Caring for Pets Left Behind by the Rapture

[Joanne98]

For a fee, this service will place your dog or cat in the home of a caring atheist on Judgment Day

By Mike Di Paola

Many people in the U.S.—perhaps 20 million to 40 million—believe there will be a Second Coming in their lifetimes, followed by the Rapture . In this event, they say, the righteous will be spirited away to a better place while the godless remain on Earth. But what will become of all the pets?

Bart Centre, 61, a retired retail executive in New Hampshire, says many people are troubled by this question, and he wants to help. He started a service called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets that promises to rescue and care for animals left behind by the saved.

Promoted on the Web as "the next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World," the service has attracted more than 100 clients, who pay $110 for a 10-year contract ($15 for each additional pet.) If the Rapture happens in that time, the pets left behind will have homes—with atheists. Centre has set up a national network of godless humans to carry out the mission. "If you love your pets, I can't understand how you could not consider this," he says.

Centre came up with the idea while working on his book, The Atheist Camel Chronicles, written under the pseudonym Dromedary Hump. In it, he says many unkind things about the devout and confesses that "I'm trying to figure out how to cash in on this hysteria to supplement my income."

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http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/10_08/b4167070046047.htm

[eilen]

1. That's hilarious!

This heathen will volunteer.

[left coaster]

3. I just wish I would have thought of it first! nt

[Joanne98]

5. There's still time, he only has 100 clients.

[kestrel91316]

18. No reason you can't do it, too. Use a different name, just like other

service businesses. Services can't be patented, IIRC.

[left coaster]

30. True that! nt

[Crabitha]

29. Hey they will need people in every city, town, in every state.

I live in the middle of the bible belt so I'm sure the service would go over very big here. THis is an excellent idea. I think I should capitalize on it. I love cats and dogs and I've owned a guinea pig too. Being an atheist, liberal Democrat and otherwise heathen in the heart of Dixie, I ought to be able to line up quite a bit of business.

[left coaster]

31. It does seem like we can get in on the ground floor, doesn't it? :) nt

[Turbineguy]

36. Invent a twist.

Offer to shut off their lawnmowers.

[left coaster]

2. There's a sucker born (again!) every minute...

And no bigger one than those who are Rapture ready!

[proudohioan]

4. Well, you gotta give the man some credit....

I would love to cash in on that particular type of persons' hysteria as well, much as I hate to admit it.

:evilgrin:

[blueworld]

6. All they have to do is baptize their pets & save the $110.00. Duh. n/t

[Joanne98]

7. But Gawd said pets have no souls.

[MineralMan]

8. No, no. It's ginger-haired people who have no souls.

For pity's sake... :hide:

[RaleighNCDUer]

12. Ooh, ooh, Does that mean I can have a Ginger for a pet? nt

[MineralMan]

13. I advise against it. Gingers have a way of worming themselves

into your very soul and making themselves essential to your life. After a short time, you'll find the roles reversed, with you being the pet.

This can happen almost instantly, too. You catch a glimpse of a ginger on the street and feel a strange attraction. Don't give in to it, or you may be lost. One look into those pale blue eyes and you're done for. It happens every day.

[RaleighNCDUer]

16. I'd be willing to chance it. nt

[MineralMan]

19. That's what everyone thinks...

You've been warned.

[krispos42]

27. I did chance it

Says this divorced victim of a coppertop.



On the plus side the intimate activities were... vigorous.

[tom_paine]

38. I don't like Gingers.

I'm much more partial to Mary Anns, myself.

[blueworld]

23. Show me that in the bible or it doesn't count. n/t

[liberal N proud]

9. After picking myself up off the floor in laughter

This is genius, the rabid fundies should all be running to this service.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Donnachaidh]

10. this heathen will care for your pets with a clear title to your McMansion and your cars

No cash needed - just those titles. :evilgrin:

I'll even show you how dedicated I am by accepting more than one house. :rofl:

[RaleighNCDUer]

11. While the idea has a certain appeal,

it really isn't nice to take advantage of the mentally impaired.

[Mopar151]

14. The real value is in the customer list

Willing sheep, ready to be clipped.....

[Caretha]

15. I'm thinking

a nice little ad on Craigslist in the bible belt cities might boost sales.:evilgrin:

[liberal N proud]

17. Flyer's on windshields at the churches

Sunday mornings.

[Joanne98]

21. Great idea.

[Mopar151]

28. Greenville, NC n/t

[era veteran]

20. May need their lawns mowed too

[Joanne98]

22. Or belongings and messages delivered to relatives that didn't get saved.

[RedstDem]

24. I Really hate this kind of person

Low balling the market by offering his service's so cheap, he screwing us all.
he should start @ a much higher price point and let the price be determined by the market...

[yellowcanine]

25. Hells Bells, if there were anything to the Rapture thing, the pets would go first.

[benld74]

26. S-S-Sw-Sweetums isnt coming with us?! ONOESSSSSSSSS!

[av8rdave]

32. If you're raptured, wouldn't your pet be equally favored in the eyes of the almighty?

I would think he/she would vanish right along with you, perhaps in a smaller puff of smoke.

[IndianaGreen]

34. Jesus was allergic to cats, and he never owned a dog

Jesus liked fish, so aquariums are okay.

[IndianaGreen]

33. The Tribulation only lasts for 7-years, so why a 10-year contract?

besides, according to some of the fundies, the bad part of Tribulation only occurs in the latter half of the 7 years.

[Beartracks]

35. That's 10 years of Rapture Insurance.

As I understand it, the 10-year period is the duration for which clients have agreed to pay premiums, in case the Rapture occurs during that time. If the rapture occurs after five years... well, it really doesn't matter how long the Tribulations are, at least not to the Rapturees. It may definitely matter to the pets, however.

[IndianaGreen]

37. but corporations will continue to thrive during Jesus' Millenium

there is nothing in the Bible about corporations not continuing their business, or not continuing.

[Prof Lester]

39. Well that's right

Satan gonna be in charge, ain't he? Which means corporations gonna be highballin', goin' like mad bastids the whole time!

Wait a minute.. wait a minute.. that's what they're doin' now! The banksters are rollin' in it!

Oh no! The rapture done happened.. and I'm still here! Crap!

[bertman]

40. Dromedary Hump.

"I'm trying to figure out how to cash in on this hysteria to supplement my income."

Amen, Brother!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[skepticscott]

41. Good for him!

The more money that can be sucked away from whacked out Xstian fundies, the better. I personally can't wait for the Rapture, so that I can go through all of the Left Behind pockets for loose change :woohoo:

[Bozita]

42. For $199 and a house key, I'll visit your home and erase stuff from your hard drives

Not even Jesus would be able to find *those* images after I purify your hard drives.

For an extra $299, I will replace *those* with video clips of your favorite televangelist.

Can you imagine a better legacy for those fallen children of yours?

Take advantage of today's prices before the Rapture begins. Pricing will likely skyrocket at that time.