Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

The problem with same-sex marriage is.....?

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
This topic is archived.
Home » Discuss » Archives » General Discussion (Through 2005) Donate to DU
 
dolo amber Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:12 AM
Original message
The problem with same-sex marriage is.....?
Can someone, ANYONE, please give me an explaination of this? I don't, nor have I ever understood this. I am not trying to sound naive, I'm just hoping someone here has some insight I'm obviously lacking. It would seem to me any correct thinking person would rejoice that 2 people of any gender manage to find love. The whole *homosexual marriage threatens the very fabric of the American family blah blah blah etc.* just MAKES NO SENSE TO ME. Sorry to seem simplistic, but I'm hoping the old adage "ask a simple question, get a simple answer" will come into play.

Also, I'm sure it probably doesn't apply here, but are the stats I keep hearing on telly about "the VAST majority of Americans oppose gay/lesbian marrige" actually accurate, or is it just something they say to convince the sheep that they ARE against gay/lesbian marriage?
:shrug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
imwatchingem Donating Member (123 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:22 AM
Response to Original message
1. Adultry can and does threaten some "conventional" marriages/families.
But I couldn't even begin to imagine how a loving same sex marriage would ever threaten me, my marriage or my family.

It's a ridiculous argument from sick little minds.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
eyesroll Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:38 AM
Response to Reply #1
5. There is a couple living across the street from me...
Nicest guys you can imagine. One's in his early 40s, is the best gardener on the block, rides a Harley (this is Wisconsin, after all). The other is a little older -- he's a electrician for the city bus fleet, has a wicked sense of humor. They've been together for I-don't-know-how-long, but they've owned that house together for a long time.

Of course, they're not married, so under WI law, they have to set up wills, powers of attorney, and all sorts of other paperwork to ensure that if one dies or is incapactitated, the other can inherit or make decisions. Now, it's a good idea for anyone, regardless of marital status, to have said paperwork, but it's an extra step for them. Of course, they're SOL for Social Security and similar benefits.

I would love to see anyone explain logically how allowing them to get a marriage license -- basically, to continue to live as they already are living, but perhaps with a little extra sense of security -- would somehow make mine less valid or threaten the institution of marriage as we know it.

Of course, we got married by a judge in a hotel ballroom, and we don't have and are not currently planning children, and I don't subordinate myself to my husband, so perhaps some people think my marriage license is less valid anyway...
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
quinnox Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:27 AM
Response to Original message
2. I think it has to do
with the culture and values that one is raised in. Some cultures are against gays, and teach it is evil. There are other cultures where women are taught to be submissive and her role to support the man is the cultural norm. I tend not to make judgments of other cultures ways myself, because it reminds me of the conquistidors in history calling the indians savages and forcing them to adopt a different religion.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Trad Bass Donating Member (117 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:25 PM
Response to Reply #2
47. Lybia, Iran
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Spentastic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:34 AM
Response to Original message
3. There are a few reasons
None of which I subscribe to. But know your enemy!

Religion - Some people fervently believe in stories 2000 years old now bent out of shape by vested interests. These people believe that practicing homosexuals will burn in hell and therefore marriage can't be granted. Marriage is seen as a sacred in front of God. Apparently an all loving all knowing God hates queers too.

Base prejudice - Some heterosexuals think that they are right about everything. Gays are different and therefore wrong. Therefore they should not be allowed to marry.

Idiocy - Don't underestimate how many idiots there are.


Finally and most importantly, economics - Businessmen do not like things that cost them money. Providing partner benefits is an expensive business and I firmly believe that lots of oppostion is coming from people who perceive they will be paying for something they don't like. I also believe that to a Republican government this is key.

Does that help?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
thom1102 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 09:12 AM
Response to Reply #3
18. Good analysis, but
I would take issue with the last point. Many businesses are expanding their benefits packages to include same sex partner benefits without being legislated into it. They are starting a trend that is expanding throughout the business world.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
buddhamama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:36 AM
Response to Original message
4. the vast majority
Edited on Thu Jul-31-03 07:37 AM by buddhamama
does not oppose gay marriage.
recently, since the SCOTUS ruling on TX. sodomy laws,the numbers opposing Gay Marriage has increased slightly in the polls.
very interesting, if you consider that before the ruling, the numbers in the polls supporting Gay Marriage were around 60%. reason for this maybe, religious propaganda(?)

the laws on marriage that are found in the Bible or other religious Holy books should not have influence/control over our Nation's marriage laws.
it is discrimination, and violates the human rights of All people.
(there was a time that bi-racial marriages were also outlawed!)

it doesn't threaten me in the least and i can't see how it weakens the family structure or hetero marriages either. and that argument that GLBT are more likely to be promiscuous is absolutely ridiculous.

love and commitment is just that, no matter who is doing it, and it should be respected.






Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
booksenkatz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:43 AM
Response to Original message
6. Beats me
I celebrate when my friends/family find love, whether they're gay or straight. I sympathize when my friends/family split up with someone they had hoped to be with forever, whether they're gay or straight. But whether we're rejoicing or sympathizing, it has no effect on my relationship with my husband whatsoever. There is nothing the rest of the world could ever do to undermine my marriage. Even the fact that heterosexuals in America are actually the group that's doing the most to undermine marriage in this country, it doesn't matter: my marriage is strong and happy. I wish the same for every other person in the world. I can't imagine wanting to deny love to someone for any reason, much less making it The Law.

Period.

Like you, I'm waiting for someone to explain it to me. This is a position I just don't get.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
liberalpress Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:44 AM
Response to Original message
7. And don't forget..
... gays "recruit." Not satisfied with 10 percent of the population, all gays seek out heterosexuals (especially children) and relentlessly induct them into their evil ways.

At least that's what I've been told... by homophobic men.

Not my opnion, by the way, but unfortunately in my part of the South, a common one.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Liberal Veteran Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:51 AM
Response to Reply #7
8. I have a theory about that notion....
It's a psychological term called "projection".

The people who most believe this idea that gays recruit are the Christian Church.

(and this is not a criticism of all Christians, but more about the evangelical/proselytising types)

Think about it. (Again, this is not referring to all sects)

Christians recruit.
Christians try to indoctrinate children early.
Christians want prayer and the bible in the schools.

That's how Christians increase their numbers and that's why I firmly believe they are merely projecting their own tactics onto gays.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
dolo amber Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:53 AM
Response to Reply #8
10. Now THAT makes sense...
That's about the best explaination of at least that part of the problem I've heard :)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Atlant Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 11:41 AM
Response to Reply #8
30. Absolutely correct!
Edited on Thu Jul-31-03 11:41 AM by Atlant
NO ONE is "born a Christian"; they HAVE to be recruited.

Atlant
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Trad Bass Donating Member (117 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:28 PM
Response to Reply #7
49. it's true somewhat

It's not actually "recruiting" but more inviting them into the lifestyle.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
tsipple Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:53 AM
Response to Original message
9. In Vermont, Married Heterosexuals Started Divorcing...
...It was just awful. Vermont saw a huge spike in divorces, child abuse, fornication, battered spouses, and other nasty problems, and it all started the day Vermont allowed civil unions.

Oh, wait a minute... No, actually, the reality is that Vermont's tourism industry held up, and it was the best thing the state could have done for its economy. Of course there was no impact whatsoever to married heterosexuals. There are lots of happier people, but we can't have that, can we? :-)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Atlant Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 08:13 AM
Response to Original message
11. Figuring out who gets the last name.
A couple I know resolved the issue by both of them jettisoning their
existing last names and picking a new one that they both liked.

Atlant
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Loonman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 08:14 AM
Response to Original message
12. I don't see a problem
Gays should have the joy of taking part in this archaic societal custom as much as anyone.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DemExpat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 08:32 AM
Response to Original message
13. I'm not sure, but I think that one of the biggest reasons
some people are against gay marriage is the prospect of adoption and having children.
The idea that children need a male and female parent is a very strong one, and people might consider it child deprivation bordering on abuse to let them be adopted by gays.
This idea is probably the most difficult one to disprove to the masses. Perhaps over time.....

DemEx
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Liberal Veteran Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 08:36 AM
Response to Reply #13
14. I completely disagree....
This is nothing more than a power trip on the part of those opposed. As long as gay marriage is illegal these people feel justified in being bigots because their bigotry has a government seal of approval.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DemExpat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 11:02 AM
Response to Reply #14
28. I think there are many people who
Edited on Thu Jul-31-03 11:06 AM by DemEx_pat
support gay marriage but not gay adoption and parenthood.
And since marriage often leads to family-building.....

