I feel pretty stupid, could use a hug or something...

[leftist_rebel1569]

(warning: long and boring and probably not worth your time)

not like there's anything new about that...but anyways, I asked a girl out today and she said no. She wanted to "just be friends". That, and I only had a crush on her since....yesterday. It kinda hurts a bit, if you haven't guessed.

I really don't have many details on that, since it all happened so quickly, but there have been a few other things that are really starting to bug me. First of all, it seems like i'm not really getting any support from my friends anymore, it seems more like pity nowadays. I think they're just getting tired of me bitching about everything (which I really don't that often, only when stuff really bugs me). I even don't like going online and talking about it, but I don't think i'll be able to fall asleep tonight if I don't get this out of my system. So, anyways, I think they really just don't care anymore. It doesn't seem like anyone does anymore, except me...

Also, another thing bugging me is that I think i've met my dream girl. She's such a great person...I thought about it one day, and her name just popped into my head. She's really fun to talk to, really supportive, and really accepting of who I am. We have a few other things in common, but the thing is...she lives hundreds and hundreds of miles away. I met her online, actually (not through DU though...). It just didn't seem fair at all, it was almost like god was just teasing me or mocking me or something. I can't actually go and meet her, not having any money to travel and all, so I don't know if I ever will see her in person. I was able to forget about it for a while, and then I started listening to this Emo band called "Something Corporate", and they had this one song that reminded me so much of her, I almost want to cry whenever I hear it. And now, I would give anything...ANYTHING...just to see her and tell her how I feel...(it's all come back, damn my sensitive side)

So, anyways, thanks for listening (or reading, however you see it) and I could use a hug or something...

[Cha]

1. Okay! I'll give you a hug!

:hug: Your "girl" will come along one of these fine days!

[cherryperry]

2. It may not help, but we have ALL been there (and survived!):

<<<<<hug>>>>>

<<<<<squeeze>>>>>

<<<<<hug>>>>>


:hug:

:pals:

:loveya:


:yourock:

[blondeatlast]

3. We've all been there and it hurts like hell.

I may be old enough to be your mom (I think), but I remember the pain of young love; we all do. I can't say much to help you, but I do care, and I do know you will find a great girl someday. I didn't get married till my thirties, but I'm very happy now.

It gets better friend, and we are all sending positive whatevers your way.

And here is at least one hug:

(((leftist_rebel1569)))

[scarlet_owl]

4. Here' s a hug

:hug: Things seem hard now. Being young and in love is never easy. I hope you find comfort.

[prolesunited]

5. Here's a hug

:hug:

I really think you need to stop obsessing about having a girlfriend, though, and concentrate on developing yourself and enjoying your interests. In my experience, if you put so much emphasis on a getting a girl or developing a "relationship," you'll come across as clingy. Women don't like clingy guys as much as guys don't like clingy girls.

Why do you feel that it is so important to have a girlfriend right now? I'm not saying that relationships aren't nice, but you seem to put so much emphasis on it. Have you asked yourself why?

And just so you don't think I'm being too brutal, here's another :hug:

[ewagner]

6. Like I used to tell my own son

If you don't go through a couple hundred heartbreaks, you won't appreciate the real thing. There will be more, you can count on it, but the relationships that work will make you laugh about the ones that didn't.

Oh, and one more thing, ...quit trying so hard! That's the change your friends are noticing, you're trying too hard. Focus on something else (like the school work) and you'll be surprised what happens to your social life.

Trust me on this one.

Good luck man..........

[REP]

7. Hey, Good For You!

Asking a person out takes some spine, especially at your age (not a diss, I swear). It sucks she said no, but on the positive side, it sounds like she did it nicely.

And though it sucks you've met someone you like who lives a way away, I think you're more deserving of a highfive for having the guts to ask a chick out and to go out and meet new people. Besides, I think it's illegal for someone my age to hug someone your age (especially since you posted a while back details leading to the conclusion that you're really cute).

[ringmastery]

8. perspective

There are people starving in Africa.

There are people dying in Iraq.

If all you have to bitch about in life is a silly little girl rejecting you, consider yourself lucky.

Now, go do something fun like masturbation and forget about this girl. Tomorrow is another day. There are lots of other girls.

[prolesunited]

11. What compassion!

:eyes:

He's in high school. Give the kid a break. I hope everyone is as nice to you when you have a problem.

[leftist_rebel1569]

14. WTF?

Oh, thanks for your support. I'll be sure to turn to you whenever I have problems in the future...:eyes: Oh, BTW, do you say the same thing when someone loses their job? Or, they lose a loved one? I don't think so.

So, when you have something other than apathetic bs to say, I'd love to hear it, k?

[Susang]

22. Another perspective

If all YOU have to bitch about in life is a poor soul in pain looking for a little love and compassion, than you should consider yourself pathetic and sad.

