Q: What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

[TheWizardOfMudd]

A: Homeless.


Q: How do you know there is a lead singer at your front door?
A: He doesn't know when to come in and he can't find the key.


Q: How do you know when there is a drummer at your front door?
A: The knock speeds up.


Q: How do you make a guitarist turn his volume down?
A: Put sheet music in front of him.

Heh heh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. :)

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

1. What do you call the guys who hang around with drummers?

Musicians.

[toddzilla]

2. what's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

The large pizza can feed a family of 4!

[Feanorcurufinwe]

3. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

1...5...1... (1...4...5...5...1)




Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: "We make the best violins in Italy." The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: "We make the best violins in the world." Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: "We make the best violins on the block."




Instrument Jokes

[TheWizardOfMudd]

6. I have no clue

"How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? 1...5...1... (1...4...5...5...1)"

I don't get it.

[toddzilla]

9. Implying they play simple patterns.

root, fifth, fourth, root, fifth..


if you aren't a musician or know a little theory you wouldn't get it.

[TheWizardOfMudd]

12. OH, I get it

I was counting beats when I read those numbers and it got so complicated. Heh.

In the key of E, that would be E...B...E (E...A...B...B...E).

[Rowdyboy]

4. What do you call a beautiful woman on a musicians arm?

A tattoo...

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?


Saliva...


and, finally, how do you get a musician off the front porch?




Pay for the damn pizza!

[chaska]

5. Did ya hear the one about...

the musician who left his three million dollar Stradivarius cello on the front porch, where it was stolen by a kid on a bike.

I wish that were a joke, just saw it on Countdown w/ Keith O.

[LastKnight]

7. how many guitarrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

4, one to change it, and three to sit around and say... "i can do that"

whats the difference between a violin and a viola...

a viola burns longer.



-LK

[moof]

8. aaaaa... a one handed drummer

[Wonk]

10. What's the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?

A bassoon burns longer

[paranoid floyd]

11. If a bass player and a drummer jump out of a plane

who will hit the ground first?

The bass player. The drummer will at first speed up then slow down, then try to drag the ending out as long as possible.

What's the difference between a dead frog on the highway and a dead banjo player on the highway? The frog was probably on his way to a gig.

What's the definition of an optimist? A tuba player with a pager.

[Unperson 309]

13. Three guys are sitting around a table

In a cafeteria. They overhear three *other* guys next table over bragging:
First neighboring guy says "I just got tested at Mensa and my IQ is 120!"
Second guy chimes in "My test says my IQ is 150!"
Third guy says "Ha! I got ya both beat! I have an IQ of 180!"

The three eavesdropping guys are impressed.
First guys says "Gee, my IQ is only around 100."
Second guys replies "Well, I'm probably 90."
Third guy says "My IQ is 40!"
Second guy looks at third guy, "Really? What size sticks do you use?"

(rimshot!)

309

[chaska]

14. Q. What do you call ten accordions at the bottom of the ocean?

A. A pretty good start.

[guitar man]

15. Q. why do drummers

...have just one more brain cell than a horse?

A. so they don't shit in the middle of the parade!

[guitar man]

16. Q. what's the difference between an onion and a banjo?

A. nobody cries when you chop up a banjo!

[ironflange]

17. Q: What has seven arms and sucks?

A: Def Leppard

[LoZoccolo]

18. Knock knock.

Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Phillip Glass.

[furrylitldevil]

19. What do you do when your drummer quits?

Call up Pizza Hut and order another one.