DemEx

edit: This was a major issue of contention here in Holland before they adopted the new laws of gay marriage. Gay marriage was/is widely supported here.....adoption not.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
hotphlash Donating Member (534 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 06:14 PM
Response to Reply #13
44. Better to have gay parents than be raised in an orphanage.
IMHO
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 08:39 AM
Response to Original message
15. Because it's just...icky.
Don't you watch TV?
It leads to pedophilia and bestiality and just all sorts of icky stuff.
<sigh>
OK, how about this idea?
Marriage will be limited to unions between two adult HUMANS.
No kids.
How's that?
No, you can't marry your goat.
There, I hope we've settled this and can move on now.
;-)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
MotorCityMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 09:39 AM
Response to Reply #15
22. I think the no kids is a big reason
Unless it involves good old-fashioned lights out, man on top, get it over with quick (thank you, George Carlin) procreation, it's wrong and needs to be destroyed
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ShimokitaJer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 11:45 AM
Response to Reply #22
31. yes, because we are SO short on kids in this world
and the only way to guarantee our way of life is to make more of 'em.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 05:45 PM
Response to Reply #31
39. Anybody remember ZPG?
Zero Population Growth?
We did our part.
1 only.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
tuck Donating Member (148 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 08:45 AM
Response to Original message
16. a concern of mine....
i'm confused too.

if there really are people on this board who are opposed to gay marriage, i would formally like to ask you to lay it out straight for me (no pun intended)

-- i would hope that someone who sincerely does believe that it is wrong could post that opinion here without getting his 'r her ass handed to him 'r her by those who disagree -- after all, it is just an opinion.



Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Woodstock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 09:05 AM
Response to Original message
17. Why make this an issue BEFORE the election?
Edited on Thu Jul-31-03 09:10 AM by Woodstock
Marriage is clearly a loaded subject for a lot of religious people. And religion is a personal issue. Exactly why it should be separate from dealings of the state. My thought is it's better to leave marriage to the religious sects, and just create civil union laws including everyone (straights and gays) for the state laws.

I've got to ask - isn't Bush removed from office and Howard Dean as president and civil unions a step forward? If the insistence on gay marriage rather than civil unions is made too much of an issue, will this hurt our chances of removing Bush? Most candidates back civil unions. So why not wait until Bush is out of office to go to town on the marriage issue.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
buddhamama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 09:20 AM
Response to Reply #17
19. name them please
"Most candidates back civil unions".

you are focusing more on the language because i think most in the GLBT community would accept Civil Unions but the 'religious' who are opposed to marriage are also opposed to civil unions, there really is no difference to them. it is the act of making their 'unions' acceptable and legitimate in the eyes of the law that 'they' have a problem with.

but why shouldn't it be an issue; don't Gays and Lesbians deserve to know where a candidate stands on a fundamental human right before deciding whom to support, or if they are willing to compromise?

speaking of Dean, i could be wrong but, i thought his position was it is a State issue.




Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ShimokitaJer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 09:37 AM
Response to Reply #19
21. Yeah, calling it a "state issue" is a bit of a copout
But what it does accomplish is not to allow any restriction of gay marriage at the federal level -- and that defeats the movement for a constitutional amendment and Bush's desire to "codify" the issue.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
skypilot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 09:48 AM
Response to Reply #19
23. Apparently...
...the appeal of homosexuality is so great that if it gets any social acceptance whatsoever folks on the right are afraid that their children and all their "straight" friends will come skipping over to our team. People are just secretly dying to cast off the yoke of heterosexuality and bask in the light of the love that dare not speak its name. Millions of years of hetero-coupling and reproducing? Where's the fun in that? That is just so TIRED. It's been done to death. And THEY all know it. It's probably all a straight man can do to keep focused on the PLAYBOY in the local bookstore when PLAYGIRL is sitting just a few inches away--so tantalizing--and the women are, of course, dying to sneak a peek at PENTHOUSE. As men and women the world over reach furtively for those forbidden pages they inadvertently bump into each other and thus starts the game, the lie, the courtship, the marriage, the children. Legalizing gay marriage, or gay anything, would put an end to all that. All you guys could then enjoy your PLAYGIRLS openly and without shame and the women could do the same with their copies of JUGGS. Heterosexuality is a big hoax and THEY don't want anyone finding this out. But *I* know and now so do you. Fight the power.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ShimokitaJer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 09:33 AM
Response to Original message
20. Most people really don't understand separation of church & state
and as far as I'm concerned, calling the legal status that is a civil marriage by the same name as the religious bond that is traditional church marriage is a big part of the problem.