Grow a heart and find some compassion before you bother posting again. Your post was cruel and unnecessary and I'm glad that most of DU is not like you. Hopefully, people will be kinder to you when you are in need than you were to this poor guy.

[Djinn]

23. relative happiness not the point

Ringmastery when you find yourself in those moods do you chastise yourself and remember starving kiddies in Africa - or like the rest of us do you occasionally wallow in self pity and feel a bit fucked up?

every now and then we all need some sympathy -it's not a game of competing tragedies - if leftist_rebel feels miserable and wants a hug what's the big deal?

Take it easy leftist :grouphug:

[SmileyBoy]

27. How NICE of you!!!

I share leftist_rebel's pain. That shit happened to me too.

If you're spending ALL this time worying about all the bad shit that's happening on this god-forsken planet and not taking a couple seconds to show a little compassion towards a hurt teenager, then you need to re-evaluate your priorities.

Have a good night.

[JohnKleeb]

29. ummm yes there are people starving

Give the kid a break will ya, I havent been in his shoes exactly because and Derek(leftist rebel) man youre gonna laugh at me for this one but I have little courage to even ask a girl out. I know what you mean there are people starving and dying but this really isnt that silly. People want companionship I dont know the word whatever I need a girl too. My friend here has had some rough experiences with girls, I feel bad for him. There are lots of other girls but only a handful are really special.

[Misinformed01]

34. Don't take Ringmastery's advice!

Read his post and see what happens when you masterbate too much! The hair on your palms will affect your ability to both empathize, win friends and influence people!

(hang in there guys; you WILL meet nice girls)

[JohnKleeb]

36. Thanks a bunch

[Misinformed01]

37. You are welcome!

And Ringmastery: if you are reading this....use some lotion, dearie.

[Skittles]

9. hey lr

big cyberhug from Skittles. I should kick that gal's ass. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Her loss; she has no idea what she is missing.

[JohnKleeb]

13. lol I think thats ok skittles

I dont think he wants you going around kicking the girl he has a crush on's ass. That said I have girl trouble too, but unlike Lefty here I dont have a specfic crush, I wouldnt mind a g/f. How about Skittles you use your ass kicking power on Shrub? You could have fun.

[Skittles]

40. of course, any ass-kicking of the shrub has to be metaphoric

and, living in Texas, I've done plenty of it. :7

[leftist_rebel1569]

17. lol uhh...thanks

but, i don't think an ass-kicking is necessary. But, thanks for offering!

:hug: big hug back!

[TroubleMan]

10. I've dated a lot of women, and did the whole club thing for years

the one thing I've learned is never be afraid to hear "no." I'd ask women out all of the time, even if I felt I had no chance. It worked more times than you'd think it would.

Remember this:

The best way to get a "yes" is not be afraid or worried to hear "no."

I may go through 20 no's before I get a yes, but if I hadn't gone through that, I never would have gotten that yes.

Everybody gets turned down, so there's nothing to be ashamed or feel stupid about. It's like the old saying about gambling: "scared money don't make no money."

[Rowdyboy]

12. I'm old (nearly 50)

At 35, I was absolutely miserable. Then I met my other half. Since then, life has been non-stop wonderful with a cherry on top. Stay cool but friendly and figure out what you want to do. I did, and 14 years later we're still together!

[cherryperry]

44. Hey, I'm getting on top of both of you!!!

LOL

[JohnKleeb]

15. I aint the hugging type

But I share your pain, it sucks :(. Maybe its the face I look like a hillbilly and never shave ;) I am kiddin, I do get scraggly lol though and I have a bit of "beard" right now.

[cherryperry]

45. Oh, get over it, tough guy!

:hug: :hug: :hug:


:pals:


:yourock:

[BigMcLargehuge]

16. sorry to hear the leftist_rebel

"I want to be friends" was my song in high school.

It gets better, but that doesn't ease the hurt now. Do something nice for yourself and remember, you've got friends at DU to help you though the bad times.

[TheZoo]

18. Congrats! I mean that seriously

You made THE jump. I did the same thing 20 years ago; I asked my lust woman / soul mate out, and got shot down in the same method. She was WAY intelligent, beautiful, etc. etc....and she shot me down.

Fast forward 5 years, and I'm alone at college and find ANOTHER L.W. / S.M., only BETTER. She's tall, she's blonde, down to earth and intelligent - a gorgeous creature. Someone WAY out of my league...except she looks at me and smiles. The rest is history (mostly happy until the end - you'll have to wait until next Tuesday)

Bottom line - you don't need a hug, you just need to see the light at the end of the tunnel. No, it's not going to be the 4:15 freight train, it's going to be all right for you. You're too young (I'm assuming based on the other posts) to be devastated for too long. My advice is to just be yourself, you'll find someone special.

