I have a client who is a survivor of the Hiroshima bombing. His father raised him in a very formal manner, based on The Seven Codes of the Samurai. Three of my former girlfriends were Japanese, one born in the U.S. and two born in Japan. So as an Italian, my first-hand knowledge of Japanese society is based on what I've read and who I know now and have known in the past.
And in the people I've known, things that were taught in childhood were not "suggestions," they became "law."
In the U.S. we tend to operate on "autopiliot"...sure, our parents attempted to instill values in us growing up, but as our lives progressed, what we wanted became more important than what we were told was "right" or "wrong."
And the same thing applies in the U.S....our "society" is nothing more than a collective made up of many different people, and while there may be laws and unwritten codes of conduct that bind us together, willingly or reluctantly, the society can never be greater than the sum of its members.
The highly ordered society in Japan, for some, equals repression. Christopher Seymour was an American writer living and working in Japan when he wrote "Yakuza Diary." He was granted unprecedented access to the top "bosses" in the Japanese underworld. The book is a real eye-opener...yes, the "highly ordered" society is real, but there is also a shadow realm of meth-addicted housewives and kids recruited into organized crime at a ridiculously early age because they couldn;t get into the "right" schools, and as such, the pages of their life had already been written:
http://www.amazon.com/Yakuza-Diary-Doing-Japanese-Underworld/dp/087113604X/