The US government should not have the power to approve or deny any personal choice with regard to religion, as long as it does not violate any other existing law. That means they have no power to deny the validity of any marriage -- as a religious bond, it is outside their jurisdiction. However, since the US government has already chosen to recognize marriage approved by certain religious organizations, I believe they are required to recognize ALL marriage. That's why it is legal to be married by any shmoe who gets certified over the internet (my friend Bob married me and my wife -- I just had to name him my "spiritual advisor"). If your religion (or even your personal belief system) recognizes the validity of your marriage, the government has NO right not to do the same. That's why certain Senators are pushing for a Constitutional amendment to define marriage as between a man and a woman. Anything less would be declared unconstitutional in a heartbeat.

As far as I'm concerned, every marriage, whether gay or straight, should be nothing but a civil union as far as the US government is concerned. Calling it marriage and denying it to gays is just another way of codifying a Christian definition of terms and forcing those of all faiths to conform.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
skypilot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 10:15 AM
Response to Reply #20
24. kick
:kick:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
eek Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 10:54 AM
Response to Reply #20
27. theory based on anecdote
My friend is a gay male human aged 48.

He has been out to himself, his family, his friends, his collleagues forever. In fact he was never in.

He is from a verysmall, blue-collar/rural/deerhunting town in remote center of large, populous NE state. One of those everyone- knows -everyone places.

Large Irish-catholic family.
One of 4 handsome, rugged brothers.
He is the handsomest, ruggedest of them all.
FWIW, your Gaydar would never get a "queer" read on this fella.

Always long-term relationships, always brings the partner home to family functions.
Currently in 5th year of relationship that would be considered married if it fit the rightwing paradigm.
Relationship is very nurturing, plenty of respect, shared *and* separate interests.


He's lived states other than his homestate , he's travelled, he's held interesting jobs but not a specific 'career', he's an artist and soon will start a degree program at major NE University.
His life has been fairly unstructured and based upon wht has unfloded rather than being a train on a track for better and for worse.

Contrast with one of his brothers:
Brother is also handsome and rugged.
Nearest in age to my friend, shares many characteristics, ran with same crowd in youth etc etc.
Brother married hometown gal , local beauty, sister of both guy's best friend 20+years ago.
Brother and wife stayed in hometown. Brother works in family business and is now high up and 'successful' in his "career"
Two preteen daughters house, cars, dogs etc..

Brother is now ball of supressed anger and resentment.
Brother and wife are desperately unhappy in marriage but are both completely uncommunicative.
Feels utterly trapped in smalltown,mortgage,carpayment,kids,middleage,boring job,dead marriage.

Brother resents the livin' shit out of my friend and his "interesting' "free" life.

So my theory is basically that some people are homophobic, bigoted, suspicious, gay-hippie-punker-art -smart woman-vegetarian-authority questioner -book reader-non-white-haters
because they feel miserable and trapped in their circumscribed, predictible lives and can't stand it if *anyone* is happy because it makes them feel stupid and ripped off.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
goddess40 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 10:20 AM
Response to Original message
25. MSNBC Poll about same sex marriges
Edited on Thu Jul-31-03 10:20 AM by goddess40
http://msnbc.com/news/778726.asp

Should gay marriage be outlawed?
* 745 responses
Yes 57% No 43%

It is basic human deceny to support gay marriages.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ShimokitaJer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 10:52 AM
Response to Reply #25
26. I'm not willing to rely on "basic human decency"
We shouldn't recognize gay marriage out of the goodness of our hearts. We must recognize it because we don't have any right to deny it.

This isn't about a majority of the people deciding that it's time for a change. It's about enforcing the Constitution and stopping the Christian definition of morality from defining public policy.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Greyskye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 11:24 AM
Response to Reply #25
29. Poll #'s improving
Should gay marriage be outlawed?
* 1650 responses
Yes 53%
No 47%
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
election_2004 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 05:15 PM
Response to Original message
32. Here's why...
Because it's no longer fashionable to say anything "politically incorrect" about women or non-whites...

So there needs to be a target to pick on, so people can feel superior to others. And obviously, non-heterosexuals and non-monotheists are the *logical* targets...
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
w4rma Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 05:20 PM
Response to Original message
33. Kerry and Dean on civil unions in their own words
...
MR. DONALDSON: Senator Kerry, you support civil unions but you do not support gay marriage. Why not?

SEN. KERRY: Well, I think it's important to do first of all what we can do, and that is hopefully try to pass civil unions, which give all the rights -- some 1,000 benefits within the government -- of taxes, mortgages, inheritance, visitation -- all of those components. And I believe it is important to achieve that. Id o not marriage itself, because as a matter of how I view the world culturally, historically, religiously, I don't believe that that is a distinction that makes a difference with respect to the rights that we can afford under civil union in this country.