Lou

P.S. Next week, you have my permission to quote Luke 4:23 - "Physician, heal thyself."

[cherryperry]

46. I beg to differ...

the guy says he needs a hug, he needs a hug...you probably do, too, but just won't/can't admit it, so:

:hug: to TheZoo <stop fighting it>


:hug: to LefistRebel


...so there!!!

[koopie57]

19. I'm sad that you hurt so badly tonight ...

but tomorrow when you go to school, look around. And not at the popular kids, but look at the shy kids, the homely kids, the studious kids. Maybe instead of feeling bad for yourself, reach out to one of them who you always thought seemed interesting or one who peeked your curiosity in some way. I was a cheerleader in high school but quit after three years cuz I didn't fit in with that crowd. Those who I thought were the most interesting and kind and caring were those who seemed to meld into the woodwork. There are real live kids sitting right next to you who have a lot to offer and also have a need and void as great as you feel right now. You need not search the internet to find someone to be friends with. There are good people right next to you, I guarantee it my dear one. Fun people come in all shapes and sizes. Look at those who have always slipped under your radar.

And I know how it hurts. But that is the way it is today. Tommorrow will be better, different. We all have our turns at hurting.

[leftist_rebel1569]

20. wow....you guys sure do know

how to make a kid feel better! Thanks! :hug: big hug!

And, to be honest, I thought I would get no responses to this...

[VelmaD]

21. Aw Little Bit...

I'm sorry baby. I can't give you any advice that the others haven't already. But the hug I can do. :hug:

DV

[HEyHEY]

24. Leftist...buddy

That's fucking awsome...who gives a shit if she says no. You had the balls to ask a chick out just like that, fuckin' eh! You will be turned down many more times...don't think about it too much, just keep pluggin away.

[HEyHEY]

25. also

DUde, forget the email love thing..that's for when you get old and REALLY jaded. You have to play the field, best way to look at it. You are not getting interviewed by them they are getting interviewed by you...it's not the be all end all man. Go into thinking soundly "Is this girl all that I think" and take some time getting to know her to find out...when you know make your move..or not. It's a good way to avoid heartbreak

[Susang]

26. Hope you're feeling a little better

I know that it probably feels like things are never going to get better. I've just been through some pretty bad times myself, and things are just now looking up. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes it just takes a little longer to get to the end of it.

Look at it this way, you're intelligent, sensitive and caring. If you haven't found someone yet (not counting your online friend since that's still up in the air), than it's only a matter of time. Don't believe it when people tell you women only like the bad guys. I married a "nice guy" and I wouldn't have it any other way. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you. :-)

[SmileyBoy]

28. It pays off to be persisitent, man.

Keep treading that river, develop a thick skin and don't let it get to you too much. Read my PM to you.

[JohnKleeb]

30. Derek man I really hope you find a great girl

You'll find one I know you will, who knows you could meet her tommorow, you could already know her, love is an amazing thing. I know you arent looking for love man but thats my opinion on it. I am not sure what I prefer the life of the "bachelor" who never has dated or the occasional dater who has enough courage to ask girls out. I dont know, I need a girl too man. Its hard, believe me but I will find my special girl someday I know I will, I need to do more about my situation but I am starting to be more outgoing, and talk to more people. I dunno. This is one of the reasons why being a teen is so hard. Take it easy man, and its a pleasure being your friend, I think someday we will meet. My b for the rant but although you have had your hard times with girls I give you the biggest props for trying. I am shy as hell, I dont know what to say.

[cherryperry]

47. John:

just give your friend a hug; that's all he asked for, for now...


:pals:

[Ladyhawk]

31. Don't feel stupid, please. (((((((((((rebel)))))))))))

This line jumped out at me:

>it seems more like pity nowadays

Ach, I hate that. :( I'm sorry you are feeling upset this evening.

As I stopped to type this, I found myself hating how I always seem to respond to others' pain with stories of my own pain. I hope this seems like a way of relating and not a "let's focus on me now" fest. :( ARGGH! I'm going to do it anyway. It's communication, anyway.

A few years ago during one of my remissions, I was invited to the choral director's house for dinner. I brought some food of my own and had a great time. I kept thinking, "Please, I only want to be liked for who I am. I am so tired of feeling like a burden."

Fast forward three years and I feel like a burden to these people. The Depressive illness is back with a vengeance. Who knows what they're thinking?

My point is, when you're in pain, it's hard not to bitch about it. You need to vent. I got forced off another forum because one nasty fellow there thought I vented too much. I think he might have set out to get rid of me.

Put it this way: If someone smashes your thumb with a hammer, is it likely you're going to "whine" about it? I see emotional pain as little different. As in all cases of pain, some is more hurtful than others.

