Debate Rules for Campaign 2004 put out!

[HawkerHurricane]

Because Mr. Bush will be so preoccupied with The War several of his advisers have decided that there will be only two presidential debates before the 2004 election. Both of the debates will be narrated by Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly. Questions submitted will be required to be thoroughly scrutinized (and censored) by the office of Homeland Security to ensure that National Security will not be jeopardized because of the ongoing War. After questions are submitted, Karl Rove and Andrew Card will decide which ones will be asked of Mr. Bush and which ones will be asked of the Democratic candidate. Also, the submitted list will not be allowed to include the following subjects:

1. Questions about the Bush/Cheney involvement with Enron or any other energy-related matter, such as Cheney's Energy Task Force on the grounds that have already been ruled off-limits by Bush's newly appointed District Court Judge John Bates, who essentially agreed that the People have no right to know that information and that the release of such information would jeopardize National Security.

2. Any questions regarding the existence of the purported WMDs, either before or after the Iraq Bombing. To question Mr. Bush on this matter has now been deemed seditious, as defined by Attorney General John Ashcroft under the Alien and Sedition Acts of 1798 in which Mr. Ashcroft's interpretation is that to do so would constitute an act of terrorism and therefore jeopardize National Security.

3. No questions concerning Mr. Bush's dubious military record which some claim contains proof that he failed to complete his final year of military obligation in the Texas Air National Guard. To do so would be considered both an act of insubordination which could contravene Mr. Bush's authority, and an act of treason as interpreted by Attorney General Ashcroft and which also would be a violation of the above Alien and Sedition Acts. Not only that, but such questions will also be deemed to jeopardize National Security.

4. No questions will be allowed which cast aspersions on Mr. Bush's economic template for America's future. As now interpreted by the Attorney General John Ashcroft, the particular dollar amount of either the national budget or the national debt, would allow terrorists to determine how we will act in the future. The revelation of specific budget numbers will be considered tantamount to giving aid and comfort to the enemy. Those wishing to risk asking such questions should do so with the caveat that they "better watch what they say, and watch what they do" as they could most likely be charged with being enemy combatants, subject to immediate arrest and confinement without benefit of counsel. As such, these questions would also be considered to jeopardize National Security.

5. Questions regarding such social benefits to programs like Head Start, Social Security, Medicare, aid to the states for protection of their infrastructures, veteran's benefits, health care, environment and pollution control, oil drilling in national parks and offshore and near shore beaches (especially California), global warming and a whole host of programs which could be in the public's interest but might possibly cause a hardship to multimillionaire corporate Bush contributors, will be off-limits since these too could reveal to our enemies throughout the world how our resources would be distributed, and would therefore jeopardize National Security.

6. Absolutely no questions will be allowed that question the wisdom of multi-trillion dollar tax cuts for the wealthiest 1% of the population or any future tax cuts for this same privileged class of people. In particular, those who conduct offshore ghost companies who not only avoid paying taxes completely, but because of the structure of the acceptable accounting principles as defined by Arthur K. Anderson and endorsed by Attorney General Ashcroft, these corporations will also be eligible for billions of dollars more in tax rebates. Though Treasury Secretary John Snow has testified before Congress to answer questions concerning the direction of our economy, no future appearances are scheduled for the foreseeable future. To make such demands in this time of War will be considered a threat to National Security.

And finally, Snap Polls conducted immediately following the "debates" will be chosen from control groups hand-picked by the American Spectator and will only be televised on Fox News Network. Preprogrammed touch-tone screens will be provided for each participant as a convenience.

Any protests to the above rules may be lodged with the Attorney General's office but those who choose to do so risk surveillance and could be considered threats to National Security.

Oh, and did I forget which questions will be allowed? If I told you that, I would risk arrest for possibly jeopardizing National Security. Oh well, so much for Democracy!

[cjbuchanan]

1. Sounds like a fair debate

Will mentioned the resignations of Tenet, Rice and/or Cheney also be considered giving aid to terrorists or will that just be revisionist history?

[Old and In the Way]

2. Great post HH!

Sadly, this "directive" wouldn't shock me.

You might want to add that the 9/11 investigation would be off limits as well.

[JNelson6563]

3. It saddens me that

parody is so real these days.

Good one Hawk!

Julie

[UrbScotty]

4. How dare anyone question Our Great Dictator President!

:evilgrin:

[damnraddem]

5. They're not to be debates, they're to be staged news events ...

serving Dubya's purposes. The Democrats are idiots if they agree to participate. Holding out would be better than agreeing to play on a field this unfair. Nonpartisanship is obvioualy dead.

Is this parody? Perhaps in intent, but it is all-too-likely to become reality.

On edit: Democrats had better start pushing for debate rules they can live with -- good wakeup call!