I also support federal partnerships to their fullest degree. I think it is a disgrace that somebody like Peggy Neff lost her partner Sheila Hein over at the Pentagon, where terrorists distinguished not at all between Americans, where people who tried to help weren't distinguished -- nobody asked, "Are you gay or straight?" -- to somebody giving help -- but she almost lost her homes because there were no rights. She had to appeal to the victims fund in New York in order to finally have some special adjudication to be able to hold onto the home that she and Sheila bought together. I don't believe anybody in the United States of America ought to have to beg any individual agency to be granted their basic human rights.

MR. DONALDSON: But, senator, if I may draw you out in your answer here, if in your mind there is no distinction between civil union and marriage, why not allow marriage?

SEN. KERRY: There's a distinction, Sam. There's no distinction in the rights that are afforded, but there is clearly --

MR. DONALDSON: Well, where's the distinction then, senator?

SEN. KERRY: The distinction is in a body of America that culturally, historically and religiously views marriage very differently. Marriage is viewed as a union between men and women, and that is a cultural historical view that I believe -- that's my position.

MR. DONALDSON: I understand, senator.

SEN. KERRY: And I believe in it, and I think people -- it may well be --

MR. DONALDSON: But I'm trying to draw you out.

SEN. KERRY: Sam, well, draw me out. I'll draw myself out. (Laughter.)

MR. DONALDSON: But, senator, you know what I'm going to say -- once upon a time --

SEN. KERRY: Let me finish my -- let me finish my --

MR. DONALDSON: -- segregation was viewed as the proper way.

SEN. KERRY: Yes, it was. Let me finish my question. What I said was we need to achieve what we can, and then we will see where we are. It may well be that if we achieve civil union, if we have leadership that advances the causes that I have described to you, that we may all of us progress as we have progressed in the last 15 years to a place where there is a different understanding of it. But at this particular moment in time, I don't believe that exists, and I want to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. I want to pass hate crimes. I want to pass federal benefit partnership rights. I want to advance us as fast and as appropriately as I think we can, but I think that one has to respect the current cultural, historical, religious perception, and I respect it.
...
MR. DONALDSON: Thank you. Governor, you have said that you can't force civil unions on the other states. If you were president, what would you do then? Just talk about it and then take no further action?

MR. DEAN: No, I -- first of all, as president I would recognize the rights of all same-sex couples who had entered into civil unions. Right now there are approximately 1,400 rights that are available to married people that are not available to people who are not allowed to get married. I will change that by recognizing -- we are asking Congress to recognize those rights. We can't tell -- marriage is not a federal business. That's why I think DOMA is unconstitutional. It's not the federal government's business who gets married and who doesn't. That's left to the states. What is the federal government's business is equal rights under the law, and that it will provide.

MR. DONALDSON: So if a couple is married in Vermont for instance and goes to a state, moves to a state that does not have the civil union, they would have what? All the federal rights, not the state rights?

MR. DEAN: If a couple has -- well, there's two parts, you ask two questions really. First of all --

MR. DONALDSON: I've been known to ask three. (Laughter.)

MR. DEAN: If a couple moves -- if a couple has a civil union in Vermont, they have all the same rights that every other couple has under federal law, if I am president of the United States. If they move to another state, what the federal government -- the federal government cannot tell another state that they have to have marriage or civil unions. But they can tell them they have to find a way to have equal rights under the law, and that's consistently my position. I also believe that applies to people who go to Canada and take advantage of the new Canadian laws that permit gay marriage. When those couples come back to the United States they are entitled, through the legal principle of comity, to the same rights that every other couple has.

MR. DONALDSON: Rights. Now let's talk about the word "marriage." You are against marriage of the same sex. Why?

MR. DEAN: I've never said that, as a matter of fact. What I am against -- what I believe in is equal rights under the law for every single American.

MR. DONALDSON: Then you are for marriage?

MR. DEAN: We chose to do civil unions in Vermont because we believed that marriage should be left to the churches, and that equal rights under the law was what the state owes everybody.

MR. DONALDSON: I'm trying to find out what your position is on marriage. You are quite clear as to what you did in Vermont, and the audience has applauded you for doing it. What about marriage though? Why not allow gays to marry?

MR. DEAN: I feel like I'm back on Tim Russert's show here. (Laughter.) (Applause.)

MR. DONALDSON: Tim was but a pup when I was doing this in Washington. (Laughter.) (Applause.)