What hurts the most is when something strikes a wound that is still fresh, not even close to being healed. It may seem like something minor to the observer who cannot see the already-present wound, but to you it is excruciating. You have to yelp, whether the wound is physical or emotional.

*Tonight's message brought to you by klonopin.

[JohnKleeb]

32. Hi LH I heard about what happened

I hope your pain goes away, its tough. Ive gotten frustrated too, what helps me generally is music, just thinkin about life in general I dont know. I dont know a soultuion. I hope you and Lefty feel better LH.

[cherryperry]

48. Would you mind terribly if

I offered you a hug as well?


:hug:

oops, didn't wait for you to okay it!...so I'll just

:hug: you again!

[hussar]

33. Hope this helps ?

Hang in there and good luck

[MinnFats]

35. i am waaaaay older than you and I assure you, nothing is worse...

...than getting rejected. At least at the time. The 'loser' feeling will ease.
when you ask someone out, you have to ask yourself: what's the worst that can happen? She's a nice person, or you wouldn't have asked, her, so she's not going to screech with laughter and say "Me? Go out with YOU? NOT!"
even though the 'just be friends' thing feels about as bad.
but hey....in time, if she realizes you're a decent guy, 'just be friends' can become 'more than friends.' Don't write her off just yet. besides, she may turn up sometime with a girlfriend who IS interested, and you want a good review from her when the new girl asks "what's he like?"

meanwhile, see if you can plan a trip to see this long-distant girl. Even if it's six months off, planning it will give you a charge. Maybe you could meet half-way? or some other point of interest that's equi-distant.

perhaps it's not quite as far, but I lived 200 miles from my wife for four years before we realized we were meant to be together. Lots of late, late Sunday night drives home, but it was worth it.

[Rhiannon12866]

38. I care, leftist_rebel

Just because your friends have their own concerns doesn't mean that they don't care about you. They're teen-agers, and that's a rather egocentric age group. You are fairly mature for your age.:-)

As for your ``dream girl.'' Just take it slow. It's not uncommon to develop crushes. You have had them before, and I have too. My suggestion is to share music, which I know is a favorite of yours. That is a way of getting to know someone and communicating. What do you think?:shrug:

We all are in pain, more or less. Here's a hug, from me to you...:hug:

[FDRrocks]

39. Id hug ya.

High school relationships are crap man. Don't bother with peer pressure and keep it real.

I saw Something Corporate open up for 311 the other month. I hate emo, didn't like them, but fro 'emo' they were decent (kept hoping the singer would fall off his piano and break his neck while he was dancing on it).

[Aristus]

41. How about one of those slow, friendly jaw-punches instead,

little buddy!

Hang in there, LR. I've been EXACTLY where you are now. It's tough, and it could be a while before things start to look up for you. I won't lie to you. But it WILL get better, believe me. I grew up unpopular and (I thought) unattractive. Most girls wouldn't even look at me. I never got a date for the Prom. Life sucked.

But in a classic case of nice guys finishing first, the woman I married had been the most popular girl in her school, a model, a dancer and an actress. She is beautiful, sexy and blindingly smart. Just be true to yourself, and kind to the ladies, and your dream girl will show up one day. As God is my witness.

[Cheswick2.0]

42. .

.

[Boudicea]

43. I'm impressed

by your sensitivity, and hope you can hold onto it. It WILL serve you well someday, LR. :)

[populistmom]

49. Where were the guys like you when I was in high school?

Seriously, there are girls out there that will appreciate for who you are and what you have to offer. It's just harder for those with more depth in high school to find each other.
It hurts, bad sometimes, but it gets better. Hang in there!

[cherryperry]

50. Hey, leftist_ rebel1569 , over here:

Sometimes love can feel
Like the closest thing to heaven
Sometimes love can feel
Like you've been run over by a car
Yes it can it's the strangest thing I know
Make you feel warm when you feel cold
And if you down on happiness
You better get used to the taste of sadness
Cause love can sure hurt sometimes

Chorus: Love hurts and it don't
Love don't always work
Love ain't all it seems
It feels good but it stings
Love hurts and it don't

Some people will tell you
It's the best thing for the heart
Yes they will what they fail to tell you
It can tear your life apart
But you know it's as sweet as a summer rain
But it can hit you like a train
Fill your heart with pain
Fill your heart with pain

Ooh everybody sing, everybody sing

Chorus: Love hurts and it don't
Love don't always work
Love ain't all it seems
It feels good but it stings
Love hurts and it don't

Bridge: When you know that you're alive
Cause you feel so much pain
When you feel you can't survive
But you make it anyway
When it feels too good to stop
But it hurts too much to say
Then you know, yes you know
You gotta know love hurts
It hurts and it don't

Chorus: Love hurts and it don't
Love don't always work
Love ain't all it seems
It feels good but it stings
Love hurts and it don't

Repeat to Fade


:hug: :cry: :hug:

:hi: