Dear Miss Manners...

[arwalden]

I've got this friend who constantly and continually forwards to me copies of anything and EVERYTHING she receives in her email.

Funny photos, jokes, gags, hoaxes, virus warnings, chain letters, you-name-it... if Betty gets receives it, then so do I.

She's a dear woman... and although I have several friends who are guilty of this behavior (to some degree), Betty is the worst. (However... my uncle's anti-Clinton anti-Democrat chain letters are most maddening.) It's gotten to the point that whenever I see anything at all from Betty, I just delete it.

What's a nice and POLITE way to inform these people (without hurting their feelings) that forwarding JUNK to me is not a substitute for keeping-in-touch with a real note every now and then? Even if it's a carbon-copy form letter that ALL of her friends get, I'd rather hear what's new instead of receiving more junk in my email.

-- Confused In Maryland

P.S. Betty is still convinced that she's going to receive money from Bill Gates and free Disney World Tickets as part of the ongoing "email test" we've all heard so much about.

[ploppy]

1. Tell Betty

to stop sending you email unless it is a note from her. Hopefully she won't be offended.

[ScreamingMeemie]

2. When I am conversing with these kinds of people if the subject gets

around to the internet and email, I usually say I delete forwards because otherwise my inbox gets too full and I cannot respond to personal notes. No accusations and hopefully, no more forwards.

I always wonder if this is a genetic malfunction. I never forward unless it is Extremely funny or politically significant.

I do snope those forwards which are know frauds and send the page to the forwarder. I lost a friend doing this once.

[KCDem]

3. you just need to be direct.

If she's super sensitive, that might offend her. But, if she's that easily offended, then you really don't have any options unless you just block all messages from her, right?

You could say something like "Hey, with all the viruses out there, would you please not send me anything that you're sending to a group of people." Worth a shot.

[LeftCoast]

4. Here's what I do...

First I have a series of email addresses. I give out an email address based on "trust level".

The lowest level address is basically what I use when I have to register with someone online and I'm not expecting any sort of correspondance. Any obvious spam generating person/company gets this address. This addy gets checked once per month.

The next level up is for people I don't know but might correspond with. Since I don't know these folks, their "trust level" is low. They might innadvertantly subscribe me to a list, or forward lots of crap. This addy get's checked every few days.

The most secure level is an email address that is given ONLY to close friends - with the warning that if they subscribe me to lists or any other sort of spam-generating site I will KILL them. :) This one gets checked daily.

I've found this is the only system that really works.

LeftCoast

[GoddessOfGuinness]

5. A few terms of endearment and a little humor will help...

Like:

"Hey sweety, my mailbox is starting to look like your purse! :-)
Could you please stop sending the forwarded e-mails? I do want to keep hearing about you though. Let me know how life's treating you."

Then if you don't hear from her for awhile, send her a personal note to reinforce that she isn't the problem...it's the spam.

[arwalden]

7. Oh That's Wonderful... Something Like That Sounds Perfect...

Even though it bugs the you-know-what out of me, I need to approach her with humor. She loves jokes (obviously)...

I'll have to give this one a shot. The comparison to a purse is perfect for her.

-- Allen

[slackmaster]

6. Does your email client have "filters" or "rules" or similar?

Create a special folder for your friend's email and set up your client to automatically transfer all of her stuff into it. That's what I do.

[arwalden]

9. LOL!! I *almost* did that today with my Eudora mail program.

Funny you should mention that.

-- Allen

[zekeson]

8. Don't do what I did

I'm an adult, way past 21 (forgive me Muddy), but my step-mother thought she still needed to educate me and sent me tons of email, most of it right-wing, liberals are stoopid, aren't we, the Repugs, the party of responsibility, so cool? type email. After a lot of racist, Jesus is the answer, Clinton joke emails I took her task.

I tried to use diplomacy as I called her considering what she was passing on in one specific email that degraded the premise of helping the less fortunate, explaining that as we shared different political ideology, I no longer cared to be on her forward list, but would love to still get updates from her. She wrote back a very self-righteous apology and now I no longer have even minimal contact with her or my father. Was it worth no longer receiving cut and paste comments from Rush LimpBalls? Yeah, probably was.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

10. That's what happened to me...

I don't miss my freeper in-laws one bit.

If you really want to re-establish a relationship w/ your stepmom, you might send a friendly note that doesn't mention politics. I'll bet she'd love to hear from you. :-)

[zekeson]

11. Thanks, that is good advice

My wife and I do what we can to maintain contact. We email photos of the kids and the livestock (cat and dog), scans of report cards. I wouldn't think of mentioning politics - I've learned the lesson that the Freeps can talk all they want - its Treason if a Lib sez anything. I still call on Father's Day and on the odd occasion that we all are in the same area of the country we get togethre for a few hours and things are mainly civil - so, I guess its not fair to say no contact. They will initiate none, and respond marginally to any we offer. I guess like all family dynamics its more complicated than it appears on the surface.

Have Guinness on me!
:beer:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

13. Isn't that odd?

All during the Clinton years I'd get jokes and snide anti-liberal remarks from my brother and sister(avid freepers). I just laughed and sluffed most of them off since they were just pissed because their dingbat didn't get elected. Hell, I even laughed at some of the jokes...they were pretty good!

But if I dare joke about the current bunch of crooks they get intensely defensive. I guess it's because they know their man legally shouldn't be in office and that he's a stinkin' liar; but they have to keep convincing themselves that it's ok, and he really is the president.

Yeah, I see them as stupid assholes; but I also see them as victims.
It's like they're propeganda junkies or something.

I think I will have that brew, thanks! :beer:

[Madrone]

12. Miss Manners replies....

Simply give her a lesson in email etiquette. I tracked down this handy link for you to send her -

http://personal-computer-tutor.com/abc3/v23/mac23.htm

Make sure she DEFINITELY knows that those damned CC: forwarded emails are a major boom for virus writers and spammers alike.

Let her know that you don't like all of those forwards in your inbox, but you are nice about it. Tell her she will eventually run up against someone who becomes IRATE by it, and they certainly won't be as nice as you are in telling her. Trust me - they exist, I've seen 'em!

Make sure she knows what a great guy you are for saving her from the wrath of someone nowhere near as nice as YOU by politely informing her of this truth re: the hated forwarded email messages.

[NightTrain]

14. "If you didn't write it yourself, please don't e-mail it to me."

That seems polite enough, doesn't it?