MR. DEAN: I knew I should have said the George Stephanopoulos show. (Laughter.) My position is marriage is not the federal government's business. That's the state's business. If the state of Massachusetts next week or next month, or whenever they decide their court cases, said gay people can get married, the federal government needs to recognize them as having the same rights as everybody else. If another state decides that they are going to have civil unions, the federal government needs to give them the same rights that everybody else has. The federal government doesn't take a position on marriage -- and it shouldn't. What the federal government does is to make sure to do what we did in Vermont, was to make sure that every single American has the same rights as every other American.

MR. DONALDSON: Governor, forgive me. What you seem to be saying, and I know you'll correct me if I've misinterpreted you, is that the federal government should see that everyone has the rights, privileges, obligations of heterosexuals who marry but not the word?

MR. DEAN: It's not the federal government's business, Sam.

MR. DONALDSON: Well, then why is it the federal government's business to confer rights and make certain that they have them, but not the word, governor?

MR. DEAN: I saw the --

MR. DONALDSON: I am saying this because, as you know, sir -- and you're a very smart man, and I'm not trying to pander to you. (Laughter.) But it's the word itself. If you ask Americans, according to the polls, they are overwhelmingly for granting gays and lesbians all the rights that you have been talking about. They seem to be against the word "marriage." Is that the hang-up?

MR. DEAN: I think that is the hang-up among states. And what we decided to do, since we're the only people that have ever done this --

MR. DONALDSON: Why should it be a hang-up though?

MR. DEAN: Because marriage has a long, long history of a religious institution, and marriage -- when the rule of law developed it became a civil and a religious institution, and people have a lot of trouble telling the difference. My view is that we have to have a civil institution which provides equal rights for every single American. That's what we did in Vermont. When other states do it -- and I want them to do it -- we will have to recognize those rights, and we should.

MR. DONALDSON: I am sorry to belabor it, but I think --

MR. DEAN: As long as I don't get time taken out from my closing statement. (Laughter.)

MR. DONALDSON: No, I won't take from your time, sir. As you know, many people are married by the justice of the peace, by a judge. I don't know whether ship captains marry many these days, but these are all secular individuals that have nothing to do with the religious ceremony.

MR. DEAN: That's true.

MR. DONALDSON: Well, then why say it's a religious institution?

MR. DEAN: Because it is.

MR. DONALDSON: Except for those who were married by justices of peace?

MR. DEAN: Do you want to keep talking about this, or do you want to go on to the military question? (Laughter.)

MR. DONALDSON: You're right, I belabored it too long. We have just a few seconds. You mentioned Canadian marriages -- I think you said on Tim Russert's show that you weren't certain about the legality of it, recognizing them in the United States. Have you reviewed that position?

MR. DEAN: Yes. We believe that a couple who goes to Canada and gets married is entitled to the same rights and privileges as someone who comes -- who gets married anyplace else, or who has a civil union and therefore should be entitled to the same benefits, federal benefits, as anybody else.

MR. DONALDSON: Governor, it is time for your closing statement.

Section video clip: High Speed/Broadband | Modem/Dial-up

MR. DEAN: Thank you very much. We didn't even get to ask about don't ask/don't tell, which I think is a bad policy. (Laughter.) And I've talked to a lot of military people about it.

Let me ask you for your help, ask you for your support. I am not asking you for your support because I think you owe me for civil unions. I'm asking for your support because of all the advances we have made together in the last three years.

I signed the civil unions bill when it was supported by about 35 percent of the public six months before my fifth reelection bid, and I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do.

And what the American people should know about this, that if I'm willing to sign a bill that's at 35 percent in the polls six months before my fifth reelection bid, that I am willing to do the right thing and stand up, no matter what the polls and what the focus groups say. (Applause.)

And the fact is people will say, Well, how is this guy going to win in the South, having supported civil unions? I'll tell you exactly how I'm going to win in the South. The South has the highest percentage of veterans of any part of the country. I gave a speech about eight months ago in Washington, and I don't remember who the group was or what the topic was, but I got off the stage, and a guy came up and said, "Governor, I'm 80 years old. I want to thank you for the civil unions bill." And I was surprised, and I said, "Oh, thank you very much. Do you have a son who is gay or a daughter who is lesbian?" And he said, "No, governor, I'm a veteran. I served on a beach on D-Day, and a lot of my friends were killed, and I'm gay."

