I am a single mother. You get worried about your kids, even when you are enjoying yourself.
Besides, if she didn't enjoy herself she would have pulled the "I have to use the restroom" stunt.
Go to the restroom, message your standby girlfriend, go back to the table.
In five minutes she calls you, pretends to be the babysitter, and says the kids are sick.
She didn't do that. I think that you are safe.
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 06:27 PM
Response to Reply #40
43. Thanks xmas and all you wonderful people. It's been almost 3
days and no word from her, despite my leaving a message last night. I'm trying to be rational and optimistic here. It's hard :-(
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redqueen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 06:33 PM
Response to Reply #43
44. I understand... but consider that single parents are always busy.
I know it's hard, but try to be patient.

Also, someone upthread mentioned that kids erase messages. I have no idea how long to wait, but I would call again if she doesn't...
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Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 06:47 PM
Response to Reply #43
45. Do Not Panic!!!
She may be waiting till her kids get settled in for the night before calling you back. I know I would have waited until they were asleep before I called, so I could settle in for a nice chat without being bombarded with requests for water, cookies, a bedtime story, etc!!!

Hang in there!
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 09:15 PM
Response to Reply #45
50. I just left my second message. I'm doing my best to be
optimistic but it's very hard. I hate this kind of "not knowing", I'd almost rather have a rejection and get it over with. I sure hope I'm reading this wrong :-(
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Beer Snob-50 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 03:47 PM
Response to Original message
41. call her!
sounds like you have a second date.
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bearfan454 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 03:48 PM
Response to Original message
42. Yes
Give her a call.
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radwriter0555 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 07:21 PM
Response to Original message
46. CALL HER.... And arrange that second date. She wants you to be the Man,
and to treat her as though you're interested... then BE interested.

Us women who are always in control, running the show, doing it ALL sometimes want a man to be a man, and to take control, to take charge, to set the time, make the arrangements. We like trusting a man enough to do that.

Now, this isn't all the time. It's our test of you to see if you can handle the job... so pay attention, be FUN. Be CREATIVE. Be kind, silly, funny, easy going and considerate.

AND HAVE FUN!
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 09:18 PM
Response to Reply #46
52. I've called and left messages twice now. nt
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gardenista Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 09:28 PM
Response to Reply #52
57. Ok, two messages are enuf. Give her a chance to miss ya a little. nt
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clovis29 Donating Member (279 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 08:21 PM
Response to Original message
47. Look at this :(
Those mean and evil folk over there in Satan's Hall are making fun of you: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/1348225/po...

I don't want to bring you down, but you should know when people are ridiculing you in public.
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Mitt Chovick Donating Member (321 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 09:12 PM
Response to Reply #47
49. What were you doing over at Satan's Playground
:P

:D
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 09:17 PM
Response to Reply #49
51. let them be cruel. Karma works wonders :-) nt
Edited on Mon Feb-21-05 09:18 PM by steve2470
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clovis29 Donating Member (279 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 09:19 PM
Response to Reply #49
54. I watch over there to see what the enemy is doing
Edited on Mon Feb-21-05 09:19 PM by clovis29
I have to take a bath after every time I go and look.

The hate is unbelievable.

I don't want to hate them back, but they make me so darn mad!
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 09:21 PM
Response to Reply #54
55. thanks for your support. people who take joy in this kind of
uncertainty will occupy a special place in "hell", wherever that may be :-)
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gardenista Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 09:26 PM
Response to Reply #47
56. I don't understand how knowing that assholes are being assholes is of
any consequence to anyone.

Who gives a shit what those morons think? They hate the fact that we have more fun.

You have a second date, dude! Don't pay any attention to those jerks.
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 09:34 PM
Response to Reply #56
58. god bless you, thank you so much. It helps me that 100% of you
have validated my initial impression. I wasn't expecting 100%, maybe more like 50-50%. :-)
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MissMillie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 08:26 PM
Response to Original message
48. Call her
She said she'd like to hear from you... so make sure she does.

Why not give her the benefit of the doubt and trust that she means what she said?
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 09:19 PM
Response to Reply #48
53. thanks, doing my best here to do just that :-) nt
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steve2470 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-21-05 10:48 PM
Response to Original message
60. she might be going to Yanni Friday night with her mom. Hmmm...
I almost asked myself along lol :-)
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