I need a little help getting someone help (AA)

[Robb]

I'm reading up on the internets ;) but I'd appreciate a little input from the wiser DUers. Or the wiseass DUers. Whichever.

How on earth do you get someone to the point where they are willing to go to AA? Do you cajole? Threaten? Do you go with them? What do you tell them to tell people they're going to if asked?

I'm just at a loss. I'm trying to figure out points to bring up when I have "the talk" with them. The drinking is a problem, the excuses are piling up, and it's everyone's fault but their own every time the drinking gets out of control and things go awry.

How do you do this without being a jackass? Or do you just be a jackass about it? :shrug:

[radwriter0555]

1. Be BLUNT. Do they know they have a drinking problem? Have you told

them or has anyone else?

Being a jackass has helped me get several people sober. The most direct way that I did it was to ask them if they had a drinking problem... when they're sober of course.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. Go to AlAnon,

which is a support group for families of alcholics. They might give you some pointers.

[Stew225]

3. Alanon will help you deal with this. eom

[Robb]

6. Should I be in any way concerned

...that these meet in the local church? I'm not much of a churchgoer. :shrug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

7. Not at all

They are entirely independent of the church, using the facilities for meetings (usually the basement or a conference room.) Feel free to go.

Al-Anon helped me a great deal when my parents were still active drinkers.

[Paradise]

11. Best suggestion! n/t

[Exultant Democracy]

4. two words

"crotch shot." I use a wooden spoon (never metal), give them a solid smack right away so that they know you are resolved and then you can start your negotiations from a position of strength.

[underpants]

5. I hate to say this but it won't do any good unless they want to go

They may have to reach rockbottom (varying degrees of that) before they see the forest for the trees.

My brother has been sober for 10 months now but no one can make him do it -it is up to him.

You might want to go to an AA meeting (or call if they have an office) and get their advice. They might be willing to come and talk to your friend but still even they will tell you it is up to the person, no one can make him/her really change.

Good luck.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

8. Honestly, until this person decides they have a problem....

There's nothing you can do. Until get sick of lying and making excuses, blaming everyone else, you might should tell this person that you love him/her, but can't handle what he/she's doing right now, but that they should call you if he/she decides to get help because you'll be there for him/her. But you can't be there for him/her while he/she's doing this to him/herself.
Duckie

[Ellen Forradalom]

9. One of the things you'll learn in Al-Anon

is that there's nothing you can "do" about the situation, meaning that there's no way you can manipulate the situation to get the alcoholic to see the light. Do not spend lots of energy cajoling, persuading, or threatening. Take the jackass route--sit them down and be completely straight. Then let them make their own choices.

BTW, you, Robb, can only attend an AA meeting if it's "open," i.e. open to the public. Otherwise meetings are closed: alcoholics only. That helps foster the sense of fellowship.

[speedoo]

10. Lots of good advice here, but I think going to AA and AlAnon meetings...

is best.

None of us knows what your relationship with the alcoholic/addict is.

If you go to some meetings and tell your story, chances are you will find someone who has already been through what you are going through. They will be in a great position to help.

Plus you will find some people who can help you with ongoing support. These problems take some time to resolve, and, unfortunately, they cannot be resolved by anyone unless the addict/alcoholic is ready to do a lot of hard work.

[coeur_de_lion]

12. Al-Anon is a must for you, and you can go to an open AA meeting

to pick up a meeting list, and give it to your loved one who is drinking. That way when he/she is ready to go, he/she will have a list of places to go. You can consider going to the first (open) meeting with him/her, but after that -- they are on their own. Just let him/her know that you'll help them get started.

In Al-Anon you'll follow the same 12 steps and 12 traditions that the folks in AA do. If you go on a regular basis you'll have a deep understanding of how your loved one is responsible for his/her own sobriety, and you are responsible for your own health.

You can't change what this person is doing and you can't make them stop drinking. The best thing you can do is change yourself.

Speaking from personal experience, when my loved one saw that I would no longer support the environment that allowed him to drink, he took the steps to sober up. It was a long process -- doesn't happen overnight.

I can't guarantee that your loved one will sober up just because you go to Al-Anon. But the important thing is for you to be okay whether or not this person sobers up. You have to learn to accept it either way. In Al-Anon you'll learn how to do that.

[truthpusher]

13. I have not had a drink in 8 1/2 years...

and have come to the conclusion that I am one of the lucky ones. After seeing dozens of Alcoholics over the years, the is very little that I can do and they have done about it.

My only suggestion is, if they are a very good friend or relative and you are a recovered alchoholic...Tell them your story and let them know that you would be happy to bring them to a meeting if they want to go.

If you are not a recovered alcholic...Tell them the things that you don't like about what they do when they drink. For example: 'When you drink you kinda turn into an asshole' or I don't know if you realize this but people have been looking at you differently since you have been drinking so much'

That's about all I can recomend...Good Luck!