Why English teachers retire early:

[Reciprocity]

Why English teachers retire early:
Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays


Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

The ballerina rose gracefully on points and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 PM, traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 PM, at a speed of 35 mph.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

“Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

[Kire]

1. thanks for the laugh

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

2. And with that, I am off, like a prom dress.

[Downtown Hound]

3. Hell, these are some of the better ones

When I was in junior college I had a friend who was a T.A. for an English teacher, and she let me read some of the papers. All I can say is scaaaaary!

[bain_sidhe]

4. Laughing sadly

Laughing because it's funny, sadly because I've read stuff like this too.

[qnr]

5. hahah I love them

Have you been here recently?
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

[Reciprocity]

10. Love it.

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

--Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)

[sangh0]

6. My fave

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 PM, traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 PM, at a speed of 35 mph.

Whoever wrote that has some serious creativity problems.

[JohnKleeb]

7. wow and I thought my writing was medicore

Maybe I ain't so bad.

[TroubleMan]

8. ROFLMAO!!!

nt

[Reciprocity]

9. That explains these Odd song titles and lines.

C'mon Down off the Stove, Granny, You're Too Old to Ride the Range
For Better or Worse, But not for Long
Forget the Night, Help Me Make It Through the Door
Get your Biscuits in the Oven and your Buns in the bed
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

How Can I Miss You When You Won't go Away? How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life
I Can't Love Your Body if Your Heart's Not In It

If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
If Money Talks, It Ain't On Speaking Terms With Me
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
If You Won't Leave Me Alone Ill Find Someone Who Will

I Just Couldn't Leave Her Behind Alone
I Just Fell In Something and I Sure Hope It's Love
I Kissed Her on the Lips, And Left Her Behind for You
I'll Never Get Over You So Turn Off The Alarm It's Your Side Of The Bed
I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield of Life.
I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue

I've Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies And I'm Blue All The Time
I've Got You on My Conscience But At Least You're Off My Back
I've Got a Funny Feeling (I Won't Be Feeling Funny Very Long)
The Last Word in Lonesome Is Me

[utopian]

11. I teach college English

And I wish my students wrote that well.

[MrSandman]

12. Good Stuff...

From my English that I remember...I think it was Amrose Bierce who defined a coservative as a proponent of existing evils.

[Pithlet]

13. These are great

I think it is obvious that some of these were tongue in cheek from clever, witty students disgusted by a lame assignment. Especially the "Long Separated by Cruel Fate" and the "Lame Duck" ones. They're hilarious!