There's a guy, my guess is by virtue of his age, who lived most of his life in the closet -- there's a guy who did what all those folks in the White House are talking about all the time who never did serve abroad -- (applause) -- he was willing -- he was willing to give his life, and he did give the life of his friends in defense of the freedom of the United States and defense of the freedom of the free world. That's a guy who deserves exactly the same benefits as everybody else when he comes home. And when I am president he's going to have them. Thanks. (Applause.)

MR. DONALDSON: Thank you very much, Governor Dean.
...
https://www.hrc.org/speakingofequality/forum_transcript.asp
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
TheBigGuy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 05:23 PM
Response to Original message
34. I dont see any real problem w. same sex civil marriage.
Of course Im biased on the issue, but I dont see any real cause-and -effect relationship w. permitting same sex civil marriage and the decline of heterosexual marriage or heterosexual familys.

I guess there is some sort of pyschological effect being postulated here...where the fact that gays and lesbians can have a civil marriage means that straight couples and familys are somehow "given permission" to cheat on cheat other and get divorced.

Is that the argument here?

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ProdigalJunkMail Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 05:33 PM
Response to Original message
35. might I play devil's advocate???
I personally do not care who gets married to whom and believe that the government should have no say. I think (as a previous poster on this thread whose response I cannot see at this moment) that all marriages should be viewed as nothing more than a civil union by the government...if the religion (assuming religious ceremony was involved) wishes to call that a "marriage" then so be it. The government does not distinguish between Christian, Jewish, Muslim ... marriages whereas adherents to said religions just might.

But, what of the argument that allowing homosexuals to 'marry' degrades the institution? What do we say five years from now to the polygamist? Or the person who wishes to marry his dog (mine sure could use the health benefits!)? Is there any legitimacy to this argument? Where is the line drawn? Is ANY ONE person to ANY other ONE person ok...but polygamy is wrong??? I would be cool with defining marriage as ONE person to another...but some of the other options might be troubling...

Ok, talk amongst yourselves...

TheProdigal
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ulysses Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 05:36 PM
Response to Reply #35
37. come now
But, what of the argument that allowing homosexuals to 'marry' degrades the institution?

How? Explain to me how it degrades the institution.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ProdigalJunkMail Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 05:41 PM
Response to Reply #37
38. I did...
the debate that is raging in our office (well, raging might be a bit of a stretch) is that if you allow homosexuals to marry, then what is there to stop a polygamist from claiming the same rights? Or a person wishing to marry their dog... I know it sounds stupid, but for all the 'slippery slopers' out there it is a legit argument. When this question was posed to me in disagreement with my stance, my debating skills failed me and I could not find a rebuttal other than to 'define' marriage as ONE person to ONE other person...regardless of sex...would that work to stop the slippery slopers?

TheProdigal
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
w4rma Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 06:06 PM
Response to Reply #38
41. Because
polygamy is discrimination against women and
giving a dog equal rights to a human is ridiculous.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ProdigalJunkMail Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:17 PM
Response to Reply #41
45. Sorry for the lateness of the reply...
But supper and all...

Anywho...great. Equal rights to a dog...no problem there. That makes perfect sense. Was not looking at it from that angle. But how is polygamy discriminatory? If all involved are consenting adults why is that any less valid than a marriage between two consenting adults??? I think I am just missing the discrimination part...

Thanks for the thought provoking response.

TheProdigal
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
nothingshocksmeanymore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:26 PM
Response to Reply #45
48. In the places where polygamous relationships exist in America
Edited on Thu Jul-31-03 07:32 PM by nothingshocksmeanymo
which would mostly be Utah, and portions of Nevada, the issue is one of human rights. A woman can enter into a marriage but WILL NOT be treated as an equal.
Polygamy has ALWAYS been used as a form of servitude for women, unlike gay marriage for which there can be no similar comparison.

Finally, the instances of abuse in polygamous relationships are staggering. The history of the practice speaks for itself.

In that regard, one has already proven itself to be poor social policy for women and children. The other has not.

One final point on edit: I personally believe there is MORE compelling public interest in allowing ALL CIVIL BENEFITS to gay couples than to multiple partnered marriages. One just puts the same two people on equal footing where they would be if they were straight and in the exact same form of relationship.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
nothingshocksmeanymore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 06:08 PM
Response to Reply #35
42. Polygamy is already illegal.
Once upon a time interracial marriage faced the same test.

Comparing humans with animals is not valid and only serves to propagate the RW response (which I know you aren't out to do)

The issue is one of all things being equal and all PEOPLE being treated equal.

Besides, if gay people prevail, we can always threaten the polygamy crowd with "then those gays will want multiple wedding partners" and scare the crap otta them again :D
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ProdigalJunkMail Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:22 PM
Response to Reply #42
46. isn't scaring people fun???
Especially those to whom ideas are scary? :-)

Nice to chat with you again. I think this whole bruhaha over same sex marriage is a joke. I am a southern baptist and should (emphasis on SHOULD) at my core be vehemently opposed to this. But we ARE talking about a governmental recognition not a religious ceremony. Why IS polygamy illegal? I do not know the history on that one. Is there a valid reason why we should not be allowed to have multiple spouses? I can see some advantages to both sides...depending on who is in the majority!!!

Hope all is well!
TheProdigal
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
nothingshocksmeanymore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:35 PM
Response to Reply #46
52. The case outlawing polygamy was Reynolds
and it drew heavily from Christianity to do so but the courts over the years have now adopted the compelling public interest arguments in matters of religious practice..which is why religions that believe in human sacrifce wouldn't survive in the US either with that doctrine.

and :hi:..why not run for a leadership position in your church prodigal??? PLEASE???
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
HFishbine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 05:33 PM
Response to Original message
36. Attitudes
Here are some polls on the subject, since you asked:

http://www.pollingreport.com/civil.htm
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SyracuseDemocrat Donating Member (696 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 05:49 PM
Response to Original message
40. Well
It's just um, we freeper couples, we don't want our marriages to look shitty in comparison. Besides, gay couples will burn in hell eternally for their sins. /sarcasm

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
robbedvoter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 06:10 PM
Response to Original message
43. It's a rallying cry for the bigots
They may be jobless, have their sons killed in Iraq, see that W is an incompetent liar, but they'll vote for him just to make sure that them commie sinners don't get the right to sin. That's why it popped up right now.
I think it's a miscalculation - they misread the polls . The hateful bigots are NOT a majority in this country. It would be poetic justice if this nasty piece of crap will be theit undoing. (Although 9.11 would be even better!)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Trad Bass Donating Member (117 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:31 PM
Response to Original message
50. The Bible says it's wrong
The Fundies worship the Bible.


Trad
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
lumpy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:37 PM
Response to Reply #50
53. Eating bacon is also wrong according to the Bible.
Keeping the Sabbath is vital also.
Thou shall not spill thy seed on the ground, no fun nooky, guys.
et al
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
lumpy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:34 PM
Response to Original message
51. " Gays cannot get pregnant "
This is the explanation that one young friend gave as to why he didn't support gay marriages. He had an odd look on his face when I pointed out the human over-population problem that exists. He couldn't come up with a better reason for being anti-gay.
I suspect he is defensive since some have questioned his sexual proclivity. Perhaps he is in denial.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Trad Bass Donating Member (117 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:40 PM
Response to Reply #51
54. Being gay is unnatural
It goes against Darwin and Evolution.

But hey I don't have a problem with gay people. They are some of the best folks out there.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
nothingshocksmeanymore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:44 PM
Response to Reply #54
55. If it goes against Darwin and evolution then how come so many species
have some form of same sex relationship?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Trad Bass Donating Member (117 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:47 PM
Response to Reply #55
57. Examples please
and no hermaphrodites like the minatus grouper

Thank you
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
lumpy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:50 PM
Response to Reply #57
58. Dogs, cats
Don't you watch The Ozbournes ?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
nothingshocksmeanymore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 08:00 PM
Response to Reply #57
59. No online source, you'll have to read a book

Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity by Bruce Bagemihl, St Martin's Press, New York (1999)



Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 08:27 PM
Response to Reply #55
60. Because the person who cited 'Darwin and evolution'
was wrong.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
realFedUp Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 07:47 PM
Response to Original message
56. What initials to use when ordering monograms on towels...
That always throws me. :-)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ForrestGump Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-31-03 08:32 PM
Response to Original message
61. The problem is that, in
purchasing "his and her" robes, bath-towel sets, etc, the gay male couple would have to make friends with a lesbian couple with compatible tastes (or vice-versa) or they'd have to waste half of each purchase. I think the Bible mentions his-and-her bathroom sets, too, actually.

Apart from that significant obstacle, I say bless 'em all.



P.S.: duh - realized that they'd probably just donate to charity the extraneous gender's towels, or whatever, so I see absolutely no problems with same-sex unions. Please, go forth and unionize, my brothers and sisters.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Fri Apr 26th 2024, 01:34 PM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » Archives » General Discussion (Through 2005) Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC